


Piece of Cake

by Baphrosia (spuffy_luvr)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:51:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 99,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spuffy_luvr/pseuds/Baphrosia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy is devastated when Liam marries the woman he was cheating on her with - a woman with certain talents in the bedroom.  Enter William.  He knows exactly what her ex craves, and he's willing to teach Buffy the skills she lacks.  But will it help her to win back her ex?  Does she even want Liam back? </p><p>William has spent his adult life satisfying Drusilla's every whim and desire, but her latest whim involves getting married - and not to him.  Alone now, he somehow finds himself Buffy's tutor.  Although he enjoys their lessons, what he really wants is her.  Will he be able to let her go when the time comes?</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>WINNER for BEST NC17,:  </strong><a href="http://sunnydawards.dragonydreams.com/round30/winners30.html"><strong>Round 30 of the SunnyD Awards</strong>



 

 </a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do I really have to do this? Apparently I do. Distribution: DO NOT TAKE, DISTRIBUTE, ARCHIVE, OR OTHERWISE PUT THIS STORY SOMEWHERE ONLINE WITHOUT MY EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT. THIS IS MY STORY. IT IS HERE FOR YOUR PERSONAL READING ENJOYMENT ONLY. Yes, this means you.
> 
> For the 99.99% of readers who would never consider doing such a thing, please ignore my ranty caps.
> 
> ***********************************************************************************
> 
> This is a story of sexual awakening, and as such, delves into some of the kinkier sides of sex. I really wanted to practice writing sex scenes, okay? :) But it's not just porn - there's a whole plot and everything! 
> 
> Everybody has different limits for what they consider taboo or unacceptable. I don't stray into hardcore BDSM or extreme fetishes, but I will warn that there is one (brief) scene of dubcon bordering on noncon towards the end. The people who have pre-read the story thought it wasn't too extreme, but I always prefer to warn for that kind of thing ahead of time.
> 
> As always, this story is already complete, and I will post frequently. I haven't divided it into chapters yet, but it's ~100K words.
> 
> Many thanks to my wonderful betas, who previewed the story for me - Behind Blue Eyes, Margueritedaisy, and Spuffy Noelle. I asked them for big picture edits, and they were fantastic. Any errors are my own. Credit also goes to the regulars of Chatzy - where would I be without you?
> 
> I don't make any money off of this, All Hail Joss Whedon, etc, etc.

 

The wedding cake stood taller than she did.

Buffy took this personally.  Any other wedding, any other cake, any other _bride_ , and she wouldn’t have.  But at the risk of sounding a little bit crazy, and a whole lot self-centered, she knew she was meant to take it personally.  It was a pointed message from the bride.  You are nothing.  Insignificant.  So puny, even my cake towers above you. 

Oh yeah, and I have your man.

The cake was a massive creation; a dozen layers of carefully iced perfection centered on a low table in the middle of the reception hall.  Buffy sat at her assigned seat and idly imagined various ways to knock the monstrosity over without being caught.  She was in the middle of working out scenario number six when a man flopped down into the empty chair beside her.  Buffy wrinkled her nose at the stench of alcohol that rolled off of him and turned away, hoping he wouldn’t try to engage her in conversation.  She was miserable enough as it was without having to deal with some drunk, and had rather preferred being the only one at her lonely little table at the back of the reception hall. 

“’Lo,” he said.  “What’s your name, then, love?”

Today was so not her lucky day.

She turned back, grimacing at his rumpled appearance.  A midnight blue tie hung loosely from around his neck.  He’d unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, and one sleeve had been rolled up while the other dangled, cuff undone.  His wrinkled jacket lay sprawled across his plate.  Buffy could see it was a very nice jacket, one that didn’t deserve to be treated so.  Her fingers itched with the urge to smooth it out and hang it up, but she resisted.  Her eyes flitted briefly over his face without taking in the details to rest on his jacket once more.   “Buffy.”  She turned back away.

The man wasn’t to be deterred.  “You here for the bride or the groom?” he asked, English accent clear despite the slight slurring of his words.

_Neither.  I’m here because I’m a sucker for pain and misery_. 

Buffy swiveled once more, resigned to participating in a conversation.  Maybe if she answered, he’d lose interest and wander off.  Or maybe she could wander off.  She hadn’t forgotten her plan to destroy the twelve-layered reminder of everything she’d lost.  Scenario number six had definite possibilities.  “The groom,” she said, proud of how even her voice came out.  She paused, wary of engaging him.  “You?”

“The bitch.”

Startled, she raised her eyes to his, and was immediately struck by his miserable, heartsick expression.  Set in the midst of all that agony, a pair of crystalline blue eyes gazed back at her, almost frightening in their intensity.  His sneer of disgust, aimed, she presumed, at the bride, did little to disguise the fullness of his lips.  Under other circumstances, Buffy might have found him attractive, but as it was, all she could see was the pain in his eyes.  Pain that mimicked her own.  Was he her counterpart?  As jilted and jaded by the happy couple as she had been? 

“Was she… were you…  Close _?_ ”

The man – really, she would have to ask his name, otherwise she’d be stuck thinking of him as Drunk British Guy all night – exhaled noisily and ran a hand through the wavy brown hair that framed his face.  He drummed long, slender fingers on the table.  “Close,” he snorted, before laughing humorlessly.  “What does that even mean?  Was Drusilla my everything?  My reason for existing; my sun, my moon, and my whole sodding universe?  Was she what made the day worth –” 

Noticing Buffy’s incredulous expression, he shut his mouth with an embarrassed wince.  A waitress passed by bearing a tray of champagne glasses, and he lurched out of his chair and snagged two from her.  After silently offering Buffy one, which she declined with a brief shake of her head, he drained both in rapid succession. 

“Thought we were close,” he said, staring into his empty glass.  “Guess we weren’t after all.  The minute she and her old flame met up…”

No wonder he was drowning his sorrows.  Buffy would be doing the same if she hadn’t sworn to keep her wits about her tonight.  She touched his arm.  “I’m sorry.”

“William.”

“Huh?”

He gestured to himself.  “William the Bloody Pathetic Wanker.  Now that you’ve heard my sob story, what’s yours?”

“Oh, I don’t have…”  The misery in his countenance stopped her lie in its tracks.  Misery and company, right?  “Same as yours.  Except, you know.”  She gestured around.  “Your ex stole my groom.  And my wedding.”

William eyed her with new interest, then snorted.  “Yeah.  Figures.  It’s just the kind of thing Dru would find amusing.  Seat us two together, remind each other of what we’ve lost.”  He glared at the empty head table.  “Bet she laughed herself sick at the idea.”

Buffy refrained from mentioning that Drusilla sounded psychotic.  Crazier than even she had given the other woman credit for, and that was plenty crazy.  She couldn’t help but wonder why William would miss a woman like that, because she’d be throwing a party if she were in his shoes. 

Her companion leaned towards her.  “Think old Liam got the worse half of the deal, though.  He’s one dumb sod if he left you for _her_.”  He leaned back again, one arm thrown over the back of his chair, and Buffy was glad he’d looked away and couldn’t see the blush which stained her cheeks at his off-handed compliment.  “Daft bitch,” he said under his breath.

“Call me crazy, but why are you even here?  Since you’re obviously bitter?”

“Why you here?” he countered.  “Can’t imagine this is a treat for you either.”  He had her there.  She shrugged, planning to turn away, but he leaned into her space, those intense blue eyes boring into her, prying into her secrets. 

William narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, and Buffy found herself holding her breath as his gaze travelled slowly down her body.  For reasons she couldn’t fathom, she forced herself to hold still under his frank appraisal rather than wriggle like a pinned bug under a microscope.  He leaned over to better see her sandal-clad feet, and he paused his scrutiny there for a good several seconds before dragging his eyes back upwards, the weight of his gaze as intimate as if he’d trailed his hands up her body. 

Perfect stranger though he was, Buffy couldn’t help but hope he approved.  She’d chosen her outfit with deliberate care, with the full intention of making Liam realize just what he’d lost.  Luckily, the red dress she wore was suitable enough for the wedding.  Even more important, it still fit the way it had four years ago, on the day she and her ex had met.  Nothing like a little heartbreak to slim her down to her college-years weight.  The skirt ended just below her knees, exposing her toned calves, while the fitted bodice pushed her minimal cleavage up and left her shoulders and slim arms bare.  Liam had loved this dress, and had often told her how he’d been certain she was an angel when he’d first met her.  To complete her look, Buffy had brushed her long blonde hair until it gleamed, then left it unbound to cascade down her back in soft waves.  With minimal jewelry and make-up just so, she felt she’d done a good job of appearing as fresh-faced and innocent as the day she’d met Liam.

Buffy knew why she was here, but she hoped it wasn’t pathetically obvious to the man in front of her, whose heavy-lidded gaze now rested on her face once more.  She let out her breath, ignoring the fluttering in her stomach, and awaited his verdict.

“Let me guess,” William said at last.  “Our boy was taken with your sweet and precious self the moment he laid eyes on you.  Would’ve been just the thing he was looking for after Dru’s games.  Bet you had a long courtship, all filled with innocent kisses and longing sighs.  He always made you feel special.  Unique.  Treated you like spun glass, and kept you on a pedestal.  And in return, you were more than happy to play the little girl for him.  Look up to him and let him be your shining knight; everything perfect, like a fairy tale.  When he finally took you to bed, it was the most beautiful, romantic night of your life.  Then one day, he went away for a weekend.  And another.  Work-related, no worries.  Until…”  His eyes strayed to the main table before returning to her face, more intense than ever.  “He was so sorry, but he’d made a mistake.  A terrible mistake.”  Buffy swallowed, her mouth dry, and William smiled.  It wasn’t a particularly nice smile.  He reached for a lock of her hair and let it trail through his fingers, and Buffy couldn’t find the strength to slap his hand away.  “So here you are.  All set to show him your stiff upper lip.  Prove he didn’t destroy your very world.  And while you’re at it, remind him of just what he’s thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.”

Buffy’s didn’t answer.  She couldn’t. 

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

“What about you?” she bit out when she found her voice.  “You must be here for the same reason.”

William shrugged and slouched back in his chair.  “Me?  Nah, I wanna see how this farce plays itself out.”

“I thought the _bitch_ was your whole universe.  Your sun and moon and, god, how ridiculous and co-dependent does _that_ sound?”  She felt only a small sliver of satisfaction at his pained grimace, and repressed the immediate urge to apologize.  Hey, Drunk British Guy had started it.

He waved his hand carelessly, though his haunted eyes belied his casual attitude.  “Eh.  I thought so, but…  I never did mind her crazy spells, you know, not like all the other blokes.  Didn’t mind taking care of her.  Dru kept things… interesting.  She was worth it.  Still is.”

“Liam seems to be willing to take on her crazy,” Buffy said bitterly.  “Four years with me, and then – bam – back to his ex without a by-your-leave.”

“Oh, they always come crawling back to Drusilla.  She has her ways.  Bird’s as nutty as they come, but she does know how to keep a man in her thrall.”  A wistful smile crossed his face, and Buffy paled at the implications.  That she couldn’t keep a man.  That Drusilla was _better_ than she was, more worth it.  That even though the crazy lunatic had broken the heart of the man sitting next to her, he’d still go back to her in a heartbeat.

And, oh… _ew_.  “So, is Drusilla… not the faithful kind?”

He snorted.  “God, no.  She likes her fun and games.  Likes all her pretty men.”  Buffy’s abhorrence at the idea must have shown on her face, because William’s expression turned lascivious.  All of a sudden, it was as though an entirely different man occupied his chair, a man whose knowing, rapacious leer could only be described as pure sex.  Her heart rate sped up as he invaded her space once more.  “Oh, sweetheart.  Nothing wrong with the pursuit of pleasure.  Nothing’s wrong in the bedroom, so long as everyone agrees.”

“And you agreed?” she squeaked out.

“Got my share of pleasure too, didn’t I?  A woman that talented, you’ll put up with a lot.  And it was me she was with at the end of the day… or end of the night, as the case may be.  Dru was faithful in all the ways that mattered between us.  Till Liam came back, that is.” 

He blew out a ragged breath, and suddenly he was just a sad, handsome but average man once more.  The transformation was a little wiggy.  He stared around the room, looking bewildered.  “This though.  This is new.  Never knew she was interested in getting married and settling down.”

Buffy frowned, at a loss.  William’s bedroom confessions had dampened her sympathy for him considerably, what with the _ew_ factor and the predatory vibe he’d given off, but there was still that sense of in-it-togetherness.  He’d been cast aside, just like her.  “Well, they had to.  Or, I guess they didn’t _have_ to, not in this day and age, but…”

“What’re you on about?  Why on earth would they have to get married?”

“Because…”  She trailed off, realizing he didn’t know.  “Because of the baby.”

William started, jerking backwards so hard, he toppled out of his seat.  With a baleful glare at the other guests who were eyeing him curiously, he righted his chair and sat once more, so close his knees butted hers.  “What baby?” 

His voice had taken on a dangerous edge, and Buffy scooted her chair back, away from him.  “Dru’s pregnant.  It’s Liam’s.  That’s why they had the big rush wedding.” 

With the big, perfect cake.

“Pregnant?”  To her surprise, William threw his head back and laughed.  He didn’t stop, not even when she tried to shush him.  The other guests were openly staring now, and Buffy slunk down in her chair, mortified.  She kicked him in the shin, hard, and he finally trailed off into hiccoughing chuckles.  “Pregnant.  Ha!”  He shook his head and wiped at his eyes.

“Glad you think it’s so funny.”

“It’s bloody brilliant!”

Buffy fixed him with a vicious glare.  “Not so much from my point of view.”

“Don’t know what she’s playing at – well, I do, actually.”  He nodded to himself.  “Christ, Liam’s stepped in it.  Pregnant.”

“You wanna maybe explain?”

“Simple, really.  She’s done the bait and switch.  Tricked him into marrying her with a false pregnancy, which will – tragically, I’m sure – end in a week or two.  She always did hate that Liam wouldn’t stay with her.  Not the way I would.”  William’s tone was half-bitter and half-proud at that last.

She shook her head, confused.  “But, how do you know-”

He grinned.  “Because I was the one who drove her home and took care of her after the surgery, wasn’t I?  After she had her tubes tied.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my fabulous betas, Behinds Blue Eyes, MargueriteDaisy, and Spuffy Noelle. And thanks for all the reviews!
> 
> Happy New Year to everybody!

 

 

Buffy’s eyes widened, and her stomach plummeted.  Her life had been ripped apart because a crazy woman had faked getting knocked up?  It was too much to process.  “I-”  She lurched to her feet.  “I have to tell him.  Maybe it’s not too late, maybe they can undo it, or something…”  _Oh, god._   Of course Liam, good Irish Catholic that he was, had done right by Drusilla.  But it had been a trick.  A trick, and she’d lost the man she loved, but maybe it wasn’t too late.  Maybe…

She stumbled over William’s feet and found herself in his lap.  “Buffy.  Buffy, shh,” he said, and she realized she was crying.  “Hush, love.  You really want that pillock back after the way he treated you?  Even if the pregnancy’s fake, it doesn’t change what he did.” 

His words sunk in, and Buffy remembered the one all-important fact she’d forgotten in the midst of her shock.  “He cheated on me,” she said dully.  “He had to have, otherwise her ruse never would’ve worked.”  She sagged, and William wrapped his arms around her.  Buffy found herself tight against his chest, her nose squished into the vee of his shirt.  It was, she noted in the back of her mind, a very male chest.  Nicely shaped, and firm.  He smelled good too, once you got past the overlying booze smell.  He ran a soothing hand over her hair, though Buffy was too distraught to fully register it. 

Maybe Dru had tricked Liam into marrying her, but it still didn’t change the fact that Buffy hadn’t been enough for her boyfriend in the first place.  Hadn’t been _talented_ enough to keep his attention.  Not like the crazy psycho bitch.

Once the shaking subsided, Buffy became aware of just where she was.  Of the way William’s large, warm hand caressed her arm, the way his nose was buried in her hair, his lips murmuring comforting words against her scalp.

Of the way she fit against him.

Wigged, Buffy jerked out of his embrace.  William let her go without protest, offering a steadying hand to help her to her feet.  For a moment, she stood there, poised to flee.  Knowing what she did now, how could she remain here and watch Drusilla and Liam make their grand entrance?  How could she watch the man she loved with all her heart toast his new bride, the one he’d found more _interesting_ than her?  No.  It wasn’t going to happen.  Buffy lunged for her handbag, but William caught her by the wrist.  Surprised and confused, she stared at him, but his expression showed none of the malicious glee she’d seen earlier.  Nothing but warm empathy, and compassion so transparent, it made her draw a shuddering breath. 

“Stay,” he said in a low, soft voice.  “You run, and they win.  _Dru_ wins.  Don’t you want to remind your honey of the mistake he’s made?  Make him squirm?  You know he’s going to spend the whole night trying not to look at you, and Dru’ll notice.  She’ll be spending _her_ night wondering and worrying if Liam wishes he were with _you_ instead.”

“You – that’s –”  She looked down at his hand wrapped around her wrist, and he released it.  “You just want to hurt them.”

“Don’t you?”

Did she?  God, she still loved Liam with all her heart, but –

Buffy glanced around the reception hall.  She eyeballed the cake.  The symbol of Dru’s victory. 

“Yeah.  I guess I do.  Just a little?”

William snorted.  “It’s okay, love.  Doesn’t make you a bad person to admit it.  Just makes you honest.”

She smiled despite herself.  “If you say so.”

He took her hand again, rubbing his thumb against her palm.  Buffy felt a jolt go through her at his touch but didn’t pull back.  It felt nice, this comfort and attention.  It was a good feeling, one she was in a bit short supply of at the moment.

The ambient noise level in the reception hall rose as more guests and the families of the bride and groom began to trickle in.  Still standing there beside the table, Buffy steeled herself for the sight of Liam’s parents, parents she’d expected to call her own one day soon.  How much worse would the sight of Liam be?  Even though she’d skipped the ceremony, she hadn’t been able to resist coming to the reception, and now she wondered what had ever possessed her to torture herself this way.

William squeezed her hand and let it go.  “Won’t be long till the blessed couple arrives,” he said.  “You probably have just enough time to nip off to the loo and fix your makeup.”

“Oh, _crap_!  I’m all red and blotchy, aren’t I?”

“Not a bit.  You look beautiful, Buffy.”  He smiled wryly, and then said, as if it were some joke only he understood, “Effulgent, even.”  She had no clue what that word meant, and wasn’t sure it was a compliment.  Before she could ask him to clarify, he added, “Just, maybe a little smudge here and there.  Nothing you can’t touch up.”

Her hand flew to her face.  “I’ll – thanks.  I’ll be right back.” 

Buffy puzzled over William as she hurried to the restroom.  His quicksilver personality changes perplexed her.  One minute he was malicious, the next caring and compassionate, and the next – she didn’t even want to think about the brief appearance of William the lech.  The fact remained that she couldn’t get a bead on him.  Maybe because he was drunk?  She glanced back over her shoulder, but he had turned away to talk to a pair of guests that had just arrived at their table, and his back offered her no clues as to his true character.

 

*******

 

When Buffy slid back into the seat next to him, William was surprised.  And more than a little pleased.  She’d seemed on the verge of doing a runner, but he must have talked her down after all.  Good thing too.  For all his bluster of just being there for the show, William knew he was the one who was going to come up sniveling before the night was through, and it was nice to have the other victim of this charade there by his side.  Maybe together they could hold the pain at bay and muddle through, all stiff upper lip and all that rot.  He wasn’t nearly as composed as he’d tried to make himself out to be.  Dru’s absence in his life was like a burning hole in his gut, eating away at his insides, no matter how many times he told himself it was a relief to be free of her and all her games.  He didn’t know if what he felt for Drusilla could properly be labeled love, but whatever it was, it was passionate, and intense, and it had consumed him from the moment she’d first beckoned to him from across a room with one slim, pale finger.  He’d been a slave to her every need and whim since, been willing to fulfill her every dark desire, and now – what?  Now he was just some average man once more.

Not even average.  Pathetic. 

Nobody.

_Alone_.

God, how he wanted her back.

And the thing of it was, Dru knew it.  Knew she had him still on her hook, one more fishy dangling for her to play with.  One word, and he’d run straight back to her, no pride whatsoever.  It galled him, but what could he do?  Buffy could at least make Liam feel the pain of it.  Remind him of what he’d lost.  But Dru hadn’t lost him.  She’d just set him aside, until she was ready for him once more.  No way to make her feel like she’d lost something in return.

His fuzzy mind mulled this over, worrying at it while he chatted with the fellow who’d sat down on the other side of him a minute ago.  William knew being there, at the reception, was just another sign of his devotion to Drusilla.  He’d have done better to not show, but the idea was unthinkable.  So how to hurt her?

Liam had managed it.  His walking out on Dru had been a sore point for her, something William had had to listen to her rant about over the years.  The one thing Dru couldn’t abide by was one of her fishies wriggling off their hook and swimming free.  It made her crazy – crazier than usual.  Look at the lengths she’d gone to to get him back.

William thought of the girl sitting next to him, and then it hit him.  How they both could take their revenge. 

He turned away from the bloke next to him, mid-sentence, and faced Buffy.

 “How do I look?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.  “Better?”

William leaned towards her and took over the job of adjusting her hair.  “Perfect.  Better than perfect.” 

Buffy flashed him a drawn smile.  “Thanks.”

“So.  You still up for a little revenge?  Get a bit of your own back?”  He left his hand cupped over hers, since she’d seemed to draw comfort from it earlier.  And, truth be told, he liked touching her.  She was soft, and smelled nice, and had made endearing little noises when he’d petted her just so during her crying jag.

“I – I guess?”  She glanced towards the center of the room, where the wedding cake stood in all its iced glory, and straightened her shoulders.  “Yes.  And please tell me it can involve the cake?  I’ve got all kinds of ideas.”

He frowned, confused.  “Huh?”  _Cake?_   He had no idea what she was on about, but her face was the most animated it had been all night.  Some part of William was ready to promise anything to keep it that way.  He always had been a sucker for a pretty face.  “Yeah, sure, ‘course.”

Buffy smiled then, for real, and her previous sweet good looks paled in comparison to the beauty before him now.  William gaped at her, trying to marshal his scattering thoughts before they could float away and be replaced by sonnets.  “I… uh… that is…”  The noise in the room surged, and he shook himself back to coherence.  “Hear all the fanfare?  They’re coming now.  So listen carefully.  I’ll explain properly in a minute, but for right now, if you want to do you worst, hit them the hardest, will you trust me and do as I say?”

She eyed him curiously, but only said, “Sure.  Why not.”

“When they come in, go ahead and look at Liam if you want.  Give him one of your dazzling smiles, even.  But don’t draw it out.  Quick curious glance, quick smile, no more than you’d give a casual friend, and straight back to me.”

“Why-”

“Trust me.”

“And you?”

He shrugged.  “Will only have eyes for you.”

Buffy made to protest, but as one, everybody save them rose to their feet and turned towards the entrance.  She held William’s eyes a moment longer, searching them, then nodded and stood as well.

 

*******

 

Buffy’s mind whirled.  She had a vague inkling of William’s plan – even if the bride and groom had been the ones to do the leaving, it still would be painful for them to see their cast-offs not exactly caring about being cast off.  She didn’t think it was an especially vengeful or clever plan, but maybe William had more in mind.  She’d have to wait and see.  Either way, it couldn’t hurt.  In the meantime –

There her love stood, tall and handsome, broad shoulders filling out his tux.  Liam beamed his perfect smile at his guests while his crazy, skanky bride clung to him like a limpet.  Despite the crowded room, his gaze seemed to snap straight to Buffy’s face.  She could feel the crackle of energy between them, see the way his expression softened, and Buffy instantly forgot any plans for revenge.  All she wanted was to run to Liam and throw her arms around him.  Explain how it had all been a mistake and let him take care of it, the way he had always taken care of their problems.  She felt her own face softening in return, but in the split second before William brushed his hand against hers under the table, she remembered why Liam remained across the room from her, some other woman on his arm.  She dialed up the intensity of her smile into something bright and cheerful and completely indifferent, and forced herself to turn away before she could lose her resolve.

Despite her minor victory, she didn’t feel so great – seeing her love with some other woman on his arm had left Buffy feeling faint.  Lids squeezed shut, she clenched her fists and wrestled her emotions under control.  When she opened her eyes again, William’s compassionate face gazed back at her, his expression morphing into something so intense, it took her breath away.  Her ex had never once looked at her the way William was now – as though she was his whole universe, and he would die without her.  Was this the kind of look he’d given Drusilla?  _Lucky bitch_.  How could she have thrown such devotion away?

William wrapped his arm around her shoulders and leaned in to whisper in her ear.  “There now, hardest part is over.”  Before she could respond, his hand slid down her bare spine, and then further still.  It came to rest on her lower back, just a little too low to be a casual touch. 

Buffy stiffened.  The slow descent of his hand against her skin had been distracting in a way she hadn’t been prepared for, and she could feel the heat of his hand through her thin dress, one finger dipping between the globes of her ass.  A part of Buffy screamed for her to assert herself.  To throw his hand off and demand how dare he touch her in such a personal manner.  But the other…  The other part was reacting very positively to how his hand rested casually on the swell of her buttocks.  Her nipples pebbled against the fabric of her dress, ratcheting up her arousal, and Buffy was shocked with herself.  She was letting a perfect stranger practically feel her up while the man she loved watched from across the room – and she was enjoying the stranger’s touch so much, she almost didn’t care.  What the hell was wrong with her? 

Disgusted and humiliated, she began to move away.  William moved with her.  “Act natural.  The big lug can’t take his eyes off you.”

“You’re in serious violation of my personal boundaries, asshole,” she hissed back.  “I didn’t give you permission to touch me that way.”

“Thought you trusted me?”

“Not anymore.  Get your hand off me.”

He did – but in a way that made it clear it was his idea and not at her insistence.  William ghosted his hand along her arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake.  Her nipples pebbled further, and desire unfurled in her belly.  Buffy ruthlessly ignored it.  Arrogant perverts did _not_ turn her on, no matter what her stupid, traitorous body might think. 

She twitched away from him, and he smirked at her.  “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.  I’m done.  Liam’s already gotten enough of an eyeful to make sure he’ll be watching you all night long.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him, then sat primly in her chair, rearranging herself until she felt in control once more.  William followed suit, far more at ease.  “If your clever plan is based on nothing more than pawing at me, I think we’re done here.  I could have brought a date if all I wanted to do was make him jealous.”

William smiled the nasty smile he’d given her earlier.  “Ah, but what you don’t realize is that Liam and I go way back.  He knows me a far sight better than you think.  So the fact that it’s _me_ pawing at you – and you encouraging me?”  He winked, which Buffy took to mean he knew he was pushing his luck with the encouraging bit.  “Is going to work him up good and proper.  We might even see punches thrown before the night is through.”

“How very caveman,” Buffy scoffed.  “You’re such a – a man!”

He shrugged.  “So is your honey.”

“And how does this benefit you?  Besides getting to put your hands all over me?”

“Bit full of yourself, aren’t you?  Trust me, I’m not the least bit interested.”

Buffy pursed her lips and refused to be hurt by his assertion.  He liked _Drusilla_ , after all.  Didn’t say much for his taste.  “And I’m still not seeing how you benefitted from that little stunt.  Not like your crazy ex-ho cares who you paw.”

William bristled.  Rather than give in to her natural inclination to apologize, Buffy did her best to return the nasty smile he’d given her.  To her surprise, he laughed.  “Ooh, kitty’s got claws.  You ever let Liam see the sharp side of your tongue?  Bet you never did.  You were all sweetness and sugar for him, weren’t you.” 

“That’s because _he’s_ not an asshole,” she muttered.  William snorted and cast a glance to where Liam sat with his new bride, and Buffy flushed.

Before she could open her mouth to retort, he said, “D’you know how beautiful you are right now?  With your eyes flashing fire and your cheeks full of color?  Much better than the pale imitation of moments ago.”  He gave her a look of frank admiration, and Buffy didn’t know whether to blush or lash out at him some more.  “You’ve got Liam’s eyes glued to you for sure now.  Oi – don’t peek!”

Buffy stopped mid-swivel.  “So this is your big plan?  Piss me off?  I don’t think I like it any more than your previous one.”

“Stopped you from being all mopey, didn’t it?”

Her lips twitched.  “You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t pull out the ‘congratulations on your evil genius plan’ any time soon.”

“You think you’ve got a better idea?  ‘Cause I’m telling you, this one’s working just fine.”

“Say it is.  Say you’re right, and the man I love only has eyes for me – which I’ll have to take your word for, since you won’t let me look for myself.  Why are you doing this for me?”

“Nothing noble about it” he said.  “I’m getting just as much out of this as you are.  More, even.  Firstly, Dru realizes she doesn’t have a firm a hold of Liam as she thought.  On top of which, I haven’t so much as glanced at Dru since she walked through that door, which, contrary to what you think, is bothering her a great deal.  I was the faithful one, yeah?  The one who worshipped the ground she walked on, and stayed with her through it all.  Me paying her no nevermind is a possibility she couldn’t have even fathomed.  Bet you anything she’s already plotting to find out if I’m still on her hook.”

Buffy didn’t have anything to say to that.  What could she say?  Gee, sounds like you guys had a hell of a twisted relationship?  They sat in silence, William’s eyes never leaving her face, until she began to fidget.  “So what’s the next step in your big evil plan?”

He grinned.  “Figure the key to making both of them miserable is to keep Liam’s attention on you.  Anything that makes Dru think she’s losing him so quickly will send her insane with jealousy.”  It was Buffy’s turn to snort at his choice of words, and William’s lips quirked.  “If she thinks she’s losing both her boys at the same time – who knows what she’ll get up to by the end of the night.”

“And should we be encouraging the crazy woman?  You’re already predicting violence for Liam.  What if Drusilla pulls a gun, or something?”

“Dru’s not dangerous,” he said, though his eyes slid to one side, and Buffy didn’t quite believe him.  “At any rate, it’s double the whammy for her if both her boys are pining after _you_.  Sweet, innocent, little Buffy.  She tried to steal away what was yours, but you’re the one who comes out the winner of her game.  She’ll be desperate to know what you have to offer that she doesn’t.”

She raised an eyebrow.  “You mean, besides my sanity?  But, okay.  I see where you’re going with this.  I think I like your plan so far, although I still say the cake needs to go.”  William frowned at her.  “It’s bigger than me,” she added, and his frowned deepened.

“And she calls Dru crazy,” he muttered under his breath, but not so low that she couldn’t hear it. 

Buffy glared at him.  “She had the cake made bigger than me on purpose.  Because she _is_ crazy.  It’s, like, a message.”

William squinted at her, then turned to assess the wedding cake.  “You know, wouldn’t surprise me if you’re right.”

“See!  So, obviously the cake is evil and must die.  Wanna help?”

“What’s your plan?  Toss a grenade at it and run?”

“Well –”  Buffy had been about to detail her ideas, but just then Liam stood and addressed the room.

“I wanted to thank you all for coming today, to help us celebrate this happy occasion.  Look how beautiful my bride is.  Aren’t I the luckiest man alive?”  Drusilla simpered by his side, and Buffy spun back to William, unable to listen to another word.  Bile burned the back of her throat, and she felt close to vomiting.  She wasn’t surprised to see that William was watching her rather than the happy couple.

Blinking back tears, Buffy leaned towards him.  “I think _right now_ would be a very good time for the next step of your plan.”

"The next step?" He rubbed at his jaw, briefly, and offered her a crooked smile. “You need to let me seduce you.”  

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Buffy goggled at William, her eyes so wide it felt like her eyeballs might tumble right out.  “Wh- _what_?” 

“ _Pretend_ to let me seduce you,” he clarified quickly.  To her surprise, his expression turned hesitant, rather than the carnal leer she’d expected of him.  “Gotta make Liam believe it, though.”

“ _Why?_ ” 

She had to stop squeaking like that around him.  It wasn’t very dignified.  And she _definitely_ had to stop thinking about how she maybe wouldn’t mind if William seduced her for real.  Just because he was handsome, and smelled fantastic, and made her skin goose bump, just because she was the very definition of lonely…

“Look, I told you he knows me, right?  He knows I’m… not innocent.  And you represent something to him, Buffy.  You represent that innocence and purity he craves.  That he wishes he could have back.  Liam never once suggested anything remotely kinky during your lovemaking, I’d wager.”

Buffy shook her head.  “No.  Definitely no kink for us.  Buffy’s bed was a kink-free zone.”  She blushed as she realized she’d just admitted something very personal to a relative stranger.

Shutting up now would be good. 

But it was true - they’d rarely even varied out of the missionary position, and then only when Buffy had insisted she wanted to try something different.  Liam had always discouraged her from any kind of experimenting, and she was beginning to understand why.  “So…”

“So.  He’s going to be worried sick about me despoiling you.  Debauching you good and proper.  Especially after you and I leave before the evening is through, all cozied up together.”

“Do…”  Buffy swallowed her question.  _Do you think he’ll come after me?_   No need to sound so pathetic.  And anyway, what would she do if Liam did try to play the rescuing hero, intent on saving her virtue?  Take him back, wedding ring on his finger be dammed? 

“Do it,” she said instead.

 

*******

 

William considered the woman in front of him.  After her virulent reaction to his wandering hand, he’d half-expected Buffy to denounce his proposal in no uncertain terms.  But to his surprise, she seemed game for it.  Pretending to seduce her wouldn’t be much of a hardship; no, the hardship would be remembering it was no more than a ruse.  He was more than willing to take sweet Buffy to bed.  William suspected there was a wild, passionate woman hidden beneath the demure persona she projected, and the mere thought of being the one to encourage her to explore her naughtier fantasies was making him harder than he’d been in a long while.

He shifted in his chair to hide the evidence of his arousal, reluctant to give his attraction away.  Despite his considerable expertise when it came to the kinkier side of sex, he didn’t have much experience with women outside of Dru.  The girls he’d known during adolescence hadn’t wanted nice-guy, head-in-the-clouds William for anything more than homework help, and when the time had come to go to university across the pond, in America and away from his over-protective mum, the change in scenery hadn’t done much for his luck with women. 

It wasn’t until his sophomore year that he managed to lose his virginity.  Under the influence of copious amounts of warm beer, he’d let slip he’d never even been snogged to a semi-drunk coed at a sorority party, which had earned him a fumbling, awkward pity fuck in somebody’s dark and messy bedroom, along with a case of the clap.  The next year, a slightly more self-confident William managed to ask out a fellow history major.  They hadn’t made it past a handful of dates and some desperate groping before Dru had ensnared him in her web, and being loyal by nature, the only time William had ever had sex with another woman since was at her command.  After seven years with his dark princess, he still barely needed two hands to count his sexual partners.

So, what with his lack of experience in picking up the fair sex, he was grateful his grand plan to seduce Buffy was only a charade.  Knowing she wouldn’t turn him down no matter how pitiful his attempt, not unless he managed to piss her off completely, gave him the courage to play the part of a Lothario with confidence.  William knew he had more to offer a woman than he once did, but still.  His ego had never quite recovered from the humiliations of his youth.

Buffy watched him expectantly, waiting on his move.

_Right.  Quit agonizing over what a pathetic wanker you are and get on with it already._

It wasn’t as if he even had to pretend very hard.  Liam couldn’t hear what they were saying; it all came down to touch.  And William was more than willing to touch the beautiful woman staring at him with big, hazel eyes.  He started by scooting his chair closer.  “Too bad the dancing hasn’t begun yet.  This would be right easy, then.”

“You think you’re that good a dancer, huh?”

William curled his tongue behind his teeth.  “Oh, I‘ve got the moves, sweetheart.  It’s all in the hips, and these hips?  Know just how to bump and grind.  Vertically _and_ horizontally.”  He waggled his eyebrows for good measure, and Buffy turned an interesting shade of red.  He was probably going to go to hell for teasing the poor girl so, but she made such a pretty picture, he didn’t care.

“P-pig.”

_If only you knew._

“Sorry, love.  Sometimes my mouth runs ahead of me.”  He paused, and when Buffy smiled faintly, he felt safe to continue.  “Come on then, lean forward a bit.  Put your hand on the table, so I can hold it.”

“I feel so silly.”

“Didn’t you ever act?  Or perform?”

Buffy shook her head.  “Nope.  I mean, I guess I ice skated, but not really the same.  Getting up on a stage?  So not my thing.”

She leaned towards him nonetheless, and placed her hand where he could reach it.  William overlaid it with his, thumb stroking the sensitive pad of flesh between her thumb and forefinger.  He smiled reassuringly.  “Consider this your acting debut, then.  ‘Sides, shouldn’t be so tough to pretend a handsome, charming devil like myself has caught your eye.”  He winked at her, and Buffy laughed. 

“Oh, who’s full of themselves now?  I think my mother warned me about men like you.”

“Good thing she’s not here, then, isn’t it?”

Her smile dimmed. _Uh-oh_.  Obviously he’d put his foot in it, somehow.  Before he could figure out how to apologize, she spoke.  “So.  If you’re going to be debauching me later, I insist on knowing a bit more about you first.  Favorite food, astrological sign, if you have any siblings.  You know, the usual things.”

William took the reprieve offered, and they made idle chitchat for a few minutes while the catering staff began to serve the meal.  He learned her favorite food was chocolate ice cream to his spicy chicken wings, she was an Aquarius to his Virgo, and that she had one younger sister to his none.  By the time their meals were set before them, he’d also discovered they lived on opposite sides of Los Angeles, and she lived with and worked alongside her father at an insurance company. 

He had to let go of her hand so they could eat, but he made up for it by feeding her bites of his dinner and encouraging her to do the same.  They couldn’t easily continue their conversation since the wedding party was busy making their speeches now, but neither of them paid any attention to the head table.  Instead, they continued to whisper and giggle together, and share bites of their meals.  William hammed it up when she offered him a taste of her fish, sucking in his cheeks and moaning indecently around her fork.  Buffy laughed and smacked him on the shoulder, and he ducked out of her reach, using the opportunity to sneak a glance at the newlyweds. 

And, oh, had Liam’s attention ever been caught.  William was surprised the back of his head hadn’t caught fire from the man’s blazing gaze.  He smirked at the groom and Liam’s mouth thinned, expression promising retribution.  Angling himself so Buffy couldn’t see what he was doing, William made a rapid series of crude gestures behind her back, indicating to Liam all the things he ‘intended’ to do with her later on.

The older man half-rose from his seat, an ugly snarl etched upon his handsome face, but Drusilla shot William a dirty look and caught her new husband about the arm, refusing to let go.  The groom resettled himself in his chair, obviously unwillingly, and William blew him a mocking kiss before turning back to Buffy before she could clue in to the silent exchange.

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but the evening’s turning out to be one of the better ones I’ve had in a long while,” he told her.  And it was true.  Not only had he found a way to stick it to the newlyweds in a most satisfying manner, Buffy was enjoyable company in her own right.  Even though the comfortable numbness of his earlier quality time with Mr. Jack Daniels had faded to no more than a gentle buzzing in his head, William still felt surprisingly content.

Buffy nodded, smiling.  “Who’d have thunk it?  I’m actually having fun.”

William grinned back.  “Me too.”  He reached out to run his hand down her bare arm, enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his fingertips, and was delighted when he heard her breath catch.  At least he wasn’t the only one affected by their little dance.  “Knowing there’s no need to _actually_ impress each other helps take the pressure off.  Let’s us just have fun.”

“Yup, it sure helps with the whole awkward tension thing.”  She gave him a mischievous look.  “But just so you know?  You haven’t impressed me one bit, yet.”

“Oh ho!  You either, missy!”

“Good!” 

“Good!” he repeated.  She stuck her tongue out, and William darted his hand out and caught the end between his fingertips before she could retract it. 

“Uh!  ‘Ey!  Yet oh!”

“Not unless you promise to put that tongue to better use.” 

Buffy glared at him.  “And I suppose you have ideas on how I can do that,” she said when he released her.  “Pig.”

He hadn’t been thinking along those lines, but now that she’d mentioned it, all kinds of naughty images ran through his head.  Buffy on her knees, those pretty, pouty lips worshiping him.  Maybe with her hands tied behind her back, _his_ hand fisted in her hair.  _Fuck_.  The erection that had waned over the course of dinner returned with a vengeance.  “Not what I had in mind,” he said in a low, deep voice.  “But if you’re offering…”

“You wish!”

William leaned closer to whisper in her ear.  “Maybe I do.”

She jerked away.  “Are – are we still just pretending?”  Hazel eyes, wide and round and unsure, begged him to say yes.

“’Course we are.”  Buffy had turned as skittish as a colt, and it wouldn’t do to unnerve her.  Not when they’d been getting along so well.  “Just playing with you, love.”

Lips pursed, she nodded, but kept her new distance.  William sighed, and the blood that had been diverted to his nether regions returned to his brain once more.  “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.  It’s just been a long time since I’ve flirted with a man.  Not that we’re flirting!”  she said quickly.  “But, you know.  Kinda out of practice.  I’m not really _that_ much of a prude.  I can handle a little innuendo.  Usually.”  She kept her eyes trained on the table the entire time she was speaking, and William knew she was more discomfited than she’d let on. 

“Hey.”  He bent so that he was in her line of vision.  “You should never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable, even if it is just playing around.  When I go too far, tell me to sod off and I will.  No hard feelings.  Can’t properly call it playing if you’re not having fun.”

“Thanks.”  She fiddled with her napkin, then jerked her head towards the other couple at their table.  “I’m going to stop being rude Buffy and socialize for a minute.  Maybe we could think about leaving soon?  If you still wanted to leave together?  I don’t…  I’m starting to get kinda tired.  Too much drama for one day.”

Stupid, stupid big mouth.  William’s only consolation was that she intended to continue on with their ruse.  He hadn’t chased her off entirely, although it didn’t escape his attention that he’d just blown it with the girl and she was only still talking to him thanks to their prior agreement.  He bit back a sigh.  “Just say the word when you’re ready.”

 

*******

 

Buffy wrapped up her conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Lomato when the muted clinking of silverware against dinner plates died down to a restless rustling, the shift in noise signifying the expectation that something else was about to happen.  She wasn’t up for whatever came next – more toasts, dancing, and – ugh – the cake.  Nope.  To hell with her crazy plans for toppling the sucker.  All Buffy wanted to do was get out of there.  She hadn’t been kidding when she’d told William she was done.  So long as Liam had realized his mistake in leaving her, mission accomplished.

Squirming a little in her seat, she wasn’t sure what to say to the man next to her after the uncomfortable note they’d ended their last conversation on.  Buffy hoped he didn’t think she was nothing more than an uptight stick-in-the-mud.  She certainly didn’t think of herself that way – once upon a time, she had known how to flirt with a man.  How to give as good as she got in the innuendo department.  What had happened to her?  When had she become this mouse of a woman?  A frown crossed her face as she wondered if this was why she’d lost Liam.  Maybe she hadn’t been playful enough for him?  She certainly hadn’t been _talented_ enough.  Some part of her protested the idea – Liam had liked her this way.  As William had said, her ex had wanted her to play the sweet and innocent for him, had wanted to be her protector, and she had the feeling his observations were on the nose. 

So why hadn’t it been enough?  Buffy twisted in her seat, just enough to peek at the newlyweds out of the corner of her eye.

Just enough to see that, yes, Liam was watching her. 

She swiveled the rest of the way, a sharp stab of longing making her stomach clench and her eyes tear up.  Desperate to hide her emotions, she tried to flash Liam the same dazzling, careless smile she’d managed earlier, but it felt more like a pained grimace.  Her ex smiled in return, half toasting her with his champagne glass, and Buffy spun away before she could burst into tears.

“I’m ready,” she said sharply, without preamble.

William looked up, startled, and must have seen the tears she was holding back because he reached to take her hand.  “What is it?”

“I’m ready,” she repeated.  “Like, _really_ ready.  I – I can’t be here anymore.”

“What about the cake?”

“I don’t _care!_ ”  The backs of her eyelids burned, and Buffy bit the inside of her cheek.  She would not cry again, not tonight.  Not in front of Drusilla.  She reached for her purse, ready to leave with or without him.

Once again, he grabbed her by the wrist.  “All right, love.  We’ll go.  Let’s do it right, though.  Can you hold it together just another minute or two?  Make it look good?”

Buffy was about to say no, and then she heard Liam’s laughter booming across the room.  Her partner-in-crime was right.  If her ex could still laugh like that, then he wasn’t hurting enough.  She and William had to make an exit that would be noticed.  She took a deep breath.  Let it out.  Did it again.  “Okay.”

After one more deep breath, this time for courage, she leaned forward, napkin in hand, and used it to wipe an invisible speck of food from the corner of William’s mouth.  He gaped at her, blue eyes wide with shock, and Buffy somehow managed not to jerk away despite his obvious surprise at her daring, surprise that nearly outmatched her own.  She dabbed again, more slowly this time, and placed her other hand on his thigh to steady herself as she moved closer.

“Bloody hell.  Now you’re getting it,” he breathed.  His leg muscles bunched and trembled under her hand, and Buffy felt a thrill of pride run through her when she gave a small squeeze and he swallowed visibly in response. 

Maybe sweet little Buffy had something to offer after all.  Encouraged, she scooted to the end of her chair and fluttered her eyelashes at him, fingers still kneading his firm thigh through the fabric of his trousers.  “You know, I just can’t seem to get this sauce off.”  She was so close now, she could feel the heat radiating off his chest.  With careful deliberation, she dropped the napkin in his lap and used her thumb to rub at the invisible speck, then let her fingers stray along his lower lip.  His skin felt soft, and kissable, and Buffy discovered that she wanted to know what his mouth tasted like.  Nostrils flaring, William closed his eyes, eyelashes long and dark against his cheek.  He looked so delicious that her desire to press her lips to his came close to overwhelming.

With a gulp, she jerked back, hands to herself once more.  Several seconds passed before she dared to look up.  William’s eyes bore into hers, stormy and intense, and all of a sudden, it didn’t feel like they were acting.  It felt very, very real. 

And very, _very_ dangerous.

Buffy slid further backwards.  “So, how was that?  Did I make it look good?”  Damn, she’d sounded all breathy, not firm and casual like she’d meant to.

“Made a believer out of me.”  The deep reverberations of William’s low, rough voice had her repressing a shiver.  She couldn’t repress the way her nipples tightened, though, or the way her thighs clenched. 

 _Shit, shit, shit._   What had just happened?  A line had been crossed, and Buffy didn’t know how to un-cross it.  Maybe she could distract him.  Play it off.  “And the Emmy goes to me!” she chirped, desperately hoping he would believe her, or at least play along.

William stared at her for a long minute, eyes dark and heavy-lidded.  His tongue darted out to lick the corner of his mouth, then followed the path her fingers had taken across his lower lip.  Buffy found herself unable to breathe, and when he leaned forward, closing the space between them, she thought he was going to kiss her.  Part of her hoped he would.  Instead, he whispered, “Liam is a goddamned fool.” 

She didn’t have a response, and he spared her the need to think of one by standing up and shrugging on his jacket.  “Time to make our getaway, love.”  Buffy nodded and rose as well, and it didn’t take any effort on her part to keep her eyes locked on William’s face.  Standing next to him, she found he was only a little taller than she was in her heels.  Liam had always towered over her, but William would be just the right height for leaning up on her tippy-toes and kissing.  

_Bad Buffy!  No more lusty thoughts!_

Despite her inner monologue, she tucked her arm into William’s without any encouragement on his part, and he grinned at her.  “Shall we, my lady?”

A sudden concern struck her.  “Is everybody staring at us?”  Buffy was positive all eyes had focused on them, these fringe guests who were daring to leave before the festivities were through.  If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was causing a scene, and she was about to do just that.

“Who the bloody hell cares?  Chin up, and whatever you do, don’t let on that it bothers you.  I’m the only one here that matters to you at the mo’, remember?”

She smiled weakly.  “Not caring.  All wrapped up in you instead.  Right.  I can do that.”  Buffy gripped his arm and together they navigated the outskirts of the reception hall, eyes straight ahead or on each other.  Her legs shook more and more with each step she took, and it required all of her willpower to keep from glancing toward the head table before they stepped through the doors and out into the hallway.  She sagged the minute they were around the corner, only William’s strong arm keeping her upright.

“Shit.  I can’t believe I actually did it.”

William tipped her chin up.  “You were incredible.”

Buffy tried for a laugh, but it wouldn’t come.  “Wow.  Just.  Okay.”  She shook herself, and straightened.  “Thank you, William.  You made this night bearable.  More than bearable.”

“The pleasure was all mine, Buffy.”  He fidgeted a moment before adding, “Night’s not through, though.”

“It’s not?”

He shook his head.  “Can guarantee the newlyweds will be stopping by my hotel room before they head off to theirs.  Take a gander at whether I managed to seduce you after all.  Think how much better it’ll be if you’re actually there.”

Oh.  _Oh_.  He was inviting her back to his room?  Buffy gulped at the images coursing through her brain.  Just her and William, all alone, with nowhere to sit but on a huge, soft bed?  _Guh_.  Hello, temptation.  With the way her body was reacting to the man beside her, Buffy could easily envision herself letting him take away the heartache, if only for one night.

“This – this is still just part of the game, right?  Just… pretend?”

William hesitated a split second.  “Just pretend,” he agreed, and she swallowed again.  He didn’t sound so sure himself, and while she might be tempted, casual sex was not something Buffy Summers had ever engaged in.  Certainly not with a near stranger.

“I – I better not.  I have a long drive ahead of me, and –”

“Of course.  No worries.”  He squeezed her hand and let go.  Buffy was disappointed when he moved away, but an instant later, he’d turned back.  “It probably wouldn’t be that long.  Bet they’ll be by in an hour.  Less, even.”

She opened her mouth to decline a second time.

“Well… okay.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Before she could manage to retract her words, Buffy found herself alone in a hotel room with a stranger. 

A sometimes kind, sometimes creepy stranger, who had made her laugh on a night when she’d been certain there could be nothing but tears. 

A _gorgeous_ stranger, her body insisted.  One who made her pulse race, and her skin tingle, and her inhibitions disappear. 

Luckily, there was more than just a bed in his room, because those disappearing inhibitions might’ve had her tackling William onto it.  As it was, she sat on one end of a plush couch, William on the other, the pair of them as awkward as teenagers despite their earlier camaraderie.  Buffy hoped the newlyweds would stop by soon.  She snuck a glance at her watch, wondering how long she should give it before she made her excuses and left.

William rubbed the back of his neck.  “Want something to drink?”

“No thanks.”

“I could put the telly on.”

She shook her head, and they sat in silence.  After several more attempts at conversation fizzled, Buffy said, “Here’s the thing.  I don’t get why Dru put us together.  I know you think she did it for the chuckles, but she had to have realized we’d talk to each other.  And figure out how she tricked Liam.”

He snorted.  “She’s crazy, not an evil genius.  Not like it matters now.  She already got what she wanted.”

“But if I tell him the truth, he won’t stay with her.”

“You gonna take him back?”

Would she?  Hadn’t that been the whole point of coming tonight?  To remind Liam of what he’d lost – and get him back?  Buffy didn’t feel ready to answer that particular question.  “That’s beside the point.  Her scheme fails, sooner or later.”

William shrugged.  “She lost him for four years.  Doubt she planned much beyond this moment.”

“And this is the woman you’re pining after.  Seriously?”

The moment the words left her mouth, his expression turned so cold, Buffy had to repress a shiver.  “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Get no argument from me.”

She figured she couldn’t make the painful silence that followed any worse, but it took more than one aborted attempt before she found the courage to voice her question aloud.  “Doesn’t it bother you that Dru cheated on you?” 

“Wasn’t cheating,” he said immediately.  “Not in the way you mean it.”

“But, what about with Liam?  Did you know they were –”

“Oh, I knew the sod was back.”  He chuckled darkly, and all of a sudden Buffy didn’t want to know how he knew.  William gave her another of those penetrating looks.  “Whatever my relationship with Dru, or Liam, you didn’t sign up for that kind of thing.  You expected your sweetheart to be faithful, and he should have been.  I stand by my earlier statement: he was a fool.” 

The lump in her throat seemed enormous, but Buffy somehow swallowed past it.  “Um, thanks?”  She fidgeted with her purse for a moment, wondering just how far he would let her pry into his life.  “So… were you happy?  Having a… whaddyacallit.  Open relationship?  Did that really work for you?”

William grew quiet.  When the silence stretched on, she wondered if he intended to answer, or if she’d gone too far.  Just as she decided to ask him a different question, he spoke.  “It isn’t my natural inclination.  To share.  But I knew what I was getting into, knew I had no right to complain.  And Dru and me, we were good together.  She brought me out of myself.  Saw what no one else could.”

Well, that was just – sad, really.  The way he explained it, it sounded as though he’d settled for Drusilla because she’d been the first to pay him any attention.  Buffy almost said, “I’m sorry,” but she stopped herself.  She didn’t want to offer pity.  She couldn’t think of what to say, though, and had almost settled on a noncommittal ‘Huh’ when there was a rapping at the door.

As one, they swiveled towards the sound.  “Huh,” William said.  “Didn’t think they’d be here this quick.”

Buffy felt it hadn’t been near quick enough.  “So what now?” she whispered.

“Act Two.”  He looked her over.  “‘Fore I let them in, muss up your hair and clothes.”  He set to work on his own shirt, further disheveling his already disheveled self.

“Right.  Because – with the debauching.”  Buffy toed her sandals off, then scrubbed her hands through her hair, tangling it this way and that.

The rapping at the door repeated.  “Sod off!” he snarled, loud enough to be heard out in the hallway.  “Busy in here.”

“Aren’t – aren’t you going to answer?  I thought that was the whole point.”

William grinned.  “Baby, if I really was busy with you, I’d be in no rush to answer the door.  And you’d be in no rush to let me.”  She flushed.  “Oh, now that’s good.  Puts a little color in your cheeks.  But not quite enough.”  He reached for her, but froze when a lilting female voice sounded on the other side of the doorway.

“Spike, my darling boy.  Don’t you want to kiss the new bride for luck?”

Buffy froze along with him, mesmerized by the swirling emotions in William’s clear blue eyes.  Hurt, longing, betrayal, sorrow…  It all added up to heartbreak, and despite her own pain and confusion, she couldn’t help but feel for the man next to her.

He screwed his eyelids shut and swallowed heavily.  “Bugger off, Dru.”

“It’s okay.”  Buffy reached out and laid her hand on top of his.  “You don’t have to see her.  We don’t have to do this.”

His eyes popped open, pinning her with their intensity.  “Buffy…”

“Don’t sing such a sad song, sweet William.  Come out and play with your princess.”

Before Buffy knew what was happening, William had crushed her to him, one hand tangled in her hair, mouth hard and insistent on hers.  Her lips burned from the intensity of his kisses, and desire shot through her, turning her muscles to jelly.  William kissed her as though it was his right to, as though he was dying from lack of oxygen and only she could breathe life into him.  Surprised, Buffy forgot to be angry at the liberties he was taking.  She kissed him back, moaning into his mouth, and scrabbled at the buttons of his shirt.  Like some wanton hussy, she found herself trying to climb into his lap and get closer.

He pulled back, eyes dark, breathing ragged, and Buffy whimpered at the loss.  “Now you look properly seduced,” he said, and she felt as though he’d sucker-punched her. 

What a foolish, inexperienced girl she was.  William hadn’t kissed her because he wanted to; he’d kissed her to maintain their ruse.  And while he’d been busy strategizing, she’d lost herself in his heated touch, forgetting why she was in his room in the first place. 

She slid off his lap and automatically began to straighten her clothes. 

“No, don’t.  You look perfect.”

With his dilated pupils and kiss-swollen lips, William appeared as ravished as she felt, and Buffy couldn’t help but hope he’d been affected as well.  The heaving of his chest didn’t seem feigned.  It wouldn’t be fair if he hadn’t felt the same desperate desire as he’d aroused in her.

“You should get the door,” she whispered.  He held her eyes a moment longer, searching for something in her face.  William opened his mouth to speak, but there was a scratching at the door, like that of a cat.  He scowled and turned away.

“Hold your horses, I’m coming.”  He whipped the door open.  “What is it, Dru?  I don’t have time for your games right now.”

Buffy held her breath as Drusilla slid past him into the room, her glittering eyes fixed on Buffy.  This was the first time she’d seen the other woman up close, and beautiful didn’t begin to describe her.  Buffy knew Drusilla was older than Liam, and since Liam was almost ten years her senior, that made Drusilla close to forty.  She didn’t appear it, though, and Buffy was disappointed to find there was nothing in the other woman’s appearance she could mock.  Dru’s classic beauty only strengthened her own feelings of inferiority, and she had to fight hard to keep her gaze steady.

“My Spike has succumbed to the lure of the sunshine.  Nasty sunshine.  She doesn’t know our ways.”  Dru cocked her head.  “Are you teaching them to her as a wedding present for our Angelus?”

_Spike?  Angelus?  Sunshine?_   What the hell was the psycho bitch talking about? 

“It’s been so long since we’ve had somebody this sweet to play with.  Not since you, my pretty boy.  Bet she tastes like lollipops and gumdrops.”

William shook his head.  “Go on, Dru.  You’ve had your fun.  Leave us alone now.  You didn’t want any part of me anymore, remember?  Got yourself hitched to Liam.  He’s the one you’re wanting.”

“Angelus wants the sunshine.”  Dru pouted like a little child, and then a malicious smile spread across her face.  “Except the sunshine doesn’t know all the right games to keep him interested.  Do you, Sunshine?  I know all the best ones.  Know just what Daddy wants.  I can teach them to you, if you like.”

Trying to make sense of Drusilla’s twisted, convoluted speech was like trying to make sense of a dream.  A nightmare dream.  Buffy’s mind, already reeling from William’s unexpected kiss, couldn’t process what the other woman was offering.  William seemed to understand, however.  “Leave her alone.  She’s not one of your toys.”

“Not nice to be selfish, my Spike.”

Buffy had had enough of the raven-haired woman’s nonsense ramblings.  She rose and came to stand by William’s side.  “What’s the matter?  Liam wise up to your crazy and leave you already?  Your thrall must be slipping.  Could be old age creeping up on you.  Maybe you’re less _interesting_ than you used to be.”  Trying her best at a nasty smile, she added, “If you’ll excuse us, we were in the middle of something here.”

Drusilla didn’t flinch.  “Sweet, little girl,” she crooned.  “You want your Liam.  And he wants you.  Come with me, and you can have him.  A pretty little wedding present for my Angelus, wrapped with bows and tinsel.  And then comes the real fun, with wrappings of another sort.  William would be ever so happy to help.  He ties the loveliest knots.”

William flinched.  “Dru…” he said warningly, and Buffy’s stomach turned.  Maybe she was naïve and out of her league with these two, but she was beginning to get the picture.  It wasn’t one she liked.

“Get out,” she said.

“Don’t you want to make your Liam happy?  Give him what he really wants?  What he was missing the whole time he was with you, what he was craving?” 

“Nothing you have to say interests me.”  Buffy felt William’s broad hand press into her lower back, steadying her, and she leaned into it.

Drusilla whimpered.  “Rude little dolly.”  She looked at William.  “Are you coming, my Spike?”

“No, Dru.  Not this time.  Not anymore.”

“She won’t be enough for you.  You belong in the dark, with me.  Not with the sunshine.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes and tried not to let her fear that Drusilla was right show on her face.  She hadn’t been enough for Liam.  Why had she thought for even a second William would be attracted to her?  She had nothing to offer a man, not one who’d experienced Drusilla’s ‘charms’.  Nevertheless, William remained at her side, and Buffy was grateful.  At least he wasn’t going to abandon her and complete her humiliation in front of the bitch who’d stolen her love.

“Drusilla!”  Liam’s voice rang out from down the hallway, calling for his new bride, and Buffy felt decidedly faint.  Facing down Drusilla was bad enough; she didn’t think she could face her ex as well – not until William moved behind her, his lean body offering the support she needed.

“Drusilla – oh.”  Liam stepped through the doorway, flashing brown eyes fixed on the tense man at Buffy’s back. 

“Look,” Dru said.  “Our Spike has your dolly.  But he won’t share.  We should punish him.”

“What William does is none of your concern,” Buffy said, striving for cool as a cucumber and almost succeeding.  “And I’m nobody’s dolly.  Or sunshine, or any other ridiculous thing.  Now please, go away.”

Liam dropped his eyes to Buffy.  She lifted her chin and met his gaze head-on, refusing to look down.

“Drusilla,” he said.  “Let’s go, honey.” 

Buffy bristled.  ‘Honey’ was Liam’s pet name for _her_.  Too late, he realized what he’d said, but his soft, apologetic expression did nothing to melt her anger.

The bride affected a pout once more.  “Spike won’t play.  Thinks he’s too good for us now.”

William finally spoke, his tone gentle rather than harsh.  “I would have stayed, Dru.  This is what you wanted, remember?  Listen to Liam.  He’ll take care of you now.”  His obvious love for the other woman, despite the way she’d treated him, brought tears to Buffy’s eyes.  She reached behind, searching for his hand with hers, and held it tightly once she found it. 

“Congratulations,” she added, trying for the same sincere tone.  “I hope you’ll be very happy together.”  William squeezed her hand, and she managed a smile at the newlyweds.

Drusilla studied Buffy, then sniffed, dismissing her.  “When you’ve tired of her, my Spike, I’ll be waiting.”  And with that, she swept out.

 

*******

 

William felt Buffy stiffen against him, and wished he could take back his scheme to confront the happy couple head on.  While they’d managed to get a little of their own back, the woman leaning into him was suffering just as much, if not more, her already damaged self-confidence weakened by Dru’s parting shot.  His plans never did work out the way he intended, and pitting Buffy against Dru was no exception.  He felt like a shit for using her so.

Liam didn’t follow his bride.  “Buffy,” he said.  “What are you doing with this scumbag?  He’s no good for you.”

Buffy clutched at his hand, her grip painful, but William hid his wince.  “Oh yeah?” she asked, and William couldn’t help but be impressed by the steel in her voice.  “Why’s that?”  

“He can only hurt you.”

“Because, what?  He might cheat on me with some crazy slut?  Dump me after four years and marry somebody else within weeks?  Hey, guess what?  Been there, done that.  Can’t imagine he’ll do worse.” 

The taller man glowered.  “Spike – he’s dirty, Buffy.  Who knows what you might catch from him.”

Oh-ho, that was going too far.  “Look here, mate.  You and me, we were both dipping in the same honey pot.  Some days, at the same time.  Any fun little surprises, you’ve already caught and passed them on to your not-so-one-and-only, here.”  William knew he was clean, but it didn’t hurt to remind Buffy of Liam’s hypocrisy. 

Buffy whirled on him.  “Ew.  Just _ew_.  You know what, you two can take your pissing contest outside.  I so don’t want to hear this kind of thing.”  With that, she fled to the bathroom and slammed the door, leaving the two men to scowl at each other.

“I swear, if you hurt her –” Liam began.

“More or less than what you did?  Girl’s devastated.  Thinks she’s not worth anything.”

Liam slumped, a meaty hand coming up to run through his thick, dark hair.  “Shit.  I know.  I seriously fucked up.  But Dru – what was I supposed to do?”

William almost felt sorry for the other man.  Almost, but not enough to tell him the truth about his status as Daddy.  Not enough to back off over Buffy.  He’d never had anything against Liam before – they’d happily shared in the bedroom for years – but William blamed him for Dru kicking him out, and it was the one sin that couldn’t go unpunished.  He shrugged.  “You’ve bollixed things up good and proper, but don’t worry, old sport.  I’ll pick up the pieces for you.”

“Leave her be, Spike.  Buffy’s an innocent.”

“So was I, once.  Seem to remember you quite enjoyed corrupting me.  Making me into a deviant like you.  Why shouldn’t I return the favor?”

Liam’s mouth worked, but no sound came out.  Finally, he snarled, “I only opened the door.  You’re the one who walked through it.  Willingly, I might add.” 

Well, _damn_.  Couldn’t argue with that. 

Liam’s face softened, and his dark eyes turned beseeching.  “Please, William.  Buffy – she’s something special.  She doesn’t deserve to be used in whatever game we’re playing.”

Fuck.  Wanker had to go and play on his sense of honor.  “Should’ve thought of that before you got mixed up with Dru again.”  Liam grimaced, all set to defend or explain, but William cut him off.  “I won’t hurt her, you stupid pillock.  You should know me better than that by now.”

The other man nodded grudgingly.  “Yeah, I do.  And I’ll take care of Dru, William.  You know that, right?”

So much for vengeance.  Now he and Liam were acting like a pair of bloody nances, promising to do right by each other.  What a sorry, pathetic sod he was.  “Go on with you.  Dru’s waiting, and who knows what she’ll have gotten up to if you don’t hurry.”  He shoved Liam out the door before the other man could shake his hand, or worse, hug him. 

Alone once more, he rested his forehead against the wood, wondering if he wouldn’t have been better off just staying home this weekend.  Dru – she’d fucked them all over: him, Liam, Buffy.  Only she had gotten what she wanted, and the rest of them were left to lick their wounds and carry on as best they could. 

And still he missed the crazy bitch, desperately.  The only reason he’d had the fortitude to turn Drusilla away just now had been the sure knowledge she hadn’t asked him to go with her because she’d missed him, but rather because she couldn’t bear to see him with another woman.  If she’d given any hint of affection, or longing, he would have run out the door right after her.

Pathetic.

The bathroom door creaked open, and he started at the noise.  He’d been so wrapped up in his own misery, he’d forgotten about the woman in there.  William took a deep breath, trying to find the last vestiges of his strength.  Time to send Buffy on home, and then he could get properly smashed.  Hopefully he’d be able to forget even his name before the night was through. 

He turned around slowly, and sagged at the sight of her.

She’d been crying.  Her face was red and blotchy, her eyes bright and shiny, and he was hit with the overwhelming urge to comfort her.  It was his fault she’d lost whatever sense of victory she’d gained in walking out of the reception hall, head held high.  If only he’d let her go home then, but he’d been selfish.  And, truth be told, William hadn’t wanted her to leave.  He’d been enjoying her company.  Enjoying _her_. 

Buffy was sweet, and funny, and had hidden reserves of strength she didn’t even realize were there.  She was beautiful too, and he couldn’t deny his attraction to her.  That kiss…  He’d taken the chance, hoping she wouldn’t slap him for his audacity, and it had been a bloody revelation.  Just thinking about how she’d returned it with enthusiasm had him hard again, but he hadn’t been feeding Liam a line.  It wasn’t in him to use the girl, no matter how good it might feel to take comfort in her soft, warm curves and sweet smile, and he’d be a bad, bad man to take advantage of her when she was feeling so insecure.

“You okay, pet?”

“I’ve been better.  Tell me,” she said.  “What’s this Angelus and Spike business?”

“Ah.  Those are… well, Dru gives her boys nicknames.  Alter egos, I suppose, for in the bedroom.”  He felt a blush creeping up his cheeks, and coughed to cover his discomfort.  “William is for the real world.  He’s a good man.  A model citizen.  Spike… is somebody else entirely.  Makes it easier to perform.”

 “Huh.”  She was standing in front of him now, and looked him in the eye.  “So.  You.  And _Angelus_.  Sounded like you know each other pretty well.”

“Er –”

“Well enough that you know his tastes.  In the bedroom.”  Buffy flushed at this, but didn’t look away.

“Well –”

“Good.  Because I want you to teach me the kinds of things he likes.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

“You – _what_?”  

There was no way he’d heard her right.  No way in _hell_ she wanted to learn the dark and twisted games Angelus got up to with Dru, no matter that his rock-hard cock thought it was a brilliant idea.  Luscious images of a well-trained Buffy aside, William understood in that moment Liam’s need to protect this girl.  Keep her innocent.

“I want you to teach me,” she repeated, a little defiantly.  “Because you and I both know this marriage isn’t going to last.  And when Liam comes crawling back to me, I intend to know how to keep him _interested_ this time.”

His eyes glazed over at the thought of a leather-clad Buffy forcing Angelus to crawl on all fours, whip in hand and a sneer on her face.  “Jesus,” he said.  “You don’t know what you’re asking, pet.”

“I know I don’t want to be the innocent, naïve little girl who can’t satisfy a man anymore.  I know this is what I need to keep Liam when he… if he…”  William suspected Buffy losing her innocence would be just the thing to drive Liam away for good, but he didn’t tell her that.  She was in a no-win situation - couldn’t keep Liam’s interest when he craved something darker, and wouldn’t appeal if she did know how to fulfill his fantasies.

When he didn’t answer, she swallowed heavily and averted her eyes.  “N-never mind.  Not like you’d be interested in – ”

Startled out of his thoughts, he gathered Buffy up in his embrace, unable to withstand her devastated expression.  “Hush now.  Let me hold you a little tighter, and you’ll feel just how interested I am.  And not just to teach you,” he said.  “Interested in _you_.  Exactly as you are right now.”

“R-really?”

“Been wanting you all night, love.”

Buffy pulled back to look him in the eyes.  “Oh.  Thank god.  I mean – I don’t have to feel so mortified for throwing myself at you now.  I kinda figured you were ready to give me the ‘Thanks but I just don’t see you that way’ speech.”

“That’s definitely not the issue.”

“What is, then?”

He laughed humorlessly.  “I find myself in the awkward position of agreeing with your prat of an ex.  This is not the life for you, love.  You’re too good for it.  Liam didn’t leave you because you weren’t enough, Buffy.  He left because _he_ wasn’t good enough.  Don’t become someone you’re not for his sake.”

“But how do you know it’s not who I am?”

 

*******

 

The look of consternation on William’s face had Buffy holding back a watery giggle.  He’d moved away from her to plop heavily on the couch, and was obviously trying to come to grips with the disparity between his darker desires and his belief that she wasn’t the kind of girl who could get off on kinky sex.  But Buffy didn’t want to be the good girl anymore – the good girl was a boring prude who couldn’t keep her lover’s interest.  She’d wanted to be more adventuresome in the bedroom for a long time now, and here was somebody who could give her just that.  Somebody who stirred her blood, and made her laugh, and was a prime candidate for teaching her the kinds of things she wanted to learn.

“Look,” she said.  “Just because I’ve been nothing but vanilla all my life – vanilla without even any sprinkles – it doesn’t mean it’s all I’ve wanted.  I _wanted_ to do more with Liam, but, well.  He never did.  Too bad what he thought he wanted wasn’t the same as what he craved.”  William watched her steadily, still not saying a word, so she went forward with the speech she’d worked out while she was in the bathroom.  “Since you know what he likes, and since you’re… experienced…  I’m guessing you’ll be a good teacher.  Plus, we seem to be attracted to each other.  It’s not like it’ll be a great hardship, right?”

“I can think of worse ways to spend an evening,” he agreed with a chuckle.  “But tell me, love, what do you think this will entail?  What kinds of dirty, kinky acts are you envisioning learning?”

“Uh.”  Buffy blushed.  “I – I guess, um.  Role playing?  And maybe different positions.  Or handcuffs and blindfolds.  And…”  Her voice fell to a whisper.  “Anal sex?”

William curled his tongue behind his teeth.  “Is that all?”

Oh, god.  _Is that all?_   There was more?  Okay, she’d heard of things like whips and chains and hot wax, but did people actually do that?  Well, obviously some did, but _Liam_?

Maybe Liam didn’t, but what if _Angelus_ did?  And hadn’t it sounded like they’d had threesomes together?  William was right.  She didn’t know what she was getting herself into.  “I – I don’t know,” she said.  “It’s not like I’m an expert on these things.  Pure and innocent vanilla-girl, here, remember?  You’re supposed to be telling me.”

He stood quickly and closed the distance between them, movements sinuous and cat-like, his eyes dark and heavy-lidded.  “Oh, Buffy.”  William’s voice deepened to a sound like dark chocolate, and she couldn’t help but shiver.  _This_ was the man who’d told her nothing was wrong in the bedroom.  “That’s just the introductory package, love.  An average night for plenty of folks.  You’ve barely touched on the things I know.  The things I can show you.”

William was so close, if she breathed just a little deeper, her breasts would rub against the fabric of his shirt.  One of his hands ghosted up and down her bare arm, making the tiny hairs stand on end, and she shivered again.  Her brain screamed at her to retreat, to back down from this dangerous game she was playing, but she took a breath and pretended to be somebody she was not.  Somebody brave and confident.  “I – I – Just because I don’t know what to ask for doesn’t mean I won’t like it.”

His irises disappeared into black of his pupils.  In a flash, he’d pulled her tight against him, and she could feel the evidence of his arousal against her belly.  Buffy sucked in a breath, knees trembling. 

“You’re playing with fire, little girl,” he whispered in her ear, breath hot against her skin.  With the tip of his tongue, he traced the shell of her ear.  “What if you find you don’t want to know all the things Angelus likes.  What if it’s too much for you?”

Buffy wormed her hands between their bodies, up to his chest, and pushed him away.  “I can always say no, can’t I?”

Instantly, his demeanor changed.  “’Course you can.  If you’re serious – if you really mean to do this – you’d be in charge.  I’d never coerce you into doing something you didn’t want.  Not saying I’m agreeing to your proposal, mind.  But if we did, it’d be your show.”

“So there you go.”  Buffy smiled in relief, though her knees still quaked.  “You can tell me what you think I should know, and I’ll tell you if I want to try it or not.”

He sighed.  “For the record, there’s nothing lacking about you the way you are now.  Liam’s the one what should be trying to earn your love, not the other way around.”

Just like that, Buffy’s feelings of inadequacy faded, at least a little.  Just enough to make her feel like she _could_ be interesting.  “I’m not doing this _just_ for him,” she said carefully, feeling out the truth of her statement.  “I want to know for me.  I want – more.  I want to know what I like, and I want to have fun learning how to play.  And what you call the introductory package?  Might be good enough for me.  Or maybe I’ll discover I’m a bad, dirty girl.  You never know.”  William snorted, and she laughed with him.  “So what do you say?”

“I say you’re something else, Buffy.  _And_ I say I need a drink.  You want one?”

“Oh boy, do I ever.”

 

*******

 

Apparently, William had brought an entire liquor store along with him to the wedding.  His earlier drunken behavior had faded into a kind of sobriety by the time they’d returned to his hotel room, but it didn’t take long for either of them to work up a buzz.  He had a good head start, and she was a cheap drunk.  By some unspoken agreement, neither of them mentioned Buffy’s proposal, instead sticking to inconsequential conversation.  They were well into of a bottle of whiskey before Buffy found the courage to ask, “ _Should_ I be getting tested for STDs?  And do you have anything I could catch?”

William choked around the mouth of the bottle he’d just upended. 

“What?  It’s a fair question.”

“Bit of a subject change.  Childhood pets to communicable diseases.  You need to give a bloke some warning, pet.” 

“Sorry.”

“Fair question, like you said.”  He used his shirttail to wipe his neck and face.  “I’m clean.  I take precautions.  Get tested regularly.  And unless Liam’s been dallying elsewhere, you should be safe.”

Buffy grabbed the bottle from him and took her own drink.  “Good.  Teach me something.”

“Now?”

“You need to make up a lesson plan first?”

“You’re _drunk_.”

“So?”  She could feel her lower lip creeping out.  “So are you.”

He frowned, trying to work that one out.  “Yeah, but…  Don’t want you to feel bad ‘bout anything tomorrow.  When the false courage wears off.”

Awww.  He was kinda sweet, for a pervert.  Mmm, sweet.  Sweet William.  Sweet kisses…  She stared at his lips, wishing he would kiss her again.  Now would be good.  Except he was still talking.

“…want to be able to remember…”

If he wouldn’t kiss her, then she’d have to take matters into her own hands.  She dropped the bottle and crawled across the couch to where he sat sprawled and loose-limbed, and climbed into his lap.  He shut up then, staring up at her, and Buffy cupped his face.  “You kiss good,” she said, and crashed her mouth to his.

William sighed and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her tighter, while his other hand cupped her face in return, thumb stroking her cheek.  His warm, whiskey-soaked tongue dueled with hers, and she moaned into his mouth.  With a grunt, he twisted them around, pressing her into the couch and covering her body with his.  Buffy twined her leg around his, shuddering when it allowed his hard length to rest between her legs.  She shuddered again when his hand slid from the bare skin of her calf up her leg, under the hem of her dress, until it rested on her hip.

“So soft,” he murmured against her mouth, then dragged his lips along her jaw and to her neck.  Buffy squirmed beneath him and buried her hands in his thick hair as he placed wet, open-mouthed kisses along the curve of her shoulder.  His fingers traced the lace of her panties, dipping below to feather over the skin of her buttocks.

She tugged at his hair and dragged his head upwards.  “More kisses.”  He obliged, nipping at her lips.

“I want to have you, Buffy.  Want to bury myself in you and make love to you all night long.”

_Yes, please_.  “O-okay.”

“But I won’t.”  He pushed himself up on stiff arms, and Buffy whimpered at the loss of contact.  She arched her pelvis upward, trying to reclaim the delicious friction that had disappeared.  “I meant it before.  We should wait ‘til we both have clear heads to make that decision.”  Buffy pouted at him, too lost in sensation to care about anything else at the moment, and William groaned.  “Bloody hell, woman, don’t show me that lip.”

“Wanna play,” she said.  “Wanna feel _good_ for a change.”

A slow smile spread across his face.  “That, I can do.” 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Dipping his head, William took possession of her mouth once more, kissing her languorously until she melted into a boneless puddle of goo.  “Keep your eyes closed,” he said, and Buffy felt him slip off the couch.

Within moments, he was back, the edge of the cushion dipping under his weight.  Buffy opened her eyes, and he waggled his finger at her.  “I said, keep them closed.” 

She slipped them shut with a soft sigh.  There was a clinking noise, followed by something that sounded like liquid being poured into a glass.  Buffy heard the tinkling noise once more, and then his lips were on hers.  “Mmm,” she said in approval, opening her mouth to him.  William’s tongue traced her teeth, and then her tongue.  His mouth tasted like alcohol, with a richer flavor than the whiskey they’d been drinking.  Something smoky and dark, with a hint of honey.  A moment later, there was only the sensation of cold, and Buffy realized he held an ice cube in his mouth.  Their tongues moved together, an alternating swirl of hot and cold, until the ice had melted completely.

“That’s nice,” she said.  “Can I open my eyes now?” 

“No.”

Buffy heard the clinking that signified William’s retrieval of another ice cube, but this time he kept his kisses chaste.  She could feel the cold water trickling into her mouth, and, impatient, she followed it back to its source until the tip of her tongue found the ice cube he held in the back of his cheek.  Unused to being so bold, she withdrew.  William nipped at her lower lip.  “You’re doing fine, love.  Do it again.  See if you can’t make the ice dance.”  She did as he asked, becoming the aggressor in their ballet, and when he popped an alcohol-flavored ice cube into her mouth she was quick to force it into his and follow it with her tongue.

The friction melted the ice quickly.  She held her mouth open like a baby bird, waiting for more, but William used the next one to trace her lips.  He followed the cold trail he’d made with the heat of his tongue, licking up the tiny rivulets that threatened escape.  It made her lips tingle and she bit at them, but he’d already moved on, creating a chilly path along her jaw line, her ears, and then down her neck to hollow of her clavicle.  The shock of the cold against her overheated skin caused it to goose bump while her voluntary sightlessness, and the unknown of where he would go next, had her nerves jangling.  Still, Buffy tipped her head and arched her neck to give him better access, enjoying the novel sensations.  She’d told him she wanted to play, to learn something new, and William was giving her exactly what she’d asked for.

He spent some time on the hollow of her neck, and then his weight shifted and he traced an icy path down her arm, down to her fingertips.  His lips followed, and he sucked her middle finger into his mouth, tongue tickling the fleshy base.  William repeated his actions in reverse, up the other arm, and ended on the swell of her breast, just above the bodice of her dress.  Buffy twisted her hands in the fabric of her skirt and moaned her appreciation of the slow, delicate stokes of his tongue against her skin.  He licked up the last of the moisture and moved off the couch, rustling around beside her.  She held her breath, wondering what was coming next.

“You have a choice now,” he said after a moment, and his voice sounded like honey in her ear.

“I do?”  She fluttered her eyes open, unable to take the suspense.  William was kneeling on the floor next to the couch, his heavy-lidded deep blue eyes staring down at her.  Buffy felt like she was drowning in those eyes, and she couldn’t tear her gaze away, not until the steady, rhythmic movement of his left arm captured her attention.  She turned her head, trying to see what he was doing, but he caught her chin with his other hand and smiled lazily at her.

“Always.”

_Always._   Buffy liked the sound of that.  “What’s my choice, then?”

“What happens now.”  He fished an ice cube out of the glass on the coffee table.  “Where this goes next.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she caught the implications of what he was asking.  She chewed on her lips, which had begun to tingle once more, and tried to form a coherent thought around the buzzing in her head.  “You’d know better than me,” she finally said.  “Wherever you think.”

He sucked the melting ice into his mouth, and the sight made Buffy wish he were sucking other things.  She squirmed, and he smiled, tongue poking between his teeth.  “This is your game, love.  Your call.”

“I want – more.”  She arched her back, breasts thrust upwards to indicate what she was too embarrassed to say.  Shuddering a little, William resumed the movements of his left arm, and Buffy realized she knew what he was doing by the look of intense pleasure on his face.  “Oh, god, are you -?”  Rather than disgusting her, the thought of him touching himself made her wetter.  She rubbed her thighs together and craned her neck, trying to see.

William stopped her with a cool kiss.  “Close those pretty eyes of yours.”

“Thought _I_ was in charge.”

“Of what we do and when to stop.  What you’re comfortable with.  But if you want me to be your teacher, Buffy, you have to mind me.”

“Or what?  You going to spank me?”  Oh, okay _wow_.  William definitely was into that, judging by the lust-filled look on his face and the increased pace of his stroking.  It was the only answer she needed.  “N-never mind,” she squeaked, and quickly squeezed her eyes shut.

He chuckled.  “Good girl.”

“Not a girl.  I’m twenty-four.  And you’re not that much older than me.”  She cracked one eye open.  “Are you?”

“Got three years on you.  So mind your elders.”  He winked at her, and Buffy laughed and surrendered to sightlessness once more.

Nothing happened for several long seconds and she was tempted to sneak a peek, but then she felt a chilled finger trace the neckline of her dress, right where it met the tops of her breasts.  William’s fingers dipped below the edge, and Buffy arched up with a whimper, wanting them lower yet.  “Hold on,” he said, and rolled her slightly to get at the zipper on the back of her dress.  With a snick, the tight bodice came loose.  He let her fall back before slowly peeling the dress down until her torso was bared to the cool air of the room.  Buffy’s nipples, already tight, puckered further under the imagined weight of his gaze.

“Beautiful,” William whispered, and brushed the tight buds with his fingertips.  Buffy quivered, and had to squeeze her eyes tightly to keep from looking at him.  She didn’t want to give him any reason to stop what he was doing. 

A moment later, she heard the chinking of the glass of ice, and she sucked in her breath in anticipation.  He didn’t disappoint.  The feel of cold ice against her nipple was almost more than she could bear.  William started at the puckered tip, drawing lazy, every-widening circles around her breast.  The droplets from the melting ice tickled as they rolled away, down her side, up to her shoulders, and towards her belly button.  Once again, he held the ice to the same nipple, chilling it further, then dragged it across the valley of her breasts to the other side.  At the same time as the ice slid over her far nipple, William sucked the one closest to him into his mouth, and Buffy gasped at the contrast.

“Oh, god,” she said, and she had to bury her hands in his hair and pull him closer.  “Don’t stop!”

William groaned.  “Not a chance.”  His tongue flicked across the tight bud, and it sent a bolt of pleasure straight to her clit, making her jerk underneath him.  He continued to tease her sensitized breasts with both ice and tongue, occasionally feeding an alcohol-sweetened ice cube into her gasping mouth.  After several minutes of this, Buffy had been reduced to nothing more than a twitching, incoherent mess.

She wasn’t prepared for what he did next.  Before she could register what was happening, William had slid the hem of her dress upward, up to her hips.  He dragged an ice cube from the back of her knee to her panties in one quick, bold stroke.  The shock of the frigid wetness gliding along the thin silk of her already damp panties, up her cleft and over her clitoris, made Buffy squeal and buck beneath him.  He slid an arm under her back and held her lower body in the air with a firm grip, one she quickly discovered didn’t allow for any wriggling.  For a brief moment, he circled her throbbing clit with the ice, which made her gasp and squirm futilely.  Just as she was about to beg him to stop, he covered her mound with his mouth and sucked at her swollen, aching nub through her wet panties.  Her extremities began to tingle, and her head buzzed, and she was fairly certain she couldn’t even remember her name at that moment.

Still holding her aloft, William climbed onto the couch, between her legs.  Buffy cried out, pleading for him to take her over the edge, all her muscles tense and straining towards the release she was desperate for.  He tongued her through panties, and when he reached up and pinched one of her nipples, Buffy screamed and came in a rush of sensation.  Dimly, she was aware of William lowering her body, and then something hard thrusting against her, sliding along her underwear.  He gasped and shuddered against her, and the inside of her thigh felt distinctly sticky.

It was a long while before she could summon the energy to speak.  Liam had been a considerate lover who had never left her wanting, but the way William had devoured her, even through her clothing, had been something else.  Something raw and primal.  Buffy lay there limply, waiting for her fingers and toes to stop tingling, one leg trapped against the back of the couch by a slumped-over William.  “Can I open my eyes now?” she asked.  He chuckled, but didn’t move, and she found she still didn’t have the strength to move either. 

A moment later, he shifted, and she looked up just in time to see him scooping her up.  “What’re your feelings on cuddling?” he said, and she had to work hard to understand what he was asking.

“Highly in favor of it.”  She rubbed her cheek against his half-bared chest.  “Why?”

His arms tightened around her as he walked.  “Wanted to know if I could hold you while we sleep.”

The thought that he could be awfully sweet returned.  “Highly in favor of sleep, too.  Although cleaning up might be a good first step.”  Buffy glanced down at her bared torso and twitched her lips.  “And a shirt to sleep in would not go unappreciated.”

William raked his gaze along her exposed breasts, and his soft, satisfied expression turned lustful once more.  “On the other hand…”  Still moving towards the bed, he dipped his head to capture her mouth, and Buffy couldn’t help the contented sigh that escaped.  He looked down at her with dark eyes, and she held her breath.  “Still feeling a mite tanked,” he said ruefully.  “Though that could be from coming so damn hard, I thought my balls were going to turn inside out.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose.  “Nice imagery.”

“It’s a compliment,” he said.  “You’re… fucking hell, that was incredible.”

“Really?”  She couldn’t imagine it.  All he’d done was pleasure her, and Buffy wasn’t naïve enough to think ice play even bordered on the kinds of kinky acts William probably enjoyed.  No matter how it had rocked her world, it had to have been boring for him, what with all the experiences he’d had.  “For you too?”

“Trust me, love.  I hope to hell I’m not too sloshed to remember this night, because it was bloody amazing.”  He spoke over her protests.  “It’s not just the actions that make for a good tumble.  It’s the person you’re doing it with.  The chemistry.  The responsiveness.  You’ve got that in spades.”

“Well, what you did was…”  She couldn’t think of a good enough adjective.  “Wow?  And when can we do it again?”

William sat on the bed with her in his lap and pulled her close, his lips resting on the crown of her head.  “It was a good first lesson, then?” he asked, and to Buffy’s surprise, he sounded unsure.  How could he possibly doubt his talents?

“It was perfect.”  She traced his shoulder with her fingertips.  “When you say first, does that mean there’ll be more?”

“If you want.”

Buffy didn’t even have to think about it.  “Oh, I want.  Trust me, I want.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

William watched the small blonde sleeping next to him, her head resting on his crooked arm.  Her lips were parted, and a tendril of hair had caught in the corner of her mouth.  He wanted to reach out and brush it away, but he wanted even more not to wake her.

The words she’d spoken just before she’d fallen asleep last night replayed in his mind.  _Thank you for making me feel desirable, William.  And interesting._   He’d been right on the cusp of unconsciousness when she’d spoken and didn’t know if she’d even meant for him to hear her whispered declaration.  Either way, it had jerked him back to full alertness, but when he’d made to protest that she _was_ desirable and interesting, he’d realized she was already asleep.

Remembering now, he felt the urge to deck Liam once more.  He’d left this beautiful woman with a mess of insecurities and a low sense of self-worth, and his anger burned deep inside.  William knew too well what it was like to be uncertain of yourself, to think you were unworthy of the opposite sex.  Unable to resist the feeling of tenderness that welled up, he brushed her hair out of her face.  She stirred and mumbled, but didn’t wake, and he resumed watching her with a slight smile on his face.

What Buffy didn’t realize was that she’d given him something in return.  Dru, bless her crazy, broken self, loved him as best she could.  He knew it, and accepted it, and even didn’t mind it most of the time.  But her love had always come at a price and an expectation for him to perform.  To fulfill the role she’d chosen for him, which, frankly, wasn’t really _him_.  It had been a relief to just be himself with Buffy last night, and to be accepted and appreciated as he was.  True, he’d stepped into the role of teacher for her, but he’d still felt more himself than he had in a long time.  There was a simplicity to her company he hadn’t realized he’d been missing.  With Dru, everything was a game.   _Everything._   And half the time, William didn’t even know the rules.  Buffy didn’t seem the sort to play games, at least not with his head, and for the first time, he began to understand that his relationship with Dru maybe wasn’t enough for him.  That Drusilla forcing him out was a blessing in disguise.

His feelings towards Buffy hadn’t changed, though.  Like Liam, he still felt fiercely protective of her sweetness and innocence.  He suspected any man would feel the same after having been with Drusilla.  Unlike her ex, however, he didn’t think keeping Buffy caged was the best way to protect her.  There was a strong woman inside, a playful woman, who was yearning to break free.  There was nothing that said she couldn’t be more sexually confident without remaining sweet.  It was a fine line, but he thought he could walk it with her.  At least, that was what he told himself.  He was certainly more than willing to try.

Buffy stirred, cutting his musings short.  She stretched, and then her eyes popped open, inches from his own.  “Oh.  Hi.”

“Hi yourself.”

She smiled shyly.  “Wow, I slept great.”

William chose to take that as a compliment.  It meant either he’d relieved her heartache for a short while, or she trusted him enough to sleep soundly next to him.  Maybe both.  He liked the idea of both.  He grinned in return.  “No nasty headache?”

Buffy rolled her tongue about her mouth, then bobbled her head.  “Just a little one.  I think your hangover prevention worked.  And let me tell you, I’m appreciating it right now.  In fact, I’m starving.”

“The hotel has Sunday brunch.”

“That sounds – oh!  What time is it?  When do you have to check out?”

“Relax.  I called down early this morning and booked the room for another day so there’d be no need to rush.”

Her eyes softened.  “Good idea.  I have one other problem, though.”

“Which is?”

“No spare clothes.  Wasn’t planning to spend the night, and I don’t think I can wear my dress again,” she said, nose wrinkling.  “It’s, um…  It needs cleaning.”

William debated with himself for a moment before answering.  “Let me preface what I’m about to say by reminding you I’m used to caring for a crazy woman who often couldn’t care properly for herself.  Which means I’m used to anticipating needs, and not as sinister as you might think.”  Buffy waited for him to continue, nose wrinkled once more.  “Right.  I also asked the concierge to pick you up some clothes.”

“It’s still a little creepy,” she said.  “And, they’ll do that?”

“A hotel like this?  Anything’s available for a price.”

Buffy sat up quickly.  “I – I’m not really comfortable with you spending that kind of money on me.  Extending your reservation, and now clothes – it’s too much.  Thank you, but-”

“Not my money I’m spending.”

Eyeing him cautiously, she said, “Whose, then?  Also, not really sure that’s any better?”

He sighed.  “Dru booked the room.  Everything’s going on her tab, and if there’s one thing she’s got, it’s money to spare.  She’ll not even notice.”

Buffy stared at him, her mouth open in shock.  “She – booked your room?  To come to _her_ wedding reception, after she dumped you and married somebody else?”  She scooted farther back.  “Okay, now that is _super_ creepy.  And weird.  And – I don’t even want to think about it.”

When she put it like that, William realized how strange it did sound.  He sat up as well, cheeks burning.  “I…”  How to explain?  He suspected any attempts would only dig a deeper hole.  “Par for the course with Drusilla,” he muttered.  He twisted the sheets between his hands, afraid to look up and see her disgusted expression.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I forget sometimes others aren’t used to the way we do – did – things.  Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Buffy.”  A quick glance showed she was as far away as she could get without falling off the bed.  “If it makes it any better, she wouldn’t be happy if she found out I was spending her money on you.”  Buffy gurgled, and did fall then. 

She didn’t reappear, and William leaned over.  She was just sitting on the floor, in nothing but his t-shirt and her panties, staring into the distance.  “Buffy?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m – processing,” she said, refusing to look at him.

“Oh.  Okay.”  He didn’t know what else to say, or if he should even try.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, William, but at times like this?  I _really_ don’t know what to make of you.”  She finally looked up at him.  “You _know_ that’s not normal, right?  Or healthy?”

He supposed it wasn’t, although to be fair, he hadn’t given it any thought.  It _was_ normal for Dru.  William grimaced.  Once upon a time, he probably would have found the situation as revolting as Buffy did.  Sometime before the last seven years of his life.  For a moment, he was glad his mother had passed away and had never seen what he’d chosen to do with his love life.  She most definitely wouldn’t have approved.

“I – I guess it’s not.  Would you feel better if I paid for everything myself?”

“No.  I was opposed to you paying for me in general, remember?”

William scowled, unsure of how to fix the mess he’d inadvertently created.  “What can I do, then?  ‘Cause to be honest, I have no sodding clue.”

“Right with you on that one.  I have no idea either.  What I _do_ know is I’m going to take a long, hot shower.  We can figure it out after.”  With that, she scurried off, leaving him to his remorse and confusion.

 

*******

 

_He’s a psycho.  I slept with a psycho.  A weird, creepy psycho._

A weird, creepy, sort of sweet psycho, who hadn’t meant any harm.  William just…  Buffy stood under the hot spray and tried to find an ending to that sentence which rang true.  Just didn’t know what normal was?  Just wasn’t used to interacting with sane people? 

Did that make him any safer to be around?

Okay, so he hadn’t killed her in her sleep, which he totally could have.  He hadn’t done anything untoward, really.  So why was she so freaked out?

_Because it’s not normal,_ her mind insisted.  And no, it wasn’t.  But he wasn’t torturing small animals, so far as she knew, or anything else morally reprehensible.  He didn’t strike her as a bad man, only a... different... one.  By the time she’d stepped out of the shower, she’d decided to let it go.  And hell, it did give her a little thrill to know she was bilking Drusilla, even if it was only a drop in the bucket to the other woman.

After wrapping her hair in a fluffy white towel, and her body in an even fluffier robe, she poked her head out the door.  “William?”

He was there in a flash.  “Yeah, love?”

“Any chance I can still get those clothes?”

The worried crease on his forehead disappeared.  “’Course.  Hold on a tic.”

She shut the door and dried her hair, humming to herself.  When William rapped at the door she flashed him a smile, and he gave her a relieved one in return.  “Thanks.  Do you want to trade?  You can shower while I get dressed out there.”

He nodded, and they switched.  For a brief moment, Buffy considered joining him in the bathroom – she’d only seen part of his chest last night, and the gym shorts and t-shirt he’d worn to bed had offered her tantalizing glimpses of his arm muscles and well-shaped legs.  She was anxious to find out if the rest of his body looked as good as it had felt up against her when they’d curled up together and gone to sleep.  With a sigh, she decided any further naked fun time would be best put off until the current awkwardness had passed.  If it passed.  In the light of day, without the haze of alcohol or immediate pain of rejection, she wasn’t quite as certain of her plan to have William be her guide to all things erotic.  Was she really ready to be that girl?  Especially with a man who, quite frankly, made her a little bit nervous?

The shower began to run, and Buffy examined the clothes laid out on the bed.  She was surprised to see they were pretty and tasteful – a cream pair of slacks paired with a pale green knit shirt, along with a simple set of cotton undergarments.  There was even a plain pair of flats.  A quick check of the tags revealed William had guessed her size, and she shook her head.  Luckily toiletries weren’t an issue; she’d stocked her purse with everything she might need to stay daisy-fresh and perfectly coiffed for the reception.  When William stepped out of the bathroom she was ready except for her hair, and by the look on his face, he was as pleased with the clothes he’d ordered for her as she was.

“You said something about brunch?” Buffy asked as she moved past him, heading for the hairdryer. 

“The hotel’s Sunday brunch is supposed to be excellent.  Did you want to go?”

“Is it going on your crazy ex-girlfriend’s tab?”

William fidgeted and didn’t respond right away.  Buffy had to suppress a giggle at the expression on his face as he tried to work out which answer would offend her least.  “Can.  Doesn’t have to.”

“Way I figure it,” she said, “it can’t possibly make up for ruining our lives.  But it’s a good start, don’t you think?”

He laughed, and his happy, relieved smile reached all the way to his blue eyes, making them dance with mischief.  Buffy caught her breath as she realized just how handsome he was.  _Damn_.  It wouldn’t be any hardship waking up to _that_ face every morning, she thought.  She gave him an answering smile and busied herself drying her hair.

 

*******

 

Though Buffy considered herself firmly middle-class, she was used to Liam treating her to the finer things in life, so the opulence of the hotel brunch banquet wasn’t overwhelming to her.  What might have overwhelmed her, had William not had her laughing all the way from his room to the brunch, was the sight of Liam and his bride already seated in the dining area.  The newlyweds both narrowed their eyes at Buffy and William, and Liam’s expression could only be described as devastated.

_Well, good,_ Buffy thought.  _Serves him right._  

Despite the automatic burst of pain the sight of her ex evoked, he couldn’t completely ruin her mood.  She managed a perky finger waggle at the couple before turning away. 

“We can leave,” William said lowly.  “If it’s too much.”

“What was it you said last night?  We run and Drusilla wins?”  She tossed her hair and followed the hostess without a backwards glance, head held high.

William grinned at her when they’d sat.  “Love seeing you hold your own, pet.”

She grinned in return.  “Me too.  It’s a lot easier with you around, you know.  Knowing I’m not going through this on my own.”  They commiserated in silence for a moment, both of them trying not to look in the direction of the newlyweds.  “So, food?”

“After you,” he said, sweeping his arm out.

Buffy headed for the buffet line and piled her plate high, unable to choose between the various offerings.  William followed behind.  When they reached the table, he hurried around to pull her chair out for her then stiffened, staring over her shoulder.

“What is it?”

“We have company.”

She sat and took a deep breath, preparing herself for a confrontation, and looked up just in time to see Liam and Drusilla approaching their table.  “Good morning,” she said cheerfully. 

Liam raised an eyebrow at her heaped plate, an amused smile on his face.  “Hungry, Buff?”

“Starving.  There was some vigorous calorie burning going on last night.”

His smile vanished, and Buffy had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from snickering at the sour expression that replaced it.  William wasn’t quite as circumspect.  A snort escaped him, and then he said, “Liam.  Drusilla.  And how was the lovely couple’s night?”

Drusilla trailed a finger up William’s arm and whispered something in his ear, and Buffy had to repress the urge to slap the other woman.  William wasn’t really hers.  She was just borrowing him until Liam wised up, and then she’d be back with the man she loved while William would return to Drusilla.  The thought left her surprisingly listless.  Buffy wasn’t quite as sure it was what she wanted as she had been only yesterday. 

But still, it wasn’t her place to be upset.  Was it?

She watched William carefully, trying to gauge his reaction to whatever his ex was saying to him.  For the briefest moment, his entire face tightened, and then his easy smile returned.  “Glad it lived up to your expectations.”

Drusilla turned to Buffy.  “Would you like to join us for breakfast?  Everybody’s such good friends but you and me.  We should fix that.  Trade stories about our boys.”

From behind Drusilla, Liam shook his head frantically, his brown eyes round as saucers.  Buffy almost said yes just to prolong his look of wide-eyed panic.  He deserved whatever distress such a conversation would cause, but she knew it would be just as painful for her – probably worse.  “Such a tempting offer, but I’ll have to decline.  I wanted to thank you, though, for seating me and William next to each other at your reception.  He’s a wonderful companion.  I’ve really been enjoying myself.”

William sat forward and took her hand.  “Not as much as I have.”  He smiled his intense smile at her, and it was easy to pretend she had eyes for nobody but him.

“Shame,” Drusilla said.  She retrieved something from her pocket, and William’s grip on her hand tightened to the point of pain.  “We could have had such fun.”  Drusilla did something to whatever she held, and instantly Liam jerked, his eyes returning to their previous wide and round state.  William and Dru both snickered, while Liam stood rigid.

“It was nice to see you, Buffy.  William.”  He turned and walked stiffly away, twitching every few steps.  Buffy watched him go, her eyes equally wide. 

What had Drusilla done?

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

William continued to laugh with Dru, and Buffy withdrew her hand from his, bright red with humiliation.  She had no idea what was going on, but she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by the man who’d been her support until now. 

The man who was ignoring her and laughing with her enemy. 

Eyes glittering, Drusilla cocked her head and smiled.  “Ooh, look,” she cooed.  “The dolly is feeling left out.  Did you want to play too, dolly?”

Buffy blinked back tears, furious with William for putting her in this predicament, and even more furious with herself for feeling so inferior to the crazy woman.  She clenched her jaw, not trusting her voice.

“Come, my William.  You’ve had your time with the sunshine.  Leave the little girl to her Barbies and be with us; we’ll give you what you desire.”  She threw a glance over her shoulder, at Liam, and looked back.  “Our naughty Daddy is getting his right now.”

William grabbed Buffy’s hand back and wouldn’t let go when she tried to jerk away.  “Sorry, love, but I’ve already got what I desire right here.”

“You’re not done playing?”

“Not playing, Dru.  Lucky for me, Liam screwed up.  Now I get the prize, and he’s left with you.”

Drusilla hissed.  “Naughty.  Maybe I won’t take you back when you tire of her.”

Buffy cleared her throat, fed up with being ignored and spoken about like a small child, or worse, a toy.  “Maybe I don’t know all your sick games, you psycho bitch, but at least I don’t need to trick people into staying with me with fake pregnancies.”  She freed her hand with a fierce yank and stood.  Turning to include William in her glare, she added, “And I’m not a prize in some competition between the three of you.  _Sane_ people don’t play head games with each other.”

She whirled away and crossed the restaurant quickly, done with the strange sexcapade world she’d been dragged into.  So what if it made her less of a woman.  She wasn’t cut out for this weird shit, and there was no shame in admitting it.

Before she could complete her bitter retreat, a large hand fell on her upper arm.  “Buffy,” William said.  “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged him off.  “So am I.”

“Please, come back.  You haven’t even eaten.”

“Strangely enough, my appetite’s gone.  Thank you for everything, but I can’t do this anymore, William.  It’s not me.  You were right about that.”

His eyes were soft and understanding.  “You _are_ a prize, you know.  A treasure.  Experienced or not, it doesn’t matter.  What makes you worth knowing is here.”  He touched her chest with his fingertips, right over her heart.

“I –”

“Please don’t leave.  I...”  He looked down.  “I was looking forward to spending more time with you.  It wasn’t just a line for Drusilla.”  Buffy hesitated, torn.  “You can’t let her win now,” he added.  “You’re made of stronger stuff than that, pet.  And she’s the one who should be running from you.”

“So you’re back on my side again?”

“I always was.”

Buffy grimaced.  His perceived betrayal still stung, and she couldn’t quite forgive him.  “Sure didn’t feel like it when the pair of you were sharing a moment.”

“Oh, pet.  That’s not – look, it was just funny.  Didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“ _I_ didn’t think it was funny.  I still don’t.”  She looked over to the other couple’s table, but Liam seemed to be behaving normally now, if a little subdued.

“If I explain, will you come sit down?”

Did she want to know?  Buffy wasn’t sure.  A part of her was curious, but the bigger part of her still felt like she ought to be running away from these freaks as fast as her legs could take her, before she ended up sick and twisted like them.

William seemed to sense her hesitancy.  “Or just come eat.  It’d be a shame to miss out on food like this.”

Buffy’s appetite hadn’t returned, but she let him lead her back to their table.  At the very least, he was right about not letting Dru chase her off.  The newlyweds watched them cross the room but didn’t do anything other than return to their own meals, and Buffy let out her breath.  Maybe now that Dru had won a round, she’d leave them alone.

They sat in silence, and Buffy poked at her cold food.  William stared down at his plate, quiet, and the tension was so thick she regretted letting him persuade her to stay.

“Maybe I should just go –” Buffy began.  William looked up, and to her surprise, his eyes glistened with unshed tears.  “What?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly.

“William –”

He sighed.  “You’re right.  Sane people don’t play the kinds of mind games we do.  It’s not – once upon a time, I was like you.  An innocent.  And now – seeing myself through your eyes, I don’t like what I’ve become.  I’m the one who should be learning from you, not the other way around.”

Buffy didn’t respond.  She pushed her food around, not sure what to make of his statement, while he resumed staring at his own plate.  “Maybe we can learn from each other,” she said finally.  “Maybe – I don’t know.  Maybe we were meant to meet.  Help each other become the person we’re intended to be.”  She emitted a high-pitched, nervous laugh.  “Don’t listen to me, that’s just stupid.”

“No it’s not,” he said without hesitation. 

“It’s not?”

“No.”

“Oh.”  She glanced over at the other table again.  Liam was staring at Drusilla, his hands gripping the edge of the table.  Buffy couldn’t tell from across the room, but she would’ve been willing to bet his knuckles were white.  Drusilla, on the other hand, was eating her meal as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, and Buffy’s curiosity got the better of her.  She jerked her head towards the newlyweds.  “Okay.  Explain.”

William looked their way, and a smirk stole over his face.  “It’s a remote controlled vibrator.”

A _vibrator_?  “But he’s a – he doesn’t have a place to, you know…  Put one.”

His smirk deepened.  “Oh yes he does.  Your honey’s getting a prostate massage.”

“Oh!”  Buffy wasn’t sure how she felt about that.  She blushed furiously, still watching her ex out of the corner of her eye.  Drusilla flicked her wrist and Liam sagged, a look of relief on his face.  “Did he just…?”

“Nah.  Doubtful she’ll let him reach his big finish.  She likes to torture.  It’s actually a lot of… er…”

“A lot of?”

His expression turned sheepish.  “Fun.”

“Getting a… massage?”

He curled his tongue.  “That too.  The remote, though.  Imagine getting hit with a burst of pleasure whenever you least expect it, and you can’t say or do anything about it.  Or trying to maintain a straight face when you’re experiencing the big O in a roomful of people.”

“It sounds like torture,” Buffy said.

“Can be.  Depends how sadistic the remote-bearer is.  Imagine this, though.  You’re at a party, talking to a stodgy old wanker.  If you’ve got a considerate partner, they’ll perk you up a little.  Help you to stay awake.”

“Um…”

“And if it’s the right kind of party, you can play a brilliant game.  Bit like Assassin, except you have to guess who’s got the remote.”

Buffy gaped at him.  “That’s just…”

“Kinky?”  He waggled his eyebrows, unrepentant.

“I was going to go with weird, but kinky will do.” 

What would it be like, not knowing who was pleasuring you remotely?  She tried to imagine it, and failed.  She couldn’t even imagine being in the buffet line, William behind her, giving her little jolts of –

Okay, maybe she could imagine that.  Buffy watched Liam, who was calmly eating, and wondered what it would be like to be on the other end.  To be able to make your lover orgasm in a room full of people without even touching him, and without anybody else knowing what you were doing.  Her cheeks flamed, and she grabbed the glass of half-melted ice water and rolled it across her face.  Looked like she had a bit of a kinky streak in her after all.  If a little remote-controlled pleasure was the kind of thing Liam liked, she could handle that.  No problem.  As long as you weren’t trying to humiliate the other person, Buffy could see how it would be a lot of fun.  What would have seemed perverted yesterday she found exciting today, if only because she knew it would make the man she loved happy.

To cover her rush of arousal, she gestured to her food.  “It’s gone all cold and yucky.  I’m going to go get a fresh plate.”  She hurried back into the line but didn’t get far before she felt a different hand on her arm, a small, feminine one.  Buffy tensed, but didn’t turn around. 

It didn’t make any difference to Drusilla.  She spoke in a low, angry hiss in Buffy’s ear.  “Didn’t have to trick Liam.  He came to me, after he tired of playing with children.  You think he’s yours, but until you grow up and join the adults at the table, you’ll never have him.  Something tells me it won’t be for a long time yet.  You play at sweetness and light, sunshine, but the truth is you’re too stuck up to learn how to please a man properly.  And that’s why they’ll always leave you in the end.” 

Buffy gripped the counter in front of her, breath coming in short, painful wheezes.  A fading rustle told her the other woman had left, but she didn’t look behind to confirm what her ears told her.  Instead, she fled to the restroom, nails digging into her palms.  She locked herself in the stall and gave in to the pain, sobbing in a way she hadn’t done since Liam had first left her.

Somehow, Drusilla had known the exact words to make it hurt the most.  Reminding Buffy of why Liam had been cheating on her in the first place was predictable and effective on its own, but it was the crazy woman’s final words that had Buffy breaking down in a bathroom stall.

_They’ll always leave you in the end._

Because it wasn’t just Liam who had left her, was it?  She’d avoided making the connections, but she couldn’t help it now.  Not with Drusilla’s invective ringing in her ears.  She shut her eyes and even covered them with her hands, but it didn’t stop the images from forming.

In her mind’s eye, her first serious boyfriend appeared.  Handsome, sweet, open-faced Riley, who had been the perfect boyfriend her final two years of high school.  He’d never pushed Buffy for more than she was ready to give, always told her he was happy to wait until she was ready, and meanwhile satisfied his carnal urges with prostitutes.  She’d caught him at it one night, and shocked, hadn’t confronted him.  Maybe, she’d told herself, it was a one-time thing.  Men had needs, right?  Once was forgivable. 

Once or twice a week, not so much.  After a month of following her boyfriend, Buffy had called him on his behavior.  Riley hadn’t denied what he was doing, and hadn’t blamed her for his actions, but he hadn’t exactly _not_ blamed her.  She’d been left wondering if his infidelity was somehow her fault, and while he hadn’t technically left her, she couldn’t claim to have been sufficient for him either.

She rubbed her burning eyes, and Parker’s visage replaced Riley’s.  A brand new freshman at UC Sunnydale, she’d been thrilled when the good-looking, dark-haired upperclassman had noticed her, and even more ecstatic when he’d pursued her.  Night after night, they’d talked until almost dawn; profound, meaningful conversations, just as she’d always imagined herself doing in college.  Buffy had been sure they’d shared a deep connection, and there’d been no lingering courtship this time.  After only a few weeks, she’d gladly given Parker her virginity on what she’d thought was the most beautiful, romantic night of her life.

They’d parted with the usual, “I’ll call you soon.”  It had been the last Buffy had seen of him until, tired of waiting for a phone call that wasn’t forthcoming, she’d taken the initiative and gone to his dorm room to wait for him.  A girl clad in next to nothing had opened the door, and that had been the end of that.  Over the next few months, it had become obvious Parker went through ‘girlfriends’ the way some people went through tissues, and Buffy had written him off as a jerk who had taken advantage of her naivety and youth.  But now, a part of her couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it _had_ been her, and not him.  Maybe, if she’d been more experienced, more _something_ , Parker would have wanted to stay with her.

And then came Liam, who completed the trio of men who’d found somebody else’s charms more alluring than her own.  It was enough to make a girl more than a little unsure of herself.  The three of them danced in her head, taunting her, and Buffy forced herself to remember Drusilla was winning yet another round. 

With a shuddering breath, she dried her eyes and blew her nose.  She exited the stall and splashed some cold water on her face, then stood in front of the mirror, staring at herself.  She knew she was pretty enough, and the many friends she had seemed to like her too.  Buffy Summers was the kind of woman others described as sweet, funny, and a good person.  But what good was sweet and funny and kind?  It wasn’t enough for her anymore.  She didn’t want to be the girl who was left for another woman; Buffy wanted to _be_ the other woman.  The one with the skills to keep a man’s interest, the one with the power to make a man stay.  Her plan of the night before suddenly seemed like a good one after all. 

She could learn these skills.

And William was just the man to teach her.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my betas, BBE, Spuffy Noelle, and MargueriteDaisy. Extra thanks to MD for pointing out those silly typos you miss no matter how obsessively you edit.

 

William saw Dru approach Buffy, saw Buffy run off in the direction of the restrooms while Dru made her way over to the omelet station.  He launched himself out of his chair and stormed over to where Liam sat, back turned to the buffet area, oblivious.

“You need to keep a bloody leash on your _wife_ , you idiot.”  Liam looked up, surprised and confused, and William didn’t give him the chance to speak the question on his face.  “Do you care so little for your ex?  Or are you just that daft?  You can’t leave Dru to wander off, not with Buffy around.”

Liam craned his neck around, scanning the buffet, a frown upon his handsome face.  “What are you talking about?  Dru’s right over there.”

“And so was Buffy a moment ago, until Dru happened on her.  God knows what she said to the poor woman, but now she’s run off again.”  William shook his head in disgust.  “I should’ve known better too.  Gone with her.  Run interference.”

“Shit.”  Liam rose, his face white.  “I keep thinking things’ll be normal now, with the baby and being married.  That we’ll be an average – sort of average – married couple.  But it’s never going to happen, is it?”

William snorted.  “Says the man with the vibrating ass.  Normal?  Not in this lifetime, mate.  You always gotta be on your toes with that one.”

“ _Shit_ ,” he repeated, gazing at his bride’s back.  “I’ve got to hand it to you, Spike, I have no clue how you stayed with Drusilla for so long.  You know I’ll do whatever it takes, but I forgot what it’s like.  Especially after…”

“After you had proper normal and fucked it up?”

“Yeah.”  He fixed accusing brown eyes on William.  “So, Buffy.  She stayed the night.  With _you_.”

“None of your business, mate.  You’re the one who left her.”

Liam stared down at him, trying to intimidate him, but William held his ground.  He wasn’t the one in the wrong here.  Liam seemed to realize it, too.  He sagged back into his chair.  “How is she?  Is she okay?”

“Okay is such a vague word.  She’s coping.  She has more strength than she knows.”  William considered telling him the truth about Dru’s subterfuge, but decided he’d find out soon enough.  He deserved to sweat it for a while.  Realize just what he’d lost.  That way, if Buffy did take the cheating sod back after his mockery of a marriage fell apart, maybe Liam would appreciate her properly.  Stay faithful.  He glared at the other man.  “Just worry ‘bout Dru, all right?  Don’t screw that up too.”

He turned on his heel, not sure whether to poke his head in the restroom and check on Buffy or wait for her at the table.  Waiting her out won, though he was hard pressed to sit still.  He drummed his fingers on the edge of his plate, and bounced his leg under the table, poised to leap up at any moment.  Twice he rose and forced himself to be seated once more.  As long as Dru stayed away from the restrooms, he’d let Buffy have her privacy.  She’d come out when she was ready.  He hoped.

And there she was.  Head held high, she made her way to him, her poise confident.  William could see the telltale signs of tears as she came closer, but she smiled brightly, and he grinned in return.

“Come on,” he said, taking her arm and leading her back to the food.  “We’re going to get you fed yet.”  Buffy glanced over her shoulder and William, glancing with her, saw Drusilla and Liam together at their table, Liam’s hand on his wife’s shoulder. 

“I don’t need you guys to protect me,” she said.  “She’s done her worst.  I’m not afraid of her anymore.”

“Glad to hear it.”  Still, he stayed with her, encouraging her to pile her plate with delicacies by filling one of his own.

They’d barely sat when Buffy said in a matter-of-fact voice, “So.  Say you didn’t have a remote-controlled vibrator handy.  What other kind of kinky fun could you have in a public place like this?”  William was glad she’d spoken before he’d taken his first bite, otherwise he might’ve sprayed his food into her face like some wide-eyed virgin.

He took a moment to compose himself before answering, cloaking himself in the mantle of _‘expert’_ Buffy expected him to be. “The most obvious is to play footsie under the table.  With wandering feet, of course.”

She nodded.  “Thought of that.  And, of course, being suggestive with your food.”  Buffy picked up a sausage and _almost_ demonstrated, though her cheeks flamed and she couldn’t quite go through with it.  William held his smile in, enchanted by how absolutely adorable she looked but certain she wouldn’t appreciate him being amused at her expense.

“Nice, love.”  He leered at her, chose a cherry danish from his plate, and thrust his tongue into the filling.  Eyes half-closed, he swirled his tongue, moaning low in his throat.

Buffy’s blush crept down her neck, while her eyes grew huge.  She made a sputtering noise.  “Oh.  My.  God.  Stop it!”

Ignoring her plea, he drove a pair of fingers into filing, pushing them in and out in a suggestive manner, then slowly withdrew and cleaned the stickiness off with delicate flicks of his tongue.  “Delicious.”  She peeked at him from between her fingers, breathing heavily, and William winked and made a show of licking all the cherry filling from his lips.

“Okay, yep, food is erotic,” she squeaked, and fuck if he didn’t want to eat her up too, she was so damned cute.

He dropped his voice to a low rumble.  “That’s not all you can do with food.”

“It’s not?”

“’Course not.  I could feed you, and you me.”  He picked up a strawberry and held it out to her.  “Go on, have a nibble.”  Buffy leaned forward and ate it in tiny bites, her lips just grazing his fingers, her eyes never leaving on his.  William had managed to hold his attraction to the small blonde at bay for most of the morning, but it came rushing back now at the feel of her soft lips brushing against his skin.  He shifted a little in his chair, and shifted again when that didn’t relieve the pressure.

“Now you do me,” he said.  Buffy licked her lips, but she gamely plucked a strawberry from his plate and thrust it towards his face.  Rather than nibble at it, he enveloped both fruit and fingers in his mouth, tongue sliding against her fingertips with deliberate sluggishness.  He used his tongue to mash the strawberry to a pulp against Buffy’s quivering digits, then chased the juice as it trickled towards her palm.  She whimpered, and he had to physically adjust himself before something was permanently damaged.  When she snatched her hand back, then licked up a bit of pulp he’d missed, eyes still fixed on his, he groaned.  “Yeah.  Think you’re getting the hang of it.”

She dropped her gaze to her plate and tore into her food with a sudden gusto.  “Mmm.  Look at all this goodness,” she said.  “I am _starved_.” 

William chuckled and let her pretend she hadn’t been affected by their little dance.  He waited until her plate was close to cleared before saying, “Ready to know what else we could do?”

Her hands trembled, and she darted a glance at the newlyweds.  “Sure,” she said, her voice steadier than her hands.  “Definitely.”

Buffy’s furtive look and ready willingness confirmed for William that Dru had played on her insecurities earlier, and made her feel as if her inexperience was the reason Liam had left her rather than Liam’s idiocy.  “You itching for a little payback?” he asked, just to be certain.  “Prove Drusilla wrong?”

“How strongly can I say yes?”

“All right then.”  For the briefest moment, he wondered whether it was what Buffy really wanted, especially after her earlier outburst about playing mind games, but decided this was more about helping her restore her self-confidence than anything else.  William searched her face and saw nothing but determination, and his mind was made up.  If he could talk Buffy into doing something a little – or a _lot_ – kinky, he was certain her confidence would soar the minute she realized she was capable of more than she’d thought.  He leaned closer and lowered his voice.  “This goes well beyond the introductory package, but there’s no need to actually do it.  Pretending’ll be good enough if it’s just to get a reaction.”

“So we’re expanding on my career as an actress?”

“’Less you wanted to do it for real.  I certainly wouldn’t mind.”  William added a leer to emphasize his point.

“I don’t even know what _it_ is yet.”

He plucked a dusky purple grape from the bunch on his plate he’d saved just for this purpose and held it aloft, between his thumb and forefinger.  Even with his repertoire of experience, he had to summon a bit of his alter ego, Spike, in order to speak his next words.  _William_ wasn’t the sort to speak such crude, earthy words to a pretty girl he hardly knew, not even in his role as Buffy’s teacher, and he had to fake the confidence he intended to project.  He leaned closer yet, his voice no more than a silken whisper.  “You take this bit of fruit, here, and dip it into your pussy.  Play with yourself, get all hot and bothered.  Coat the grape with your honey.  Then offer it to me.”

Buffy reacted as though he’d suggested they strip naked and have sex right there on the table.  “ _What_?”  She pushed away from the table, chair screeching loudly against the floor.  “No!”

Well, that had certainly grabbed the attention of everybody around them, including the pair whose attention they’d wanted in the first place.  “The whole idea is to be subtle about it, love.” 

She blanched, and peered around, then pulled her chair back in and hid her face behind her hands.  “Well, that settles it.  Everybody’s staring.  No way I can do… _that_ now.”

“The gawkers have already lost interest, pet.  Only ones still watching are the happy couple, and you want them watching, remember?”

“I still can’t,” she hissed under her breath.

William adopted his most persuasive tone of voice.  “Not even pretend?”

 

*******

 

Buffy peeked between her fingers at William.  He was still holding a grape out to her, waiting patiently on her answer, and she didn’t know whether she was more mortified by his suggestion or by her own mortification at his suggestion.  She didn’t _want_ to be a prude, but it seemed like she couldn’t help it.  Of course, William had said it was beyond the introductory package.  So it was okay to be shocked, wasn’t it?

The more embarrassing question was whether it was okay to be aroused by the idea even as it disgusted her.  She didn’t know the answer to that.

“Just pretend?” she asked, squirming in her chair.

“Just pretend.”  William stretched his arm out a little farther.  “Know you can do it, love.”

His eyes were warm and reassuring rather than lecherous, and the calm confidence he projected had her lowering her hands and reaching out to take the grape from him even as her own eyes dropped to her plate.

He brushed his hand against hers.  “Want me to talk you through it?”

Did she want that chocolate baritone narrating her every faked move?  Buffy shivered at the thought, and suspected that if William used that silky voice of his on her, he could easily talk her into doing it for real.  She felt a rush of moisture between her legs and wondered if he actually would enjoy the taste of her slick wetness.  She swallowed, realizing just how aroused she’d become.

“I – I…” 

Buffy shook her head.  She already knew he was attracted to her.  And enjoyed sexual acts she would have called perverted and disgusting only hours ago.  If she couldn’t be frank with him, then there was no hope for her.  She raised her eyes and looked him squarely in the face.  “If I were to do it for real, would it actually turn you on?  I mean, do you _like_ … girl juices?”

William chuckled, although Buffy could see the faintest trace of a blush about his cheeks, and it made her feel infinitely better.  Knowing he wasn’t _completely_ uninhibited made her own inhibitions seem less prudish.

“Not something I want to drink a big, tall glass of with breakfast.  But, yeah.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “A woman’s scent.  Her taste.  It’s arousing.”  He frowned a little, and added.  “The right woman.  Have to be attracted in the first place, obviously.”

His answer had her rubbing her thighs together even as she considered his words.  William’s kinky suggestion was, she told herself, not that disgusting.  He would put a grape in his mouth.  He would put _her_ in his mouth.  Why not at the same time?  It was like mixing peanut butter and chocolate.  Maybe she found it gross, but other people enjoyed the combination.  With that thought it mind, Buffy found the nerve to at least pretend – and maybe, just maybe, more.  She swallowed and dropped her hands below the table.  “Are they looking?” she whispered.

William threw his arm over the back of his chair, casual as you please, and popped a grape from his plate into his mouth, rolling it around before biting down.  He cocked his head, and Buffy saw how he turned it just enough to observe the others without appearing to look.  Tongue curled, he nodded.  “Showtime.”

The blush that felt like her constant companion grew more heated, but Buffy drew on some reserve of daring she hadn’t known was there until this moment.  She edged the tablecloth over her lap and then wriggled around as if she were undoing her slacks beneath it.  William’s eyes darkened, and the rise and fall of his chest grew more rapid.  His obvious arousal inflamed her own, turning her mouth dry and her skin feverish.  When his sock-covered toes brushed against her bare ankle, she gasped. 

He smiled encouragingly at her and leaned forward to murmur, “You’re doing fine.  Now remember, take your time about it.  You’re pleasuring yourself under there.”  Buffy stiffened, eyes wide, before she realized he didn’t know what her fingers were actually doing.  Slowly, hesitantly, she resumed rubbing herself through her clothes, trying to relieve the lust she’d been battling for the last several minutes, but it only made her more frustrated.  Still, it made it easy to pretend she was pleasuring herself when she actually was doing it, although not in the way her tutor was imagining.  She sighed, and panted, and twitched in time with the pulsing of her clitoris, growing wetter and more desperate. 

When William’s left hand crept below the table and stayed there, his arm moving in a lazy rhythm while his pupils overtook his irises, she was overcome with pride.  She – proper, innocent little Buffy – had driven this man to pleasuring himself in a public place.  A warm glow spread through her body, out to her fingertips, and she shuddered in quiet release.

“Bloody hell,” he whispered.  “Did you really just…?”

Only enough to take the edge off, but she nodded anyway. 

He threw his head back and groaned, and Buffy darted a nervous glance around at the other patrons, hoping they weren’t being too obvious.  Nobody seemed to be paying any attention; nobody other than the newlyweds, that was.  Though Drusilla sat on his lap, Liam’s gazed was riveted on Buffy.  She couldn’t read his expression.  Was it disappointment?  Or desire?  She couldn’t tell.  Not wanting to examine it too closely, and not wanting to deal with emotions the sight of him invoked, she turned her attention back to William and kicked him under the table.  “Hey.”

His eyes, when he focused them on her, were clouded with lust.  “Whuzzat?”

“I – the grape.”  She proffered it to him, and he snatched her hand and guided it to his lips, mouthing her fingers eagerly.  “Uhhhhn,” Buffy said, and her desire came roaring back.  She took one look at the slice of cake still on her plate, and pushed it away.  “Can – can we go?  _Now_?”

That seemed to snap him out of his lust-filled haze.  “Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_.  It’s just...  I’m done eating.  Too much else going on to enjoy the food properly.”

William’s face fell.  “Oh, Buffy, I’m sorry.”

“What?  No, it’s not you – well it is, but not in a bad way.”  She licked her lips.  “I want to go because I want to go back to your room.  With you.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A purely highbrow chapter. *coughs*

 

William tipped his head and studied her.  “You sure that’s what you want?  I get you up to my room, I’m going to be hard pressed to be a gentleman.”

“I don’t want a gentleman.  I want you to make me feel like you did last night.” 

“How did I make you feel, love?” he asked softly.

_Desirable_. 

“Good,” she said.  She waved her hand in the direction of Liam and Dru.  “And you made me forget about all this.  And… and I need that, right now.”

He signaled a waiter.  “Your wish is my command.”  Buffy fidgeted while he settled the bill, refusing to look back at Liam.  She couldn’t sort her tangled mess of feelings out right now.  Instead, she ignored the confusion the sight of her ex aroused, the jealousy and desire for revenge, the overwhelming sadness and sense of loss.  She ignored the thought that it should be Liam beside her, waiting to rush up to their room and fall into bed together.  She put the man she loved out of her head, and focused on the one across from her.  William made her feel alive.  Powerful.  Desirable.  Carefree.  Maybe even a little happy.  And whether it was right or wrong, she wanted him.  That was all she was going to let herself think about for now.

“Look at you,” he said in her ear after he’d helped her rise from her chair.  “All hot and bothered.  For me?”

“Uh huh.”  Not like she could deny it.

Buffy let him lead her out of the restaurant.  William nuzzled her neck while they waited for the elevator, and she threw her head back and gave in to the release of pure sensation.  The ride to his floor was filled with subtle caresses, out of sight of the other people in the car with them, but the moment he had her in his room, he spun her and pressed her up against the door.  “Want you, Buffy.  Can you feel how much?  You were driving me crazy downstairs.”  His erection throbbed against her hip, and she quivered, her hands holding tight to his arms.  He ground against her, fingers questing, finding, teasing.  “Will you let me love you?  Worship you?”

The way his voice slid over her, dark and sensuous, she would’ve agreed to almost anything.  “Please, William.”

“Oh, _please_.  I like the sound of that.  Would you beg, Buffy?”

She would beg him right now if only he would never stop touching her.  “Yes, William.  Please, _please_.  Don’t stop.”

He made a sound almost like a growl and shoved her shirt up, mouth latching onto a cotton-covered nipple and sucking.  Buffy mewled and arched into him.  Her head banged against the door to the hallway, but she barely even noticed.  William hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, which brought her throbbing center into direct contact with his hard length.  She wriggled against him, using the door as added leverage, while he teased her other breast with tiny nips.

“This.  This is what I need,” she moaned.  “You make me feel so beautiful.”

“You _are_ beautiful.  Gorgeous.  Sexy.  _Desirable_.” 

Buffy sighed and captured his lips with hers.  He kissed her languidly, and she closed her eyes and melted into him, their previous urgency becoming a deep, slow burn that built and built with every second.

William slid his arms under her buttocks and carried her to the bed, then laid her down upon it.  He undid the tiny buttons on her shirt with deliberate care, peeled it off, and did the same to her slacks. 

Stripped down to nothing but her new cotton undergarments, she looked up at him with limpid eyes and said, “Your turn.”  When he started on his own buttons, she shook her head and reached her hands up.  “I wanna do it.”

They traded spots, him splayed out on the bed like some demi-god, his heavy-lidded eyes following her every move while she laid him bare to her for the first time.  His chest was revealed first, sculpted and broad, flesh as pale and hard as marble.  He had a smattering of hairs on his chest, and more on his lean belly, leading down to the tented fabric of his trousers.  Buffy nosed the lines of his perfect abdominal muscles, then kissed her way up his chest and tongued each nipple briefly, which made him moan encouragements.  She did it again, promising herself she’d spend more time teasing him later.  After she had his clothes off.

Easing his shirt over his shoulders, she marveled at the coiled strength that bunched under her fingertips, strength she wouldn’t have guessed at by his spare frame alone.  Buffy freed first one arm and then the other, and had to pause to run her hands up and down his arms.  She’d always had a thing for nice arms, and these fit her criteria – muscled without being muscle bound, just the right amount of hair to be manly, and ending in large, capable hands with long, sensitive fingers.  He had arms made for holding, and hands made for pleasuring, and she figured she could be excused for going a little swoony at the site of William’s bared upper half.

“Like what you see, pet?”

Hoo boy, did she ever.  “You’re gorgeous,” she said.  “Do you spend all day working out, or what?”  As she spoke, she set to work on his belt, and once that was loose, the button of his fly.

“I’m no slouch at the gym.”  William laid his hand over hers before she could unzip him.  “This is the last layer.”

“Last…”  _Oh_.  One quick zip, and she’d be able to see just what he had tenting his trousers.  A short, downward slide of her hand, and she’d be crossing a line she wouldn’t return from.  Seeing a man other than Liam naked – it meant something. 

But what?  That they really were over?  She rolled her eyes.  His marriage to another woman should’ve been the main clue on that front.

Buffy let the weight of his hand press hers downward onto his body.  She could feel the heat of his erection through the thin material of his pants, and the way he twitched under her touch.  She couldn’t help but squeeze, and he grunted in appreciation.  “Oh, _yes_ , William.  Let me see.  Please.”

“I do like please,” he said, smiling, and Buffy smiled in return.  She’d already picked up on his weakness for _please_.  He kept his hand on hers as she slid it up along his length, marveling at the size of him, and when she curled her fingers around the zip, he curled his too.  Buffy found herself watching his face as she undid his fly, mesmerized by his intense expression.  He really was beautiful, in a masculine way.

She leaned down to kiss those full lips, and begged entrance with her tongue the way he’d taught her the night before.  As their mouths danced, she snuck her hand inside his pants, and halted abruptly at the first feel of his heated, velvet-smooth skin.  “Oh,” she whispered in amazement.  She’d only known one man for the last four years, and she hadn’t expected them to feel so different.  Buffy dragged herself away from William’s mouth so she could see just what her fingers were exploring.

The first thing she noticed was the different shape of the head, its darker color, and how much wider he was than the only two men she’d known intimately.  He’d shaved, or waxed, and Buffy suspected that was why he also looked longer than Liam.  She took a moment to caress his soft scrotum and marvel at how smooth it felt under her fingers, then ran her hand up his shaft with the lightest of touches.  She swiped her thumb across the tip, spreading the milky drop of fluid beading there, and William thrust into her hand.  Tightening her grip on the way down, she realized he also had looser skin under the head than she was used to.  She played with it, twisting and pumping, until it occurred to her what the difference might be.

“Are – are you circumcised?”

He drove his hips upwards.  “Nah.  Most Brits aren’t.”

And most Americans – at least the two she’d known – were.  With an erection, the difference was barely noticeable, but Buffy was curious to know what he’d look like soft.  She filed that curiosity away for later and instead tugged his pants downwards to reveal his lean hips and thighs, continuing on until he had nothing but socks on.  She giggled a little at the incongruous sight of him bobbing away over his belly, black trouser socks doing nothing to preserve his modesty.

“Dead sexy,” he said with a wink, and wriggled his covered toes in her face until she managed to grab hold of them.

“Actually, yes.  But I want the full monty.  What?” she said to his incredulous look as she peeled his socks away.  “I watch movies.  I can know British.”

William lunged for her and flipped them over, pinning her beneath and rubbing his cock against her thigh.  “Right now, British would rather know you.”

She laughed.  “Terrible,” she said.  “No points for that one.  In fact, I think it’s negative quippage points.”

“Someone’s feeling saucy.”

Buffy stilled beneath him, solemn and suddenly unsure of herself.  “You make me feel that way.  Playful.  Is that okay?  Because I kinda like feeling so free.”

He kissed the tip of her nose.  “By all means, carry on.  If you’re not having fun, I’m doing something seriously wrong.” 

She breathed a sigh of relief.  Making love with Liam had been many things: beautiful, intense, loving.  But fun wasn’t a word she’d ever associated with their unions.  If she’d never known another man all her life, she guessed she would have been satisfied with her sex life.  It was a case of you couldn’t miss what you didn’t know.  Now she knew, though, and a part of her understood that Liam’s infidelity had been a bit of a blessing in disguise.  He’d freed her to discover that sex could be _fun_. 

And sex _would_ be fun, from here on out.  Even if – even _when_ Liam came crawling back to her.  She would make sure of it.

“Can we go back to the kissing now?”  Buffy added a husky, “Please?”

“Quick study, aren’t you?”  He didn’t give her time to answer before he was kissing her breathless, one hard, lean thigh jammed between her legs, encouraging her to ride it, while his fingers pinched and rolled her nipples through her bra.  When Buffy pulled away for much needed air, he kissed his way down her neck and shoulders, then tugged her bra straps down with his teeth, making tiny gasps roll out of her in a continuous wave.

With a flick of his fingers, the front clasp on her bra came undone and he put his tongue to use on her hardened nipples.  She threaded her hands in his hair to hold his head in place, too far gone to care at this sudden dominance she was exhibiting, while she undulated her soaking pussy against the thigh between her legs with wild abandon.  “God, William, please, William,” she moaned.  “Want you want you _want you_.”

She felt his fingers worm between their bodies, and then his thumb circled her swollen clitoris, giving her the friction she’d been trying to create by humping his leg.  Before she knew what was happening he’d slid downwards, down between her legs, and with a loud ripping sound, she was bare to him.  Buffy would’ve protested his destroying her panties, no matter how primal and exciting it was, but he was the one who’d purchased them in the first place.  He could do whatever he wanted with them, especially if it meant he would do –

_That_. 

At the first touch of his tongue on her, Buffy surged upwards, legs clamped about his ears.  William dug his fingers into her hips, pushing her back down to the mattress, then pinned her thighs with strong hands and fell to like a man starved.  The raw animal sensuality he’d exhibited last night was back in force, and it awakened an answering call in her.  She writhed and twisted and sobbed beneath him, until her hair was damp with sweat and the sheets beneath her were so wet with her juices, she was sure they were soaked through.  Still he continued, reading her body’s responses well enough to back off whenever it seemed an orgasm was sure to claim her.

Buffy began to beat at his shoulders with her fists, weak, helpless blows, and begged him to quit torturing her.  “Please, William, _please please please_ , I can’t take it anymore, _please_.”

She heard a crinkling noise, and when he stopped his assault on her sex, she trembled and whimpered.  Then he surged up her body, forcing her quivering thighs apart with his, until Buffy could feel him nudging at her entrance.

“Do you want me?”

Of course she wanted him.  The whole world had narrowed down to this, her need for him.  But her brain had lost the capacity to form words, and so she wrapped her legs around his waist and, arching her back, pulled him closer with a desperate whine.

“Take that as a yes, then,” he said, and _oh thank all the gods_ , he was in her.  He pulled back and surged farther in, like a tidal wave, taking possession of her bit by bit until he was fully sheathed.  She’d been right about his larger width, and if she hadn’t been so frantic for release, she might have been leery of his size.  As it was, Buffy writhed beneath him, pistoning her hips and pressing kisses to his shoulders and neck, everywhere she could reach, while her hands fluttered up and down his arms and across his back. 

“Hush, love, hush.  I’ll take care of you,” he said, but she didn’t want to be soothed, and she whimpered her disapproval.

He moved then, withdrawing partway before filling her completely, again and again.  He angled his thrusts in a way that hit the super-sensitive spot inside of her in a steady, relentless pace.  With his thumb, William applied pressure to her clit, rocking back and forth, while he nipped at her lips, ears, and jaw.  The heaviness inside of Buffy built and built and built in a swirl of colors and grunts and pure bliss, until it finally burst, wresting a scream from her already hoarse throat.  The powerful orgasm rocketing outwards from her core drowned her, overwhelmed her. 

Later, she would swear there had been stars, and maybe even fireworks, but overloaded as her system was, all she knew then was oblivion.

 

********

 

William brushed the damp tendrils of hair out of Buffy’s face and waited for her to come to.  He couldn’t help but feel proud of himself.  It wasn’t the first time he’d made somebody black out from the big O – he’d managed it on occasion with Drusilla, and even done for Angelus a time or two.  But it had taken trial and error, and learning their responses, before he’d been able to overwhelm them with pleasure.  It was different with Buffy.  He felt as though he’d managed to connect intimately with her from the first.  Find the passion inside of her and draw it out, as if they’d been lovers for years.

Or maybe the girl was so desperate for a good shagging, any old bloke could’ve done it for her.  He didn’t think so, though. 

He held himself still, waiting for her to regain consciousness, but as the seconds ticked past he decided to help her along.  With a chaste kiss to her parted lips, William murmured, “Come back to me now, love.”  Buffy stirred but didn’t open her eyes until he caressed her cheek.  “There’s a girl.” 

She smiled at him, dazed.  “Hey.”

“Was beginning to think you’d sleep the day away.”

Buffy blinked, then looked down their bodies, taking in their naked state.  William had pulled out when it was clear she was unconscious, but he was still hard as a rock against her thigh.  “What happened?  Did we stop?”

“Just for a little.  Let you catch your breath.  Wake up.”  She frowned, but it was woozy and kittenish.  “You passed out, pet.  Came so hard, it knocked you right out.”

“Oh.  Oh!”  A sheepish look passed over her.  “Sorry?”

“Don’t be sorry.”  He couldn’t help but smirk.  “Makes me feel all manly.  It’s quite the accomplishment for a bloke.”

Buffy’s smile returned, wider and more satisfied than before.  “You accomplished, all right.  But…”  She rubbed her thigh, the one his erection was resting on, against him.  “What about you?”

“Whatever you’re up for.  If you’re done, we can stop.  Or we can go another few rounds.”

She reached down to grasp his condom-covered cock, and it jumped in her hand.  “ _You’re_ up for more.”  With a sly smile, she hooked her leg around his and flipped them so her ass rested on his thighs, pinning him down.  The sight of her looking down at him, long, blonde hair cascading down her back and over her shoulders, perky tits peeking out from underneath, made him catch his breath.  Her golden, slender knees squeezed his sides, and he thrust up against her.  With a sigh of satisfaction, Buffy guided him inside.  She didn’t move right away, but seemed content to look at him, and at where they were joined.  With a bit of concentration, William made his dick throb, rhythmically swelling and subsiding within her.  Her eyes went wide, and her mouth made the prettiest o-shape. 

“Oh,” she said.  After a moment, she squeezed back, biting her lip at the effort.

“Nice, love,” he said in encouragement.  “How ‘bout a little shimmy.”

She shimmied, raising and lowering herself, feeling out her pace.  He smiled up at her.  “You done this before?  Been on top?”

“A few times.  Not as much as I would’ve liked.”

He pillowed his hands behind his head and forced himself to be still.  “I’ll let you explore, and you tell me when you’re ready for more, yeah?”  Buffy bit her lip and nodded, shifting back and trying a new angle.  She rode him slowly, tits rising and falling with her breath, while William laid there and enjoyed the view.  When she seemed comfortable, he asked, “How else you been wanting to try it?”

She made a moue of embarrassment.  “Easier to list the ways I’ve already tried.  It’d be a much shorter list.”

“Go on, then.”

“Regular way.  You know, missionary, or whatever.  Variations on that.  Side-by-side, kinda scissory.  And this.”

The poor girl.  Liam really had kept her like a princess in a tower.  “What about from behind?  You never been fucked doggie style?”

Buffy grimaced.  “I don’t think I’ve ever been _fucked_ ,” she said, and he couldn’t tell if she said it with regret or distaste.  “And certainly not that way.  Though I’m curious.  About from behind.”  She’d glanced away during her confession, and wouldn’t meet his eyes now.  William looked forward to breaking her of that modesty.  The thought of her telling – nay, _ordering_ – him to service her, with explicit instructions, had him gritting his teeth with the effort it took to keep still. 

The implicit invitation to teach her a new position made it doubly hard to keep from flipping her over and driving into her from behind.  “More than happy to sate that curiosity,” was all he said, though he did give in to the urge to rock his hips in time with hers.

“Maybe in a bit, I’m having too much fun right now.”  As if realizing she sounded confident for a change, she added, “If that’s okay with you.”

“Your show,” he reminded her.  “You’re the one in control.”

“Except when you are.”

He let his tongue dance over his teeth.  “Except when I am.”

Buffy changed angles again, sinking down more fully on him, and they both moaned.  She was tight, and even through the condom, he could feel her wet heat pulsing around him.  His hands crept out from under his head, and he grasped her hips and encouraged her to move on him.  She lifted her hands from where they’d been resting on his chest, supporting her weight, and straightened.  Her mouth went slack again.  “Oh.  Mmm.”

“Nice?”

“Very.”

“Pull your hair back?”

She did, and William’s hands stole upwards to tweak her nipples.  “You’re bloody gorgeous, love.”  Buffy blushed, but she didn’t look away, her eyes locked on his as they continued to move together. 

“Want to try a variation?” he asked after some time.  When she nodded, he twirled an upraised index finger.  “Spin around and face the other way.”  She looked unsure, but slid off and shifted until she was on her knees facing the opposite way, then carefully remounted him.

“Like this?”

“Perfect.  Some folks call that the reverse cowgirl.” 

She giggled.  “Yee-haw.” 

William grinned wickedly.  “Ride ‘em cowgirl!”  He whooped, and bucked his hips upwards.  Buffy gasped, then giggled once more.  She tightened her thighs around his hips and grabbed on to his legs, trying to keep her seat and laughing hysterically all the while.  Her reaction encouraged him to continue to buck, and even neigh once or twice.  True, it wasn’t high up on the sexy-meter, but _damn_ if it wasn’t fun.  From Buffy’s guffaws, she seemed to feel the same way.  He’d never before let loose and done something so completely ridiculous – or, let’s face it, _nerdy_ – during sex, but they were both laughing so hard it was impossible to stop.  The inability to catch his breath was what finally forced him to lay still.

Buffy slumped forward onto his legs, snorting and wheezing, which afforded him a perfect view of her ass, and the puckered rosebud hidden within.  His dick, which had softened a little during their game, returned to full attention.  “You ever done yoga?” he asked.

“Sure.”

“Familiar with sun salutations?”  She mumbled her agreement, and William sat up and shifted his legs a little.  “Time for downward dog.”  With that, he wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her impaled on his cock, and surged up off the mattress.  She squeaked in surprise as he shifted them into doggie style.  He curved his body around hers, arm still tight around her waist, his legs keeping hers spread.  He wanted nothing more than to pound into her, but he forced himself to remember she was a novice.  “All right?”

Her head hung low, and she arched her back, driving herself more firmly onto him and making his eyes cross.  “God, you feel even bigger.  How is that possible?”

William slid his hand downwards to cup her sex.  “It’s all about the angle.  I can go much deeper this way, but you might find it too much.  Move around a little, see how far you can take me in.”

Buffy did, and they experimented with depth and angles until she found what she liked best.  With her knees spread wide, chest low to the bed, and upturned ass, William had to use all his tricks to keep himself from spilling inside of her like a schoolboy.  The naughty thoughts of kinky pleasures this position allowed didn’t help.  Buffy’s smooth, white cheeks waggled in front of him, ripe for biting, or turning a beautiful shade of red, and her winking back door was all but begging to be plundered.  She _had_ mentioned an interest in anal…

He clenched his jaw, eyes shut tight against temptation.  William teased her slick lips where they were joined together, heel pressed to her clitoris, desperate to bring her off before he found his own release.  Buffy mewled and writhed beneath him, sliding up and down on his cock.  “Please, _please!_ ” she said, and it was more than he could take.  He slicked his thumb with her juices and applied the flat pad of it against her crack, just enough to let her feel it. 

She stiffened, but didn’t stop moving.  “What…?”

“Nothing more than this,” he assured her.  “Just see if you like the sensation.”  William began to thrust his pelvis in time with her movements, thumb pressed tight against her back entrance, and Buffy shuddered.

“Oh god, oh god,” she said, her whole body quivering.  He couldn’t control himself a second longer.  Hips pistoning of their own accord, William pounded into her from behind.  She squeaked, and then her entire body seemed to seize up.  Her insides clamped down on his dick, and his vision went dim, spots dancing before his eyes, while his body emptied itself into hers.

He collapsed forward, onto Buffy, but she didn’t protest.  He figured he’d move in moment.  As soon as he could move again. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

When Buffy woke, she felt a moment's panic.  She was trapped, and it took her several seconds before she realized it was William who'd trapped her.  She tried to stretch her cramped limbs without waking him and managed to flatten herself out into something like a starfish.  This made his weight seem heavier, but she edged out from under him until only their legs remained tangled together.  And still he slept on, oblivious to her wriggling.  She cast a half-amused, half annoyed-smile in his direction before she noticed the afternoon sun through the hotel window, and how low it hung in the sky.  Her eyes widened, and she twisted until she could see the clock.

_Shit_.

Yesterday, when William and her ex had been busy with their pissing match and she'd retreated to the bathroom, she'd called her dad and told him she was spending the night at the hotel with a friend because she'd had too much drink.  Buffy was glad it had ended up being the sort-of truth, even if it'd been a lie at the time.  She wasn't in the habit of lying to her family.  Problem was, she'd also assured her dad she'd be home in time to make dinner, but now she'd be lucky to make it home before the dinner hour was over.  Guilt made her hurry to untangle herself the rest of the way, and guilt sent her scurrying around the room, looking for her clothes and her cell.  She stepped into the bathroom, shut the door, and called home.

“Dad!” she said when he answered.  “I'm going to be a little later than I thought.  I didn't feel so hot this morning, so I ended up going back to -”

“Buffy.”  The sound of her name, said with such disappointment, cut her explanation short.  “What were you thinking, young lady, drinking so much?  How could you be so irresponsible?  You know we were expecting you home last night.  I understand you were upset about that boy getting married, but this is no way to deal with it.”

“Dad-”

“You have people counting on you.  You have to think of others before yourself.”

She swallowed and hung her head.  “Yes, Dad.  I'm sorry.”

“I know you didn't mean to be selfish, pumpkin.  It's good to nip those tendencies in the bud, though.  Am I right?  Otherwise...”

_Otherwise_.  Buffy knew all about otherwise.  She'd lived with the weight of otherwise on her shoulders for near a decade, ever since her mother had abandoned their family.  The consequences of their mother's actions had molded her teenage years, what with the sudden responsibility for a younger sister and her father's constant admonishments.

_Don’t rock the boat.  Don’t be selfish.  Take care of your family._

_Don’t put yourself first._

_Be nice.  Be quiet.  Be a good girl._

The very _last_ thing she'd been this weekend was a good girl.

The responsibilities she'd shucked off in order to screw a stranger came crashing down on her, along with a healthy heaping of remorse.  There was no greater sin in her family than to put one’s desires ahead of the family's needs.  Other than a quick call yesterday, she hadn't even considered her dad and sister all weekend long.  The notion left Buffy a little queasy.

Years of habit made slipping back into dutiful daughter mode effortless.  “Do you want me to pick something up on the way home?  Or there's a frozen pot pie we could have.”

“I can take care of dinner this one time," her Dad said, and his air of reasonable patience did nothing to alleviate her guilt.  "And we’ve got some leftover cake from the other night.  You just get yourself home safe and sound.  I'll see you soon, pumpkin.”

Buffy showered hurriedly and dressed, forgoing underwear with a wince of distaste.  Her panties from the day before were too crusty to wear, though, and she had no others.  The memory of why sent a frisson of unexpected lust through her.  It stopped her in her tracks, and she turned to stare at herself in the bathroom mirror.  Who _was_ she?  Certainly not the woman who had left home yesterday morning, heart heavy.  She wasn't the good girl Liam loved, or the dutiful daughter her father had raised.  She wasn’t the person who’d told herself she didn’t have casual sex with strangers, either.  Mirror-Buffy didn't offer any answers, no matter how long they stared at each other.  She sighed, and jumped when a knock sounded at the door.

“Buffy?  Pet?”

She opened the door to the sight of a very naked William, and the frisson of lust turned into a full body shiver.  He was beautiful to look at, but more than that, the reminder of the way he'd made her feel set her knees trembling.  She clung to the door handle.  “Hey.”

He frowned at her.  “You off?”

“I promised my dad I'd be home by now.  I'm kinda running late.”

“Oh.”  His lower lip crept out in a pout.  Buffy didn't think he'd even realized it.  The cuteness of it almost distracted her from his nakedness.  _Almost._   It also almost, but not quite, distracted her from the feelings of shame that had overtaken her.  So when he said, “Will I see you again?” she shook her head emphatically.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, William.”

He cocked his head, his frown deepening.  “What’s - did I hurt you?”

“No, that’s not it at all.  You were wonderful.” 

“Is it the sex?  I...”  He coughed, then rubbed at the back of his neck.  “I don’t mean just for sex.  Wouldn’t say no to more, ‘cause you’re incredible, Buffy, but I...  We could meet up for coffee sometimes,” he said quickly to the ground between them, then looked back up, hopeful.  “If you’d like.”

To her dismay, Buffy found herself on the verge of tears.  Everything this man said and did made her feel _wanted_ , and god, how she needed to feel wanted.  If only Liam had wanted her, she wouldn’t be here, but _no_ , she’d had to watch him marry another woman this weekend, and –

“Why didn’t _he_ want me?” she said aloud before she could stop herself.  “Why wasn’t I good enough for Liam?”  The tears spilled over, and Buffy wiped angrily at them as she jerked away from his outreached hand.  “Never mind.  It’s been a rough weekend, and I’m all wrung out.  Just being stupid.”

William stepped forward and enveloped her in his arms before she could protest.  “Not stupid, love.  _Liam_ is, the wanker, but you’re not.”

The dam broke and before she knew it, Buffy was sobbing against his chest, the anguish she’d been trying so hard to repress spilling out.  As he held her close and patted her back, she dimly thought that if she never cried again, it would be too soon.  Snotty and snuffly, she peeked up at him to see his reaction and was surprised to find him damp-eyed as well.  “William?  What -?”

He shook his head and buried his face in her hair, and Buffy remembered he was suffering his own disappointment and heartache.  She snaked her arms around him and held him back, murmuring nonsense comfort in return.

“I’m sorry,” she told him when he loosened his hold on her.  “I’ve been so wrapped up in _me me me_ , I forgot you were-”

“It’s not - well, yeah, it is...  Can’t deny I’m feeling thrown over.  But I hate seeing you hurting.  Could kill Liam for what he did to you.”

Buffy brushed a kiss across his smooth cheek and stepped back.  It made her notice just how naked he was again, and she kept her eyes trained on his face.  “You’re a nice guy, William.  A little creepy, sometimes, but nice.  You should get clear of Dru and all her head games.  Go meet a nice girl.  Somebody who’ll appreciate you.”

“What’re you going to do?”

She turned away, packing her toiletries away as she spoke.  “I’ll figure it out.”

“And that coffee?”

Buffy grimaced.  She was just as bad as the rest of his insane little group.  True, she was crazy attracted to William, but she was using him to make herself feel better.  That was all.  There was no relationship – she didn’t want one.  She wanted Liam.  And what had she done?  Slept with some stranger just to get back at her ex.  Her frown deepened as she wondered what the man she loved must think of her now, after her behavior this weekend.  He probably thought she was a real slut, which would be kinda ironic.  But whatever Liam had done, she didn’t want to be that sort of person.

Without looking at William, she said, “When I think about why I’m here with you - to hurt Liam and Drusilla - I feel disgusted.  It’s not who I am.  I don’t sleep around for revenge.  What kind of hypocrite am I, doing the exact same thing I went off on you about yesterday?  Playing mind games.”  Buffy shook her head.  “I - with the drinking and the seeing them together, I went off the rails, but I can’t do it again.  And I don’t want to use you like that either.  What kind of person does that make _me_?”

“Buffy -”  The catch in his voice made her stop her frantic packing, and she turned to look at him.  “Being with me disgusts you?”

“No!”  She laid her hand on his arm.  “Not – you made me feel wonderful, William.”

“So if I do this -”  He tipped her chin up and kissed her, just a brief brush of his lips across hers.  “Does it feel wrong?”

It didn’t feel wrong.  It felt very, very right, and Buffy was reminded once more of how very, very naked he was.  She took a deep breath and tried to explain.  “No...  It doesn’t feel wrong.  And at the same time, it does.”

He squinted at her.  “Come again?”

“Just you and me, not thinking about the outside world?  When you’re touching me?  Doesn’t feel wrong.  But when I think about Liam... think about getting back together with him...” 

“What if you never do,” he said softly.  “You going to put your entire life on hold on the off chance the dumb sod sees reason?”

“I don’t know!”  When he put it like that, it made her seem like the dumb one.  But that was her plan, wasn’t it?  To wait for her ex to want her back?  “I haven’t figured everything out yet.  I just know that coffee with you is not going to happen.  Coffee or anything else, okay?  I’m sorry.”

“Buffy –”

She pushed past him.  “I _really_ have to get going.”

William stopped her with a hand on her arm and jerked her to him, then crashed his mouth to hers.  Buffy struggled, but the thrill of his mouth on hers, of his hard, naked body pressed up against her, had her melting in to him after only a token protest.  Whatever her head said, her body had different ideas.  All of her very determined arguments faded alongside her resistance to his touch.  His grip on her tightened even as his kisses turned softer and more exploratory.  She sighed into his mouth, giving in to the sensation of his lips on hers and the need unfurling inside.  He cupped her cheek, then rested his forehead against hers and said, “You want me to meet a nice girl to spend time with?  Already have.”

“William...”

“Don’t think about the outside world, or Liam, or any of it.  Right here, right now, how do you feel?  Do you like being with me?”

“I do, but -”

“Last night, Buffy.  When you asked me to teach you, you said it wasn’t just about Liam, but about you.  You wanted to learn.  Play.  We’re both unattached.  We both like each other.  What’s wrong with finding a little pleasure in each other’s company?”

He could tempt the devil himself.  “I can’t, okay.  Just because I want something doesn’t make it right.”

“Doesn’t make it wrong.”

“I want Liam.  I _love_ Liam, no matter how much of a jerk he’s been, and I’m not looking for a relationship with somebody else.”

“Not asking for one.  Just coffee.  And if you want, more.”

Buffy wanted.  There was no question there.  Just being pressed up against him now made it hard to think rationally, especially with the way he was caressing her arm.  She pulled back and stepped out of his reach.  “I don’t want to use you like that.”  _Like Dru used you,_ she thought. 

“Not using if I don’t expect more.”

Of course he wouldn’t mind.  It was what he was knew best.  There had to be some other argument, one she could make stick.  “I’m not that kind of girl.”

“What kind of girl is that?”

“Loose,” she said.  To her surprise, William laughed.  “What?  Why are you laughing at me?”

“Sweetheart, you’ve slept with how many men?”

She blushed.  “Two.  Three, now.”

“And you’re twenty-four years old.  I’d hardly call you loose.”

“Kinda my point, William.”

He smiled.  “You don’t screw around, I get it.  And even if you did, I’d not think less of you, not as long as you were doing it from a place of self-confidence.  Nothing wrong with shagging just for the sake of shagging.  So long as everybody’s clear on what’s happening, and comfortable with it.”

“And again, my point.  I’m not comfortable with it.  I know it’s probably hard for you to understand, since you’re all Mr. Casual, but –”

“I’m not.”

“Huh?”

William shrugged.  “When I told you I was the loyal sort yesterday, I meant it.  The last seven years, Dru was it for me.”

“But...”  It didn’t equate.  Not with his philosophy of taking pleasure where one found it, so long as everybody agreed.  “You’ve never had sex with anybody else?”

“Only when Dru wanted me to.  Yeah,” he said over her shocked spluttering.  “I fucked other people if Dru arranged it.  Not saying I didn’t enjoy it, because I did, but it was never my idea.  I’d have been just as happy with nobody but her.  Still, my partner count isn’t much higher than yours.”

Buffy eyeballed him, not sure how to take what he’d said.  Who would _want_ their lover to have sex with somebody else?  And who would _agree_ , especially when they claimed they didn’t want to?  His revelation reminded her that William had been mixed up in some seriously twisted shit, and she’d best get herself away from the weirdness. 

Still.  He’d been good to her, and the least she could do was be gracious about turning him down.  “This needs to be goodbye,” she said softly.  “Thank you for – everything.  You gave me something beautiful, William, and I’ll always appreciate it.  Let’s leave it at a happy memory, okay?”

He searched her face, giving her that penetrating stare that made her want to squirm.  Whatever he saw there made the mulish set of his jaw soften.  He nodded.  “Take care, love, and don’t settle for less than what you deserve, all right?”  She had to force a smile.  He smiled as well, and took her hand.  “Won’t ever forget you.  You’re amazing, Buffy, and I’m honored to have been your teacher, if only for a weekend.” 

There he went, telling her exactly what she needed to hear again.  She tightened her grip on his hand, and then they were somehow pressed together, mouths fused, her hands roving over his bare back and trying to memorize the feel of his flesh while his hands did the same under her shirt.  Buffy felt his erection grow against her, and she couldn’t help but press harder against it.

William pulled back first with a final, chaste kiss to her swollen lips.  Her caressed her cheek, and with an audible swallow, stepped away.  “Drive safely, love.”  She stared at him in shock, her head fuzzy with lust, trying to wrap her mind around what he’d just said.  She blinked, and blinked again, until it sunk in.

_Damn.  Damn_ him for listening to her and respecting her wishes.  If he’d pushed her just once more, Buffy would have said to hell with her morals and agreed to anything he asked.  But William was making it easy for her to do what she needed to, and she couldn’t help but be grateful to him. 

She bobbed her head in acknowledgement and tore her gaze away from his.  Faster than she would have thought possible, Buffy gathered up her things and hurried out the door before she could change her mind.

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

_This is stupid.  Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Buffy turned the key in the ignition.  Put the car into drive.

And didn’t pull out of her parking space for the third time in a row.  She banged her head on the steering wheel and killed the engine. 

It had been the perfect goodbye.  The _right_ way to end a weekend fling.  Warm, friendly, and more than a little bittersweet.  So why did she feel the need to go back up there and change it?  Prolong what could only be a bad idea?

Talking to her dad had been a wakeup call.  She couldn’t carry on a non-relationship with William – that kind of behavior had no place in her life.  She could learn whatever she wanted to learn with Liam, or her next boyfriend.  She didn’t need William to be her teacher.

But, oh, she _wanted_ him to be.  Like the man had said, they had chemistry.  In spades.  And he made her feel like a whole new Buffy – a Buffy who could be fun, and spontaneous, and a little bit wicked.  She’d reveled in that feeling, and she’d enjoyed herself with him – when she wasn’t crying over her ex or worrying about whether she should even be with William.  The memory of him behaving like a complete nutcase, pretending to be a horse and _neighing_ for crying out loud, made her snicker, and soon she was laughing almost as hard as she had been earlier in the day.  He was such a _goof_. 

And this was the same man who’d made her black out from the most intense orgasm she’d ever had.  He was both a goof _and_ a sex god, and she found the combination alluring.  Buffy smiled to herself and added a few more adjectives to the list.  He was a sexy, funny, creepy, sweet, talented goof, and she already regretted walking away without at least getting his phone number.  Or his last name.  Something.

Maybe she’d never talk to him again.  Maybe she’d get home and decide it had been nothing more than a wonderful, crazy weekend, best relegated to the realm of ‘I can’t believe I did that’.  But wouldn’t it be nice to at least have the option of seeing him again?

She opened her door.  Swung her feet out. 

And didn’t get out of her car, for the third time in a row.

 

*******

 

The knocking at the door, light but persistent, repeated itself, and William hauled himself to his feet with a sigh.  He wasn’t up for dealing with Drusilla right now, not when he’d rather relive every moment with Buffy and commit them to memory before they could fade away.  He was disappointed she’d chosen to end it now, but couldn’t blame her.  Less than twenty-four hours ago, they’d been perfect strangers.  Dallying with another man hadn’t even been on her radar.  She was probably better off away from the likes of him, anyhow.

He slipped on his gym shorts and opened the door.  “What is it _now_?”

Buffy looked back at him, her lower lip wobbling.  “Oh.  Nothing.  I thought I forgot something, but –”  She turned to leave, but luckily his body reacted quicker than his brain.  William grabbed her about the waist before she could get away.

“You came back.”  He pulled her closer, afraid she might try to leave again.

“Wait.  You’re happy to see me?”

That explained the wobbly lip.  “Daft woman.  ‘Course I am.  Figured on having to pull the stalker routine to find you again, yet here you are.”  He nuzzled her hair.  “Like a dream come true.”

She turned her face up to his, her hazel eyes questioning.  “If I were to get your phone number.  Maybe call you.  Where do you see this going?  What are you looking for?  In the interest of making sure everybody’s clear on what’s happening.”

“Well, it’s your choice innit?”  William didn’t know what he wanted from Buffy, but he did know he enjoyed her company and wanted more of it.  He didn’t much care beyond the part about her calling him.  He’d sort it out after.

Buffy laid her head against his chest once more.  “I’m not promising anything.  But I’m not ready to say goodbye, either.  So, can I have your phone number?”

“Give you my phone number, my email, my credit score... whatever you want.”  Still holding her flush against his body, he walked backwards to where his wallet lay on the dresser, pulling her with him.  “Here, take a business card.  Take a couple,” he said, shoving them in her hand.

“Dr. William Pratt,” she read.  “You’re a professor?” 

“As of this year,” he said, a touch of pride in his voice, then realized she was disturbed, not impressed.  “What’s wrong with that?”

She looked embarrassed.  “Didn’t think they’d let somebody like you around impressionable young minds.”

“Somebody... with a doctorate in history?  Why the hell not?”

“Oh, you know.”  Buffy flapped her arms around.  “You’re... young.  Young and sexy.  Mm-hmm, young and sexy, that’s the problem.  You’re way too much of a hottie to be a history professor.  All the girls are probably too busy fantasizing about you to learn anything.”  She turned bright red and busied herself with tucking his cards into her purse.

William watched her, frowning.  He didn’t think she was being straight with him, but his mind had gotten stuck on the word hottie.  It wasn’t how he saw himself, not professionally.  He was boring Dr. Pratt, the history nerd who knew all the obscure facts about the Boxer Rebellion and British Colonialism at the turn of the last century.  He wasn’t somebody co-eds got all hot and bothered over. 

Was he?

He smiled as a thought struck him.  Maybe Buffy was imagining herself in his class.  Wouldn’t that be a fun time?  He could just see her sitting primly in the front row, wearing a skirt and no knickers underneath.  Then she’d go up to his office after.  Call him Dr. Pratt and be all school-girl-ish with him.  He’d come around to stand behind her...

And there went his dick.  He thought he’d shagged himself out earlier, but apparently not.

‘Course, if Buffy were in his class, he’d have a hard time giving a proper lecture, he’d be so distracted.  It was the reason he’d stood firm on not letting Drusilla visit him on campus, never mind the worry that she might compromise his job with her antics –

_Hang on._

“You think I’d behave inappropriately with my students?  _That_ what you mean?” 

She paled.  William closed his eyes.  Unclenched his fists and backed off a pace.  But he couldn’t stop the muscle in his jaw from ticking, nor could ignore the sharp sting her lack of faith in him had aroused.

“No?” she tried, and the uncertainty in her voice only made him angrier.

He snorted.  “Yeah.  It is.”

Buffy’s eyes darted around the room before settling on his face.  She lifted her chin.  “You can be kinda perverted, okay?  And, I don’t know, it seems like you don’t always know proper boundaries.  So, yes, the thought crossed my mind.  What if Drusilla wanted you to pick up students or something?”  She shrugged, and her tone turned conciliatory.  “I only just met you, William.  How do I know what your limits are?”

“I may be a deviant, but I know to keep my private life private,” he growled, not quite mollified, though she wasn’t far off the mark with her accusations about Drusilla.  His girlfriend _had_ shown interest in trolling the campus for new dollies, which was one of the reasons he’d insisted she stay away.  Hadn’t he been no more than a student himself when she’d found him?  And there’d been that near-disaster with Harmony, the undergrad he’d tutored while working on his doctorate...

Meanwhile, Buffy had edged away from him to the other side of the room.  “I – I’ll just go.  I shouldn’t have come back.  The other way was better.”

This time, he wasn’t quick enough to catch her before she slipped out the door.

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Buffy checked the time on her phone, then went back to pretending to read her book while she scanned the cafeteria.  It was the only place to get food on the tiny campus, other than vending machines and a few taco carts, so he had to come by sometime soon.  Unless he brown-bagged it.  Or went off-campus.  Or didn’t eat lunch at all.  She’d chosen Monday based on what he’d posted online about his class schedule and office hours; he didn’t have much time between his morning and afternoon classes today, so the cafeteria had seemed her best bet.  The absurdity of her plan struck her anew, but she was here now.  May as well see it through.

And if he didn’t show...  Well, she could always go by his office, although it would be harder to pretend her being there was pure coincidence.  At least if she ran into him in the cafeteria, she could claim she was here to meet a friend, and _oh_ , _isn’t it a surprise to see you here, William_.

Not so surprising since this was his place of employment, according to the business cards he’d given her, but it was the best she could come up with. 

Other than actually calling him.  Like a mature person.

The remainder of September had passed by in a numb blur of repression, but with the onset of a new month, Buffy found she still couldn’t get William out of her head.  He was all mixed up with her feelings about Liam, but it was more than that.  She found herself recalling their brief time together fondly – and in the dark of the night, reliving the way he’d made her body sing in full symphonic sound, rather than the small quartet that had been lovemaking with Liam. 

It wasn’t just the sex, though.  She missed _him_.  And how he’d made her feel about herself.  No matter how many times she’d told herself it was best to leave things as they were, Buffy couldn’t forget William.  The thought of how she’d ruined their perfect goodbye hung over her head, and she felt guilty for the things she’d sort-of accused him of.  More than once, she’d picked up the phone to apologize, but hadn’t been able to go through with it.  For all she knew, he had no interest in seeing her ever again after she’d been so tactless.  Hence the plan to casually bump into him and gauge his reaction.

The plan that seemed destined to fail, according to her phone.  William’s next class was due to start in fifteen minutes, and she had to get back to work herself.  With a sigh, she packed away her things.  Maybe she could peek into his office.  Or his classroom.  It seemed a shame to come all this way and not even catch a glimpse of him.  She made her way across the cafeteria, still debating her options, but came to a dead stop when she reached the glass doors.

William stood on the other side.  Even sporting jeans, a bookish sort of tweed jacket, and a pair of gold wire-rimmed glasses, she recognized him instantly.  He was gazing at her with such a look of wonder on his face, it felt like all the air around her had been sucked out of the room.  He raised one hand and touched it to the glass, as if reaching for her, and Buffy found herself doing the same.  Their hands met, separated by a near-invisible barrier, and on the other side of the door, he mouthed her name.  Then he grasped the handle and swung it open, and there was nothing between them at all.

“Buffy?”

“Oh.  Hi!” she said, forcing out the words she’d practiced in front of her mirror and hoping she’d managed to achieve casual.  “William!  What are you doing here?”

A girl tried to edge her way past where Buffy blocked the open door, and William took her arm and pulled her to the side.  “Work here.”  He continued to stare at her.  “What’re _you_ doing here?”

At least he seemed happy to see her, if the soft smile on his face was any indication.  She gave him an embarrassed shrug and decided to tell him the truth.  “Looking for you.”

His smile turned incandescent.  “That so?”

“I – I felt bad.  About the way we left it.  After, you know.  And you were so good to me, and then – and I’m sorry –”

“Long forgotten.”  His eyes roved her face, as if trying to take in every last detail.  “Must say, you’ve made my day.  Why didn’t you come by my office?”

She shrugged again.  “I wasn’t so sure you’d be happy to see me.  This way I could pretend it was all an accident if you weren’t.”

“Ah.  The subtle stalking routine.  I approve.”  She frowned, not sure how to take what he said, but he’d hurried on.  “Better than how I’ve been going at it.  When Liam wouldn’t give me your last name, I stole into their house while they were out.  But Dru’d gotten rid of every last mention of you, far as I could tell.  So I’ve been calling insurance offices every day, asking if a Buffy works there.  Made it through about seventy so far.  Think I’ve another hundred or so to go.  Never realized Los Angeles was so bloody big.”

“All that for me?” she said, a little overwhelmed.

“Didn’t like how we left it either.”  He slid his hand down her arm to clasp hers.  His thumb rubbed her palm, and she shivered.  “Got time for that coffee now?”

Buffy couldn’t believe she was actually talking to William again.  She’d agonized over seeing him for weeks, but it was turning out as well as she could’ve hoped.  Not all of her imaginings of this moment had ended happily.  She twined her fingers around his, content for the first time in a while.  “I _am_ sorry.  About what I implied.”

“You weren’t entirely wrong-headed.”  He smiled.  “I appreciate the apology, but forget it ever happened.  I have.”  Buffy nodded, more than happy to accept the easy out he’d offered.

William guided her to the line and placed his order.  “Want anything?”

“I just ate, but thanks.”

He glanced at his watch.  “Mind if we head to my office?  I’m running a bit behind.”  They walked in silence, William refusing to relinquish his hold of her hand.  Buffy carried his coffee for him while he wolfed his sandwich down.  As soon as he’d shut his door, he took the coffee from her and set it on his desk, then pulled her into a hug.  “’Fraid I only have a few minutes.  Wish I could cancel class, but...”

Buffy melted into the hard planes of his body as he tightened his arms about her.  She snuck her hands under his jacket and buried her head in the crook of his neck, light-headed from the faint scent of his cologne.  “I kinda have to go back to work myself.”

“Can I meet you after?  Take you out for dinner?”

“My dad’s expecting me home.”

“Can’t you just tell him you have plans?”

She hesitated.  Normally she made dinner, but surely her dad couldn’t begrudge her a night off.  Could he?  He’d never complained about her dates before, but she’d had fewer family responsibilities while in college.  And after college, she’d moved in with Liam, and had only moved back home after they’d broken up.  But her dad relied on her now, especially since her sister, Dawn, had moved back too. 

Was it selfish to change plans at the last minute?

“Or I could meet you tomorrow, if it works better,” William said.

Buffy shook her head.  They’d survive without her.  There was always take-out.  “Tonight should be fine.”

“Can’t believe you’re here,” he murmured, ghosting a hand down her arm.  She shivered under his touch and the sound of his voice.  He combed his hand through her hair, twining the ends around his fingers.  “Swear I’ve dreamt of you every night.” 

“Good dreams?”

William lowered his head and kissed her, a mere brush of his lips over hers.  “Wonderful dreams.”  Buffy swallowed heavily, desire unfurling in her belly and snaking through her limbs.  She edged his jacket open and pressed herself more closely against him, feeling the delicious heat of his body seeping through her clothes.  It brought to mind how he’d felt unclothed, his bare skin against hers.  She dragged her mouth along his jaw to nibble on his neck, just below his earlobe.  He groaned and threw his head back, and she nipped at his bobbing Adam’s apple.

Just then, William’s watch went off, the loud beeping making both of them jump.  He smashed at the offending item until it quieted.  “Damned responsibilities,” he said, and took a deep breath, eyes closed.  Buffy reluctantly stepped away.  He looked down, and a wry smile crossed his face.  “Better move back more, pet, otherwise I won’t be able to walk to class anytime soon.”

Buffy bit her lip, blushing, then did something she never would have had courage for with Liam.  She closed the distance between them and feathered her hand over his very obvious bulge.  “Maybe I want to be _sure_ you’ll be thinking of me all afternoon long.”

Eyes dark and heavy-lidded, he grabbed her by the ass and ground his pelvis against hers.  “Not an issue, kitten.  Especially knowing I get to see you tonight.”  He stilled.  “Don’t want me to get fired, though, do you?”

She took several quick steps away.  “Nope.  No getting fired for you, mister.  Go.  Do that teaching thing, and I’ll see you later.”

“What time you get off work?”

“Five.  But pick me up at home, I want to change first.”  She reached for the pen and notepad on his desk and scrawled her information down.  “Address, cell number, email.  I’ll see you at six, okay?”

“And not a minute later.  Waiting through the next few hours will be hard enough.”  He slid his hands down his torso as he spoke, and Buffy held her breath, her eyes glued to the slow descent.  He tucked his thumbs into his belt so that his fingers framed his denim-clad crotch, and the bulge within.  She licked her lips as he tightened his fingers.  “Better go before I do something very naughty.”

Buffy raised her eyes to his.  “Just as long as you don’t do it without me.” 

He closed his eyes, nostrils flaring.  “ _Fuck_.”

“Planning on it.”  William’s eyes shot open, and he swallowed heavily.  Though Buffy’s nerves were frayed from being so bold, she managed to wink at him.  He curled his tongue behind his teeth in a devious smirk, and she gulped and took another step back.  Hands trembling, she wrenched the door open and hurried off before she could get him fired, or possibly even arrested.

 

*******

 

William ghosted his car to a stop in front of the house bearing Buffy’s address and killed the engine.  He fingered the scrap of paper he’d torn off his notepad, then dropped it on the dash and ran his hand through his hair, refusing to give in to the urge to check his reflection in the visor mirror just one more time.  The pack of smokes in his glove compartment called to him, but he ignored those as well.  He wasn’t a schoolboy on his first date; he was a mature man.  A university professor.  What was more, he already knew Buffy liked him – hadn’t she been the one to seek him out? 

So why the hell was he so bloody nervous?

Maybe because he’d never dated before, not properly.  He’d been on a few dates way back as undergraduate student, but they’d been casual.  No bouquets of flowers or meeting of parents, and no hopes for raunchy, degenerate sex after.  Okay, there’d been hopes of sex, but not the kind he had in mind with Buffy.  Wide-eyed, near-virginal William could never have conceived what he had planned for the woman on the other side of that front door.  If she agreed, that was.  Her parting comment had implied she expected more than just dinner tonight, but there was a chance he’d read her wrong.  If he had, well.  He’d just leave the box of toys he’d raced home to nab in the trunk, along with the gifts he’d purchased for her on the way here – gifts he wouldn’t be giving her in front of her family.

Before he could find his courage and exit the car, Buffy stepped outside and shut the front door, and hurried down the walkway.  No meeting of the parents, then.  Relief mingled with disappointment as he jumped out to greet her. 

“Hey,” she said, and pecked him on the cheek.  “Didn’t know if you’d be up for the third degree.”

“I’m sure your father –”

“It’s my sister you don’t want to meet.  She could put the Spanish Inquisition to shame.”  She smiled at him and gestured to the bouquet in his hand.  “For me?”

William shoved them at her, nodding like a fool, and her smile widened.

“Thank you!”  Buffy buried her nose in the blossoms and inhaled.  “They’re beautiful.  I suppose I should put them in water.”  She shot an apprehensive glance at the house, and he wondered whether she wanted to keep the family away from him or the other way around. 

“No rush.”  William showed her how they’d been wrapped to retain moisture.  “You can do it later.”  He opened the passenger door for her with a flourish, watching appreciatively as her knee-length skirt rode up her thighs while she climbed in.

When he’d settled himself behind the wheel of his Desoto, Buffy nodded at the carefully restored black leather interior.  “Nice.”  She scooted next to him.  “Bench seats.  I always did want to ride in a car with bench seats.”

He wrapped his arm around her, and her soft curves molded into his side.  “Like this?”

“Yup.”  He backed the car out of the driveway, making the effort to focus on the task at hand rather than the sweet, warm woman beside him.  Buffy rested her hand on his knee, her head in the crook of his shoulder, and William breathed her in.  He missed having a woman so close.  Dru had liked to sit like this too.

Buffy stretched up to nip his earlobe, and as she did so, the hand on his leg crept a little higher.  William was inordinately proud that he managed to swerve only a tiny bit.  “So.  What’s the plan for the night?” she asked.

_Throw you down on the seat and have my wicked way with you._

“Made reservations at that little French restaurant, _La Mer_.”  Her hand moved another half inch towards his straining erection, and it was all he could do not to thrust into it.  He tightened his arm around her shoulders.  “Less you’re hungry for something else.”

She nuzzled his neck.  “I’ve been thinking about you all afternoon.”

“That so?” he said, and was it his voice that sounded so husky?

“Mmm.  Did you know...”  Buffy traced his earlobe with her tongue.  “That I’ve never been parking?”

The cars in the oncoming lane blared their disapproval of his driving capabilities.  “So you’re saying...?”

“I’ve never had sex in a public place, either.  Or without taking all my clothes off first.  I’ve never done it outside of a bed, or even from behind, until I met you.  There are a lot of things I’ve never done, William.  But I want to.  With you.”

He guided the car over to the shoulder, not trusting his ability to keep them alive just now.  Besides, he wanted to give this conversation his full attention.  He turned so he could see her face.  “You making small talk, or telling me what you’d like to happen tonight?”

“I’m saying I’d like for you to be my teacher.  If the offer still stands.”

“And in the interest of clarity, is that all you want from me?”

Buffy pulled away, eyes downcast, the temptress of moments ago nowhere to be seen.  When she spoke, he had to strain to hear.  “I still want to get back together with Liam.  But I can’t get you out of my mind.  The way you touched me...  I think about how free, how alive, how _good_ you made me feel, and I want you.  If that’s not enough – if you need something different – I understand.  You can take me home, or I can buy you dinner before we call it a night, or whatever.  But no, I’m not looking for anything more.  Not so long as...”

“Not so long as there’s a chance of happy ever after with the man who’s currently living in conjugal bliss with my ex.”  She nodded glumly, and William sighed.  He couldn’t quite work out if he was flattered or insulted that Buffy wanted him as her fuck-buddy, at least until the man of her dreams crooked his finger and carried her off into the sunset.

“What about you?  Aren’t you pining for Drusilla?”

More than he could say.  Though he’d thought about Buffy in the intervening weeks, and done all he could to find her, Drusilla had occupied his mind just as often.  More, truthfully.  Whether from force of habit or actual desire, he wasn’t sure, but he did worry about her.  If Liam went back to Buffy, his life could return to normal – normal for him.  Wasn’t that what he wanted?

“Yeah,” he agreed.  “Yeah, I am.  But I want you too.”

She waved her hand.  “Now you understand my dilemma.”  

William considered Buffy.  He wasn’t all that sure he wanted a relationship either, not one with eventual expectations of a white wedding followed by the proverbial two-point-four children, dog, and white picket fence.  But he did want this woman in his life, one way or another.  He knew that much.  Half of Buffy was better than none at all, wasn’t it? 

“You sure you want to do this?” he asked, and she nodded.  “Right, then.  Terms and conditions.  Neither of us has any claim on the other.  If one of us is busy, there’s no whinging or trying to guilt the other party into dropping their commitment.”

“When you say busy... do you mean on a date?”

He shook his head.  “Number two.  No other sexual or romantic partners, not for the duration of our time together.  You want somebody else, you do me the courtesy of letting me know.”  Buffy bristled.  “Not saying you’re looking to play the field, love.  It’s just one of those things it’s better to agree on up front, so nobody gets hurt.”

“Sounds like you’ve done this before.”

“Nah.  Been thinking about it, though, ever since you brought it up that first night.  How to do this properly.”

She pursed her lips, then nodded.  “Makes sense.  Three.  Either of us can call it off at any time, for whatever reason.  No hard feelings.  But....”  She took a deep breath.  “No waffling, either.  Like I’ve been doing.  Changing my mind every other minute.”

“Buffy, pet.  Don’t really blame you for being indecisive.  This is –”

“This is way outside my comfort zone.  But I have to pick whether I’m in or out, and stick with it.”

“You pick in, right?” he said, a little too quickly, and she laughed.

“I do.  And if I change my mind again, that’s it.”

William rubbed the back of his neck.  “Fair enough.  Four.  Remember that this is your show.  You call the shots.  If something’s too much, tell me.  But don’t say no automatically.  You need to think on whether it makes you uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar, or because it’s truly too much.

“I can do that.”

“Good.  Anything else you can think of?”

Buffy gave his question only a moment’s consideration.  With a sly smile, she leaned closer, voice dropping to a throaty murmur.  “Five.  We start.  Right.”  Her eyes dropped to his mouth and her lips parted.  “ _Now_.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost every toy/product William introduces Buffy to from here on out can be found on Amazon. Hooray for Amazon! And no, I won't tell you which items are the ones I could personally review. Pervert!
> 
> :) 
> 
> Hands-on research is important, you know.

 

William dragged his gaze away from her lips to stare at the cars streaming past them.  “Now?  _Here?_ ”

“Not _right now,_ right now.  Except...”  Buffy squirmed even closer, twisting her body so her back was to the windshield, her face to his.

“Except?”

“Got to seal the deal with a kiss, don’t we?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle.  “Suppose we do at that.”  William reached down and tugged the lever beneath the seat until the bench slid backwards with a thunk, and Buffy clambered onto his lap, knees on either side of his hips, skirt riding up and tits right in his face. 

Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and a wave of lust hit him, making him dizzy.  William wrapped his arms around her and crushed his mouth to hers, determined to possess every last inch of the blonde woman in his lap.  He kissed her without conscious thought, his body acting on instinct. 

The car rattled as a semi roared by, bringing him back to the present, and he slowed his frenzied kisses to a crawl, savoring the moment.  Buffy tasted even better than he remembered.  The thought that he could never in a million years tire of this woman crossed his mind, and he reached up to cup her face.  In the fading evening light, her eyes were huge and luminous.

“Wow.”  She sounded as shaky as he felt.

“Wow,” he agreed.  “Uh.  Dinner?”

“At the risk of sounding like a complete ho-bag, I don’t think I can pull off calm and composed in a fancy restaurant, not the way I feel right now.  I’m too...”  She looked away.

William took her chin in his hand and turned her face back to his.  “Too what?”

“You _know_.”

“Horny?”  She nodded, and tried to avert her eyes.  Sensing that teasing her would only make her retreat even more inside herself, William brushed his lips across her forehead.  “Don’t ever be afraid to tell me you want me, love.  It’s not shameful.  I’ll tell you a secret – it drives a bloke wild, it does, to hear a pretty woman say he’s the reason she’s all hot and bothered.  There’s nothing more erotic.”

Buffy took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.  “I want you, William.  Like, _now_.”  He groaned.  She slid off his lap and set her clothes to rights.  “But maybe not here.  You touch me any more, and I’ll probably forget just how public this is, but I’d rather not get arrested tonight.”

He wasn’t so sure he could hold out either.  “You know someplace a bit more private?  And for fuck’s sakes, nearby?”

“I know just the place – and since it’s Monday night, we should have it all to ourselves.”

 

*******

 

Buffy lifted the corner of the blanket and William slid under, holding a lit cigarette out to one side. 

“You smoke?”

“Not often.  Shag like that deserves a post-coital nicotine fix, though.”  He offered it to her.  “You want to try?” 

She wrinkled her nose.  “Really not.”

With an apologetic glance, he stubbed it out and flicked it away, then settled onto his back.  Buffy scooted until her head rested on his shoulder, which was far more comfortable than the cold, hard metal of the hood of his car.  His hand found hers under the rough wool blanket, and they lay in companionable silence, gazing up at the stars. 

“I could go for a post-coital burger, though.  And fries.  Oooh, and a milkshake.”

“Worked up an appetite, have we?” he said with a chuckle. 

Buffy didn’t bother to answer; he was the one who’d worked it up, after all, with the myriad positions and contortions he’d put her through in the last hour.  She hadn’t realized car sex offered so many possibilities.  As they watched the clouds scud across the star-studded sky, she reflected on all the things they’d done.  It was hard to choose her favorite.  The position where she’d been on her back while William stood in the doorway, her legs around his waist and his hands gripping the roof of the car, had been pretty damn fantastic.  But she decided the best part had to be when he’d draped her face down over the hood –or bonnet, as he’d called it – skirt rucked to her waist and legs dangling over the edge, and proceeded to eat her out.  She’d come so many times by that point she’d lost count, but he’d managed to wrest one last orgasm out of her.  He’d surged into her from behind while she’d been in the throes of passion, hard and fast, and without pausing first to ask permission. 

Though she’d felt like she ought to be appalled, she’d secretly loved every second of it.  Buffy knew no matter what they did, she only had to say the word and William would stop in an instant.  Even after taking her in such a forceful manner, he’d paused a moment to make sure she was okay with what he was doing.  For whatever reason, she trusted him, and that trust in his self-control made his unrestrained behavior even more erotic to her. 

After years of Liam and his considerate, controlled passion, the illusion that she made William so wild with desire he couldn’t stop himself was a potent one.  Buffy wondered if she could work up the courage to tell him so, and maybe convince him to role-play taking her without her consent.  She rolled her eyes at herself.  As much as she found the desire shocking, she was sure William would find it tame.  No, the only issue was having the guts to admit her secret fantasies in the first place.  But wasn’t that why she was with him?  Because he gave her the courage to be a little kinky?

Head buried in the crook of his neck so he couldn’t see her face, she decided she could tell him.  This was a doable thing.  “You know,” she began, then trailed off, her nerve deserting her the moment she heard her own voice.

When she didn’t continue, he prompted her with a gentle, “What’s that, love?”

“I, um.”  How to word it?  She didn’t think comparing him to Liam, even favorably, would be the best approach.  “You know how you said me admitting I want you is a turn-on?  Turns out it goes both ways.  When you... earlier... at the end.  You acted as though I drove you so wild you couldn’t help yourself.”

“Don’t know that it was an act, love.”

“But you would’ve stopped.  If I’d asked.  Right?”

He squeezed her hand.  “In an instant.”

“So, that’s...  I’ve never been taken like that before, and... and... _and-it-was-exciting_ ,” she said in a rush.

“Did sweet, innocent Buffy find a kink she wants to explore?”  Though there was a hint of amusement in William’s voice, what she heard mostly was... pride?

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”  He twisted so he could look into her eyes.  “Suspect you’ll always drive me wild with desire, Buffy.  But if you wanted to push me right to the edge of my restraint.  Turn me into a bloody animal next time I see you.  Make it _real_.  There are... ways.”

Her well-used insides throbbed at the idea.  “An animal who would still understand ‘no’, right?”

William feathered the backs of his fingers over her cheek.  “Always.”

“Okay.  I think I’d like that.”

“Then I have just the thing.”  He slipped out from under the blanket.  Buffy followed him around to the trunk, readjusting her clothes as she went.  Neither of them had removed a single stitch of clothing throughout the entire evening, other than her panties, which were still MIA.  She suspected they had disappeared into William’s back pocket.  “You’ve heard of chastity belts,” he said, and she nodded.  “The male version’s a little more effective.”

He popped the trunk and pulled a key out of his pocket.  William unlocked a plain wooden box he’d stowed in the back and rummaged around inside of it.  Buffy peered over his shoulder, but couldn’t tell what he had in there without any lighting to see by.  He seemed to be sorting items by sense of touch.  “Ah, here.”  He held up a small black bag and withdrew what looked to be a mess of wires and hoops.

“Um.  Yay?”

William re-locked his box, grabbed a paper gift bag out of the trunk, and slammed the lid.

“So,” Buffy said as he opened the door to the back seat and slid inside.  “You always keep a locked box of sex toys in your trunk?  I can’t wait to see you explain that one if you get pulled over.”

He chuckled.  “Special circumstances.  I wasn’t sure what lay in store tonight, and wanted to be properly prepared.”

“Aren’t you the good little Boy Scout.”

“Don’t think they give merit badges for the kinds of skills I know, sweetheart.”  William waggled his eyebrows as he said this, and Buffy was hit with a sudden recollection of him pushing her onto her back the moment they’d parked the car and he’d killed the engine.  He’d draped her legs across his, divested her of her underwear, and used those talented fingers of his to bring her to climax in less than a minute.  Skilled, indeed.  Knees weak, she collapsed next to him in the back seat and wondered if there might be something wrong with her.  There was no way she should want him again, not after he’d satisfied her so thoroughly already.

“First things first,” he said, and passed her the gift bag.  “This is for you.”

“What is it?”

He nudged her knee with his.  “Think of it as homework.”

Too curious to respond, she pulled out the first item.  Wrapped in black paper, it felt heavy, like a book.  She tore open the wrapping and blushed.  It was a book, all right.  “ _Illustrated Positions of The Kama Sutra_?  How is this homework?”

“Got to have a text to go with your lessons, don’t you?  Don’t question my methods – I _am_ a professor, you know.”  He pried the book from her grip and flipped it open to a random page.  Buffy peeked at it from the corner of her eye, embarrassed by the frank photography.  _Tasteful_ frank photography, but still so very explicit.  “You mentioned wanting to try different positions.  Thought this could help with that.  Give you an idea of the different things we could try.”

Buffy already had ideas, just from that page alone.  The first stirrings of lust she’d felt moments ago fanned into raging need, and with a gulp, she wondered how soon she could get William up against a wall. 

Trying to maintain a steady voice, she said, “Thank you.  It’s... it’s certainly beautiful.”

William reached into the bag on her lap and pulled out the other package.  He placed it in her hands, and she turned the much smaller and lighter box over, wondering what it might be. 

Only one way to find out.

She took her time unwrapping it, then squinted at the label.  “A jade egg?  What is it, a paperweight?”

He laughed.  “Not quite.  You heard of Kegel exercises?”

“Isn’t that what women do after they’ve had, like, twenty kids, and pee every time they sneeze?”

“You’re on the right track.  It’s for everybody, though, not just older women.  If you learn to control your inner muscles... let’s just say it brings sex to a whole new level.  For both you and your partner.”  He lifted the lid on the box.  Inside sat, well, a small egg.  Made out of jade.  Buffy wrinkled her nose and wondered just what she was supposed to do with it.  Lucky for her, William explained.  “You slip this inside...”  Here, he dropped a hand into her lap to cup her sex, and it took all of Buffy’s willpower not to writhe against him like a cat in heat.  “And work on keeping it in while you go about your day.  The effort is what teaches you control.  Otherwise it’ll slide back out.”

Her eyes widened.  “So, what – I’m walking down the aisle at the grocery store and all of a sudden this comes bouncing out from between my legs and rolls towards the canned goods?  No _thank_ you.”

William snorted.  “Only if you tend to go to the market without knickers on, pet.  Worst that can happen is it’ll fall into your knickers.  Which is still a dilemma, and why you practice at home before you venture out into the world.”  He closed the box and placed it back in the bag.  “You can read the instructions for yourself.  No obligation to use it, but it’s there in case you want to try.  If it makes you feel better, I do my own strengthening exercises.”

She tried to picture it and couldn’t.  “How?” 

“Bit like push-ups, but with my dick.  A fellow gets a hard-on, then drapes a wet washcloth or two over it.  The extra weight pushes it down, and he tries to raise it back up.”  He shrugged.  “Anything that teaches you to control your pelvic muscles will be effective, for men _or_ women.”

Buffy laughed at the mental image of his penis wearing a little headband, sweating to the oldies.  “You really do that?”

“Really do.”

“Huh.”  Well, maybe she could try the egg thingy.  Trying didn’t hurt.  “Thanks.  Again.  I wish I had something to give you.”

He wagged his finger at her.  “I’m the teacher, pet.  I provide the materials you need.  The way you repay me is by being a diligent student.”

She could do that. 

No problem. 

Buffy pointed at the metal contraption resting in his lap.  “And what about this?”

“It’s a cock cage.  Keeps me from shagging.  Or touching myself.”  He lifted it up so she could see it better, but it still looked like no more than a mess of wires and rings to her.  “It also keeps me from even getting a proper erection.  If I wear this for a few days... or weeks...”

“You explode the minute it comes off?”

“In more ways than one.”

With a frown, Buffy poked at the steel rings with one finger.  “Is it painful?”

“Not unbearably so, and even then, only if I’m aroused.”  William lifted his hips and shimmied until his jeans had fallen to his knees.  His cock lay heavily on his thigh, semi-erect, the head just poking through the wrinkled foreskin.  Buffy watched with wide-eyed fascination as he fitted rings around first his testicles, then his penis.  When he was done, a tiny padlock secured the entire contraption.  He placed the key in the palm of her hand and curled her fingers around it.  “Now I belong to you, lock, stock, and barrel.  Better not wait too long until our next date.”

“Whoa, time out!  _Waaaay_ too much responsibility!  What if I lose the key?  Or – or get smushed by a truck, and your freedom along with me?”

“I can always bust the toy lock...  Or use the spare key.”  He grinned, and tugged his pants back up. 

“What?  Oh.”  She pouted.  “How do I know you won’t do that anyway?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” he said, suiting actions to words.  “I’ll only use it in case of emergency.  I’ve gone weeks and weeks in one of these, pet.  Believe me when I say I have self-control.” 

Buffy reached out to stop him from doing up his fly.  “Can I...?”  When William paused, she touched the cock cage tentatively, exploring the spaces between the metal with her fingertips.  She couldn’t make contact with any skin, other than the tip of his penis and his testicles.  As her explorations grew bolder, his cock began to swell, and he let out a pained groan. 

She yanked her hand away.  “Sorry!  Sorry!”

“That’s the whole point of it, love.  To tease and torture, and not give me any relief.”

“No, I don’t want to do that.  I... I don’t think I’d be very good at the whole S and M thing.  Pain is...”

William took her hand and placed it back on the cock cage.  “It’s not real pain.  And just like you can tell me to stop, I can tell you.  If I’m not enjoying something, I’ll let you know.”

“You... enjoy this?”

“I enjoy the anticipation of release.  The more you tease, the more I have to look forward to.”  He cupped their hands around his balls.  His cock swelled until it strained against the metal rings, but the shape of the device kept it hanging low, and much smaller than she knew it to be.  Buffy watched his face carefully, looking for some sign that she should stop, but with his clenched jaw, and the tendons of his neck standing in full relief, his expression could only be described as tortured bliss. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” 

William seemed to understand that what she really meant was:  _I can’t believe I’m enjoying this_.  Because she _was_ enjoying it, no question about it.  With a smirk, he slid his free hand down her body and under her skirt to cup her mound, unimpeded by the underwear that were probably still in his back pocket. 

Buffy gurgled when he pressed his thumb against her tender, swollen clit.  “So wet,” he murmured.  “Tell me, kitten, are you always this wet?  Or is it just for me?”  He slipped a finger inside her slick opening, then another.  She gasped, and wriggled against him.

“I – I think it’s you.  God knows I’ve never been this... this...”

“Passionate?”

His fingers were doing wicked, delicious things to her, and Buffy had to force the words out.  “S-sure.  That’s as good a word as any.”  She spread her legs and arched into him, the hand around his balls squeezing without conscious thought, making him grunt.  She tried to move so they were in a more comfortable position than side-by-side, but William nipped at her shoulder and told her to stay just as she was.  Buffy twisted anyway, fumbling with the tiny key clutched in her hand, desperate to free him and give them what they both wanted.

William slapped her hand away.  “ _No!_ ”  She froze, and he softened his harsh tone.  “Too soon, pet.”

“We can put it back on after...”

“This... this is what I want.”  He looked so tormented, so delirious with lust, she wasn’t sure she believed him.  “Let me take care of you,” he continued, “Please.”  Without waiting for her reply, he pushed her onto her back and buried his face between her legs.

She forgot to argue further.

After, loose-limbed and sated once more – _for now_ , she thought – Buffy said, “I’m not sure how I feel about this.  Yeah, it’s kinda exciting to see you, well, caged, but...  I _really_ don’t like causing pain.”

“Not even knowing I’m getting off on it?”

She shook her head, undecided and more than a little wigged.  “Do... I mean... how often do you get hard?  Just on your own, you know.  Without somebody to turn you on.”

“Two or three times a day, I’d guess.  It’ll be more often in the next few days, though.  Lots of delicious memories to spark me.”  William squeezed her knee.  “No more fussing.  I promise I’ll take it off if it gets too much.  Deal?”

“Deal,” she agreed, though she still found the situation unsettling.  With a final reassuring pat on her knee, he started the car, leaving her to mull it over as he drove.

Buffy recalled the agreement they’d made earlier in the night – no saying no, not unless she was truly discomfited.  He’d cautioned her to separate unfamiliarity from actual repugnance.  Didn’t it make sense for her unease to be due to lack of experience with this lifestyle?  After all, if William wasn’t bothered, why should she be?  _He_ was the one who had to endure it, not her.  She decided to put her reservations on hold for the time being, though they reared their head once more after dinner, when he suggested she ought to wear clothes she wouldn’t mind being torn from her body when next they met.  He left her standing on her front porch, bedraggled bouquet in one hand and gift bag in the other, staring after him in dismay as he sauntered away with a cocky swagger.

What exactly had she gotten herself into?

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

Buffy gripped her small valise more tightly, to make up for her sweaty palms, and faced off with her father in the living room.  Her sister, Dawn, looked on from the doorway, brow furrowed and expression disbelieving when their dad continued to argue with her.

“...but I need you tomorrow night, Buffy.  I already explained this.”

“And I already explained I wouldn’t be here.  I explained it on Tuesday when you first brought it up, and I explained it on Wednesday, and I explained it again yesterday.  You’ll have to handle dinner yourself, and that includes making the cake.  I have plans this weekend.  Starting now.”

Hank Summers shook his head.  “No you don’t, young lady.  I didn’t give you permission.”

“I don’t _need_ your permission!” Buffy shot back.  “I’m almost twenty-five, Dad.”

“So long as you live in my house...”

“I’ll abide by your rules.  And I will.”  She took a deep breath and thought of William.  Just the thought of him gave her the courage to stand up for herself – and there was no time like the present to put that courage into action.  “I’m not breaking any rules, Dad.  I’m just trying to have a life of my own.”

Her father pinned her with a withering look.  “You sound exactly like your mother.  Having her own life was more important to that woman than her family – more important to her than _you_.  I expected better of you, Buffy.”

In the past, Hank’s rebuttal would have stopped her in her tracks without another word on her part.  Not today.  Not after the soul-searching she’d engaged in since Monday night, ever since she and William had made plans to spend the weekend together. 

She’d counted on her dad being resistant, but this seemed excessive, even to Buffy.

“This is not me being selfish.  Or maybe it is.  But it’s a good kind of selfish, because I _shouldn’t_ be responsible for this family, Dad.  I’m not your wife, I’m not your housekeeper, and I’m not Dawn’s mother.  You guys are both capable adults who don’t need me – and you’re the one who’s being selfish by expecting me to give up my own life to play hostess for you tomorrow night!”  She paused, out of breath, and more than a little shaky from standing up to her father for the first time in... well, ever.

Hank took a menacing step forward, his expression furious.  “So long as you live here, you are _not_ an independent adult, and I expect you to contribute to the household!”

Though her hand clenched in a death-grip around her suitcase handle, and her insides felt like they were making a trip through a tilt-a-whirl, Buffy held her ground in the face of his wrath.  “And I do!  I cook, I clean, I even pay rent.  I am not mooching off of you, and you know it.”  She took a step toward the door.  “I’m sorry you didn’t believe me when I said I would be gone all weekend.  But I’m running late, and I need to go.”

Her father moved to block her exit.  “If you leave, don’t expect to come back.”  Dawn shot Buffy a wide-eyed look of panic and fled, abandoning her to their livid father.

She stared at him in shock.  “Are you _serious_?”  When his only response was to glare back, stony-faced, Buffy almost caved.  This was her _dad_.  Who, despite his current irrational behavior, had always loved and cared for her, and done his best by her.

Buffy licked her lips.  She looked past her father, to the front door.

William’s words rang in her mind. 

_You can’t let other people walk all over you, pet.  You stood up to Drusilla and Liam.  You can stand up to these wankers._

She and William had finally made their way to dinner after their Monday night rendezvous, and Buffy had been faint with hunger by the time their orders were ready.  As they’d turned away from the counter with their trays, an unruly group of teen boys had entered the burger joint.  The kids, shoving their way past the couple, had jostled with elbows and hips far more than necessary, causing Buffy to dump her tray and spill her milkshake down her shirt.  A livid William had been all set to teach the boys a lesson, but Buffy had restrained him, not wanting to make a scene.  He’d turned to her, head cocked, and given her that penetrating stare she was coming to hate. 

_You’re right, pet.  This is your battle._

Buffy had shaken her head in dismay, but William had only goaded her until, just to get him off her back, she’d marched over to the kids and given them a piece of her mind.  Despite sullen looks and below the breath muttering, a couple of them had offered her an apology.  Not all, but some.  Enough for Buffy to realize William had been right.  She didn’t have to let other people walk all over her.  It was okay to cause a scene.

Sometimes.  If you were in the right.

Like now.

She threw her shoulders back, raised her chin, and ignored the urge to vomit. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Dad.  I love you more than anything.  But I’m still doing this.”  She skirted her father and marched through the front door without another word.

 

********

 

William glanced at the dashboard clock and resisted the urge to increase the pressure on the gas pedal.  He was only running a few minutes behind, but after four days of near-painful anticipation, every additional second felt like an eternity.  He could only hope  Buffy wasn’t late also.  Drusilla might have taught him to appreciate self-denial years and years ago, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t anxious to be free.  And buried deep inside the woman he was trying not to break the law to reach.

His phone buzzed, and he risked reading the incoming text.

_I need you._

_Bloody hell_.  She’d been doing this all day, sending him almost-naughty messages, and William felt like his dick might go all Hulk and burst free on its own.  It was even more determined than it had been the night before, when he’d called her to tell her where he’d made hotel reservations.  Buffy had whimpered at some point during the conversation, and his ears – and his dick – had recognized that sound.

“Are you touching yourself?” he’d asked hoarsely, and while she’d vehemently denied it, it didn’t really matter to his brain.  He’d spent the entire night reliving that sound, and imagining just what she’d been doing to cause it.  William had almost given in and retrieved the spare key at that point, but he’d managed to hold out, falling into an exhausted – and uncomfortable – sleep in the early hours of the morning.

“You better be here,” he muttered as he pulled into the parking lot.

She wasn’t.  The check-in clerk informed him a woman had dropped off an envelope, but nobody had checked in.  William had to bite back the urge to take out his frustration on the poor man.  He unlocked the room and flung himself inside, then tore open the envelope. 

A tiny key fell to the bed, along with a note.  _Didn’t think you’d want to wait any longer._

William eyed the key, then snatched it up and undid the contraption he’d been sporting for four long days.  His hands were so shaky, he fumbled the lock more than once, and came close to spilling tears of frustration.  Free at last, his cock swelled to a size that impressed even him.  He ran a finger down the length, and whimpered.  Fluid gathered at the tip and spilled down the side in a steady trickle, and it took all his willpower not to spread it around.  Not to stroke himself with a good, firm grip. 

Where the fuck was Buffy? 

He pulled his pants back up and began to pace, eyes glued to the digital readout on the bedside clock.  When five minutes had passed, he called her.  The phone rang, and rang, before going to voicemail.  No matter how many times he re-tried Buffy’s number, all he got was her voicemail, and he began to worry.

Just as he was about to call her house, he heard the snick of the lock, and the door swung open.  “Where the bloody hell’ve you...” he began, but then his voice dried up, along with the saliva in his mouth, and all he could do was stare.

“Thank god I’ve got the right room!”  She closed the door behind her, and smiled slowly.  “Whatsa matter, William?”

He could only shake his head, eyes still locked on the vision in front of him.  When he continued to do nothing more than stare, mute, as she walked towards him, Buffy began to babble.  “I know, I know, the whole thigh-high boots and miniskirt thing is trite and Halloween-y, but what with it being Halloween weekend and all –”

William suspected he might have growled, or maybe grunted, like a caveman.  It would have been appropriate, considering the only thought in his head was, “Woman!  Now!”  He lunged at her and she took a hasty step backwards, then another and another, until she was backed up against the door, eyes huge, chest heaving.

“D- did you take off the cage?”

His dick throbbed painfully, as if to remind him that, yes, it _was_ free and desperate for attention.  William ignored it in favor of dragging his nose up Buffy’s neck, reveling in her scent and her soft, smooth skin.  He snuffled her hair, eyes shut, then clamped his hands about her wrists and pinned them over her head.  Buffy squeaked, and the small part of his brain still capable of conscious thought registered the noise.

“You remember the safe words?” he said.

“Y-yes.”

“Good.” 

William let higher thought slip away, and gave in to pure animal need. 

 

*******

 

_Porcupine.  Porcupine porcupine porcupine._

Buffy thought it, but she didn’t say it.  She was a little bit – okay, a lot – afraid of William right now.  He’d brought up safe words, though, which meant he was still somewhere in there.  Somewhere behind the growling and the lunging and the general sense that William had checked out and left this walking personification of lust in his place. 

She’d wanted a man with no apparent self-control.  Now she had one, and though her knees were weak and her panties soaked, Buffy wasn’t sure she liked it.  Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to fan his flames by sending those texts.

_Porcupine._

It almost slipped out when he threw her over his shoulder, then lurched for the bed and tossed her onto it.  How strong was he, that he could throw her around like a doll?  And why did such a dominant show of strength excite her this way?

_It’s not exciting_, she told herself. 

Except it was.  So exciting, she didn’t blurt out the safe word on the tip of her tongue.  She tried to push herself up, but he pounced on her and pinned her to the bed, hands high above her head, his grip almost, but not quite, painful.  “Mine,” he said, eyes dark with desire.  He covered her body with his, pelvis grinding into her, the friction hitting just the right spot.  Buffy shuddered all over, an answering lust pushing the fear aside.

William bit her bare shoulder, and she moaned.

“Gonna fuck you so hard.”  He let go of her wrists and ripped her shirt apart, buttons flying everywhere, then bent over her and bit her breast.  Buffy squealed in surprise and slapped at his head, and he sat up and slapped her face in return.  It was such a light slap, she knew it was part of the game, but still.  She couldn’t help but stare at him in shock.  William faltered, his eyes questioning, and it was enough to restore her sense of safety.  She smiled faintly and gave him a tiny nod.

He ripped his own shirt off in response, then stood and shucked his jeans.  The sight of his huge, weeping cock intensified the ache between her legs, but the size of it still made her nervous.  Had he been that big before?  Buffy scrambled away from him, off the far side of the bed, almost twisting her ankle on her stupid high-heeled boots.  William leered and stalked towards her.  His jutting cock led the way, his entire bearing predatory and dangerous.  She stared, frozen, unable to form a plan, or even a coherent thought.

_Porcupine...?_

Before she could react, he’d thrown her onto the bed again, facedown this time.  A heavy hand rested on her lower back, holding her in place, and then her ass was bare and her panties gone.  William smacked first one cheek where it met her thigh, and then the other.  Buffy squealed and tried to wriggle away, but he fisted his hand in her hair and pushed her head into the mattress, a knee replacing the hand on the small of her back.  With his free hand, he soothed the sting of his handprints, then moved lower, between her legs.  He dipped his fingers into her, grunting his approval of how wet she was.  She moaned when he pumped his fingers in and out, spreading her slick moisture.

William quickly flipped her over, and Buffy gasped at the look on his face.  It was pure, unadulterated desire.  God help her, she shouldn’t love it, but she did.  He _needed_ her, and though she wouldn’t have thought it possible, she grew even wetter.  Eyes glued to her glistening pussy, he hooked his arms under her boot-clad knees and yanked them upwards, spreading her legs and opening her up to him.  Buffy darted a glance at his penis, and swallowed.  It looked huge, and as though it had a mind of its own, what with the way it throbbed and twitched.  He’d somehow managed to get a condom on without her noticing, and she knew there wouldn’t be any more foreplay.

Sure enough, he raised his eyes to hers for a brief moment, seeking confirmation.  Buffy wriggled her hips in a wordless answer, and he guided his cock to her entrance and _invaded_ her.  There was no other word for it.  William forced his way in, until he was buried to the hilt.  She screamed, from shock, not pain, but he didn’t give her even a second to adjust.  Groaning, he withdrew and pounded back into her, his weight heavy, his balls slapping against her ass.  She screamed again as his pubic bone caught her clitoris.

“Porcupine?” he whispered into her ear.

She couldn’t form words, so she settled for a wild shaking of her head.  William redoubled his efforts, setting a punishing pace.  He grunted in time with his thrusting, eyes squeezed shut, jaw clenched tight, the tendons in his neck straining with the effort.  Buffy watched his face, fascinated by the way he seemed to be fully engrossed in the moment.  When he changed his angle, hitting her clitoris with every thrust, the bliss of pure sensation claimed her as well.  She raked her nails down his back, and her head whipped from side to side.  He grunted and lifted her knee higher, forcing himself deeper, hitting a spot she’d never known existed until now.  Her insides felt like they were on fire.  Buffy arched her body, and he dipped his head to capture her breast in his mouth.  His tongue danced over her nipple, and she couldn’t hold back the scream that built from somewhere deep inside.  She thrashed beneath him as an orgasm followed, pleasure hurtling outwards to every cell in her body.

William stiffened and let out a hoarse shout, and holy _fuck_ , she could feel his cock as it spurted inside of her.  He trembled above her, arms and legs locked in position and seemingly incapable of movement, so Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his shaking body close.  He collapsed onto her, and she held him tightly, surprised when he began to sob into the crook of her neck.  It sounded like tears of relief more than anything, so she held him tight and let him be.

She stroked his hair until he quieted, then kissed the crown of his head.  They lay together for several long minutes, just holding each other.  Finally, with a loud sniff, William stirred. 

“I get it now,” Buffy said.  “Why you like being locked up.  If it’s that intense every time...”

He cleared his throat.  “Not _every_ time.  Usually only after long stretches.  Months.  I’ve never...  Think most of that had to do with you, honestly.”  He raised himself up on one elbow, so he could look into her eyes.  “You’re fucking _amazing_.”

“No I’m not,” she said, uncomfortable with his praise.  “If I were so amazing, then –”

“Don’t you _dare_ say his name.”

“... then I wouldn’t need a teacher, would I?”

“Oh, love.  You can’t teach _fire_ like you have.  That’s innate.  All you.  Any fool could see it if only they had eyes.”

She stroked his cheek.  “You always know just what to say, don’t you?”

“Only because it’s the bloody truth.  But...”  He leered at her.  “Don’t take that to mean your lessons are over.  We’re only getting started, and I don’t intend to quit now.”

Buffy laughed.  “Me either.”

He let out an exaggerated sigh of relief.  “Good.  And speaking of...  Was that okay?  Not too rough, or too much for you?”

“I never called out _porcupine_ , did I?  Even though I did think about it, at first.  You were very...  I don’t think intense is an intense enough word.  It was a little frightening.”

William cocked his head.  “But it turned you on?”

“Yeah, it did, which is also a little frightening.  What does that say about me?”

“Was it the being frightened that excited you?”

She thought about it.  “No.  It was when you reminded me I was safe with you that I _really_ got turned on.”

“And I don’t get off on actually forcing a woman.  So, if we both know the difference between playing a game and reality –”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” she finished happily.  “I get it.”

The pair of them fell quiet, and Buffy snuggled into William’s arms, enjoying the afterglow.  It wasn’t long before she began to wriggle, though. 

“What is it, pet?”

“Imitation leather boots?  Not meant for the snuggling.”

He ran a hand up her inner thigh.  “So long as I get to see these again...”

She laughed, and climbed out of bed.  After they’d both cleaned up, and Buffy had changed into a far more comfortable long t-shirt, she found herself back in his arms.  Toying lazily with one of his nipples, she said, “So that’s Spike, huh?”

William stiffened.  His hand covered hers and forced it still.  “You’ve never met Spike,” he said in a low voice, “and you don’t want to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you found what we just did a little frightening, you’re not ready for Spike.  Believe you me, you’d know it if you’d met him.”

Buffy sat up.  “I don’t understand.”

William stared upwards, gaze fixed on the ceiling.  “Spike isn’t just _kinky_ , Buffy.  He likes pain.  Likes causing it, likes receiving it.  You know I would’ve stopped just now, the instant you didn’t seem to be enjoying yourself, whether you used a safe word or not.  You wouldn’t have even needed to say no.  Spike doesn’t understand no, or stop.  He would’ve laughed and kept at it until you cried and begged for mercy, and then laughed even harder and done it again.” 

The picture he painted made her shiver, and she swallowed.  “I still don’t understand.  You talk like he’s a different person, but he’s just you.  How...”

“ _No_.  He’s not me.  Yeah, it’s me playing the part, but I have to keep him separate.  I _have_ to.”  He sighed, and rolled into a sitting position, facing away from her.  “I don’t get off on pain, love.  Not in the bedroom.  I’ll be Spike for Dru, and I won’t mind it because he’s what she needs, but it’s not me.”

“Would... would you be Spike for me?”

“Thought you weren’t up for S and M.”

“I’m not.  I don’t think.  But if I asked...”

He turned to face her then, his expression bleak.  “It’s not a place you can easily come back from, love.  We’re not talking the couple smacks on the ass I gave you earlier.  If you’d been with Spike, you wouldn’t be able to sit for a week.  Literally.  Mixing pain – real pain – with your pleasure?  It changes you.”

“I – I get it.”

“No.”  He shook his head.  “You don’t.  You _can’t_.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Buffy let herself into the hotel room as quietly as possible, and smiled tentatively at William when she saw he was awake.  She held out the paper bag in one hand, and cardboard tray bearing two coffees in the other. 

“Breakfast!”

“Ta, pet.”  He gave her a genuine smile, and she let go of the breath she’d been holding. 

Things had been awkward the night before, after she’d brought up Spike, but it looked like he’d worked past whatever had been bothering him.  Which was good, otherwise she would’ve seriously considered inventing some excuse to leave early.  After telling her she couldn’t possibly understand about Spike, he’d refused to speak any more on the subject, and had instead _brooded_ all through the evening.  Buffy had done her best to be chipper, but it was difficult when he only spoke in monosyllables, if that.  They’d watched whatever old movies had been on cable and shared a pizza in near silence.  As midnight had approached, she’d begun to dress, and only then had he been drawn out of his funk.

“ _Sorry, pet_ ,” he’d said.  _“Guess you touched on a sore spot.  Please, don’t go.  I want you here, even if I’m acting like a droopy wanker_.”

He’d lifted the covers in invitation, and she hadn’t been able to resist.  William had held her close and apologized again, and she’d shushed him with a long, sweet kiss.  Eventually, Buffy had drifted off, but she didn’t think he’d been able to for a long time after, not since she’d woken so much earlier than him.

William seemed back to his regular self now, and Buffy was glad she hadn’t left after all.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help him through whatever his trauma was, but he’d been so surly, she’d felt like her presence was only making it worse.

He bounded over to her now and snatched the bag out her hand.  After peeking inside to see what she’d bought, he raised his head, beaming a megawatt grin.  “Donuts.  Brilliant!” 

His enthusiasm was infectious, and she laughed out loud.  “Nothing like a healthy dose of fried sugar to start your day.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” he said around his mouthful of jelly-filled. 

When he’d devoured two, and slurped down half his coffee, he said, “What would you like to do today?”  Buffy blushed, and he leered at her.  “I wasn’t expecting you to be ready for another lesson so soon, but if that’s what you want, I’m happy to oblige.”

“Oh!  You meant actual non-sex activities?”

“Figured on you being tender today, after the way we went at it last night.  Aren’t you?”

“I might be walking a little bow-legged this morning,” she admitted.  “I didn’t know you’d want to go out and about, though.  Like a... like a... couple.”

William tugged her arm until she fell into his lap.  “How ‘bout we call it going out like friends, eh?  I enjoy your company, Buffy, whether clothed or not.”

“I seem to remember being clothed the other night.  Clothes present no obstacle to you.”

He laughed, and pinched her bum.  “True.  But I promise to behave.”  After planting a sugary kiss on her lips, he added, “So?  What strikes your fancy?”

“Um.  What do you usually do with your weekends?”

He gave her an assessing look.  “You ever done any martial arts?”

 

*******

 

William took Charles Gunn’s hand and let the larger man help him up off the mat. 

“Good stuff,” Gunn said as William dusted himself off.  “You’ll be ready by the end of December, no problem, if you keep training at this pace.”

A warm glow settled in the pit of his stomach at the trainer’s words.  He’d been working towards entering the all-city Mixed Martial Arts tournament that occurred the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and he needed Gunn’s sponsorship to enter as an amateur MMA fighter.  “Well, that’s all right then, Charlie-boy.”  He bounced on his toes a few times and rolled his neck, working out the kinks from their final bout.

“Who’s the girl?”  Gunn nodded at the bench where Buffy sat, talking on the phone.  “She planning to start training too?”

William chuckled.  Buffy might have some hidden reserves of spunk, and a wicked front kick, but the idea of the tiny blonde in hot pink gym shorts duking it out with another girl in a cage match was beyond what even he could imagine.  And he had an _excellent_ imagination.  “Nah, mate.  She only came along to test the waters.  Have a little fun.”

Buffy noticed he was looking her way and shot him an animated thumbs up, still gabbing away on the phone.  The sight of her so happy made the warm glow inside turn all gooey and melty.  He grabbed his towel and ducked out of the ring.

“... you sure Dad’s calmed down?  I don’t want to be looking for a new place to live tomorrow night.  Well, that’s good,” he heard as he neared.  “I gotta go, Dawnie, here he comes now.  No!  That’s not what we’re going to...  Geez, where’d you learn something like that?  I’m telling Dad on you.  Uh huh.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hung up.  “Hey, you.  No fair challenging me to a match.  I had no idea you could fight like _that_.  My eight years of cheerleading can’t hold a candle to you.”

Plopping down beside her, William said, “What if I promise to go easy on you?”

“I don’t think so, Chuck Norris.  Until I get some lessons in me, those first few rounds were good enough.  But I’m happy to watch you train more if you’re not done yet.”  Buffy leaned closer to purr in his ear, “You looked mighty tasty in that ring.  All lean and dangerous and sexy as hell...”

“Yeah?” 

“Oh yeah...”

Well, that was a bit of all right.  He wouldn’t look so good by the end of the tournament, when he was likely to be bruised and bloody, but if he managed a couple of wins, he’d take it.  He might not get off on violence in the bedroom, but out here, in the ring, it was therapeutic.  Case in point: all the residual shit swirling around in his head from the night before had vanished in the last two hours of sweaty exertion. 

William jerked his thumb at her phone.  “Everything okay with little sis?”

“She wants to meet this man I’m going on weekend trysts with,” Buffy said with a laugh.  “Trysts.  Makes me feel all wicked – meeting my lover for a _tryst_.”

“That what I am?”

“Hmm?”

“Your lover?”

The word _lover_ had an immediate effect on her.  She stared at him, eyes huge and terrified, and he had the distinct impression she’d revealed something she hadn’t quite meant to.  He was about to shrug it off as nothing more than a joke when Buffy looked around quickly, then dropped her voice.  “I... uh... I guess so.  I mean, sure.  Yes.  You’re my lover.”  Though she whispered the last, she said it with certitude.

William swallowed.  Lover was ever so much more intimate than tutor, and far weightier than friends-with-benefits.  Hearing her admit it did funny things to his insides, things he wasn’t sure he was ready to consider. 

“And I suppose that makes _me_ your mistress...”  She gave him a coy look.  “It’s such an old-fashioned word, but it’s kinda sexy.  Don’t you think?”

“God, _yes_ ,” he agreed, though he was sure he was visualizing an entirely different meaning for mistress.  Maybe given time she’d let him teach her the real purpose of the cock cage, and be willing to explore dominance with him.  William thought she’d take well to it, under the right circumstances – there didn’t have to be any real pain or humiliation for a submissive, and swore he’d be so good, she’d never have to punish him.  He’d be happy to worship at her feet and be her devoted slave, if she wished it. 

Buffy bumped his shoulder with hers, breaking him out of his fantasy.  “So, lover-of-mine.  What’s the plan for the rest of the day?”

He traced his top teeth with his tongue.  “I take you back to the hotel and make sure I’ve earned my designation good and proper.”  William moved to wrap his arm around her, but Buffy laughed and shoved him away. 

“I’m thinking shower, first.  Pee-yew!”

 

*******

 

“You were right,” he said later, as he ran his slippery, soapy hands over her warm breasts for the umpteenth time.  “A shower was a _very_ good idea.”

The water was long since cold by the time William finally decided they were both clean enough.

 

*******

 

“William?”

“Yeah, love?”  They lay side-by-side, Buffy on her back, William propped up on one elbow, fingers tracing designs on her bare skin.

“I’m going to have to skip next weekend.”

“Oh.”  There was a long pause, during which Buffy could almost hear him wrestling with whether or not to ask why.  “Okay, then.”

She was a little disappointed he acquiesced so easily, but those were the rules they’d set up, after all.  No whining.  It wasn’t like she wanted to skip, though.  The thought of not seeing him for two weeks was almost unbearable.  “It’s just... it’ll be that time of the month.  So... you know.  No sexytimes.  No point in...”

He rested his hand on her lower belly, fingers splayed.  “Not like a little blood’s going to put me off.”

“Errrr....”  She hadn’t considered that.  “I was thinking more of the cramps and the emotional wreck I’ll be.  And I don’t know I’d even want to have sex.”

His hand travelled lower.  “I’d be happy to pamper you all weekend instead.  Rub your belly, feed you chips and ice cream.  Let you be a wreck on my shoulder, if you want.  It’s your call.  But I’d rather see you than not.”  He dropped his head and began to nuzzle her neck at the same time as his questing fingers found their target.

Buffy squirmed under his touch, his ministrations making rational thought difficult.  Something about what he said rang a warning bell, though.  Pampering... pampering was beyond tutoring, wasn’t it?  She’d called him her lover yesterday, and he’d been even more attentive since, if such a thing was possible.  But did she want that level of intimacy with him?  That implied level of commitment to each other?

“It sounds heavenly...” she said slowly.  “But... isn’t that, I don’t know.  Boyfriend behavior?”

William froze, his body stiff.  “Right.”

“I just think it’s safer if we don’t confuse the two.  This is going to end at some point, and I don’t want our hearts involved.”  He rolled away from her, and Buffy followed, pinning him with her body and forcing him to look at her.  She needed him to understand just how precarious a line she was walking.  “I like you, William.  And I can see myself _really_ liking you.  Maybe even more.  But my heart belongs to Liam, and anything that confuses the situation will lead to much badness.  For me, at least.  Maybe you can handle it, but I can’t.”

His face, usually so expressive, remained shuttered.  Buffy had no idea what he was thinking, and a small part of her wished she had held her tongue.  She was half-terrified he would end their affair now rather than agree to her restrictions.  “Say something?”

“It’s your call.”  His flat tone of voice didn’t give away his secrets.  “Your show.”

For some reason, his impassive declaration angered her.  She jerked away and sat up, tugging the rumpled bed sheet out from under him until it covered her breasts.  “No!  It’s not.  You have to decide too, you know.  It’s not okay for only one of us to hold all the power.”  Buffy poked him in the chest.  “Tell me what _you_ need.  Or – or this is over now!”

_Please don’t call my bluff_ , she added inside her head.

William sat up too.  “What do you want me to say, Buffy?  That I could fall for you too, maybe already have?  Or that I wish you’d get over your daft idea of taking that arsehole back, and see what we could have instead?”  Her heart caught in her throat, fluttering wildly in some strange mix of hope and apprehension.  But when she searched his face for the truth of his feelings, she didn’t see the passion in his voice reflected there.  An airy laugh and a wave of his hand confirmed how little he meant the words he’d uttered.  “Not hardly likely, pet.  We have what we have, until we’re both back with our respective true loves.  Don’t make a big deal about it.”

If her heart belonged to Liam, why did she feel like William had just crushed it?

“O-okay.”  Buffy twisted the sheet between her hands, eyes downcast, lower lip trembling despite her best efforts.  She would not cry.  There was no reason to cry.  But she didn’t know what to say or do now, and William didn’t come to her rescue.  They sat in awkward silence. 

_Good job, Buffy.  You’ll drive this one away in record time._

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t be.  You were right to clear things up.”  He rolled them back to the mattress and kissed her until her head spun.  When she softened beneath him with a moan, he slipped his hand between her legs.

Was this make-up sex, then?  She wanted it to be.  She wanted the tension between them gone.  Buffy sighed and drew him closer, the undulation of her hips urging him inside.  William did as she bid, making love to her without words or lessons of any sort.  He got her off quickly, his own release following right behind.  With a final peck to her forehead, he rolled away and sat up.

Buffy waited for him to say or do something, but when it didn’t happen, the lump in her throat returned.  Staring at his motionless back didn’t offer any answers, and when it became clear he wasn’t going to speak, she rolled out of bed.  One quick shower later, she dressed to take her leave.  She watched William from the corner of her eye, but he seemed to be engrossed in the television.  Buffy couldn’t help but feel she’d just experienced the most mechanical, dispassionate sex of her life.  He’d been going through the motions, no more, the connection they normally shared _gone_ , and she wondered why he’d even bothered.  Maybe it had been goodbye sex, and she just didn’t know it yet?  But when she hoisted her bags, he made all the right noises about seeing her in two weeks’ time, and seemed to be sincere.

So what had happened?  She couldn’t help but think she’d screwed up somehow.  The whole way home, she fretted over their conversation, and the sex that had come after.  Her train of thought turned into the realization that maybe the sex had been so blah because William needed more than vanilla.  Maybe he needed the kink and the weirdness to get excited, despite the many times he’d insisted she drove him crazy just as she was. 

_One more man I’m not exciting enough for, not just the way I am._

She swallowed back her tears.  It was a good thing she wasn’t going to fall in love with William, because while she might want lessons in being wild, it wasn’t what she craved in her day-to-day life.  She wanted fun, but she wanted sweet and tender too.  The kind of lovemaking she’d had with Liam.  The kind she and William obviously couldn’t have.  How could you make love with someone when there was no love between you, only a white-hot lust that was sure to fade away with time?  For him, probably the moment his skanky ex tired of Buffy’s man and wanted William back.

She’d been right to clarify their boundaries before expectations got out of hand and feelings were hurt. 

Buffy ignored the thought that it was already too late for that.

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

William leaned against his car, twirling a cigarette with unsteady fingers and trying not to look like a stalker.  Buffy had told him before he didn’t know appropriate boundaries, and he wasn’t sure if this was an example of that.  The uncertainty made him surly.  The entire past week, with its confusion of emotions he didn’t want to parse, had made him surly.  So surly his colleagues had commented, so surly, not even the extra training sessions with Gunn had been able to restore his equilibrium. 

But he had to do something about this confusion, or go crazy.  He’d texted Buffy a few times since he’d seen her last, over a week ago, but her responses had been abrupt, without any of the enthusiasm he was used to from her.  William couldn’t help but think he’d fucked up majorly, but what had he been supposed to do?  She didn’t want him for anything more than sex.  He’d known Buffy’s conditions from the start, when he’d agreed to her proposal, but after the intimacy of calling him her _lover_ , hearing her reiterate that she didn’t have any interest in him as a boyfriend hurtlike a motherfucker.  The moment he’d asked if she wanted him to say he’d fallen for her, he knew it was no joke.  He was on his way to falling in love with Buffy Summers, and to her, he was no more than a fuck toy.  Same as he was to Drusilla.  She’d called him _lover_ , made him feel wanted for himself, and then taken it away the very next day.

Was it any wonder he’d tried to close himself off and protect his heart after that?  William had wanted nothing more than to show her with his body how much he needed her.  He’d wanted to make love to her until she gasped his name and admitted her love in return.  But she hadn’t wanted that from him, so he’d held back.  Done his job in getting her off, and then let her leave without an inkling of his true feelings.

If he had any pride, he would have ended things there, but William never had listened to reason where his heart was concerned.  His thoughts on the matter hadn’t changed in the intervening weeks, or with the realization he wanted far more than she was willing to give.  Half of Buffy was better than no Buffy at all.  Half of Buffy meant a chance to work his way under her skin, same as she’d done to him, until she realized she needed him too.

Which was why he was lurking in her office building’s parking lot, hoping to catch her after work.  He had to see her with his own eyes and make sure everything was okay between them.  He didn’t want her cancelling this weekend as well, or worse, deciding she was through with him. 

Buffy finally came out the door, walking side-by-side with an older, slightly paunchy man William presumed was her father.  She was looking at the ground, but before he could figure out how to catch her attention, she glanced up.  Her mouth made a perfect ‘o’ of surprise, and then she darted a look at her dad.  After a conversation she couldn’t hear, she hurried towards him, and William ran through his litany of excuses for being there.

“William?”

“Buffy,” he returned, not yet having picked the least-stalkerish sounding excuse.  “I...”  _Missed you needed you am falling in love with you can’t stand being apart from you was worried you didn’t want me anymore._   “... was a few blocks over running some errands, and realized I was close by.  Thought I’d stop by and say hi.  Hi,” he added lamely.

“Oh.”  She glanced back at her father before offering him a cautious smile.  “Hi.”

That didn’t bode well.  “Are you free?”  If he could prolong their time together, maybe he could suss out where he stood.  Shore up his position.  “I...”  _Think, mate_.  “I need some help picking out a suit,” he said.  “For a conference.  I thought a woman’s opinion might help.”

“What about the one you wore to the wedding?”

“I need two.  Because it lasts more than a day.  And I only have the one.”  Lies, all lies.  Desperate times called for desperate fabrications.

Buffy wrinkled her nose.  “I carpooled with my dad, so I can’t really –”

“I can give you a lift home.”

“When’s the conference?”

_Shit._   “In a couple weeks.”

“How about I go with you this weekend,” she said.  “If that’s okay.  If... if we’re still on?”

William frowned.  It sounded as though she were unsure of _him_ , and it didn’t add up.  But –  “Yes!”  Relief coursed through him.  “Yes, we’re on.  Looking forward to it.”  Of course, now part of their time together would be wasted shopping for a suit he neither needed nor wanted, but it was a small price to pay.  He’d buy a hundred suits and donate them all to charity if it meant ensuring he’d see her again.

“Great!  I’ll call you when I pick out a hotel?”

He saw her dad begin to walk their way, and he blurted out, “Or we could just meet at my house.  If you feel comfortable with it.  Trust me enough.”

Buffy shot him a startled look.  “You haven’t murdered me in my sleep yet, so I guess you’re safe.”  She grasped his hand and gave it a quick squeeze before dropping it like a hot potato.  “I’ll call you.”  She rushed off and diverted her dad back to their car without a backwards glance, but William didn’t care.

She was going to spend the weekend with him.  At his home.  The Summers’ car pulled out of the parking lot, and William punched the air and let out an undignified whoop.

He still had a chance.

 

*******

 

Buffy rang the doorbell to William’s house then smoothed her hair, feeling unaccountably shy.  This man already knew her body more intimately than her boyfriend of four years ever had, but he was still very much a stranger to her.  A stranger she wasn’t sure what to make of, not after the tension of their last weekend together followed by William popping up at her work. 

And yet here she was. 

When he opened the door wearing a pair of old blue jeans and a faded red t-shirt, her heart skittered in her chest.  He welcomed her inside, and all Buffy could think was that she was headed into the lion’s den.  It was her chance to poke around William’s life, get to know him better, but part of her was afraid to do so.  She’d already established that getting to know him as a person, as a _man_ , was a bad idea.  She needed to keep their relationship strictly professional.  But, oh, it was hard not to let her stomach flutter like an excited schoolgirl when he looked at her the way he was doing now, his eyes all dark and intense.  As if she were the one thing in the entire universe he needed, and _now_.

He relieved her of her suitcase, pressed a glass of wine into her hand, and led her to the stairs.  “Come.”  His husky voice reverberated down her spine, making the hairs on her arms tingle and her nipples stand at attention.  Buffy felt helpless to do anything other than obey him.  She gripped his hand and followed him, downing the wine in a single gulp when they reached the second floor.  William pushed open a door, revealing a candle-lit room furnished in dark cherry wood, the king-sized bed complete with black satin sheets under a dark red comforter, and a wrought iron headboard that just screamed for somebody to be tied to it.  A large, gilt mirror adorned the wall opposite the foot of the bed, and when she looked up, sure enough, there was a mirror affixed to the ceiling as well.  On the bedside table rested a box she recognized from his trunk.  His box of toys.

“I sense a theme,” she said, and cleared her throat, trying to erase the squeak in her voice.

“The theme is only this.”  He led her to the mirror and stood her in front of it so she could see her reflection, William at her back.  “You are beautiful.  Inside and out, Buffy Summers.  I want you to see the way your body opens up to me.  See the power you hold.”  He lifted her hair and let it trail through his fingers so it fell about her shoulders.  “See how incredible you are.”  He bent to ghost his mouth down her neck to her shoulder, lips tickling and breath hot.  “See the passion _I_ see when I’m with you.”

William raised her arms and peeled her shirt upwards, then cupped her breasts through her lace bra.  “You have no idea how much I want you.  How I’ve dreamt of being with you again.”  He thrust his pelvis into her backside, the hard length pressing into her ass proof of his words, and she shuddered against him.  Here was the connection, the _spark_ that had been missing last time, and Buffy didn’t waste time analyzing what had changed between now and then.  Two weeks without this man’s touch had been two weeks too long.  She spun in his arms, wanting to feel his lips on hers, but he turned her back to the mirror.  “Watch.  See what I see.”

With soft caresses, he bared her bit by bit to their combined gaze in the mirror.  Buffy watched, fascinated by her own body as William teased and stroked.  Her nipples tightened to insistent points beneath his fingertips, while a faint flush crept down her chest, which heaved and glistened in the candlelight.  Her pupils grew wider, until all she could see was black, and her eyelids grew heavy.  She licked her lips, entranced by the sultry, wanton expression she hadn’t realized she was capable of.

He raised her arms out to the sides, fingers dancing along the undersides of her arms and then down her sides, and Buffy moaned and pressed her backside into him.  William shucked his clothes and moved to the foot of the bed, tugging her with him.  He sat her on his lap, legs splayed, and Buffy gasped when he spread her thighs further, until she could see her slick pussy in the mirror.  He ran his fingers along the juncture of her thighs and groin, through the short hairs of her mound, teasing.  The pink, engorged folds grew wetter, darker, more swollen as he played with her.  When he ran his fingertips over her outer labia, up to her clitoris, Buffy was surprised to see herself unfolding and opening, like a flower blooming under his touch. 

William dipped one finger into her, the digit disappearing from view into her most secret place, a place she couldn’t see even in the mirror.  It re-emerged, slick with her arousal, and then disappeared again.  He repeated his actions, slipping another finger inside, and Buffy thrust into his hand.  He murmured wordless encouragements in her ear while she fucked herself on his fingers.  Mirror-Buffy’s lips parted, and her tongue darted out, leaving her lips as wet as William’s fingers.  He withdrew, strands of moisture stretching from her to him before breaking and clinging to his fingers.  When he raised his hand to her face, it seemed natural to suck his glistening fingers into her mouth, so she did, eyes glued to the sight of her tongue licking him clean of her tangy arousal.  He groaned and stretched his arm behind, reaching for one of the condoms in the center of the bed.  Once sheathed, he lifted her by the hips and positioned himself at her entrance, chest still at her back, both of them facing the mirror.

“Watch,” he said, but the command was unnecessary.  Buffy couldn’t tear her eyes away. 

He entered her slowly, penetrating centimeter by centimeter, and it looked to her as though she was drawing him deeper with every shudder and quake of her body.  When he was fully inside, he began to rock beneath her, and Buffy joined in.  She watched her thighs bunch in time with his, her breasts bounce and stomach flex, her pussy swallow him from above.  William cupped her breasts again, pinching her nipples until they stood hard once more.  He bit her shoulder with soft teeth.  “Touch yourself.”

She did.  She lifted her hand from its resting place on his knee and brought it to where they were joined.  Her fingertips slid over her labia, then inside with him, feeling him glide in and out.  She encircled the base of his cock and squeezed, and he grunted with pleasure.  William guided her fingers to her engorged clitoris, and as she fondled herself, her gaze shifted to his reflection in the mirror.  He was as heavy-lidded as she was, eyes just as dark, lips parted the same as hers.  His gaze had centered on her dancing fingers, and Buffy’s vision shifted, the scene in the mirror taking on his perspective.  She could _see_ the power rolling off of her in waves; power she’d craved and never realized she had all along, waiting inside of her to be set free.

Buffy saw herself as he did then, as _woman_.

“Oh god,” she breathed.  “She’s beautiful.”

“ _You_ are,” he countered, his hand splayed over her belly and his breath hot in her ear, and then she was _coming coming coming_ , head thrown back, mouth wide open in a silent scream, hips churning.  Buffy didn’t miss it, the mirror on the ceiling providing her with a view of her release in full color detail.

“I see,” she said, slack against his chest.  She felt replete.  Complete.  “I saw.”

“Good,” he murmured in her ear.  “Now promise me you’ll never forget.”

“Never.”

“That’s my girl.”  William twisted, repositioning her flat on her back, and held himself above her on stiff arms.  “You’re a goddess.  Beautiful.  Desirable.  And any man would be lucky to have you.”

Buffy gazed up at him and nodded solemnly.  Her mind was too full of wonder to speak.  “Say it,” he insisted.  “Any man would be lucky to have you.”

Despite the gravity of the moment, a smirk stole over her face.  “Any man would be lucky to have you, William.”

He gaped at her, and then he threw his head back and laughed.  “Yes.  Yes, they would.  And don’t you bloody well forget it.”  He smirked back.  “Too bad for them, I’m with you.” 

Buffy smiled and reached for him, wrapping her legs around his hips and drawing him inside.  They sighed together, and then William moved, setting a slow and steady pace that had her desire back to a fever pitch in no time at all.  He kissed her, and whispered nonsense endearments, and stroked her body with feather-light caresses until she quaked beneath him, then followed after with a final thrust and a soft sigh.

In the mirror over the bed, flickering candlelight danced over his pale, muscular back.  Buffy watched, mesmerized by the sight, while his breathing evened and slowed.  She wriggled out from under his limp form, then tugged the comforter over them and curled up around him.  “Thank you, William,” she said, before drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

********

 

William hummed as he mounted the stairs, breakfast tray in hand.  Last night had been amazing.  Every moment with Buffy was amazing, but last night had been profound.  He’d made love to her the only way he could, under the guise of a lesson, and she’d seen herself the way he saw her.  Full of the power to capture and hold a man’s desire, full of that feminine mystique that sounded like a bunch of new age garbage but was oh-so-real.

She was still asleep, a small figure curled up under the comforter in the middle of his huge bed, her face soft in repose.  William set the tray on his bedside table and climbed back into bed.  Buffy shifted, her body seeking his even in slumber, and his heart swelled.  He pulled her sleepy form onto his chest, and she muttered something unintelligible before rubbing her cheek against him and settling down once more.  Her body was warm and heavy, and she smelled sweet, like sleep, if sleep had a smell.  He traced the patterns his  wrinkled sheets had imprinted on her back and wished he could mark her in a permanent way, so all the world would know she was his.  Her included.

Lulled by her deep, even breaths and soft snuffles, he’d almost drifted back into slumber himself when she finally stirred.  She rubbed her cheek against his chest as before, then lifted her head, hazel eyes heavy with sleep. 

“Morning, gorgeous.”

Buffy dropped her head back on to his chest, a muffled “morning” escaping in return.  She stretched, one limb at a time, and soon the breakfast cooling by the bedside was the furthest thing from his mind.  William wrapped his arms more tightly around her and nosed her head until she lifted her face to him for a kiss.  They kissed sweetly for several long, languorous minutes, until Buffy gave him a sheepish smile and said, “Bathroom?”

After, she padded back into the bedroom, unashamed of her nudity.  Maybe even a little proud of it.  William grinned, pleased with the breakthrough from the night before and ready to build on it.

“Breakfast.”  He indicated the tray with a majestic sweep of his arm.

She chewed on her lip.  “Breakfast in bed?”

A lump formed in his throat at the unease in her voice, but he spoke past it.  “No grand romantic gesture, I’m afraid.  Merely expediency.  I keep you here, right where I want you, it saves time.”  William closed the distance between them until they were only a hair’s breadth apart, and deepened his voice.  “More time for lessons.”

Buffy’s lips parted, and her eyes grew huge.  When he ghosted a hand down her arm, she melted into him.  “What about shopping?”

“Huh?”

“For your new suit.”

“Oh.  Right.”  _Fuck_.  “That can wait, kitten.  I have more important things to attend to today.  So much more to show you.”

She shivered against him.  “You found the one thing I’d rather do than shop.”

“I’ll take that as high praise.”

“You should.”  Buffy threw herself onto the bed, and adopted a regal expression.  “Feed me, slave.” 

Oh, hell.  _Yes_.  He dropped to his knees and held the tray out to her, head bent, posture submissive, and watched her reaction from the corner of his eye.

She bit her lip, but a giggle still broke through.  William didn’t think he’d ever seen a more endearing sight than Buffy as she was now: naked, blonde hair disarrayed from sleep, doing her best to look commanding even while unwanted giggles snuck past those full lips no matter how tightly she pressed them together.

William couldn’t help but laugh in response.  Her smile grew, and her effort to hold back the giggles failed with an unladylike snort.  Soon, they were both in hysterics, and he wasn’t sure if either of them knew why.  He didn’t care.  Buffy held fast to his arms, her peals of laughter ringing through his bedroom, and his face felt like it might split from the force of his grin. 

He couldn’t remember ever being happier.

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

“Go on,” he said.  “If it’s in the box, you can use it on me.  And if I don’t like what you’re doing, I’ll tell you.”

Buffy peeked into his box, then drew back again, overwhelmed by the objects within.  She turned back to face William.  “Maybe in a bit.  For now, I just want to...”  She held her hands up before remembering he couldn’t see her.  “Touch you?”

“Whatever strikes your fancy.  Lady’s choice.”

She laughed nervously and settled on the bed next to his bare hip.  William turned his face towards her, his body straining in the same direction as well, as best it could in the restraints.  He’d pulled them out after breakfast; long straps which ran under his mattress, with detachable Velcro ankle and wrist cuffs.  Buffy’s nerves had outweighed her excitement until he’d shown her how it was possible to escape with a modicum of effort, and offered to go first.  She wanted to play, but so far, all she’d found the courage to do was blindfold him.

William didn’t seem to mind.  His hard cock rested on his belly and Buffy decided to start there.  She brushed her fingers over the head, smiling when it jumped.  Though she’d touched him before, she’d never had the opportunity to just explore, and took the time to do so now.  She made note of what he seemed to like as she varied her touch, now squeezing, now running a fingernail up his length, until she felt she had a good grasp on his preferences.  Then she shifted her weight and did something else she hadn’t yet had the guts to try.  She ran her tongue along the underside of the head, and William jerked upwards with a ragged gasp.  Buffy grinned and did it again.

“ _Please_ , Buffy, don’t stop, baby.  Feels so good.”

Oh, _begging_.  She could get used to begging.  Liam had never begged.  Liam had never wanted her to give him a blowjob, either.  Or – that wasn’t true.  He’d wanted it, but had always made her feel like nice girls didn’t do that kind of thing.  Buffy had never given him more than a few tentative kisses before his subtle disapproval had made her stop. 

William was no Liam.  “Oh, god, _please_ , precious.  Take me into your hot little mouth.”  He thrust up as he said it, back arching and hips raised in desperation.  Hearing him beg fed her self-confidence.  His obvious desire fanned her own lust, and Buffy wanted nothing more than to pleasure him the way he’d pleasured her.

“I’ve never done this,” she admitted.  “Teach me how?”

“Let me look at you,” he said, and she tugged the blindfold off his head.  Now that he could see her, her boldness fled, and she turned away.  “Hey.  Look at me.”  Buffy did, and found his earnest expression comforting.  “There’s no right or wrong way, love.  No manual for sucking cock.  Different men like different things, and even different things on different days.  It’s the same as when you were touching me just now.  Pay attention to my responses, and go with it.  That’s all there is to it.”

“But there must be certain things you like best.”

“I suppose there are.”

“So tell me.”

He regarded her for a long minute.  “I’ll make you a deal.  I’ll tell you, if you promise to return the favor and tell me what _you_ like when it’s your turn in the restraints.  In explicit detail.”

“Oh!  I can’t –”

“Fair is fair.”  She swallowed and shook her head. 

“It’s going to be the next lesson either way,” he said in that seductive, persuasive voice.  “But if you agree, I have to go first.  Otherwise, you’ll be telling me all on your own how you want to be touched.  I’m looking forward to that lesson, Buffy.  I want to hear you tell me what makes you wet.  What makes you throb with need.  Look.  Just thinking about it’s made me hard as nails.”

She couldn’t tell if he was any harder, but he was certainly aroused.  Pre-cum beaded at the tip of his penis and trickled down the side.  Curious, Buffy bent to taste it.  William moaned when she swirled her tongue around the thick head, sampling the curiously salty fluid.  “Deal?” he asked raggedly.

Why not?  She could try, at least.  Buffy slid her hand down his shaft to cup his balls.  “Deal.”

“Good girl.  Now, come up here.  Let’s start with a kiss.”

 

*******

 

Buffy undid the last cuff and William stretched, reveling in the freedom.  “It just surprises me is all,” she said from down by his ankles.  “That you’d want to end with cuddling.”

“Don’t see why.  There’s afterglow.  And I want to share it with you.”

 “I’m not complaining.  Just surprised.”  He held out his now-free arms, and she snuggled into his side.  His lazy, satisfied smile grew even wider when Buffy nestled her head in the crook of his neck, breath warm against his skin.

“So?  I did good?”

William nuzzled her hair, inhaling her sweetness.  “What a daft question.  Did you not hear the bit about the afterglow?”

“Yeah.  I heard.”  She ran a finger up and down his arm, tracing patterns.  “I bet your students love you.”

“Why’s that?”

He felt her lift a shoulder.  “You’re a good teacher.”

“Got a bit of a personal stake in whether or not you do well,” he said, and chuckled.  “My students don’t get quite the hands-on attention you do.”

“I should hope not!”

“Maybe I should try it.  Might get some of their grades up.”

Buffy raised herself up to glare at him, hazel eyes flashing.  “Don’t you dare.  I’m the only one who gets...”  She faltered, the possessive light fading.  “I mean, at least for now.  As long as we’re together.  That was the deal, right?”

“Right,” he said, and refrained from provoking her just to see her get all jealous over him again.  Jealousy was good.  He could work with jealousy.

Of course, she took the wind right out of his sails with her very next words.

“So... I know you said it’s different for different men, but... I’m betting there are certain techniques most men like in a blowjob.  Good places to start.”

He grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the pain.  It didn’t work.  “By most men, are you asking what Liam likes?”  It galled him to say it, but he wasn’t going to let her beat around the bush.  She wanted to bring it back to that wanker, he’d make it clear he knew what she was doing.

“Um, I guess?”  She hesitated, then added, “Do you... know?”

He knew.  He knew how to suck that bastard’s dick like a motherfucking champ, as Angelus would say. 

“Yes.”

William could feel the weight of her stare, but he didn’t open his eyes, not even when the silence stretched on.  _Just ask it, already._

“How... do you know?”

Eyes still closed, he gave her his nastiest smirk.  “Done for him often enough, haven’t I?”

“You... uhng... _what_?” 

He waited until her spluttering died out, then finally looked at her.  “I can teach you exactly what he likes best.  If you want.”  He wasn’t sure why he was offering, other than to see the shock on her face.  The mean little part of him that hated her for still choosing that cheating fucker over him took pleasure in her distress.

Buffy’s eyes were as big as saucers, and she swallowed repeatedly.  He cocked his head and waited her out, not willing to make this one bit easier on her.  “I didn’t know you... he... you guys...  Is he _gay_?”  She shook her head.  “No, that’s not the word.  Bisexual.  You’re bisexual?”

William snorted.  “Not hardly.  Got no interest in shagging other men.  Don’t think your precious Liam does either.”

“I don’t understand,” she said in a tiny voice, and then she just _crumpled_.

He bit back a sigh, all his anger dissipating at the sight of Buffy huddled into a ball, looking so small and insecure.  Like when he’d first met her.  Christ, he was a royal ass.  He reached for her, and pulled her close.  “I know you don’t.  You’re too pure.”  She stiffened in his arms, and he tightened his hold.  “No, it’s a good thing, love.  I know I’ve only hinted around it, but Liam...  _Angelus_...  Spike is a sweetheart compared to Angelus.  The man didn’t want you to know his dark side, and I can’t say as I blame him, Buffy, because it _is_ dark.  He likes to dominate, male or female, it doesn’t matter to him.  When you’re in that frame of mind, it doesn’t matter who’s sucking you off.  A mouth is a mouth.  It has nothing to do with attraction, or who you want to make babies with.”

“How did I never know this about him?”  She whispered the question against his chest, and he did sigh then.

“Just like I’m not Spike, he’s not Angelus.  Not always, at any rate.  He loved you for a reason Buffy.  Kept you his version of pure and innocent for that same reason.  Because some part of him – probably the biggest part of him – is afraid of Angelus.  Doesn’t want to crave the things he craves.”

She sniffled.  “I really am way out of my league.  I don’t understand.  And I don’t think I want to.” 

That was more than all right by him.  He didn’t really want to explain either.  Buffy wasn’t done with her questions, though.  “Was that all you did with Liam?”

He repressed a snort.  Any way you could imagine being intimate with another man, he and Liam had done it.  Likely more than once.  “No.” 

 “Oh.”  She mulled his answer over for a bit, but it seemed she wasn’t going to pursue that line of questioning.  “What did you get out of... the arrangement?  If you have no interest in men.”

How to explain?  “I don’t miss it, or crave sex with a man, but I didn’t _not_ like it.  It was... just what we did, I guess.  All part of the experience.”  He thought for a moment.  “What Dru wanted, I was happy to give her, even if I had no interest.”

“But that’s horrible!  Why didn’t you say no?”

“Shhh, love, there’s no need to be indignant on my account.  I said no when it mattered to me.  Which wasn’t often, I’ll admit, but I did say it.”

Buffy pulled back to look at him.  “So you do have limits.”

He chuckled.  “Some.  Not many, but some.”

“Huh.”  She pulled completely away and slipped out of the bed.  William held himself very still, unsure of what to say or do.  Buffy tugged on his discarded t-shirt and wandered around his room, picking up objects and setting them back down without paying any attention to what she was doing.

When she neared him again, he spoke.  “What do you need from me?”

She turned to face him, though her eyes settled on some point over his left shoulder.  “I’m just trying to process, I guess.  I’ve got all these _images_ in my head, and they’re dark and ugly.  But I don’t know the kinds of things people... the kinds of things _you_ do.  Or did.  So I’m worried what I’m imagining isn’t dark and ugly enough.  And it scares the hell out of me.  I don’t know if the truth will make me feel better or worse.”

Probably worse, though William wasn’t about to tell her so.  He adopted his most soothing manner.  “Liam – I’ve seen him be sweet, and loving too.  More often than not, truth be told.”  Or, falsehood be told, but she needed the reassurance.  “Angelus only rarely came out to play.”

Buffy shrugged off his words.  “The worst part is that’s not what bothers me most.”

“It’s not?”

“Nope, it’s not.  What really scares me is I’m jealous.”  He almost chuckled, but her devastated expression stopped the sound in his throat.  “I’m jealous because you know the man I love better than I do.”

William couldn’t hold back a bitter laugh at her confession.  “And I’d be willing to wager I know you better than he does by now.  Guess that makes me all kinds of special.”

“Yeah.  Guess so.”  She tried for a smile, but it didn’t happen.  “Can we go do something else for a while?  Something mindless?”

So she wanted to ignore the things she’d learned today.  He could respect that.  “What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe we could go to your gym?  Hitting things sounds pretty good right about now.”

Hitting things sounded pretty damn good to him too.  He didn’t think it would be much of an exaggeration to say it sounded like the best fucking plan ever.

 

*******

 

Buffy lost herself in the rhythm of the punches Gunn had taught her, letting the dull thud of her fists on the punching bag soothe her overworked mind.  She was glad she’d asked to go to the gym rather than following her initial reaction, which had been to flee from William and never look back.  Only the thought that she was being unfair to him had stopped her.  He hadn’t changed, only her perception of him.  And her perception of Liam.

Part of her was angry with William for exposing her ex’s proclivities, and for making her realize she’d had no clue who Liam really was.  She realized now that saying Liam was kinky was like saying the universe was big, and Buffy didn’t know if she was ever going to be capable of satisfying his darker urges.  Learning even the barest details of what her ex craved had shocked and disgusted her, but at the same time, it made her feel better.  At least now she understood why he’d strayed.  Just as William had told her at the wedding, it had been Liam’s deficiency, not hers.  Buffy finally believed him, and somewhere deep inside, she could feel herself beginning to heal from her boyfriend’s betrayal.  She only wished Liam had trusted her enough to share his inner demons with her.  He was the man she loved, and she wanted to help him.  Satisfy his needs, if she could, or even give him her blessing to find his release elsewhere if that was what it took. 

Buffy froze, arms half-raised, shocked with her train of thought.  Was she actually considering giving her boyfriend leave to screw around on her?  Did she have it in her to be that open?

_As long as it’s not with Drusilla._

She shook her head ruefully.  No.  No matter how understanding she wanted to be, letting Liam share any part of himself with another woman – or man – wasn’t something she could do.  So they’d just have to find another way to work around his problem.  If they needed to.  She hadn’t made it very far in her lessons with William; maybe it would turn out she could handle whatever it was Liam needed.

Maybe her imaginings of what Liam – what _Angelus_ – liked were far worse than reality.

Maybe.

For the briefest moment, Buffy wondered if her ex was even worth the effort, but she pushed the traitorous thought away.  What was one mistake when weighed against four years of near perfection?  Granted, it was a _big_ mistake, but still.  They’d been happy.  They really had.  She’d been devastated when Liam had left her, but his own anguish had made it impossible for her to hate him.  She knew Liam loved her.  His tear-stained, remorseful face when he’d told her of his infidelity, the way he’d begged her to forgive him, the intensity with which he’d sworn he loved only her, had been proof enough.  He’d made a mistake, given in to some urge Buffy didn’t understand, and now they were both paying the consequences. 

But Drusilla wasn’t actually pregnant.  And while Buffy knew wanting Liam back was a little bit pathetic – _hello, he cheated_ – now that she understood why he had, she felt more resolved than ever to work things out with him.  They could be happy again, she was sure of it.  They only needed to find an outlet for Liam’s cravings.

She raised her fists and renewed her assault on the sawdust-filled bag.  The sound of English cursing filtered through the thuds, and she glanced over at the ring, where William was picking himself up off the floor.  He shook himself off, and a sudden thought struck her.

There was _one_ man she wouldn’t mind Liam turning to. 

Buffy stared at William’s lean form, mouth slack.  She wouldn’t care if Liam had him.  As long as she could have him too.  Drusilla, the crazy ho, had had the right idea all along.  Two men, each of them her lover, and lovers themselves.  She whimpered as the fantasy came to its logical conclusion. 

_Both of us could have William.  At the same time._

Holy _shit_ , did she really just think that?  Buffy fled to the restroom, her face on fire.  She turned on the sink tap and cupped the cool stream of running water, burying her face in her hands, then began to laugh as she realized it was the first time she’d blushed all weekend.  She came up spluttering and coughing. 

How worldly she’d become compared to only a few weeks ago.  Buffy stared at herself in the mirror, her expression stern. 

_Is this what it takes to make you blush now, huh, young lady?_

She supposed it was.  _Hussy_ , she told herself.  It didn’t seem to faze her reflection.  “Who are you, and what have you done with Buffy Summers?”

Mirror-Buffy winked slyly, and smiled.

“Great.  Now I’m losing my mind too.  Can I get any more like the crazy ho?” 

Oh well. 

At least both men would want her then.

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

Elbows on the counter and head propped in her hands, Buffy perched on a kitchen stool next to an island and watched William while he started dinner.  He crumbled a bit of this into a pot, followed by a dash of that, not following any recipe as far as she could tell.  But hey, it smelled fantastic.  What more could she ask for?

“I’m sorry about earlier,” she said to his back.  “Freaking out on you like that.”

He shrugged, shoulder muscles rippling under his t-shirt.  “It was a lot to take in.”

“The punching helped.  And I had some revelations, I guess you could say.”  She was glad his back was to her, because the blush was back full force.  Buffy wasn’t sharing _that_ particular revelation with him.  While the images her mind had oh-so-helpfully provided were... _guh_... said images were going to remain firmly in the realm of fantasy only.  “You told me before it wasn’t me, it was him.  And I see that now.  I even _believe_ it.  So... thank you.”

William turned to look at her, head tilted.  Those blue eyes of his searched hers for several long seconds before he turned back to his pot.  “Another step forward, then.  Bully for all of us.” 

There was a hint of bitterness in his voice, and Buffy frowned, wishing she could see his face.  He didn’t oblige, but stayed as he was, crumbling and stirring.  Finally, he clanged his spoon on the side of the pot and turned the heat down.  She could see his features in profile as he replaced things in his cabinet, but his expression remained unreadable.  Dusting off his hands, he said, “Gonna nip upstairs for a shower.  You mind giving this the occasional stir?”

“No problem.”

He nodded and left.  Buffy figured the pot wouldn’t need stirring for a least a few minutes, so she used the time to explore his downstairs.  She’d come to his house with the intention of keeping her distance, but sometimes he was such a mystery to her, like just now.  How could she not want to understand what made him tick? 

There wasn’t much of interest in the kitchen, which was more or less like other kitchens.  Functional, if not beautiful.  She made her way to the living room just off the main hallway.  She’d passed the spartan room on her way in and out of the house without getting to see it, and now she discovered there wasn’t much of interest there either, other than a photograph of an older woman who looked a bit like William.  His mother, she guessed.  After giving the sauce a quick stir, Buffy returned to her explorations.  She found a sparkling clean but bare bathroom, and a well-organized laundry room.  It was when she opened a door to the rear of the house that she struck pay dirt.

The walls of the room had been lined with oak bookshelves, filled-to-bursting with books of all sizes, while a huge desk constructed of the same honeyed oak sat near a pair of French doors.  The blinds on the doors were raised to allow in the natural light, and through them, she could see a small, well-manicured backyard.  Stacks of papers lay scattered on the desk, along with various pens and a pair of reading glasses.  A laptop sat in one corner, and a framed photo of the same woman she’d seen earlier claimed another.  Buffy perused the books on the shelves, surprised to see that most of them were history books.  History professor, _duh_.  But still.  She hadn’t realized history really _was_ his passion.

She sat in his desk chair, swiveling happily for a few moments like a little child.  The papers on his desk were mostly comprised of student essays, although it looked like one particular stack, with a large rock weighting it down, was a manuscript of some sort.  Buffy carefully replaced the rock, wondering if he was the author.  She felt a surge of guilt as she realized she didn’t really know William.  Not at all. 

 A book propped open atop of one of the piles caught her eye, and she picked it up.  Buffy smiled when she realized it was a poetry book, and an erotic one at that.  A quick perusal revealed just how erotic, and she blushed.  Now, that was more like the William she knew.  Not this history... nerd?  She wrinkled her nose, remembering the tweed jacket he’d been wearing when she’d seen him at work.  In her mind, William was charming, suave, experienced.  A master of all things erotic.  She’d known he was a history professor, but it had never really impacted her impression of him, not the way it did now.  He wasn’t just a walking sex machine, or a pervert engaged in the pursuit of all things deviant; he had a whole other life.  One she knew nothing about.

Did she want to know?

Buffy dashed off to stir the sauce, then crept back to the study and settled herself in his chair, feet tucked up under her thighs.  She feathered her fingers over the manuscript, undecided, absently watching the dust motes dance in the sunlight.

She was already deep within the lion’s den.  But what kind of lion was she facing?   

 

*******

 

William combed his fingers through his hair one last time before forcing himself down the stairs and back to Buffy.  He hadn’t meant to take such a long shower, but now that he’d realized he was falling in love with the woman, an unexpected jealousy kept bubbling up.  And that jealousy was quick to turn to anger, anger at _her_ for being so cavalier about their non-relationship.  It wasn’t her fault he’d changed his expectations mid-game, but it didn’t change how he felt, or how hard a time he was having keeping his feelings secret.  He knew she’d end the arrangement the minute she clued in to how he really felt, but it was hard bloody work controlling his jealousy whenever she mentioned Liam.

He plastered on his best smile before entering the kitchen, and pulled up short.  Buffy wasn’t there.  The sauce bubbled merrily away, unattended, and he felt a flash of panic.  Had she sussed out his feelings for her and left?  No, her purse was still on the counter where she’d dropped it.  After giving the sauce a quick stir, he went off in search of her, his trepidation increasing with every step as he realized where she had to be.  The open door of his study confirmed his suspicions.  William stood in the doorway, flabbergasted by what he saw. 

Buffy sat curled up in his chair, intently focused on what appeared to be the book he was writing.  The dappled afternoon sunshine filtering in through the French doors made her hair gleam, and brought out the vitality of her sun-kissed skin, but he suspected the glow in her eyes came from within.  Her brow wrinkled in concentration, while a manicured finger underscored the sentences as she read.  She frowned, backed up and re-read a paragraph, then nodded to herself and turned to the next page.  William stared, both pleased and embarrassed to see her so engrossed by his writing.  Wanting to commit every incredible detail to memory, he watched from the doorway for several minutes before clearing his throat.

She screamed and jumped, scattering pages everywhere.  “Oh, god, sorry!”  Buffy hurried to gather the pages, stacking them into a neat pile before turning to him, eyes huge.  “You’re not going to go all Bluebeard on me, are you?”

He frowned.  “Come again?”

“You know, secret back room.  Me finding it.  You with the rage, followed by the stabbing.”

“I’ve managed to restrain my serial killer urges so far.  I think you’ll be okay.” 

She smiled broadly.  “Phew.”

“You know, Bluebeard was likely based on a real-life serial killer, a French count in the fourteen hundreds.  ‘Course, he went after children, not wives, but...”  William trailed off when he realized she was staring at him.  He coughed to cover his mortification.

“So.  History.  This really _is_ a thing for you.”

“Now you know my dirty little secret.”  He paused, reconsidered.  “Or, the other one.  The far, far more embarrassing one.”

Buffy laughed, and the airy, tinkling sound made the corners of his own mouth automatically turn upwards.  “You’re just a big old nerd, aren’t you?”

“’Fraid so.”

She picked up a page she’d missed off the floor.  “Did you write this?”

“Er.”  William rubbed the back of his neck.  “Yes?”

“Impressive.  No, seriously.  History was always just something to be gotten through in school.  Boring kings, boring wars, boring dates.  Blah blah blah.  _Ugh_.  But this – this is... what’s the word?  Captivating.”

William eyed her, positive she was having him on, but her face shone with sincerity.  “You think?”

“Made me forget all about the sauce, didn’t it?”  Buffy gave him a guilty smile.  “Sorry.  I shouldn’t have pried into your things.  I only meant to sneak a peek, and then...  Wham.  Here I am, twenty pages in.”

“No worries, pet.  The thing’s meant to be read.  Eventually.”  So long as she hadn’t found the shitty poetry he’d found himself inspired to pen in the last few weeks, all was right with his world.  He shuffled his feet, a little unsure how to react to a Buffy who was clearly interested in his academic work.  The part of his life he thought of as his real life.  “You can keep reading if you want, while I fix dinner.”

Her eyes lit up, and then she sighed and edged away from his desk, dropping the stray sheet behind her back, onto the chair.  He’d have to reorder the pages later, but William couldn’t work up any irritation over the idea. 

“Nah, I’ll come help you.  I can’t let you do all the work.”

“You’re the guest.  It’s your job to be pampered.  You can return the favor when I spend the weekend at your place.”

Buffy grimaced.  “Hate to break it to you, William, but you’re not coming over to my house for a weekend of raunchy sex anytime soon.”

Oh.  Right.  “You don’t think your father would approve?” 

“Dad would _so_ kick your ass if he knew what you were doing to his little girl.”

“I’m sure I could take him.”  Buffy stared at him, expression incredulous, and he winced.  “Probably not the best comeback.”

She looked away.  “No, really not.” 

“So where do you tell him you’re going all weekend long, if he wouldn’t approve?”  Buffy shrugged and didn’t answer.  Nice.  He was back to being her dirty little secret.  Nothing more than a fuck-toy.  The disappointment turned to resentment.  “He saw me, Buffy.  The other day, in the parking lot.  Does he know it’s me you’re with?”

“No.”

“That’s it?  No?” 

“I suck at lying, okay?  And there’s no _way_ he’s ever going to know the truth.  So I don’t tell him anything.  The less details he has, the better.  It’s just easier on both of us.”

William bit his tongue.  If he opened his mouth he was sure to say something cutting, and then she’d run off.  _Not her fault your needs have changed_ , he reminded himself.  _Either tell her how you feel, or suck it up and deal with it like a man._

He opted for sucking it up.  It seemed the safer choice.  “Makes sense.  I’m sure it’s an awkward conversation you’d rather do without.”

“Totally.”  Buffy chewed on her lip as she glanced up at him, her countenance worried. 

Exasperated with himself for ruining the moment, William smiled his most charming smile and offered her his arm.  “The food needs our attention, I do believe.”  She smiled in return and took his arm, letting him lead her back to the kitchen, where he set her to work chopping vegetables while he browned the meat.

“Will you tell me more about your book?” Buffy asked once dinner was underway.

She was killing him.  Absolutely killing him.  Did she know what she was doing?  Probably not.  Drusilla had never once shown an interest in his work – nobody had, outside of academia.  Buffy chattered on about the bits she’d read so far, not even realizing the effect her words had had on him.  How much more in love with her he was than only minutes ago.

William had never been good at hiding his feelings, and he didn’t know how much longer he could manage without losing his cool and baring his very soul to her.  If only he had some hint that she returned his sentiment, even a little, he’d risk telling her how he felt, but it didn’t seem likely considering she was still planning on getting back together with Liam.

_Liam_.

The asshole didn’t deserve Buffy.  William conceded he probably didn’t either, but at least he would love her the best he could.  He’d make her strong, not weak, free her instead of cage her.  Worship the very ground she walked on, from afar, if he had to.

Buffy smiled brightly at him, oblivious to his torment, and prattled on.  He sank into a trance, lost in the simple domesticity of the moment, watching her flit about his kitchen as though she belonged there.  His chest felt like it was about to burst, and the backs of his eyes burned as he realized there was no way he was getting out of this non-relationship with his heart intact.  When the time came, she was going to choose Liam.

And it would kill him.

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

They sat at the small corner table in his kitchen nook, eating dinner and sharing a bottle of wine.  Buffy studied William from the corner of her eye, reassessing everything she knew about him.  Making the new information she was learning fit in.  Before today, she never would have guessed at how complex and fascinating a man he was.  Oh, she’d known he was _fascinating_ , but this was more than lust talking.  This was actual interest in _him_ , as a person, and not just a man.

To hell with keeping her distance.  She needed to know everything there was to know about William.  She consoled herself with the thought that it was what people did when they made new friends – they got to know them.  Asked them questions about themselves.  She was just being friendly, that was all.  Right?

“Were you always interested in history?”

He grinned at her.  “Didn’t grow up thinking, ‘ _I shall be a history professor.  It is my destiny_ ’.”  He intoned his words in a horribly pompous manner, fork held aloft for dramatic effect, and Buffy giggled.  “Nothing quite so melodramatic, but, yeah, I was always keen on the past, even as a wee lad.  Seemed a natural fit when it was time for university.  Everything fell into place to make it happen, and now here I am.”

“That’s great.”  She took a sip of her wine.

“What about you?”

“Did I always want to work in the insurance business?”  She grimaced.  “Oh yeah, I’m living my dream.”  Buffy didn’t bother to mention she wasn’t even an agent.  Nope, just a secretary.  She had some fancy title or other, but when it came down to it, that was her job.  She’d taken the position at her dad’s office the summer after her junior year, for some spending cash, and stayed on after she graduated.  There’d been promises of advancement as she learned the business, but those promises had never panned out.  It hadn’t mattered to her – it had been a comfortable enough job, and her life with Liam had seemed more important than advancing her career at the time.  Now here she was over three years later, no further on than when she’d started, and hating every minute of it. 

William took her hand, thumb caressing her palm.  “And what did Buffy dream of being when she grew up?”

She was all set to blow his question off, but then he gave her that look, the soul-penetrating one that made it impossible to lie to him.  She shrugged and found herself spilling the truth.  “I wanted to be a cop.  Maybe even FBI.  When we were in high school, this girl I was friends with – Faith – she and I were going to go to the academy together.  Fight crime, and look hot doing it.”  She laughed with embarrassment.  “Didn’t turn out quite like we’d planned.”

“What happened?”

_Everything_.  _Nothing_.  She gave him the short version.  “Faith ended up studying law enforcement from the wrong side of the bars.”

“And you?”

Buffy toyed with her food.  She finished off the wine in her glass, refilled it, and finished that too.  When she looked up, William was still watching her, waiting patiently on her answer.  She sighed.  “My mom left when I was almost sixteen.  Decided she needed to find herself, as they say.  Herself turned out to be someone whose daughters didn’t factor in to her life, so I became the mom.  Dawn was still so little, and Dad was completely overwhelmed.  He’d had no more warning she was going to run out on us than we did.  Anyhow, the idea of doing something for yourself, because you _wanted_ it, almost became a sin in our household.  It was always ‘ _Don’t be selfish, like your mother_ ’.  And who would want to be like her?  Not me, that’s for sure.”

“You mean your father kept you from pursuing your interests?”

“No, not really.  There’d be disapproval if he didn’t like what I was doing, and he kinda went overboard on making sure we wouldn’t turn into unreliable flakes, like Mom, but it was _me_ who held me back.  I was so afraid to be like her, if I ever found myself really wanting something, I rejected it.  It had to be wrong, you know?  And by the time I started college, I was used to deferring what I wanted to others’ needs.  So when Liam came along, it was easy to live for him.  Let him choose for me.  For us.”  Buffy smiled half-heartedly.  “Needless to say, he didn’t think fighting crime was right for me.” 

She took another sip of her wine.  “That’ll change, of course, when we get back together.  I mean, I don’t think I’ll be running off to join the academy, but...  I’m not going to play the child for him anymore.”

“You really think he’ll go for that?”

“He’s not going to have a choice.”  Buffy looked down at her plate.  “I _know_ he loves me.  And after what he’s done?  I get the feeling he’ll agree to anything I say.  I just have to be strong enough to say it in the first place.”

William didn’t seem to have an answer to that.  He took his own turn with the wine, contemplating the mysteries inside his glass before letting out a sigh.  “Good on you, pet.  I know you’ll find the strength you need.  It’s always been there – you just had to learn to see it.”

“Maybe.”  Buffy reached for his hand.  “But you’re the one who showed it to me.  And you’ve taught me that it’s okay to want something, just for me.  I can want things, and do things for myself, without being a bad, selfish person.  Being with you – _choosing_ to be with you – has helped me figure some things out.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since that night we officially started these lessons.  I’ve had to really examine how I’ve just been letting my life pass me by.  Wasting it.”

“You’re twenty-four, pet.  You’ve hardly wasted your life.”

“I’ll be twenty-five soon enough.”

He rolled his eyes.  “My mistake.  There’s no hope for you now.”

Buffy kicked him under the table.  “Shut up.  I’m trying to tell you something here.  Something _big_.  It’s because of you, William, that I have the strength now to follow my...” 

_Heart_. 

“To follow my dreams.”

William turned his head away and wiped at his eyes.  _Oh, god._ He was crying?  She’d made him cry?  Buffy cast back over what she’d said, but she couldn’t think of anything worthy of tears.  Sure, her head was a little fuzzy from the wine, but...

He lurched to his feet, pulling her upright with him.  Before she could say a word, he’d crushed his mouth to hers.  Buffy whimpered and pressed herself closer, hands creeping under his shirt to rest on his chest.  She could feel the wild beating of his heart against the palm of her hand, and wondered if it matched her own.  He spun them around and hoisted her so she sat on the edge of the island.  She wrapped her legs around his waist and tangled her fingers in his hair, while William cupped her face with both hands and kissed her like he was afraid she’d disappear if his lips left hers for even a moment. 

When she was sure she was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, he pulled back to stare into her eyes.  “Amazing.  You are so.  Bloody.  _Amazing_.”

Buffy ducked her head, and he lifted it back up with a soft touch of his knuckle beneath her chin.  “Let’s go upstairs.”

“The dishes...”

“Will still be here later.  I want you.  Now.”  William gave her a crooked grin.  “Wouldn’t even bother waiting ‘till I got you upstairs, but one of us would have to head up there for a condom anyhow, so we may as well enjoy the big, comfortable bed while we’re at it.”

“And here I was looking forward to a good kitchen ravishing.”

William chuckled.  “I’ll be sure to toss some rubbers in the silverware drawer for next time.  Hell, I’ll litter the whole house with them.”

Buffy slid off the counter and headed for the stairs.  “Don’t forget the backyard.”  She stopped, and turned back to him.  “On second thought, no.”

“No?”

“No.  Since I’m all with the inner strength, and knowing what I want and going for it...  No.  I’m not going upstairs.  _You’re_ going to go upstairs, and grab a condom.  Grab several.  And the illustrated Kama Sutra book I’m sure you have stashed somewhere.”  Maybe it was the wine talking, but Buffy was on a roll.  “And then you’re going to meet me back down here, where I’ll be waiting for you – naked – and we’re going to do that position where the kitchen counter will come in very handy.”

As she spoke, William’s expression had changed from surprise to delight, and was now morphing into the sensual, heavy-lidded look that made her want to rip all his clothes off, throw him down on the ground, and ride him into next week.  He sucked his lower lip in between his teeth and dropped his eyes to her mouth, then took another step closer.  “Is that right now, pet.”

Was he _challenging_ her? 

She raised her chin.  “Yes.  That’s right.”  Without waiting for his response, she turned her back on him and marched into the kitchen, peeling her shirt off as she went.  A split-second later, she heard him pounding up the stairs.  Buffy smiled, and wriggled out of her pants.

 

*******

 

“Wakey, wakey, kitten.”

Buffy ignored the sound and snuggled deeper under the covers.  A moment later, the covers disappeared.  Something soft tickled her cheek.  “Come on, sweetness.”  She pouted, but the tickling didn’t stop, so she gave in and opened her eyes.  And saw nothing but black.

“Why’re you waking me up in the middle of the night?”

The feather, she presumed, travelled lower.  It circled one breast, then the other.  “Guess again.”

Annoyed, Buffy harrumphed and tried to roll over.  She couldn’t.  “William?  What the hell?”

“Someone made me a promise,” he sing-songed, and she swore she could hear the smile in his voice.  “I had my turn in the restraints...”  The feather whispered down her belly and between her legs.  “And now it’s yours.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

William uncovered her eyes, and his concerned face swam before her.  “Then say the word.”

“You mean the ‘P’ one?”  Buffy didn’t say it, because, well...  She didn’t really want out.  Not yet.

“Any word.  It’s always your choice.”  His lower lip crept out just a touch.  “Been looking forward to this lesson, but if you’re not ready...”

“Unconscious was more the issue.”  She twisted and tugged experimentally, feeling out her limits, and was bemused to find she couldn’t close her legs.  Not even a little.  He’d spread those suckers wide with some kind of thigh restraints.  She thought about being angry over awakening trussed up, except she could feel the now-familiar rush of liquid heat between her spread thighs.  “Nah, I’m ready.”

Darkness descended once more, and she felt the straps leading to her wrists tighten, holding her in place.  Then the tickling resumed.  Without the benefit of sight, she could only guess at what might happen next.  Even the mere whisper of his fingers over her shoulder was electrifying.  Buffy felt her body awakening, responding to his touch.  William’s thumbs skimmed her nipples, and she gasped and arched upwards.  She felt his mouth join in, first grazing her neck, then her shoulder, then drifting downwards between her breasts and to her bellybutton.  Buffy squirmed and lifted her hips in encouragement, and he took the hint, moving lower, his breath tickling her hairs.

Then, everything stopped.  No sensation anywhere, only anticipation and yearning.  She waited, first patiently, and then impatiently, whimpering when William didn’t return to his task.

“Tell me, kitten.  What should I do?”

“What you _were_ doing.  Don’t stop!”

He caressed her shoulder, and Buffy sighed with satisfaction.  But when that was all he did, she grew impatient again.  She wriggled, but nothing happened.  “William?”

“What, love?”

“Why aren’t you...?”

“I’m doing as you asked.  Repeating my earlier actions.”

She blew out a frustrated breath.  “Not _those_ ones.  The others!”

“Afraid you’ll have to be a mite more specific.”

“Touch me!”

“I am.”

A whine crept into her voice.  “Not like that.”

“How, then?”

Why was he being so obtuse?  “ _You_ know.”

“Can’t say as I do.  Tell me, Buffy.  How should I touch you?”

_Bastard_.  “Are you really going to make me do this?”

His breath tickled her ear.  “Fair is fair.  I had my turn.  Now it’s yours.  Don’t shirk your word.”

“I hate you.”

The mattress shifted.  “I’d best leave, then.”  She made a noise of protest, and felt his weight return.  “I’ll do anything you want, kitten.  Anything and everything.  All you have to do... is tell me.  Let me hear the words out of your pretty little mouth.”

Buffy thought of yesterday, when it had been his turn to describe what he wanted.  The words he’d used had been earthy words.  _Dirty_ words.  William had had no qualms about telling her exactly what he wanted, not even when it had come to asking her to finger-fuck him.  And she’d complied with everything he’d asked for, because she’d wanted to give him pleasure, and because it had excited her as much as him.  She tried to remember how hot it had made her to hear the crude words come tumbling out of his mouth in between gasps of excitement.  Did he expect her to be crude in return?  Buffy rarely managed to utter a good _fuck_ without blushing... although maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for her now.

“If you laugh at me, I’m never ever talking to you again.”

William brushed his lips over hers.  “Never happen.” 

She took a deep breath, and released it slowly.  “Kiss me some more?”

“Anything you ask for.”  He gave her a short, chaste peck on the lips.  “But you _do_ have to ask for it.  Describe want you want in explicit detail.”  His voice brightened.  “Think of me as a computer!  You have to give the right input to get the results you want.”

“I hated computer programming,” Buffy huffed.  “Fine.  Kiss me long and slow.  Use your tongue.  Remind me why I even want you around in the first place.”

He laughed.  “Better.  We’ll work on it as we go.”

 

*******

 

“Goddammit, William, I know you know how to do this!” 

He ran his tongue up the folds of her cunt, then back down.  Licking, just like she’d asked.  He knew he was being a dick, but after almost an hour of less than satisfactory stimulation, Buffy was _this close_ to losing her inhibitions.  The sooner she discovered that she was capable of saying the words, the happier they both would be. 

William repeated the feather-like action, and Buffy howled with frustration.  “No!  Harder.  And – and go inside!”  He delved a little deeper.  Pressed a little harder.  Resisted the urge to bury his tongue inside, searching out her heady scent and juices.

“You _know_ what I want.  You did it just last night.”

_Pause_.  “I’m giving you exactly what you asked for.  If you want something else, just tell me.  This is no time to be all delicate and demure.”  He smirked into her pussy and resumed what he’d been doing.

“Please, William.  _Please_.”

_Oh-ho, missy.  Your tricks aren’t going to work on me._

Buffy wriggled and squirmed, trying to fuck herself on his tongue, but the restraints wouldn’t allow it.  She was going to have to use her words to get what she wanted.  She huffed, then said in a breathy, angry voice, “Touch my – my clitoris.”  He immediately moved his tongue upwards, circling the throbbing nub.  “With your thumb.  I want your tongue... lower.”  William pressed his thumb to her clit, resting it against her with the barest of touches, while he dropped his mouth back to her folds, continuing his earlier actions.  Buffy exhaled.  She squirmed.  She whimpered, and begged, and thrust her hips upwards, then fell back to the bed, exhausted and limp.  Smirk deepening, he ran his tongue up her wet cunt with just enough pressure to penetrate.

_Three... two... one..._

“ARRGHHHH!  _Fine_ , you bastard, you win.  You want details?  Listen up.  Iwant you to eat me out like the goddamn muff-diving master that you are. Iwant you to lift my hips up and bury your face in me.  AndIwantto feel that incredible, flexible tongue of yours thrusting in and out of my pussy, and your mouth up tight against me.  I hope you’re happy, you stupid, fucking _jerk_.”  Buffy ended her outburst with a shuddering, hiccupping breath, almost a sob, her entire body taut with fury.  Rather than offer praise, William lifted her hips and used his tongue in more rewarding ways.  She relaxed a fraction, and sighed with first relief, then pleasure.  “Deeper.  Make your tongue more broad.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”  William set to work with a smile on his face and a moan on his lips.  Hearing her finally say it had him hard as a rock, and desperate to be inside of her, but she’d earned this.  He wasn’t about to duck his promise, not after pushing her to her breaking point.

“Yeah, like that, you asshole.”  Buffy wasn’t done yet.  Now that she’d chucked her modesty, she was apparently going to make the most of it.  “Rub my clit with your thumb, in circles.  Hard and fast.  And in a bit, I want your fingers to slide in too, and hit my g-spot.  I don’t know what the hell your fingers do in there, but you’d better do it right.  When I get close, I want you to mouth me, and lick my juices up, and you better not fucking stop, not even when I’m coming.” 

He raised his head just enough so she could hear him clearly.  “Keep that up, love, and I’m going to be making one hell of a mess all over this bed.”

“Don’t you dare,” she muttered.  “I have plans for that wonderful, hard cock of yours.”

His eyes crossed.  “Like what?”

“You’ll find out later.”  With a buck of her hips, she added, “Back to work, jerkface.  I asked.  Now deliver.”

William dropped his head, more than happy to obey. 

“God, yeah.  Like that.  I love how you touch me.”  He groaned into her now-sopping cunt, counting backwards in an effort to regain control.  If she kept this up, he wouldn’t be held responsible for what his dick did.  When he slid two fingers into her, Buffy came up off the bed with a scream, and then fell back, panting.  “ _Fuck_.  Move a little higher.  _Nyahhgg!_ ”  She jerked in the restraints, scrabbling to hold on to something, breath coming in rapid bursts.  “I need – I need –”

“Tell me, baby.”

“Nipples.  Sucking.”

One-word commands were good enough for him.  William didn’t care if she forgot to be detailed now; with the way she was gasping and jerking, he doubted Buffy could even form a proper sentence.

She surprised him, though.  “Remember the – the first time we did doggie?”

“Uh huh.”

“You put your thumb on my... in back.”

“Do you want me to do that again?”

“Yeah.  That.”  Buffy spoke between gasps.  “And, hey, mouth.  Back to work.”

_Bloody hell_.  William eagerly did as told.  Breathless instructions and grunted profanity continued to flow from Buffy’s beautiful, swollen, innocent-looking lips, and he had to resort to grinding his dick against the mattress in a desperate bid for relief.

She arched off the mattress again, screaming, and he felt her orgasm shoot through her, rolling out from her quivering cunt in waves.  Buffy sobbed and thrashed, and it was too much for him.  His balls tightened to the point of pain, and then he came too, his jism going fuck-knows-where while he kept his mouth glued to her beautiful, grasping pussy.  William’s vision dimmed, and there was a roaring sound in his ears, but he kept at his task.  She’d ordered him not to stop.  So long as he remained conscious, he’d obey her every last command.

 

*******

 

Buffy was vaguely aware of William freeing her arms and legs, but she couldn’t find the energy to move.  Or speak.  She felt as wrung out as a dishrag.  Exhausted emotionally, as well as physically.  She couldn’t even work up any embarrassment over her conduct these past hours, which had evolved from prudish and reserved into shameless, aggressive, and downright dirty.  William had broken through that barrier, and then some. 

_Asshole_.

“There, my dove,” he said, rubbing the feeling back into her wrists.  “Such a good girl.  It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“I hate you,” she mumbled.  “Bastard.  Motherfucking _asshole_.”

He laughed, and pulled her into his arms.  Buffy flopped against him, limp, while he stroked her hair and back.  After a bit, he settled her under the blankets and kissed her forehead.  “You rest while I make you something to eat.”  Too worn out to reply, she drifted off to the sound of William’s humming.

 

*******

 

“Miss Summers.  What can I do for you?”

She looked her boss square in the eye.  Three years she’d worked here, with neither promotion nor raise.  It was time for that to change.  Before today, the mere idea of confronting Mr. Snyder would have sent her fleeing in panic.  Nice girls didn’t confront, didn’t demand.  Didn’t cause a scene. 

Buffy Summers didn’t qualify as a nice girl anymore.  Not after the weekend she’d just had.  Though she smiled at her boss, and spoke politely, even he couldn’t miss the resolve in her voice or the steel in her spine.  Snyder gaped at her, probably wondering what the hell had happened to his most tractable employee between Friday night and Monday morning.  Buffy smiled to herself.  Maybe even smirked a little.  Though she wasn’t about to explain it to him, the change stemmed from one not-so-simple event.  After finally letting go and telling William exactly how to touch her most intimate places in explicit detail?  

Asking for a long-overdue raise was going to be a piece of cake.

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

When Buffy looked up, the redhead seated across the table from her dropped her eyes to her own plate. 

Again.

“All right, Willow.  What is it?  If you hadn’t gushed on and on to me about Tara earlier, I’d swear you were hitting on me.”

“ _What?_ ” Willow said, her normally pale elfin face turning even paler.  “I’m not giving a vibe, am I?  Tell me I’m not vibe-ing at you.”

Buffy smiled and shook her head.  “Nah.  No vibes.  But you _are_ freaking me out.”

“Oh, thank god.  Because – awkward.  And you _know_ you’re my best friend.  Never with the bad, uncomfortable thoughts on this end.”

“It’s okay, Wills.  I’m just teasing.  But –” She pointed her spoon at the woman she’d been best friends with for more than a dozen years.  “You’re being all avoid-y.  Spill.”

Willow grinned sheepishly.  “It’s just – it is _so_ good to see you.  It feels like forever.”  Buffy grimaced to herself, accepting full responsibility for that one.  Visits had been few and far between in the last few years.  Her life had revolved around Liam, and then it had revolved around pining for Liam, and now it revolved around a different man.  William begging off this weekend in order to catch up on grading had probably been a good thing, though she’d been disappointed when he’d told her why, and had tried to talk him out of it despite their no-whining policy.

“ _I could help you_.”

William had laughed and demurred.  “ _Tempting though it is, I have a feeling you’ll be more of a hindrance than a help.  Too distracting._ ”  Then he’d proceeded to show Buffy exactly how distracting he found her.

It was okay though.  Not seeing William meant time to finally be a good friend. 

“I think it _has_ been forever.  But that is going to change.  Best friend Summers reporting for duty, sir.”

Willow’s grin grew bigger.  “I can’t get over how _you_ you seem.  I haven’t seen you this happy in years.  Or so confident.  I know it seemed like the end of the world at the time, but Liam running off with another woman has got to be the best thing that ever happened to you.” 

Buffy blanched.  _No_.  “That’s not it,” she said, more sharply than she’d intended.  “It’s got nothing to do with him and – and we’re getting back together.”

The redhead froze, remorse written all over her face.  “Oh.  Oh, I guess that’s why you’re so happy, then...”

“Not just yet...”  She sighed.  “I mean, it’s going to happen.  Liam _will_ leave that psycho bitch, and then...  Well...”  Willow reached over their plates to take her hand, green eyes full of sympathy laced with bewilderment.  “I love him.  And I know we’re going to work it out.”

Willow offered her a faltering smile and Buffy sighed again.  Of course her friend was confused.  She had no clue what had happened over the last few months, and it was time to fill her in.  “But you’re right.  Things have changed for me.  I’vechanged.”  Her expression turned rueful.  “And I suppose it _is_ because Liam left me.” 

Willow settled back in her seat, sensing juicy goodness about to follow.

The cozy restaurant hummed with muted conversation, a stark contrast to the expectant silence at their own table.  Buffy looked around at the other diners, trying to decide where to start, and then realized there was only one place.  At the beginning.  “You know I went to Liam’s reception, right?  I wasn’t going to, but I couldn’t resist seeing him.  And more importantly, making sure he saw me...”  Willow’s eyes grew progressively larger as Buffy told about meeting William, their plot to get back at the newlyweds, and how it had evolved into more over the course of the weekend.  Though she left out the intimate details – she wasn’t _that_ brazen yet – her friend seemed to get the picture all on her own.

“No!” Willow gasped when Buffy described the tutoring arrangement she’d made with William.  “Are you _serious_?”

“I know, right?”  She fidgeted with her napkin.  “Me, with the semi-casual hook-up.  But, holy crap, Wills.  He’s _amazing_.  Like, blow-my-mind, knock-my-socks-off, fireworks and explosions amazing.  And when I’m with him, I feel like I can be that amazing too.  He makes me believe I can do anything.  And not just anything in bed – I mean, _anything_ anything.  William is – he’s kind, and supportive, and he just... believes in me.”

“He sounds like he’s good to you.”

Buffy nodded.  “He is.  Good to me, good for me.  He pushes me to be strong and step outside my comfort zone.  _Waaaaay_ outside my comfort zone.  Did you know I asked for a raise this week?  And got it?”

“You’re kidding!  That’s great!”

“Yep.  Dinner is on me tonight.”

Willow laughed, and then she leaned forward, countenance sober.  “Buffy, you’ve always been strong.”

“That’s what _he_ says.  That I just had to see it.”

“Well, he’s right.  You used to be this confident.  Before...”  The redhead bit her lip.  “You know.  Back in high school.  This is how I remember you.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose, considering.  “Yeah.  I guess so.  I kinda feel like all these years, I’ve been playing a role.  Hiding behind a mask.  And I had to take the mask off to find...”  She trailed off, her eyes unfocused.

“To find?”

“To find... my true self.”  She covered her mouth in shock, as if she’d uttered an unspeakable profanity.  Slowly, Buffy dropped her hand, and then said it again.  “ _I had to find myself_ , Willow.”

Willow mirrored her action, hand flying up to cover her mouth, eyes huge with understanding.  She’d known Buffy since junior high, and had seen the catastrophic effects Joyce Summers’ actions had had on the Summers family.  The redhead knew just what that phrase meant to her.

Buffy stood quickly, breath coming in short, painful gasps.  Without bothering to excuse herself, she rushed to the bathroom and wrenched the cold water on.  Willow banged the door open just as she draped the back of her neck with dripping paper towels.  Heedless of the cold and wet, she wrapped her arms around Buffy and held her close.

“You are not your mother.” 

“I know.  _I know_.”  Buffy realized she was laughing and crying at the same time.  “Hearing those words out of my own mouth, though...”  She drifted off again, lost in the memory of the last time she’d seen her mother. 

“ _I’ve been pretending to be somebody I’m not all these years.  Playing a part I was forced into – by society, by you, by myself too.  It’s killing me.  I feel like I’m about to disappear forever.  That’s why I have to leave, just for a little while.  I have to remember who I am, and find myself before I disappear_.”

Willow knew exactly where her mind had gone.  “It’s not the same.  Not even one teeny-tiny bit.  Your mother could have ‘found herself’ without leaving.  She had responsibilities, and she just gave up.  That’s _not_ what you’re doing.” 

“Oh god, Willow.  You don’t know how many times I’ve had this same conversation with myself over the last few weeks.  How many times I’ve had to tell myself it’s not selfish to do something for _me_.  I even said as much to Dad when he tried to lay the guilt trip on me for not playing hostess for him.”

Willow drew back to look at her.  “You said that to your dad?”

She nodded solemnly.  “For William.  _Because_ of William.”

“ _Damn_.  You better introduce me to this man, Buffy, because I intend to give him a – a big kiss.  A big, sloppy, grateful kiss.”

Buffy grinned and wiped at her eyes with one of the damp paper towels.  “Maybe you’ll get your chance tonight.”  The other woman arched her eyebrow, and Buffy shrugged sheepishly.  “I kinda invited him to meet us at the club.  You know, as an incentive to get his grading completed.  So... maybe he’ll show.”

“Oh!  Now I _have_ to make good on it.”  Willow blushed.  “It’s been a bit since I kissed a man.”

“More than a bit...”

“Well, okay, yes.  More than a bit, with the girl lips, and the soft...”  With quick shake of her head and a sly smile, Willow said, “It’ll take a little mental adjustment.  He’s not all sharp and bristly, is he?”

“Nope.  William’s clean shaven and all soft too...”  She wandered off into happy memories of those lips, contemplating their softness.  And fullness.  And deliciousness...

When she came to, Willow was watching her with keen green eyes.  “You really like this man, don’t you.”

“Yeah, I guess so.  I mean, yes.  I do like William.  He’s a good... friend.”  Buffy allowed herself a wistful smile.  “I’m going to miss him when this is all over.”

“You don’t think you’ll stay... friends?”

Buffy used the excuse of checking her makeup in the mirror to avoid answering right away.  “I think it would be awkward, especially with all the history he and Liam share.  Never mind that I have _no_ desire to see Drusilla ever again.”  She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the damp paper towel. _“_ And, you know, clean break and all that.  Avoid any confusion.”

“Or temptation?”

Damn Willow for being so perceptive.  “Or that,” she agreed.  “Not that it wouldn’t serve Liam right to get a taste of his own medicine, but there’s no way I’m going to be that girl.” 

_Unless we both share him_ , the naughty little voice in her head reminded her.  Buffy ignored it.  Tempting though the thought was, she was pretty sure she wasn’t the type to share, not even with William.  Somebody was bound to get hurt in an arrangement like that, and it would probably be her.  Not to mention she didn’t want to give Liam any excuse to return to his old habits.

And then there was Drusilla.  William intended to return to the psycho bitch, just as she intended to get back together with Liam.  Everything back to the way it was supposed to be, everybody back with their respective true loves, as he had said.  A flare of white-hot jealousy rose up at the thought of William lavishing Drusilla with that same attentiveness he’d shown her these past few weeks.  Murmuring into Dru’s ear how deliriously happy he was to finally be with her once more, and how he’d never stopped loving her. 

Buffy felt ill.  William was... _not_ hers, damn it.  He’d made it perfectly clear he was Drusilla’s, and had no interest in her.  Pain bloomed in her chest at the memory of just how emphatic he’d been, how easily he’d blown off the idea he could develop real feelings for her.  Swallowing hard, Buffy reminded herself she didn’t love William.  Crazy good sex did not equal love.  She had her own love, and there was no reason for her to be jealous or possessive.  Not one bit.

“Come on,” she said aloud.  “We’d better get back out there before they think we did a dine and dash.”

 

*******

 

William stood at the entrance of the club, scanning the crowd and trying not to look out of place.  It wasn’t the idea of dancing that made him uncomfortable – Drusilla had loved to go clubbing, but Liam had refused, and so it had been up to William to take her.  The first few times he’d gone, he’d been nervous, relying on his memories of the ballroom dance lessons of his youth before realizing dancing was just another kind of foreplay.  A vertical version of the horizontal dance he was learning nightly in Drusilla’s arms.  He’d discovered he quite liked clubbing after that. 

Still, he’d never gone dancing without Dru before.  Nor had he met anybody from Buffy’s circle of family and friends, other than the brief glimpse of her father across a parking lot.  It struck him that meeting a woman and her friends for dancing was rather date-like for somebody who didn’t want him to be her boyfriend, but what did he know?

Unable to see Buffy, he climbed the stairs to the right, which led to a small balcony overlooking the dance floor.  From up there, it was easy to spot her.  Her long, blonde hair gleamed as it whipped from side to side, slim arms raised high, hips swaying provocatively beneath the tight pants she wore.  William watched, entranced, his own pants tightening in response to the sight of Buffy happy and carefree on the dance floor.  And then his eyes narrowed.  Happy and carefree – another man’s hands on her hips, another man’s body moving sinuously with hers.  Buffy flashed her partner a bright smile, and William’s mouth tightened.  He couldn’t help but feel he’d caught her cheating on him, irrational though the thought was, considering she wasn’t his girl.  Her partner moved in closer and William’s jaw clenched, along with his fists.  The ugly thought crossed his mind that he hadn’t been available this weekend, so she’d turned to somebody else to meet her needs.  He whirled away from the railing and down the stairs, intent on leaving. 

Instead of walking out the door, he skirted the edges of the crowd, making his way closer to Buffy. 

The song ended, and he had a perfect view of Buffy’s dance partner gesturing to the door, an expectant look on his face.  She declined, posture making it clear she had no interest in leaving with him.  Tall, blonde and persistent tried again, gesturing to the bar this time.  Again, Buffy declined, and William felt relief flood through him, as well as disgust at himself.  The girl had only been having a little fun.  Something he suspected she hadn’t done for a long, long time.  She could dance with every single man in here if it made her happy – and should.  The revelation didn’t stop him from being pleased when she turned and joined a pair of women who’d been dancing nearby.  Buffy laughed and shook her head when the curvaceous blonde asked her something, and he guessed these were her friends.

William made his way closer, taking the time to admire the way her body moved.  She spun around and saw him, and he felt doubly like an asshole when her eyes lit up and her entire face glowed at the sight of him.  His heart felt like it had stopped in his chest, and then it resumed with a painful thump as she reached for him, eyes sparkling and smile incandescent. 

“You made it!” she shouted over the music.  He didn’t have time to answer.  She wrapped her arms around his waist, hips still swaying to the beat, and kissed what little breath he had left right out of him.  William returned the embrace, resting his cheek on her hair as she dropped her head to the crook of his neck.  “Mmm.  You smell nice,” she said, and then released him and turned to her friends.

“Willow, Tara.  This is William.”

The redhead – he wasn’t sure if it was Willow or Tara – came at him.  Before he could protest, she’d grabbed his face between her hands and planted a big kiss on his lips.  She stepped back, grinning.  Flustered, William said, “Er, thanks?”

“Hey!” the blonde said.

“Aw, you know I don’t mean it, baby.”  Soon, the two of them were locked in a passionate clinch, and William’s eyes about bugged out of his head.

He turned to Buffy.  “Your friend’s enthusiastic,” he said, still feeling a little shell-shocked.

Buffy laughed.  “Don’t worry, Willow’s gay.”  His forehead creased, trying to follow her line of reasoning.  “Tara is too,” she added, rather unhelpfully in William’s opinion.

“So why with the...”

The redhead – Willow, he presumed – turned back to him.  “Right.  Sorry about attacking you like that.  It was just a big ol’ thank you.”  She sniggered, and Buffy joined in.  William stared from one to the other, feeling lost.

Buffy took his hand.  “Willow likes my new and improved self.”

“Technically her old and unimproved self,” Willow corrected, leaning closer so he could hear her over the throbbing music.  “Meet Buffy as she used to be.  Ready to take on the world.”  She flashed a smile at him.  “And I hear it’s all thanks to you she’s back to her old self.  So – thanks.”

William shook his head.  “Oh, no.  Not my doing.  It was all her.  She’s the one.”

Willow studied him, her green eyes sharp and assessing.  “This guy is smart, Buffy.”

He glanced at Buffy, whose eyes were shining.  “I know,” she said.  “He’s, like, _you_ smart.  Did I tell you about the book he’s writing?”

“Yep, you did.  And I want to hear all about it,” Willow said.  “But right now – too loud for anything but dancing.”  She twisted away, back into her girlfriend’s embrace, head bopping to the beat.

“Guess that leaves you and me,” he said, not at all displeased.  William spun Buffy around, her back to his chest, and dropped his hands to her hips.  She laid her hands overtop his and shimmied against him.  He moved with her, tight up against her body, his hard cock nestled into her backside.

Buffy craned her neck to look up at him.  “Hey.  You really _do_ know how to dance.”

“Told you.”  He skimmed his hands up her body, ghosting over her curves, and smiled to himself when he felt her breath hitch.  She twisted so she could rest her hands on his chest, eyes heavy-lidded and dark with passion.  Buffy raised herself up on her tippy toes, and William lowered his head to hers, capturing her lips.

“Mmm,” she said, rubbing up against him in a way he knew would’ve had her redder than a fire engine only weeks ago.  “Did you get all your grading finished?”

“Sadly, no.  But I did get far enough to earn a break.  A chance to see –”  He stopped himself from saying _my girl_ just in time.  “– you.”

The band swung into a slow song, and she laid her head against his chest.  William tightened his arms around her, and they swayed together.  A moment later, Buffy looked up at him.  “I like being your incentive,” she said, before rubbing her cheek against the material of his shirt with a contented sigh, and he lost his heart a little bit more.

Many songs later, he found himself alone at a cramped table with Willow, the other two having gone off to get another round of drinks.  Willow had been asking him about his research, but now she fixed him with a shrewd look.  “So.  William.”

“Er – yes?”

“I’ve never seen Buffy this happy before.”  She wrinkled her brow, then shook her head.  “Correction.  I haven’t seen her this happy in a long, long time.  Definitely not since high school.”

“She deserves to be happy.  She’s – she deserves it,” he repeated, trying not to give his feelings away.  He had the sneaking suspicion Willow didn’t miss much.

“You’re good for Buffy.  Liam was a good guy and all – well, not so much with the good, considering how he turned out to be a cheating scumbag – but until then, he was always decent.  He really wasn’t the right man for her, though.”

William took a long sip of his beer, unsure of how to respond.  Finally, he said, “I do believe Buffy is of a different opinion.”  He peeled off the label before adding, “Didn’t she tell you we only have a temporary arrangement?”

“And how do you feel about that?”  

He narrowed his eyes.  Best friends had certain privileges, and the right to question intentions, but enough was enough.  His feelings were his own.  William tipped his beer at her.  Willow arched her brows in return, waiting on his answer.  Persistent little thing.  When it became clear he intended to remain silent, until the others returned, if necessary, she said, “Buffy can be kinda blind sometimes.  If you’re waiting on her to notice –”

“I’m counting on her not noticing.”  He leaned forward and injected a note of menace into his voice.  “And don’t you be telling her anything.  If the time is ever right, _I’ll_ be the one doing the telling, you hear?”

Willow regarded him blandly.  “Whatever you say, Big Bad.”

He snorted.  “You ever give Liam the old what for?”

“Nope.  You’re just all kinds of special.”  It was her turn to lean forward.  “And so’s my best friend.  She deserves complete honesty, don’t you think?”

Buffy and Tara reappeared, saving him from having to reply.  William nursed his beer while the women gabbed, mulling over Willow’s words.  If he came clean with Buffy, he’d lose her now.  And if he didn’t, he’d lose her later.  Either way, the only loser was himself.  Buffy turned to ask him a question, face flushed with happiness, bearing casual and confident, and William realized he couldn’t use the excuse that he was helping her restore her confidence anymore.  His lessons, such as they were, were complete.  Buffy didn’t need him, hell, she’d never needed him, but she would be just fine on her own.  No man would ever be able to make her feel worthless again, not unless she let him.

He drained his beer, and touched her shoulder.  “I need to take off.  Got a pile of papers calling my name.”  Her lower lip crept out, and it took all his willpower to stick to his guns.  “Walk me out?”

She followed him to his car.  “I packed a suitcase just in case, but I guess this means I don’t need it, huh?”

_Bugger_.  “Sorry, love.  I wish, but...”

“Yeah, yeah.  Mr. Responsible.  Good thing Thanksgiving’s this week.  Long weekend to look forward to.”  Buffy twined her fingers with his.  “You... have plans for Thanksgiving dinner, right?”

“No worries, pet, I won’t be all on my own.  Got that dinner at another faculty member’s house, remember?”

“Right.  Just, you know.  Double-checking.  Nobody should spend Thanksgiving alone.”

William cupped her cheek.  That she was willing to invite him to her house meant a lot to him, but he’d spare her the awkwardness even if he didn’t have elsewhere to go.  “Tell you what.  Since we had to skip our lessons this weekend, how ‘bout if I give you some extra homework.”

 “Oh yeah?  What?” Buffy asked, her expression a mixture of curiosity and trepidation.

“Want you to touch yourself tonight.  Use any toys, if you have ‘em.  I want you writhing in your bed, my name on my lips as you satisfy yourself.”

“Oh.”  Her eyes gleamed.  “So, no different from any other night, then.”

William pounded his chest with the heel of his hand, trying to force the air back into his lungs. 

_Lessons definitely complete._

“You okay, there?”

He coughed into his fist.  He’d thought his dick was hard before, but it had taken on painful proportions after that little confession.  “Right as rain.  And, I’d say you’re ready to step it up a notch next weekend.  Move on to something a little more... frisky.”

“Like...?”

“Remember the trainer I gave you last week?”

That got her eyes to widen, and the blush he hadn’t seen in awhile made an appearance.  “The, um.  Anal one?”

“There’s your other homework for the week.  Time to break it in, so to speak.”  Buffy looked at him askance.  “Remember, lubricant is your friend.  And if you don’t take to it... no worries.  I’m sure I can think of something else to do.”

She laughed.  “Oh, I’m sure you can.”

 

*******

 

Buffy’s phone rang, and she snatched it up and answered without checking to see who it was first.  William had called her every night this week about this time, to make sure she was okay.  He was just so _sweet_ sometimes, though after four nights of reassuring him she was fine, he was bordering a little on obsessive.

Still, better he called too often than not at all.  It made her feel more secure about how their last weekend together had ended – with Buffy telling him to stop for the first time ever.  Though she’d discovered she liked anal play, way more than she had expected to, when it came to anal intercourse?  Not so much.  No matter how lubed and excited she was, it had turned out that William’s over-endowed girth was way too girth-y.  And painful.  They’d attempted insertion on more than one occasion before Buffy, exasperated, had tried to force herself past the pain.  It turned out forcing wasn’t such a good idea.  There’d been blood, and tears, and yelling, even as William had been pulling out.  Hence his need to check up on her every day since.

“I’m fine, I’m _fine!_ ” she said with a laugh.  “Quit worrying.”

“Um.  Okay?”

_Fuck_.  That so was not William’s voice.  It was... 

Oh, god.

“Liam?”

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

“Liam?” she repeated, loud enough for him to hear her this time.

“Er, yeah.  Hi, Buff.  Is this a bad time?”

Buffy’s heart thudded in her chest, and she almost dropped her phone.  She clutched it tighter, fingers clammy, stomach flipping like an Olympic gymnast.  “Nah, I just thought you were somebody else.  What’s up?”  There.  At least her voice was steady, even if her nerves weren’t.

“You sound good.  Happy.”

“Um, thanks.  Are you?  Happy?”

He exhaled.  “I’m leaving Drusilla.  I found out she – well, maybe you already knew she was never pregnant.”

Her mind raced.  Leaving.  He was _leaving_ Drusilla.  And he was calling her.  Did that mean –

“I – yeah.  William and I figured it out.  But, you know, you had that nifty gold band on your finger by then, so...”

“I need to see you.  I’ve been such an idiot, and I have so much to tell you – Friday night,” he said, words tumbling over themselves in his haste to get them out.  “Can we meet?  At the Espresso Pump.”

_Yes!_

Wait – no.  She was supposed to go to William’s.  Buffy hesitated, torn.  _It’s Liam!_ her heart shouted.  _This is what you’ve been waiting for!_

“I, uh...”

“Geez, I should have asked – do you have plans?  Are you...”  There was a painful silence, and then he continued, “Are you seeing somebody?  I guess I should’ve realized you wouldn’t just be waiting around on me.”

“No, no!  I’m not seeing anybody!”  Not technically.  And – and did having coffee with Liam constitute breaking the conditions of her arrangement with William?  It didn’t, did it?  Not unless coffee led to more...  Buffy frowned, nose wrinkling.  She didn’t really _want_ it to lead to more.  Not yet, anyway.  There had to be time to readjust, right?

One night.  She could give Liam one night, just to hear what he had to say.  And then...  If it was time to end things with William – and why did that thought hurt so much? – well, she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.  “What time do you want to meet?”

“Seven?  You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice.  I’ve thought about you every –”

“I’ll see you at seven,” she said, uneasy.  He’d only said he was leaving Drusilla, not that he’d already left her.  Which made his fevered declarations more than a little unnerving for Buffy.  Until Drusilla had no claim over him whatsoever, Buffy wasn’t ready to re-establish a relationship.  Whether or not it would serve the crazy nut job right, she wasn’t about to be the other woman.  Not even for Liam.

“Right, seven.  Okay.”

“Okay.  Sounds great.”

“Good!”

Buffy bit her lip.  Obviously, he wasn’t ready to hang up.  And... neither was she?  But William would probably be calling soon, and what else did she and Liam have to say to each other right now?  Well, okay, probably a lot, but...  What Liam had to say would be better dealt with face-to-face.  “So... goodnight.”

“Goodnight!”  He still didn’t hang up.

Her phone beeped, signifying an incoming call, but her ex remained on the line.  So she did something she never would have thought possible.

She hung up on Liam.

 

*******

 

Buffy arrived at the Espresso Pump fifteen minutes late, her steps slow and uncertain.  Just because she’d been waiting on this moment for months didn’t mean she was actually prepared for it.  She paused in the doorway before pushing the door inwards.  A quick scan of the coffee shop revealed Liam waiting for her – at _their_ booth – two cups of coffee in front of him and a bouquet of roses on the table, next to a slice of her favorite chocolate cake.  He stood when he saw her, smiling his perfect smile, the one that made her go weak in the knees.  She faltered, then forced her feet forward.

“Liam.”

He beamed down at her, roses at the ready.  “Buffy.  God, look at you.”

She automatically reached for the bouquet before a glint of gold caught her eye, and she dropped her hand.

“What?”

“Well,” she said slowly, and reached out to tap his wedding band.  “Reminding me that fidelity is not your strong suit is probably not the best way to open this conversation.”

Liam gawked at her before plopping onto the seat, roses forgotten at his side.  “Sorry – I’m – _Damn it_.  I’m already doing everything wrong.”  Buffy slid onto the opposite bench without a word, and waited him out.  With a deliberate twist, he removed the ring and set in on the table between them.  “I never wanted this.  I was just trying to do what was right.  Make the best of a bad situation.”

“A situation you caused.”

“Yes,” he admitted.  “You have to know, though, I – I never loved Drusilla, Buffy.”

“But you loved the sex.”  It pained her to say it, but she had to.  If they didn’t clear the air _completely_ , there couldn’t be any going forward.

He turned ashen.  “This is harder than I thought it was going to be.”

She cocked her head.  “Why?”

“I guess because I have to try to explain myself, and I really don’t know how.  There are so many things you don’t know about me –”

“Oh, I might have an idea.  Tell you what; let’s start with the easy stuff.”  His large hands moved restlessly over the table, and she caught one in hers.  Their eyes met, and she smiled.  “You’re leaving Drusilla.  When, exactly?”

Liam tightened his grip.  “I have to separate our finances, make new wills, all that legal stuff.  I thought we were going to have a kid, so I didn’t hold back.  It’s going to take some work to undo.  And she’s not exactly stable, as you’ve probably guessed.  I need to make sure she’s going to be taken care of.  I might not love Drusilla, but I do still...”

“Care about her?”

“Yeah,” he said, refusing to meet her eyes.

“I think I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, oddly enough.”

He smiled softly.  “And this is why I love _you_.”

It was Buffy’s turn not to meet his eyes.  “So, do you have a timeline?  And does Drusilla know what’s happening?”

“She does.  It’s hard to believe, after her big charade, but she’s strangely accepting.  I don’t think marrying me was all she expected either.” 

“What?  Seriously?”

Liam laughed.  “I know, right?  But she’s always telling me how William did this or that better...  He really _gets_ her, you know?  I made Drusilla promise that as long as we were married, there’d be nobody else, not even William.  Had her kick him out and everything.  I think she’s looking forward to getting her little lapdog back.  She wants everything the way it was as much as the rest of us.”

Buffy blanched.  If Drusilla wanted William back, then this was really it.  It was what William was waiting on too.  She’d known this day was coming, but she still felt unprepared.  Unwilling for what she and William had to end so soon.  “And when will that be?” she repeated, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“I figure all the paperwork will be final by the end of January.”

“Oh...”

“And then...”  He caught her other hand in his, his eyes filled with excitement and longing.  “Maybe we can work on us?  If that’s okay?  The thought of you is the only thing that’s been keeping me going these last few weeks.”

Buffy’s head spun.  Her dreams were coming true, and it seemed like too much, too fast.  “There’s going to be a _lot_ of work needed, Liam.  You know that, right?”

“I do.  I’m ready to grovel however you need.”

“And things are going to change.  We won’t be going back to the way we were.  Things are too different now.  _I’m_ too different now.  I’ve done some growing up since you left me.”

He licked his lips, a nervous smile playing across his features.  “Sure.  Of course.”

“Then let’s talk about the sex.”

“Well, you’re certainly more blunt,” he muttered, dropping her hands to poke at the cake with his fork.

“Kinda figure it’s the best way to be if we’re going to get past everything that’s happened.”  Not that she wanted to talk about the sex either, but it was at the heart of everything.  “You needed something you thought I couldn’t or wouldn’t give you.  Or maybe shouldn’t give you, I don’t know.  So you turned to Drusilla.”

Liam raised his gaze to hers.  “Spike tell you all this?”

“ _William_ explained a bit, but I think he figured it was your tale to tell.  So, yeah, I understand more than you think, but not nearly enough.”

His lips thinned.  “I can’t believe that little shit had the nerve to even _think_ he was good enough to talk to you.”

“Whoa!  Time out.  First of all, pot.  Kettle.  Second, William is –”

“Is what?”  Liam’s dark eyes blazed, and Buffy figured it wasn’t the time to get into her relationship with William.  Dealing with the existence of Liam’s secrets would be enough for one night.

“He’s a really nice guy.  That’s all.”

Liam narrowed his gaze.  “Did you and he...?”

“Does it matter?  Do you have _any_ right to even ask me that?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face.  “No.  Sorry, no.  Not at all.”

“That’s right, buster.”  Buffy knew she’d have to tell him eventually, but she didn’t want this oh-so-important conversation sidetracked.  “Back to you.  And what _you_ need.  Want.  Crave.  Whatever.  You should have told me, Liam.  I _love_ you.  I would have done whatever it took to help you, or give you what you needed.”  She took a deep breath, her hand reaching for his.  “I can be kinky, if that’s what you need.  I loved how sweet our lovemaking always was, but I am okay with so much more.  Hell, Liam, I _want_ more.  I _want_ a little kinky, now and then.”

“Wow.”  He shook his head.  “I’m trying to wrap my mind around us having this conversation.  It’s so...”

“What we need to do, if things are ever going to work out between us.”

Liam stared at her.  “I guess,” he said slowly, “I was hoping to just sweep everything under the rug.  But that’s not going to work.  You’re right.  I need... I need to tell you everything.”

“I want you to.  I love you, and I can handle it.  I promise.  Before, I probably couldn’t have, but I can now.”

“Ah, sweetheart.  You don’t know how I’ve missed you.”  He smiled at her, tentatively, before dropping his eyes to the table.  Several times, he opened his mouth to speak before shutting it again.  At last, he said, “What I... crave... is beyond kinky, Buffy.  I don’t know what you’re imagining, but it’s not pretty.  I like... pain.”

“S and M.”

He glanced up, startled.  “Yeah.  Hardcore S and M.  As in, I like the S part.  I...”  He laughed nervously, his eyes begging her to understand.  “I guess I’m a... _fuck_ , I can’t say it.  It sounds so sick and ugly.”

Buffy said it for him.  “A sadist.”

“Oh, god...”

“See me with the not freaking?”  She stood and came around to his side of the table, scooting in next to him, and wrapped an arm around his trembling body.  If William hadn’t prepared her, she would have been freaking out, but she’d had time to process and accept.  “It’s okay.  Just tell me.”

“I never wanted to hurt you like that.  I don’t _want_ to like causing pain, Buffy.  I really don’t.  And most of the time, I don’t even think about it.  But... one day, it was just there.  And I couldn’t... ah, _shit_.  You were never meant to know.  I just needed to get it out of my system, so I could go back to being normal.”  His shoulders sagged, and he turned his head away.  “Except Drusilla saw the chance to catch me in her web for good, and it all went to hell.”

She squeezed his arm and plowed ahead.  “Here’s the tough question – how do you know it won’t happen again?  You won’t turn to somebody else because you think I can’t handle it.”

“Jesus Christ, honey, you – no.  I don’t want you _handling_ it.  Pain and degradation like that, it changes you, and not in a good way.”  Buffy swallowed in surprise as he echoed William’s words.  “Some people can dabble in that lifestyle and not be affected, but I did more than dabble.  It became a way of life, entwined with everything Dru and I did...  And I hated it.  Hated myself, hated that I got off on hurting human beings.  So I left.  And I met you.  You were so sweet, and beautiful, and innocent.  I thought I could forget.  Fight off the cravings.”

“But you couldn’t,” she said softly.

“I couldn’t.  And there was no way in hell I was going to even think about letting it become part of our life, so I turned to Drusilla.  She... likes that kind of thing.”

“And again with the million dollar question...  How do we know these cravings won’t get the best of you again?”

Liam slumped forward, elbows on the table, head cradled in his hands.  “Because I’m seeing somebody for it.”  She stiffened beside him, and he looked up.  “Oh, no – not like that.  Somebody, as in a psychiatrist.  Somebody who helps people get over these urges.  The shrink thinks I can get past it because I only ever engaged with certain people.  They’re my triggers – I saw Dru one day, and that’s what set the whole thing off.”

“So, what – we move?  Other side of the country, far away from Drusilla?”  _And William_.

“Yeah.  All my triggers are here, in Los Angeles.”  Buffy’s heart fell at that plural _triggers_.  Who else – well, William.  Probably.  But were there others?  “Moving would probably be for the best.  But I can’t just rely on avoidance – the shrink, she’s helping me to actually deal with the problem, and get past it.  Not just repress, which is what I was doing before.  There’s this whole re-training program.  The fantasies, well, I’ll probably always struggle with those, but she thinks I can get over the need to experience the actual act in order to be – er – fulfilled.”

She thought of what William had once said, about nothing being wrong in the bedroom so long as everyone agreed.  “I get that you don’t want to be that way, but if both people are consenting, is it really so bad?”

He released a ragged breath.  “Because some people – meaning me – tend to escalate over time.  I always seem to need more.  According to the doctor, there’s a real risk that if I continue to indulge, someday I might go too far.  Or – or even force someone who wasn’t consenting.  That’s why it has to stop.  For good.”

Buffy shivered and wondered what would happen if Liam _couldn’t_ get over it.  If the cravings returned.  How would they deal with it?  Just what did Angelus like – and would she be able to give him what he needed?  Beyond the words pain, degradation, and sadism, he hadn’t really explained. 

“Liam?”

“Yeah, Buff?”

“Can you... can you explain just what it is Angelus likes?”  He did a double take at her use of his alias.  “It’s what Dru called you,” she reminded him.  “It would help me understand better if you explained.  So I know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

“You do know this is the one conversation I never, _ever_ wanted to have with you, right?”

“Oh, you mean, even less than, ‘Hey Buffy, by the way, I’ve screwing around on you and now I’m going to marry the crazy woman I was screwing around on you with’?”

“Jesus.  _Fuck_.  Low blow.”

Buffy stood quickly, the anger and betrayal she’d managed to repress this entire time spewing up out of her gut with a sudden violence that left her shaken.  “Just calling it like I see it, Liam.”

“No, sorry.  You’re right.  Please, Buffy, I’m sorry.  Sit back down?” 

She did, but on the opposite side of the table once more, hands still shaking and bile coating the back of her throat.  The wedding ring sat in the middle of the table, staring up at them.  Liam grabbed it and shoved it in his pocket.  “I deserved that,” he said.  “Doesn’t mean I liked hearing it, but I deserved it.”

“Well, so long as you understand that you are the one in the wrong here.  And – I may be all with the understanding, but what you did still _hurts_.  A _lot_.”

“I’m... Is it even worth saying sorry?  I can’t ever make it up to you.”

“Explaining about Angelus is a good place to start.”

He twirled his coffee mug, then pushed her untouched one towards her.  Buffy ignored it.  “Cake?” he asked, poking at it with his fork once more, and she shook her head.  Liam sighed.  “Can I say yes, I promise I’ll explain, but later?  I’m not ready.  Not tonight.”

“When?”

“I dunno.  When I have a better handle on it all.  When I’m free to be with you, if you still want me.”  Liam shivered, his face pale, and now that she looked more closely, a little green around the edges.  Perhaps it _had_ been enough for one night.

“Yeah,” she said, reaching out to take his hand once more.  “That’ll work.”

He squeezed her hand and flashed her a smile.  “Thank you.  Thank you for seeing me tonight.  Thank you – just, thank you.  Have I mentioned how amazing you look?  You glow.  And you’re so... confident.  I hate to admit it, but I think not being with me agrees with you.”

Buffy bit her lip, upset to find that she couldn’t really argue with him, although she figured her new self-confidence had more to do with William than anything else.  She realized with a sudden start that tonight signified the end of her time with him.  She pushed the thought away, not ready to deal with the emotions that came along with it – surprisingly painful emotions.  “Like I said, I’ve done some growing up.  But it’ll be good for us.  We’ll both be stronger.”

Liam reached forward to cup her cheek, and Buffy leaned into his touch.  She closed her eyes, nuzzling into him, and was surprised to find his broad hand didn’t seem to fit quite right against her face.  It didn’t evoke the same feelings of warmth and safety it once had.  _Well, of course not_ , she chided herself.  _There isn’t the same trust we once had.  It’ll take some time to get it back_.  Made sense, didn’t it?

“I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but I’ll spend the rest of my life earning it.” 

She opened her eyes.  Despite Liam’s swoon-worthy words, Buffy was hit with a second wave of disappointment.  His expression, though yearning, and loving, was missing something.  It lacked the intensity she’d expected to see – the intensity that was always there in William’s eyes, whenever he looked at her.  She shook the disappointment off.  They were different men, that was all, and expressed themselves in different ways.  What she saw in Liam’s eyes was _love_ , whereas William – well, he didn’t love her.  Wanted her, definitely, but didn’t love her.

She stood, and he stood too, quickly reaching for her hand.  “I love you,” she told him, “and this, tonight, was good.  But until you’re actually divorced...  just because you took your ring off, it doesn’t make you free of your marriage.  And until then, I think this is as much as I’m willing to give you.”  She stretched up on her tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek.  “Call me when it’s done, okay?”

“The moment the papers are signed, I swear.”

Buffy clutched his hand.  It didn’t seem enough, not for this long-awaited moment, so she threw her arms around the man she’d loved all her adult life.  “I missed you, Liam.  So much.”  With one final squeeze, she turned and fled.

 


	23. Chapter 23

 

William frowned.  Buffy had arrived in time for lunch today, but she’d been silent and pensive all throughout the meal, and had remained so during cleanup.  He wondered what she was thinking about, but his few attempts to probe for information had met with failure.  She’d been a bit off ever since he’d talked to her Wednesday night, he realized.  Thursday, she’d told him she wouldn’t be able to see him until Saturday without offering any explanation why, and he couldn’t help but think something had happened this week to upset her.

“You have a good night, last night?” he tried.  She stiffened, almost imperceptibly, but he’d been watching for it.  Interesting.

“Yeah, just met up with a friend I haven’t seen in awhile.”

_Huh_.

Buffy gave him a bright smile.  A very _fake_ , bright smile.  “How about you?”

Evasion, was it?  Well, maybe he’d be able to tease it out of her later.  “Used the time to hit the gym,” he said.  “But on to more interesting things – however shall we spend today?”

Her smile turned a touch more genuine.  She rinsed another dish and placed it in the rack.  “Whatcha got planned, teach?”

William didn’t have much planned at all.  Truth be told, he’d covered all the important lessons, the ones that had restored her confidence and set free her inner vixen.  Anything beyond was just gravy, at this point.  Gaining experience.  And besides – “Figured we ought to go easy after last week,” he said, guilt at having injured her, however accidentally, still eating away at his insides.

She shook her head.  “How many times do I have to tell you I’m fine now?  Come on, William.  Bring on the kink.  I can handle it.”

“You’ll have to forgive me if I’m feeling a bit cautious.”  She rolled her eyes.  “Anyhow.  There are some toys in the box we haven’t explored yet –”

“Does hot wax hurt?”

The sudden question threw him.  He stood motionless, the half-dried dish forgotten in his hand.  “Uhhh....”  Buffy blinked expectantly at him.  “Not if it’s done right.  It’s not meant to cause outright pain.”

“Hmmm.  Okay, how about those nipple clamps?  We haven’t tried those.  Do those hurt?”

He eyed her, wondering where this sudden obsession with pain was coming from.  “If it hurts a lot, it’s a sign to let up.  You risk damaging sensitive bits permanently if you’re not careful.  How about if we try –”

“There’s that whip thingy.”

“Okay, hold up.  What’s with the parade of pain today?”

She shrugged.  “I’m feeling adventuresome?” 

“And the fact that you’re not meeting my eyes tells me no.  ‘Sides, we did pain last week.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but it didn’t go over so well.”

“That was accidental pain.  Not the good kind.”

“There’s a good kind now, is there?”

“Well, there must be.  Otherwise, why would people like it so much?  Come on, I think we’re done with the whole introductory package we talked about way back when.  It’s time to move on to more hardcore stuff.”

William pursed his lips, not at all trusting her breezy explanation.  “Think we’ve got a bit more to explore first.  We haven’t really tried role-playing.  Cheerleader Buffy’s a sight I’ve been itching to see.”  Or his slightly more secret naughty schoolgirl fantasy.  He was more than up for that one, had been ever since she’d first visited him on campus.

“Or how about you be Spike?”

He scowled at her, furious with her suggestion and sickened she would even bring it up.  She only gazed back at him, determination etched across her pretty features.  His scowl deepened.  Something had happened, and it was time for sharing.  He dropped the dishtowel on the counter and grabbed Buffy by the shoulders, twisting her so they stood face-to-face.  “You know what?  I’m not in the mood for your games, pet.  You know how I feel about Spike, and yet here you are blithely asking me to be him as if it’s no big deal.  I’m not buying it.  Either you come clean and tell me what all this is about, or we’re done.  Here and now.”

Buffy paled.  He could see her mind churning away a mile a minute, working out just what to tell him.

“I’m serious, Buffy.  This whole thing between you and me?”  He motioned between them.  “Is based on trust.  And if we can’t be honest with each other...”  William ignored the little voice in his head screaming out what a hypocrite he was. 

She swallowed, but still didn’t talk.  Was she really ready to be done with him?  Maybe it was some kind of karma.  He should have ended these trysts with her the moment he’d realized his feelings, but hadn’t.  He’d used the excuse he was helping her find her inner strength.  Doing more good than harm, and besides, it was only him that was going to be hurt when all was said and done.  But then he’d realized she didn’t need his help anymore, and still he hadn’t ended things, still hadn’t told her the truth.  Looking for any excuse to be with Buffy, he’d rationalized that there were all sorts of experiences he could introduce her to, and make sure she had a good first time to remember him by. 

Of course, last weekend hadn’t gone so well...

Maybe that failure had been a sign, and he’d ignored it.  Maybe he deserved to lose Buffy like this – but he didn’t want to.

“Look, love.  Whatever it is, I just want to help you.  It won’t seem so bad once you tell me.”

“Sheeyah,” she scoffed.  She sighed, and moved to sit on one of his kitchen stools.  “Well, here’s the part you’ll like best.  Apparently Drusilla _really_ misses you.  Liam doesn’t do things the way she likes, and she wants her William back.”

“And you know this because?”  Though his heart tripped in his chest – _She needs me!  She wants me!_   – the bigger part of him was more focused on the woman in front of him, and the sneaking suspicion of just where she had gotten this information.

“Because the friend I saw last night?  Was Liam.  He wanted to tell me he was leaving Drusilla.”

_Bingo.  Cue sharp stab of pain through the gut._

Buffy offered him an apologetic smile.  “I wasn’t planning on keeping it from you.  I just – hadn’t quite figured out how to wrap my mind around the whole thing.  Turns out really wanting something and being ready for it?  Two completely different things.  I should be elated, but mostly I’m terrified.”

William took the kitchen stool next to her, attempting to sort out his own jumbled thoughts.  There was jubilation, and fear, and bitter jealousy, and too many others to parse.  He closed his eyes, trying to center himself, using the technique Gunn had taught him only last night in preparation for his first fights.  Slow breath in through the nose, out through the mouth.  Repeat.  And again.

When he felt calmer, he asked, “And why are you terrified?”  _He_ was terrified, but why was she?

“Because... I’m a different person now.  And so is he – or, maybe not so much with the different, but I know all his big, dark secrets.  And he knows I know all his secrets.”  She twisted her hands together.  “I’m not so sure how we’re going to fit back together.  I mean, we _will_ , but... it’s going to be hard.  And scary.  It’ll be easier for you and Dru, though.  Won’t it?”

“Suppose so.”  He didn’t bother to mention he wasn’t planning on returning to his old life.  He’d changed too.  Too much to be happy with what he’d had before.  William needed a woman who was whole, one who could love him back.  He needed _Buffy_.  Buffy, who was already working out how to fit back together with her ex. 

_Nothing’s changed... it’s just become more definite now_ , he reminded himself.  For a brief moment, he considered asking why she was so determined to take Liam back.  Forcing her to see just how daft an idea it was.  He wouldn’t, though.  William knew exactly how she felt – before Buffy had changed his life, reuniting with Drusilla had been his only goal.  It hadn’t mattered how cruelly she’d treated him.  If Dru took him back, it meant he was worthy after all.  

For Buffy, living happily ever after with Liam would be the final proof their breakup really was the sod’s mistake.  Not hers.  No matter how her self-confidence grew, it would always fail in the face of that one insecurity. 

William modulated his waiting sigh into a controlled exhale.  “When’s the happy reunion for the two of you?”

“He expects the divorce to be final by the end of January.  So, after that, I guess.”

Not immediately, then.  Maybe he’d be lucky enough to have her for a little while longer.  Buffy hadn’t mentioned putting an end to their arrangement, so neither did he.  “I see.  And all this has you asking for Spike because...”

She hugged herself, eyes firmly fixed on the counter.  “Because I need to understand Angelus.  I need to know what I’m going to be dealing with.  What _he’s_ dealing with, so I can be there for him.”

It would do no good to tell Buffy she _shouldn’t_ have to deal with it.  She’d have to suss it out on her own.  He focused on his breath.  In through the nose...  “I don’t know,” he said at last.  “I wasn’t fooling when I said being Spike is hard on me.  I’ll think it over, all right?”  Maybe she’d change her mind in the meantime.

“Yeah.”  They sat in silence, each of them staring at their own hands, until Buffy said, “How much pain are we talking about?  I mean, people have different thresholds.  You let him hurt you, didn’t you?”

_Bloody hell_.  She wasn’t going to give up.  “I did,” he said cautiously.  “And it really did hurt.  What I did to you last week –”

“By accident.”

“By accident,” he agreed.  “Let’s just say, that kind of thing was common.  Except Angelus wouldn’t have stopped.  And it’s not just physical pain, either.”

Buffy cringed.  “Did you like him to hurt you?”

“No.  But I let him, within limits.”

“Why?”

“Sod it all, I don’t know!” he exploded.  “Because he needed it.  Because I could handle it.  Because he’d make up for it after, and the sweetness was such that I’d do anything for him...”  He shook his head, not even understanding it himself.  “Because I was like a starved mongrel.  Any attention was better than none, wasn’t it?”  He tried to laugh, but couldn’t, disgusted with the whole mess.

After a moment’s hesitation, Buffy slid off her stool to climb onto his lap, her arms tight around him.  “I wish I understood.”

He sighed and returned her embrace.  “And I wish you didn’t want to.”

“Well,” she said into his neck, “maybe I won’t need to.  He’s going to therapy for it.”  Buffy slipped one of her hands up under his shirt, to stroke his back, and William sagged into her touch.  “How come he needs therapy to get over it, and you don’t?  I mean, you were just as into all that stuff as he was.”

“Dunno.  Never was addicted to those kinds of kinks,” he said.  “Pain and humiliation don’t exactly raise my rod, even if plenty of other shit does.  But, who knows?  Maybe I’ll find myself in the same position some years down the road.”

She tightened her arms again.  “I hope not, for your sake.”  Buffy nuzzled into him, and he started to relax.  He’d almost recovered his equilibrium when she spoke again.  “If you can pull Spike out, just for one day...  Just so I can understand.”

“We’ll see,” he said, and to his relief, Buffy left it at that.

 

*******

 

Disappointed but not surprised, Buffy flushed the toilet and washed her hands, then headed for her suitcase to find a tampon.  She’s hoped to make it through the weekend before her period started, but her body wasn’t cooperating.  It _really_ wasn’t fair.  Friday night had been spent with Liam, and she and William had never moved beyond kissing yesterday.  He’d never initiated sex, and she figured he’d been too excited over his imminent getting back together with Drusilla to be interested in boring old Buffy.  He hadn’t said, and she hadn’t pushed, busy with her own worries.  They’d spent the day puttering around, watching TV and talking about anything and everything other than their exes.  When night had fallen, he’d drawn them a bath, and though he’d run his hands over her body under the warm water and lavished her with attention, it hadn’t been in a sexual way.  It had been more comforting than anything else, and when they’d climbed into bed together, warm from the bath and the bottle of wine they’d shared, she’d quickly fallen asleep in his arms.

And now this.  William had said having sex while she was menstruating didn’t bother him, but she wasn’t interested, not with cramps like these.  Another warm bath was more up her alley.

He was waiting for her in bed, a sleepy, hungry look on his face.  “Come back to bed, kitten.  We’re falling behind on your lessons.”

Curious, Buffy paused despite the fact that she really needed a tampon.  “What did you have in mind?”

William rolled his shoulders one at a time, stretching his naked body out for her to see.  Okay, maybe she could find a _little_ interest in sex.  “Thought we could explore dominance and submission – without the punishment part.  Just the concepts.  See which role you prefer, if either.  Which appeals more – having me as your master, or forcing me to submit to your will.”

“Oh!”  Both appealed.  Could both appeal?  Was that normal?  “What do you like best, being dominant or submissive?”

“I’m what they call a switch.  I enjoy either.  Though I must admit, worshipping at your feet holds a certain attraction for me, love.”

Buffy smiled.  “Hmm.  When you put it that way, it does for me too.  But, sadly, not today.”

“Why’s that?”

Instead of answering, she dug around in her suitcase and held up the reason why.  “And cramps.  Not so much with the sexy at the moment.”

When she returned from the bathroom, he patted the bed.  “Lie down; I’ll rub those nasty cramps away.  And then, another bath, what say?”

She dropped down beside him and planted a kiss on his cheek.  “I say you’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met, but you don’t have to fuss over me.”

“Can’t stop me from fussing.  ‘Sides, you ordering me around and letting me take care of you?  Just one of my fantasies come true.  Told you, I want to worship at your feet.  Satisfy your every need.  And today, that includes fussing over you.  Submission is about far more than sex.”  He placed a warm hand on her belly and began to rub.  Buffy sighed with pleasure.  “I make a very good slave, you know.”

“I bet you do.  Ooh, can I put a collar on you?”

“But of course.”

“And a tiny little loincloth?”

“If you want.  Or refuse me clothes at all.”  There was an enticing image.  Buffy spent some time happily imagining it while William continued to stroke her belly, his touch soothing away the pain, and she wriggled with contentment.  “Or,” he said.  “You could even cage me back up.  Put me fully under your control.”

She raised herself up on one elbow to better see his face.  “And leave it on all next week?”

“Sure.  Could make a thing of it.  Call me up and tell me what to do, what I’m allowed to eat or watch on the telly.  What to wear to work.  Long as it’s nothing that’ll get me in trouble, mind.  I won’t teach naked, no matter how much you’re fantasizing about it,” he said with a wink.

Buffy snorted.  “No way.  Not like I want anybody else ogling you.”  She considered his proposal.  “And I get to boss you around all day today?  So, if I tell you to give me a pedicure...?”

“Then you’ll have the softest, loveliest feet the world’s ever seen.”

“Tell you I want ice cream?”

“How much and what kinds?”

She trailed her hand across his bare shoulder.  “And the collar would stay on, even while you were at the store?”

“ ‘Course.  Though I’d have to wear more than a loincloth when I go.  Stores tend to frown on that sort of thing.”  Buffy’s smile grew.  “Oh ho, what are you thinking, you little devil?” he asked, noticing the evil glint in her eye.

“What if I wanted you to let me put makeup on you – and then sent you to the store without letting you wash it off.”

William gulped.  “I’d really rather not.”

She batted her eyelashes at him.  “Please?”

He glared at her.  “Not fair.”

“ _Pretty_ please, William?”  She slid her lower lip out for good measure.

“Sadistic little bint, aren’t you?”

“Wait, what?”  Buffy blanched and sat up, eyes wide and voice tight.  “No, no.  _No_ sadism here.  I’m not – never mind, I’m just teasing you.”

“Oh, pet.”  He gathered her up in his arms, tone soothing.  “I know you’re not like that.  Know you’d never do anything on purpose to hurt me.”  He kissed her forehead.  “And if you really wanted it, I’d go to the store in full drag, just to make you happy.  Mind, I’d go to the store across town, where nobody knows me...”

Her panicked worry that maybe she _did_ have a sadistic streak passed, and she laughed.  “I’ll keep that in mind.  Meanwhile...”  She flopped back onto the bed.  “The rubbing was very nice.  More?”

“Anything you want,” he said, eyes boring into hers with an intensity she’d never seen before, even from him.  Buffy couldn’t look away.  She stared endlessly into the swirling blue, wondering at what she saw there. 

_This_.  This was the look that had been missing from Liam’s eyes the other night.  The one that said she was his entire universe, and he would do anything for her. 

The one that made her believe it.

 


	24. Chapter 24

 

Buffy half-heartedly attempted to sit up, but William readjusted his hold, and she gave up without any real effort.  After playing at Mistress all morning, Buffy had grown tired of the game and let herself slip back into natural interaction with William.  Since then, they’d been cuddled up together in his bed, watching movies

But it was time to think about getting home.  Any minute now.

Letting her gaze stray to the ceiling, she realized something.  “Hey, what happened to the mirror up there?”

He looked up.  “Took it down after that weekend.  Was only duct tape holding it up, and I didn’t want it to fall down on us.”

She shuddered at the thought.  “Hope you used a lot of duct tape.”

“Too much, maybe.  I had to repaint the ceiling after.”

Buffy chuckled, and they fell silent until the next commercial break.  “Yay, Monday tomorrow,” she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

William groaned.  “Don’t remind me.  The next two weeks are going to be hell.  But,” his tone brightened, “then it’s the end of the semester.  Nice long winter break.  Tell me you still have that week off before Christmas, give me something to look forward to.”

“I do.”

“Brilliant.”  He nuzzled the back of her head, and Buffy tried to feel as happy as he sounded.  Now that she knew she and Liam were definitely getting back together... well, wasn’t it time to think about breaking things off with William?  Spending a week with him was the opposite of what she _should_ be doing, and yet, she’d been looking forward to that week as much as it sounded like he was.  Or, she had been, until Friday night.  Now, she still wanted to spend it with him – but she felt guilty about wanting it.

“Can we just put these next two weeks on fast forward?” he said.  “Already be there?”

Buffy laughed.  “I never knew finals were as bad for the professors as they are for the students.”

“Worse.  _Much_ worse.”

She turned so she could see his face.  “Poor sweetie.  I guess that means I won’t see you next weekend?”  He groaned again, and she took that as a no.  Buffy bit down on her lip, trying to keep her disappointment to herself.  They had so little time left, she was loathe to miss out on any of it, but she didn’t want to be all whiny and clingy either.  That was _so_ not appropriate for a non-girlfriend.

To her surprise, he shook his head.  “I liked you being my incentive last time.  Helped me to focus.”

“Oh yeah?”  Buffy grinned.  “So, what, you want to meet for dancing again?”

William kissed the tip of her nose.  “Rather you came here, if that’s okay.”  It was more than okay with her.  Quality naked time with William was pretty much the highlight of her week. 

“Shall we make a plan or play it by ear?”

His lips tickled as he nibbled his way down her throat.  “Friday night’s definitely out.  Got my first match that night.”

“Oooh, really?  I can come cheer you on.”

After a moment’s consideration, he said, “Think I’d rather _not_ know anybody there, not the first time.  I’ll be nervous enough as it is without worrying ‘bout someone being there to witness me getting my ass kicked in a most spectacular fashion.”

Buffy whapped him on the shoulder.  “Silly.  I’ve seen you in the ring.  I doubt it’ll be spectacularly kicked, just kinda kicked.  At worst.”

“Nice to know you have faith in me, pet.”

“You didn’t let me finish...  I was about to say how I fully expect you to win.”

“Oh.  Well, that’s all right then.”

“See?  So can I come cheer you on?”  He shook his head, so she upped the ante.  “I seem to recall you saying something about cheerleader Buffy being a sight you’re itching to see.”

William only hesitated a moment.  “Nope.”

“Meany.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.  “You really want to watch something so violent?  Doubt I’ll look pretty when it’s through.”

“No.  But... it’s something you’re into, so, you know.  I’m all with the supportive.  Rah rah rah!”

“Well, lemme see how the first one goes, eh?  Might not be so into it after that.”

She tapped the leather collar around his neck.  “I could always order you to let me come, seeing as I’m supposed to be the boss of you this week.”  William opened his mouth to reply, and then his expression morphed into a furious scowl and he cursed viciously.  Buffy pulled away from him, alarmed, and edged off the bed.  “Never mind.  Sorry?”

“What?  No, that’s not it.”  He calmed immediately, turning docile and meek.  “Sorry, sorry.  I apologize for my behavior.  I just realized...  Uh, Mistress... I’m going to have to ask you for mercy.”  He gestured to the lower half of his anatomy, which Buffy had insisted remain unclothed, but not unadorned.  “I can’t wear the cock cage this week.  Not without risking damage to my dangly bits while training.”

Relief washed over her as she realized he wasn’t having a random breakdown.  William looked at her hopefully, as if she might actually deny him, so she rubbed her chin and pretended to be thinking about it.  “Hmmm.  And after you promised me...”

He bowed his head, eyes downcast.  “I know.  I’m very sorry, and I’ll make it up to you however I can.”

Buffy’s brow creased.  He really was into this whole submissive thing.  She didn’t mind playing at it, but having him actually be so... submissive... was a bit disturbing.  “Tell you what.  You go sit over there, in that armchair, and I’ll think about it.” 

Though confusion was written all over his face, he hurried to comply.  Buffy fetched the key from her purse and sauntered over to him.  “Spread your legs.  Wider.”  She dropped to her knees and ran her fingernails up the insides of his thighs.  William shuddered, and she smiled as his cock tried to unfurl inside its metal restraints.

“Mistress?” he asked.

“You’ve been a very, very good slave today.  Done everything I asked, and taken excellent care of me.”  She handed him the key.  “Good slaves should be rewarded, don’t you think?”

William squinted at her, and Buffy gave him her best cat that had swallowed the canary smile.  With a curious tip of his head, he undid the lock and carefully freed himself.  She ran her hands up the insides of his thighs again.  “Good boy.”  Leaning up on her knees, she bent her head to kiss the tip of his cock.  It stirred, lengthening along his thigh, and she purred, “ _Very_ good boy.”

 

*******

 

William shut his eyes in ecstasy.  Then forced them back open.  He didn’t want to miss a single moment of Buffy on her knees, sucking him off without the slightest inhibition.  She swiped at a strand of hair that had fallen into her face, and he re-formed the messy ponytail he’d created with his hands.  She hummed her thanks and gripped his balls, making his eyes roll back in his head despite his best efforts to keep them on her.  “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy,” he chanted, forcing his gaze downwards once more.  The sight of her smiling up at him, hazel eyes glinting with laughter and his cock in her mouth, was one of the most erotic things he’d ever seen. 

That night they’d met, he’d imagined her on her knees, but the similarities between his fantasy and this moment ended there.  He was glad, because this – this was so much better than anything he could have ever imagined.  The sight of Buffy so playful and happy, freely giving him pleasure, was far more potent than the rough bondage he’d imagined.  He might have helped her find her inner kinkiness, but she’d done far more for him.  She’d made him realize that what he truly craved was sex like this – just two people having fun, wanting nothing more than to please each other.

She twisted her hand around his shaft, rubbing her thumb against the sensitive spot under his head at the same time as she sucked her cheeks in, and he was done for.  William tightened his grip on her hair involuntarily, holding her in place while he shot into her mouth.  After a long, blissful moment, he realized Buffy was smacking at his arms and making gurgling noises.  Mortified, he dropped his hands with a muttered apology, but she only laughed.  She crawled into his lap and kissed him full on the mouth, giving him a taste of his own spunk. 

“Thank you, Mistress,” he whispered.  “I’m very grateful.”

Buffy gave him an odd look, and reached behind his head to undo his collar.  She tossed it onto the floor.  “The whole dominance thing was fun to play at for a bit, and let me tell you, I’m looking forward to trying it out properly, with sex and all.  But as an everyday way of life?  So not my kink.”  She twisted to straddle his lap so she could look him full in the face.  “I’d rather have a partner than a slave.  Somebody who is my equal.  I have zero desire to boss you around, or call you up and make all your choices for you.  I don’t want to treat a grown man like a child.”

William frowned.  “It’s not just about bossing me around.  I _want_ to serve you.  See to your every need, and make you happy.”

“Okay, not that we’re in a relationship, but... isn’t that what a relationship is all about?  Each person doing their best to meet the other’s needs, and make them happy?  Why do you need to be submissive to do that?”

“I... I don’t know,” he said, thrown by her argument.  “I’ve never really thought of it that way.  It was just the way we did things, me and Dru.  She liked her games, you know.”  And everything had been a game, even their relationship.

She shrugged and nestled back into his embrace.  “Well, if it makes you guys happy.  I’m just saying.  For me, I don’t see the attraction.”  Buffy stroked his chest and added, “I guess I kinda did the submissive thing for Liam, unintentionally, and it’s soured me on the idea.  I don’t want to be under his control, I want to be his partner.”

“I get that.”  William fell silent, pondering her words.  Brow furrowed, he realized he’d been thinking along the same lines only moments ago, when she’d been blowing him.  That he enjoyed the give and take he and Buffy were sharing, and the spontaneous simplicity of the moment.  He thought back over the last several weeks of ‘lessons’.  While he’d relished being Buffy’s teacher, and the dominant role it had required of him due to the nature of their arrangement, what he’d enjoyed most was watching her bloom into her womanhood and interact with him in turn.  Even better was how she was beginning to take the lead at times, as she’d done just now.

Like an equal partner.

For seven years, all he’d known of love and relationships was Drusilla and her games.  Until she’d forced him out into the world, he’d been submissive to her every whim and desire.  He’d been happy to make his Queen happy, even when it meant doing something he found distasteful such as taking on the role of Spike.  William had rarely said no, no matter the cost to himself. 

Buffy, without meaning to, had shown him more respect and affection than Drusilla ever had.  She’d shown him what had been missing in his life.  And now she was shaking up his way of looking at the world again, challenging his belief that a willingness to please and a desire to belong to somebody else had to be expressed through total submission.  It was such a simple idea, and yet he could hardly imagine it.  He turned the thought over and over, looking at it from all angles, amazed such a tiny shift in thinking could feel so right.  So _liberating_.  Was being an equal partner what he’d really craved all along?  William thought yes, especially if it meant being Buffy’s partner. 

Problem was, she wanted to be Liam’s partner. 

It didn’t seem fair.  Here, he’d found what he wanted – what he needed – and she didn’t want him back.  He wanted to shake some sense into her; demand how such a bright woman could be so blind.  Force her to realize she belonged with him and not Liam. 

William gritted his teeth and settled for holding Buffy a little tighter.  He sighed to himself.  Never mind fast-forwarding through the next two weeks.  On further reflection, it wasn’t what he wanted after all.

He wanted his remaining time with the woman he loved to last forever.

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

William dropped his briefcase at his feet and pulled his keys out of his pocket to lock his office door, his mind a million miles away.  He had two review sessions to plan for tomorrow, as well as his first fight tomorrow night, and one of the publishers he’d pitched his book to wanted the full copy of his manuscript by the end of next week.  So when a tentative, “Dr. Pratt?” sounded from behind his back, he continued to lock up without turning around.

“Sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow.  Office hours are over for the day, and I’m running behind.”

Small, delicate fingers grazed his wrist.  He stared down at the manicured nails, trying to bite back his temper.  “I’ll just take a moment of your time.”

_Hold on._

Though the voice sounded higher than he was used to, young and unsure, he recognized it.  “Is that right now?”

“I could really use your help with some history homework.”

He turned.  Buffy stood before him, expression both shy and hopeful, one foot rubbing the back of the other.  She held a pile of books in her arm and had a backpack over her shoulder.  With her hair in a ponytail, she looked so much like a college student that he almost felt guilty over the lewd thoughts currently running rampant through his brain.  The ones centered on just what color knickers she might have on under that demure knee-length skirt of hers.  “What can I do for you, Miss Summers?”

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  “I had some questions?  I was hoping you could help me with?  I know I’m not in your class, but I’ve heard such good things about your teaching... skills.”  She glanced up at him from under her lashes.

If a student ever pulled this on him for real, he’d probably stand there and gawk stupidly, frozen with shock and fear.  Lucky for him, he’d imagined this scenario enough times his body was able to function without his brain.  He twisted the key and unlocked the door, opening it with a flourish.  “Please, come in.  Tell me how I can help you.”  She entered and he followed behind, locking the door once more.

Buffy arranged herself in a chair, ankles primly crossed, books clutched to her chest like a shield.  “I feel so silly,” she said.  “I don’t really know you, but...”  He’d perched on the edge of his desk in front of her, and she looked up at him, eyes huge and lip caught between her teeth.  William bit back a moan.  “Well, my paper is about Britain’s rule of India, and I heard you’re the one to ask.”

He wondered how far she wanted to take the charade.  Was she playing at shy girl, waiting to be seduced?  Did she want to be coerced, with him demanding sexual favors in exchange for help?  William reached forward and plucked her books from her grasp, dropping them to his desk.  He tipped her chin upwards.  “Why don’t you tell me what you’re really here for, Miss Summers, hmmm?”

She turned her head to the side, and he could see the pulse fluttering in her neck.  “I – I don’t know what you mean.”

William grabbed the handles of her chair and pulled her closer.  He dropped his hands to her knees and pried them apart.  “Oh, I think you do.”

“ _Please_ ,” she said, “that’s not...”  Her legs opened further, despite her protests.

“Perhaps you were interested in skills of a different sort.”  He ran a hand up the inside of her warm, smooth thigh, and she quivered, breath coming in tiny gasps.  “You were curious to know what else I might be able to teach a sweet young thing like you, maybe.”

“Oh!”

He slid his fingers higher, and discovered Buffy wasn’t wearing knickers.  Buggering _hell_.  William froze.  It was the only way to maintain control of himself, otherwise he’d have her face down on his desk and be buried to the hilt before she could blink.  He’d never once mentioned this fantasy to her, and yet here she was, panty-less and all.  As if he’d scripted it out. 

She let out a tiny whimper, and the sound unfroze him.  With a smirk, William brushed her slippery folds, making Buffy gasp.  “Naughty, Miss Summers.  Very naughty.”

“Dr. Pratt, _please_.  I didn’t come here for this.”

“You always show up in professors’ offices without any knickers, then?”

Buffy glared at him.  “They don’t usually put their hands up my skirt in order to find out.”

“Better not,” he growled.  “’Sides, not stopping me, now, are you?”  He slid a finger inside of her as he said it, and Buffy’s response was lost in her fevered moan.  She gripped the handles of her chair, hips bucking, and William was done playing.  He unbuckled his belt and his fly with his unoccupied hand while his fingers pumped in and out of her cunt in a steady rhythm, eliciting soft gasps and grunts.  Freed at last, he pulled her upwards and spun her face down over his desk.  “Ready to find out just what I can teach you?”  Buffy only moaned in response, legs spread wide, arms stretched to grip the far side of the desk.

A quick flip of her skirt, and her bare ass and glistening pussy were exposed.  He kicked the chair out of the way and dropped to his knees, tongue delving in where his fingers had been only seconds ago, seeking out her essence.  William pumped his aching dick, using the slick arousal clinging to his fingers to lubricate his shaft.  He stood once more, head positioned at her entrance.  Her hot, wet heat called to him, and he came this close to forgetting – “Condom?” he gasped out.

“Front pocket.  Backpack.”

He ripped the first one in his frenzy, but luckily she had a whole strip of them.  William repositioned himself, teasing her, until she arched up into him and drove him partway inside.  “Oh, _fuck_ ,” he said, and gripped her hips and slammed himself in the rest of the way.  “Buffy, god, you’re perfect, so perfect.”  The words came spilling out of his mouth, and he couldn’t stop them anymore than he could stop the pistoning of his hips.  The illicit sound of wet smacks filled the air, in counterpoint to his low voice.  “Made for me, you are, love.”

“Touch me,” Buffy said.  “Please, I need you to touch me.”

William complied, wedging his fingers past her hip and along her mound until he found her clitoris.  “There, sweet?”  Her answering moan was enough of a reply.  She ground her pelvis down, rubbing against his fingers.  The sight of Buffy, squirming and bared to him while his cock plowed in and out of her, drove him over the edge.  He had just enough presence of mind to bite down on his tongue in case somebody was on the other side of his door.  A few more thrusts of his hips, and he couldn’t support his body any longer.  He sprawled alongside her, an arm thrown across her back, panting.

“Will- _iam_.”  Buffy whimpered and bucked her hips.  “Just a bit longer.  I’m not –”

“My poor girl,” he said, realizing her predicament.  “Give me a tick, and I’ll take care of you.”

Legs still wobbly, he pulled out with a wet plop, then sank down to his knees and buried his face in her quim.  She moaned her satisfaction.  Now past his own throes of passion, William cast a worried glance over his shoulder at the office door.  “Hush, pet.  Don’t want to get me fired, do you?”

“No,” she said, voice muffled.  “I’ll be good.  Just – _please_.” 

Without bothering to reply, he went back to his task, using fingers and tongue to bring Buffy closer to her own release.  Her entire body began to tremble, and seconds later he heard her stifled cry.  She fell still, and William rested his head against the back of her knee, waiting for his breathing to return to normal.  Several minutes later, Buffy slid off the desk, onto his lap.

“Hi, there,” he said, and chuckled.  “This was an unexpected surprise.”

“Good or bad?”

He raised an eyebrow in response, and Buffy giggled.  “To what do I owe this _much_ appreciated pleasure?”

“Well...  You said you wouldn’t have time to plan a lesson for this weekend, so I thought I’d take matters into my own hands.  Try some role-playing with you.”  She shrugged.  “And I figured you might need a little stress relief the day before your big fight.”

“You.”  William pressed his forehead to hers.  “Are a most excellent student.  Perhaps I should let you plan all our lessons from here on out.”

“I _do_ have something in mind for this weekend.”

“And the student shall surpass the master.  What is it?”

“Another surprise.”

“If it’s anything like this one, I’ll be looking forward to it.”

She gave him an enigmatic smile, and used the edge of his desk to pull herself upright.  “Whoa!  Wobbly legs.”  Buffy clutched at his shoulder in an attempt to steady herself, then leaned against the desk.  “Maybe I should sit down another minute or two.” 

William didn’t even bother to make an attempt at standing.  When he finally did, Buffy was trying to smooth the crinkles out of the papers on his desk.  “I think I might have accidentally squished these,” she said.  She held up a bright blue sheet of paper with a wet splotch in the middle of it.  “And I drooled on this one.”

He laughed.  “Don’t fret.  It’s only an invitation.”  He realized she’d given him the perfect opening for something he’d wanted to ask her, and hurried to take advantage of it.  “That reminds me, though.  Feel like going to a faculty Christmas party?  It’ll be my first one here at the college, and it would be nice to have a friendly face by my side.  Dr. Burkle in the physics department has offered to be my date, but.  Well, I thought it might be fun?  Good food, too.”

Buffy eyed him.  “Hmm.  I remember you telling me the kinds of things you like to do at parties.  With remote-controlled vibrators.”

“It’s a definite option,” he said, letting his voice deepen to a rumble.

“Check on the good food.  We’ll have to negotiate about the other.  In the meantime...”  She slung her backpack over her shoulder.  “Got plans for dinner?  I’m in serious need of nutrition before I make the drive home.”

Dinner, a movie, the rest of his life.  Whatever she wanted, as long as it kept her by his side.

 

*******

 

Buffy knocked at William’s front door before letting herself in.  “Hello, I’m here!” she called out.

He appeared a moment later, coming down the hallway from his study.  His sandy brown hair stood in unruly tufts from where he’d worried at it, while the side of his face –

“Ouch,” Buffy said.  “That’s a heck of a shiner.  I’d hate to see what you’d look like if you lost.”

William fingered the swollen cut over his eye and winced.  “If it looks like it feels, it must be ugly.”

“You haven’t taken a peek in the mirror yet?”

“Been a bit afraid to see what that lout did to my handsome mug.”

She snorted.  “You’re the one who wanted to get in a brutal, violent fight with another man, and now you’re being a baby about it?”  She took him by the arm and led him to the stairs.  “Come on, let’s get this cleaned up.  You can give me a blow by blow while you’re in the bath.  Which you really need,” she said, nose wrinkled.  “I can’t believe you went to bed like this.”

“Was tired,” he muttered. 

Buffy helped him to disrobe, fussing over each dark blotch on his skin as they appeared.  When he’d settled into the steamy water, she said, “So, you going to keep doing the MMA thing?”

“Yeah.  Gunn said I was sloppy, and that’s why I got so many of these pretty little bruises you keep cooing over.  But I figure if I managed to win fighting sloppy, I ought to stand a good chance in the tournament so long as I keep training.”

“Hmm,” she said, not quite understanding his desire to go out and get beat up again.  But then, hadn’t she started taking karate lessons herself?  Maybe once she got to the sparring, she’d get it, though she doubted a karate match would ever leave her looking like _this_.  Buffy set to work cleaning the cut over his left eye.  “This needs stitches if you don’t want it to scar.”

He gingerly touched the torn flesh of his eyebrow.  “Think it’ll heal up if you just tape it.”

“Don’t blame me when you have a scar.”

“Yeah, but it’ll look right sexy.  Give me a dangerous edge.”

Buffy shook her head in exasperation.  “ _Men_.”

Later, after he was clean and had relived the details of the fight for her, twice, she laid him out on the bed and reached for the bag she’d brought with her.  She hesitated to unzip the small pouch, the same debate that had been raging in her head for the last couple days springing up once more.  Now that she knew she was getting back together with Liam it was time to stop having firsts with William, and what she had planned definitely counted as a first, even if it wasn’t one of the erotic kind.  Buffy figured she ought to save her learning experiences for her soon-to-be-ex ex, as a way to help rebuild their relationship.  But if she wasn’t exploring her sexuality with William, then what was the point of coming here?  These trysts would be no more than an excuse to see him, and that kind of thinking led to much badness.

She took a deep breath and unzipped the pouch anyway.  The massage teacher had told her students to go home and practice before their next lesson.  She was just following instructions; that was all.  Buffy poured the warming oil into her hands and rubbed them together, then pressed them to William’s back, thumbs digging into his shoulders.

“Mmm,” he groaned.  “You’re an angel.”

“Nah,” she said.  “You’re my guinea pig.  While you were busy getting the snot beat out of you yesterday, I was taking a massage class with my friend Anya from work.  I need to practice my homework.”

He moaned as she found a knot.  “By all means, practice away.” 

Buffy traced a bruise on his back, next to his lower ribs, then bent down to give it a tender kiss.  “When’s your next match?”

“Next Sunday afternoon.  You still want to go?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”  She stroked her hands down his spine, down his legs, working on his thigh muscles and calves before returning to his torso.  Before long, he drifted off, limp and relaxed.  William looked peaceful, and Buffy’s heart did a funny kind of thump at the sight of him sprawled out, fast asleep.  She watched him for a little while, hand tracing the contours of his body.  Then she tugged the blanket up over his body, kissed his temple, and snuggled up beside him.

It was only seconds before her breath evened out, indistinguishable from his in slumber.

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

When William woke from a deep and dreamless sleep, all his aches and pains significantly less than the day before, it was to the sight of Buffy rummaging through his box of toys.  “Whatcha up to, kitten?”

“Just looking for... aha!”  She turned, his Magic Wand in hand.  “This.  I _thought_ the massage wand the instructor showed us looked familiar.  Somehow, I don’t think you have it for the same reason.”

He smirked.  “Oh, I don’t know about that.  How do you know what she uses it for outside of class time?”

“ _Ew_.  Now that’ll be the only thing I can think about next time I go back.” 

William sniggered.  Buffy ignored him and returned to the box.  A moment later, she held up the riding crop.  Using it as a pointer, she said, “How do your bruises feel?”

“Much better, thanks to you, pet.”

“Hmmm.  So tell me, that bruise on your butt – did it turn you on when you got hit there?”

“Er, _no_.  Bit in the middle of a nasty fight at the time.”

She waved the crop.  “But if I were to smack you on the ass with this, you’d enjoy it?”

William had a good idea where Buffy was going with this line of reasoning.  She thought she was subtle, did she?  “Done right.  It’s not so much painful, as a bit of a sting.”

“Some people like more than just a sting, though.”

“Suppose so.”

“Why?”

His mouth tightened, and then he let out a sigh.  He was the so-called expert, which meant he should be encouraging her to ask questions and explore.  So long as she didn’t bring up Spike, he’d play along.  “For some, they want to be punished, plain and simple.  They have emotional pain they don’t know how to handle, or they feel _wrong_ , and it releases that feeling, temporarily.  Some like the rush of sensation.  It sharpens all your senses, gets the blood flowing, makes everything more intense.  And for others, well... it’s an endorphin thing.  In the hands of an expert, applied doses of pain, with the resultant endorphin rush, can lead to ecstasy.  Better than drugs, even.”

“Have you ever...?”

He thought of Darla, a professional Dominatrix and the only person Angelus had ever let dominate him.  She’d been a master of the art.  “I’ve experienced it, yes.  And what most folks enjoy, a little light spanking here and there, uses the same principles on a much smaller scale.”

Buffy came to sit on the edge of the bed.  “It makes sense when you explain it that way.  All scientific and stuff.”  She flashed him a crooked smile.  “Doesn’t sound quite so scary.”

“Depends how it’s done, remember.  What the purpose is.  For people who are into sadomasochism, the physical pain’s usually the least of it.  What really revs them up is humiliation, or even torture.”  With Angelus in mind, he added, “You do this with somebody other than me, you need to be sure of what you’re signing up for before you agree to anything.”

“Gotcha.”  She hesitated a moment, then held the crop out to him.  “Show me?  The light, just a sting kind.”

William took it from her reluctantly.  This, he wasn’t ashamed to admit, was something he’d been looking forward to since that first weekend together – but with her insistence on meeting Spike, he almost felt like he should demur.  Keep her from pursuing that path.  His dick, on the other hand, was raring and ready to go.  A little light spanking never hurt anyone, and degradation wasn’t part of his agenda.  “Long as you promise to tell me what feels good, and more importantly, what doesn’t.” 

Buffy grinned.  “Oh, I’m sure I will.”  It wasn’t long before she had her back to him, smooth ivory rear upturned and ready.  When William still hesitated, she peered over her shoulder at him and said, “This ass isn’t going to spank itself, you know.” 

No, he supposed it wasn’t.

 

*******

 

William pushed send and turned in the last of his grade reports with an hour to spare.  After this last week, it was good to be done.  He had over three weeks until the next semester started, and more importantly, he had all of the upcoming week to look forward to.  A whole six days of Buffy.  Well, Buffy and training for the MMA competition. 

But mostly Buffy.

Buffy, who was still trying to subtly maneuver him into being Spike.  He didn’t want to be Spike, not anymore than he wanted a sharp stick in the eye.  That part of his life was behind him now, and good riddance.  The woman was unrelenting once she got an idea in her head, though.  Maybe it would be good for her to see just what kind of dark, ugly acts Liam found arousing.  Realize just what the sod she was mooning over was really like.  It could only make him look better in comparison, right?

It wasn’t the only reason he was half-considering giving in.  Gunn had said he needed to find his inner thug.  He was too nice in the ring, and that was what was getting him bruised.  According to his trainer, he needed to be harder, more dangerous – in short, he needed to be Spike.  William was certain that if he let Spike out to play with Buffy, he’d find himself filled with seething rage after – rage at himself, rage at _her_ for pestering him into it, and the rage that simply came along with being that kind of man.  When it came time to fight his next opponent, that rage would come in handy.  Spike was everything William was not – hard, dangerous, angry, merciless – and though Spike was all an act, it was an act William had gotten very good at over the years.  Between Gunn’s insistence that he needed to toughen up and Buffy’s infernal pestering, Spike was almost starting to seem like a good idea.

If Buffy asked him again to pull out his alter ego, she might just get what she wanted.  Whether she was ready for it or not.

 

*******

_You have to tell him.  Today._

The same thought had been going round and round in Buffy’s head all day, ever since she had gotten up this morning, and now that she was almost to William’s house, it was beating an insistent tattoo inside her skull.  She had to tell him – _today_ – that it was time to end their arrangement.  Not immediately, but when this week was over.  Or... maybe after Christmas.  New Year’s Day.  That was it.  January first – new year, new focus.  Liam, not William.  Love, not lust.

Besides, if Liam was almost free, then so was Drusilla.  Buffy figured the other woman would be coming for William once the divorce was final, possibly even before then, and it was best to simple things up before that moment arrived.  No way was she going to lose a man to Drusilla again, even if he wasn’t hers to lose in the first place.

When she pulled into William’s driveway, he was waiting for her on his front step, nursing a beer in the cool twilight air.  He sprang to his feet and hurried to the car.  Buffy hadn’t even unbuckled before he had her door open and was trying to pull her into his arms.

“Impatient much?” she said, laughing.

His blue eyes twinkled.  He grinned, then kissed her soundly, body pressing hers up against the side of his car.  She snuck her fingers under William’s shirt, running them up and down his chilly back while he kissed all the thoughts – and resolutions – right out of her head.  By the time he pulled back, Buffy’s legs were barely able to hold her body upright.

“Hi,” he said.  “Suitcase?”

“In the trunk.” 

She popped it for him, and he went around back.  Lugging her suitcases towards his front door, he gasped, “Two?  And filled with, what, rocks?”

“Six days is a long time.  I had to be prepared.”

Inside, he dropped the bags to the ground and pulled her close once more.  “Missed you,” he said, grinning like a fool, and Buffy felt an answering grin on her face.  William looked so _happy_.  It did funny things to her insides, and made her stomach swoop.  She wanted to keep this smile on his face forever, wanted to ensure that the delighted look in his eyes never disappeared. 

She wanted him happy, and as dumb as it sounded, she wanted to be the reason for it.

Buffy had planned something as a sort of Christmas gift to him, but rather than wait until the end of the week as she’d intended, she realized she wanted to give it to him now. 

“Come.”  She took him by the hand and led him up the stairs, then sat him on the edge of his bed.  She feathered her fingers over the angry scar on his eyebrow, down along his now-healed cheek and jaw, before bending down to kiss him.  “Tell me something, William.  You’ve taught me so much.  Given me so many new experiences.  But I wonder...”  Buffy stood between his legs, hands on his shoulders, and smiled at his curious, upturned face.  “Is there anything you’ve never done and wanted to?  Any experience I can give _you_ for the first time?”

His eyes glistened, and he blinked rapidly, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.  William tried to speak, failed, cleared his throat and tried again.  “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would,” she said.  Once, she might have worried he would ask for something sick and depraved, so depraved even Drusilla would have refused, but Buffy knew it wouldn’t be the case.  She didn’t know how she knew, but she did.  William, for all his experience, and all his kinkiness, would never want something from her that would hurt her.

He licked his lips, and the look of wonder on his face near broke her heart.  “There’s one – it’s nothing really.  Just a little thing.  But I’ve always wanted...”

“Tell me.”

“How about if I show you?”

Her smile grew.  “Please.”

William stood and cupped her face in his hands, one thumb tracing her lips.  “You are so beautiful.  I...”  He released a shuddering breath.  “You’re a beautiful person.  Here...”  He ghosted the backs of his fingers over her cheek.  “And here.”  He pressed his fingertips to her chest, over her heart. 

He held her gaze a moment longer, eyes swirling with emotions she couldn’t identify, then dropped his mouth to hers and kissed her sweetly.  After peeling off his shirt, he undressed her with infinite tenderness, covering each bit of exposed flesh with butterfly kisses.  When he had both of them bare, and Buffy simmering with need, he snagged a condom from his bedside table and crawled to the middle of the bed, pulling her after by the hand.  William positioned her on his lap, facing each other, her legs on either side of his hips.  He rested his splayed hands along her spine and kissed her again.

“Never made love like this,” he said.  “Face to face.  Like equals.”

Buffy’s heart melted, compassion and affection for this man who had never been properly loved welling up from deep inside.  She touched his face with all the gentleness she possessed.  “Me either.”

They kissed for long minutes, exploring each other’s mouths, while hands roamed and fingers caressed.  William lifted her hips, and she slid down onto him, both of them sighing in pleasure.  He held her close, so her breasts slid against his chest and they were nearly eye-to-eye.  They rocked together, drawing it out and out and out until Buffy came with a soft gasp.  When she opened her eyes, his gaze was filled with such intensity, she caught her breath and held it. 

She’d thought they couldn’t make love with no love between them, but she’d been mistaken.  Buffy felt more connected to William in this moment than she ever had to Liam.  His eyes held hers, and she lost herself in their depths.  “Buffy,” he whispered, and as he came with his own moan of completion, she realized she couldn’t lie to herself any more. 

What she felt for William was far more than lust. 

It was love.

 

*******

 

Over dinner later that night, she brought it up again.  He’d been waiting for it, expecting it, even, and it still threw him.

“So, about Spike...” Buffy said, and William cut her off.

“Please, pet, not right now.”  She’d just given him the most incredible gift anyone had ever given him, and on top of that, William was convinced Buffy had been right there with him at the end.  He couldn’t bear to be reminded that whether or not she’d recognized the connection between them, she was still under the daft illusion she belonged with Liam.

“But, I just wanted to tell you –”

“Tomorrow, pet.  Can it wait ‘til then?  We can discuss it tomorrow all you want.”  Buffy fell silent, which he took as tacit agreement.

He had things he wanted to tell her too, before the week was out.  Big things, important things.  He was going to come clean and tell her how he felt.  Faint heart never won fair lady, and if she returned even a smidgen of his affection, perhaps hearing his confession would prompt a realization in return.  Or at least give her pause before she walked out of his life.

In the meantime, there was dinner, and basking, and no room for anything else.

 

*******

 

When Buffy woke, she immediately knew something was wrong.  Her shoulders ached, and it didn’t take long to figure out it was because her arms had been pinned over her head.  Though the last time William had done this had turned out to be a pivotal turning point in her... _education_... she still wasn’t thrilled with the idea of waking up in restraints.  Was it so hard to ask first?

She shifted to relieve the pressure, then called out, “William!”  When there was no immediate answer, she tried again, and again, each successive shout become louder and angrier. 

“Fine,” she huffed.  “I’ll just let myself out.”  Buffy twisted her wrist, feeling for the Velcro.  She couldn’t find it.  Fuming, she stretched her body and craned her neck, but in the gloomy, curtained darkness, it took her a moment to realize she couldn’t find the Velcro because there was none. 

She was in handcuffs. 

Padded handcuffs, but still handcuffs.  With no easy out.  A faint tendril of fear snuck past her irritation, which was rapidly turning into full-blown anger.  She shouted for William again, almost screaming his name, but there was still no response. 

_Calm down_ , she told herself, willing her breathing back to normal.  _Maybe he had to run to the store.  Maybe he just can’t hear you._

“William!”

No response meant plenty of time for the fear to build, along with the fury.  Soon, she began to tug at the restrains in a useless bid to free herself, pausing only to scream William’s name.  “Fucking asshole,” she muttered.  “Screw waiting until next year to end this.  The minute I’m out of these, I’m gone.  _William!_ ”

Buffy heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and the hallway light flicked on.  “William!  What the hell –”  She froze, mouth slack. 

That wasn’t William.

Backlit as the man in the doorway was, she couldn’t make out his features clearly, but she could see enough.  What made him _not_ -William wasn’t the short, spiked, bleached-white hair.  It wasn’t the tight, black leather pants and leather vest, or the cruel-looking whip that dangled from one hand.  What made him _not_ -William was the sense of menace that radiated off of him – a cold indifference to her plight that made her stomach feel like a lead weight and the handcuffs around her wrists seem even more inescapable.

_Not_ -William turned to lean against the doorjamb and took a drag off his cigarette.  The light from the hallway glinted off thick, chunky silver rings on his hand and a similarly clunky bracelet about his wrist.  A studded dog collar adorned his neck, and his eyes were rimmed in thick, dark makeup.  Buffy realized she was holding her breath, and she forced herself to let it out.  Though she’d never had a thing for bad boys, she could admit that he was insanely hot, and despite the anger and fear that had a hold of her, she felt the first stirrings of lust.  She swallowed as her nipples pebbled, standing up tall and begging for attention, and she couldn’t will them back down.

He took another drag and cocked his head at her.  His eyes raked down her body and back up again, his perusal ending with a dispassionate sneer. 

Buffy swallowed again.

“Spike.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

 

His lip curled.  “Sussed out there’s no William here, eh?  Aren’t you the smart little cunt.  Not as stupid as you look, are you?”

Buffy frowned.  The insults?  Not so arousing.

“What’s the matter, bitch?”  He stalked closer.  “This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?  No backing out now.”

“Actually –”

“ _Shut up_.”  He slapped her across the face with enough force to make her head bounce against the mattress.  Buffy stared at him, shocked, her eyes smarting.  It was nothing like the light and playful slaps he’d given her last weekend.  Unlike those, this pain was real.  Her cheek felt like it was on fire, and she could feel the imprint of his hand puffing up on her skin.  She opened her mouth to protest, and he snarled, “You open that fat trap again, you’ll find my cock shoved so far down your throat, you’ll think it’s coming out your asshole.  Only use that hole is good for anyhow.”

She shut her mouth with a click.  Trussed up as she was, William – _Spike_ – was terrifying.  Buffy knew there was something, some word, she could say to stop this, but her mind was drawing a blank. 

Spike trailed the tip of the long whip over her skin, back and forth over her breasts and down between her legs.  His hand followed the same path, ghosting lightly over her skin.  Despite her fear, and the throbbing of her cheek, her body reacted to the gentle caress.  She closed her eyes and focused on his soft touch.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  Maybe that slap had been the worst of it, and she could handle whatever else Spike had in store.  Buffy bit her lip in indecision.  Even if she’d decided last night that she didn’t need to meet Spike after all, she _had_ asked William for this.  Repeatedly.  The least she could do was give it a try.

_Porcupine_ , she remembered, and stored the word on the tip of her tongue.

He flicked the whip against her breasts, delicate twitches that barely stung.  When it caught her nipple, she couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips.  Spike smiled, but it was a cruel, vicious smile.  “Do you like that, you dirty whore?”  He dropped the whip and shoved his fingers inside of her.  She gasped, her inner muscles clamping at the painful intrusion.  “Does it make you wet?  How about this?”  He grabbed a nipple and gave it a rough twist, hard enough to make Buffy grunt.  Before she could reply he repeated his action with her other breast, fingers pumping painfully in and out of her.

“St-stop,” she gasped, eyes closed against the pain and the sight of his feral grin.  He did it again, making her howl, and Buffy had had enough.  “P-please, _stop_!  William, I don’t – mmph.”  Her protests were cut short as he fisted her hair and snapped her head back, and she felt something being shoved in her mouth.  Her eyes flew open, and she whipped her head from side to side in protest, trying to spit the fabric out.  When that didn’t work, she lunged, flinging her body against the restraints, Spike’s laughter a chilling backdrop to her muffled screams.  The harder she struggled, the more he laughed.  Buffy fell limp, sick with terror.

How could she utter the safe word if she couldn’t even talk?

She stared up at her captor, at the face both achingly familiar and chillingly alien, and begged him with her eyes to end the game.  He’d been right.  She wasn’t ready for this, didn’t want it.  Couldn’t he see that, safe word or not?  For just a moment, she thought he understood.  William looked back at her. 

And then his face hardened, and he turned away.

 

*******

 

He pushed William down.  That pathetic little fool had no place here.  She’d wanted Spike, he’d give her Spike.  He’d told her.  Warned her.  Given her a chance to use the safe word, and she hadn’t taken it.

Spike unbound her feet and grabbed hold of her ankles, tying them to the chains dangling from the ceiling so her legs hung open in a V, spreading her wide.  For a moment, he considered using the Magic Wand and the forced orgasm belt on her.  It was what Angelus would do – what Angelus had done to him.  Conditioned him to associate pain with pleasure until, like Pavlov’s dog, a flick of the whip across his back had him ready to spill his load.  But no, enough of William remained in him to keep him from wanting to train her the same way.

He grabbed the whip and licked it along her ass, closer and closer to her pussy, hard enough to draw a thin line of blood on the last snap.  All the while, he told her how worthless she was.  Let her feel the weight of his contempt.  “You want it, don’t you?” he said.  “You’d be begging me for it if you could.”  In truth, he wasn’t hard at all, couldn’t fuck her even if he wanted to.  There was no was pleasure, only the growing rage and disgust. 

_No room, no room._

_Give the girl what she asked for._

A quick trip to the box, and he held an oversized dildo up for her to see.  “How ‘bout I fuck you with this?  Split you open, make you scream.”

Buffy didn’t look.  Didn’t react.  Her eyes remained unfocused, glazed, her breathing erratic and shallow.  Pale as a ghost, she trembled like a small, cornered animal, her terror plain to see.

Spike cracked.  Splintered wide open. 

With a wordless scream, he fell to his hands and knees on the floor and vomited until there wasn’t even bile left.

 

********

 

Shaky, clammy, William stood.  He couldn’t look at Buffy, couldn’t bear the blank stare.  Eyes averted, he unchained her, unbound her.  Removed the gag, babbling helplessly to make up for her damning silence.  “I’m so sorry, so sorry, please forgive me, please, I take it back, _sorrysorrysorry_.”

She didn’t respond and he didn’t know what to do.  Whether he should try to comfort her or flee from her bruised, accusing eyes.

He’d never before been the suicidal type, but the urge was overwhelming now.  He deserved to be put down for violating her trust.  Pushing her past what he knew she could handle.  Only knowing that there’d be no one else to care for her kept him from smashing the glass on the bedside table and taking it to his wrists.

The handprint on her white face stood out in stark relief, as did the red marks on her wrists and ankles.  _Bath_ , he thought.  _No, she’s in shock_.  Some part of his mind whispered that he was in shock also, but what he was didn’t matter.  He had to get her back from wherever she’d retreated to in her mind.  At least get her talking, screaming, something.  The makeup on his face itched.  Reminded him he still looked like Spike.  That couldn’t be good.

William tore off the vest and pants and scooped her into his arms.  She flinched at his touch, trying to curl away from him, and his heart felt like it was being torn from his chest.  He deserved it, deserved worse, but no time now.  He ran for the bathroom, ripped the shower curtain open, and wrenched the water on.  Before it came fully warm, he stood Buffy in the spray, doing his best to hold her upright without touching her too much.  She slumped against the wall, head hanging down, and he spoke to her in low, comforting tones.  He told her she was safe now, that nobody was going to hurt her, and _pleasegodsorrypleasebeokay_.

“Buffy, I don’t know what to do,” he said when the water turned cold and she still wouldn’t look at him.  “I need you to scream at me.  Hit me.  Cut my balls off.  Something.”  William wrapped her in a towel and lifted her out, then sat her on the toilet seat.  “Please, love.  _Please_.”

She drew her legs up and curled into a ball, rocking in place.  He knelt in front of her and ever so cautiously reached out to grasp her chin, to see if he couldn’t make eye contact.  When Buffy felt his fingers on her face, she screamed and flailed, her hand catching him in the side of the head.  “ _No!  Porcupine.  Porcupine, porcupine, PORCUPINE!_ ”  She slammed her fist into his solar plexus, then grabbed him by the hair, nails digging into his scalp as she screamed and shook him.  “ _Do you hear me?  PORCUPINE!_ ”  Her eyes rolled madly, and she shoved him away.

“I hear you,” William said, tears burning a path down his face.

Buffy finally looked at him.  She stared into his eyes for long moments. 

And then she crumpled to the ground with a gut-wrenching sob.

 

*******

 

She could sense him hovering nearby, but he kept his distance.  She didn’t know if that made it better, or worse.  When the sobs began to trail off into no more than wracking shudders, he pressed a glass into her hand.  “Water,” he said, voice subdued.  She thought about bashing the glass into his face, but her parched throat hurt.  She was too weak to sit up, though, too shaky to drink.  “Here,” he said, and the glass moved to her mouth, tipped against her lips.  Cool water trickled in, and she gulped, then choked.

Buffy pushed herself upright and shrugged him away.  She managed a sip on her own, then another, and soon she’d drained the glass.  He pulled the glass out of her hand and put a phone in its place.  “Do you want Willow to come get you?  Your father?  Or –”  His voice broke.  “If you want to call the police...”

She frowned at the phone, then raised her eyes.  William’s red-rimmed eyes, bloodshot against his wan face, darted away.  Her gaze travelled up to his hair – no longer spiked, but still that garish color – and dropped back to his face.  At least the makeup was gone.  He almost looked like the man she’d thought herself in love with last night.  Not the – the...

The phone sat heavy in her hand, reminding her he’d wanted her to use it.  “The police?”

William flinched.  “I understand,” he said, not realizing she’d said it as a question.  “It’s what I deserve.  Well, what I deserve is to be castrated, or maybe fed to sharks, but jail is a good –”

“Why would I call the police?”

He looked at her like she was crazy, which probably wasn’t too far off the mark at the moment.  “I _raped_ you.”  The words hung heavy between them, harsh and discordant.

Buffy’s vision dimmed around the edges, and she closed her eyes.  She could feel her conscious mind trying to retreat once more, the way it had when she’d been helpless to Spike’s assault, but she fought to stay present. 

_Rape_.  Had it been rape?  “I don’t think you –”

“I sure as hell violated your trust.  I _knew_ you wanted me to stop, but I ignored my gut.  I wanted you to understand just what Liam’s –”  He let out a half-laugh, half-moan.  “Turns out I’m the real monster.”

Her throat was still dry.  Too dry to argue.  “More water.”  She needed time to think, too, but she was cold.  So cold.  Buffy shivered.  William left, almost at a run.  He returned a few minutes later with a thick blanket, which he wrapped around her shoulders, and then handed her a glass of orange juice.

“You need sugar,” he said.  “For shock.”

When she’d drained the glass, she pulled the blanket closer.  Eyes on the ground, voice low, she said, “I’m not going to call the police.  What just happened was really fucked up, but I don’t know that it was rape.”

“Buffy –”

“No.  I asked you to do this.  To be – _him_.  Over and over, I told you it was what I wanted, so you can’t take all the blame.”  She dared to look at his face.  How could she blame William, when it had broken him just as much as it had her?  “Tell me the truth.  You went easy on me, didn’t you?  That was nothing near as bad as what Angelus would have done.”

His face contorted with self-loathing.  “ _Liam_ never would have done anything like that.  Four years he was with you, and he kept his control.  Because he knew better than to treat you –”  William clutched at his hair, then dragged his nails down his face.  “I’m sorry, I can’t –”  He leapt to his feet and fled.

Buffy wrapped the blanket around her body and curled up into a ball on her side.  She’d go after him in a minute.  As soon as the shaking stopped.

 

*******

 

She found him in the laundry room, hands gripping the sides of the washer, head hung low as he cried.  Buffy laid her cheek against his quaking back, the blanket cocooning them both. 

“How can you stand to touch me?”

“Because it was a mistake.  And yeah, I freaked.  Still freaked.”  She reached up to finger his hair.  “This has got to go.  I thought it was sexy at first, but now...”  Buffy shuddered.

William hunched further in on himself.  “Someone coming to get you?  Or I can drive you...”

Buffy shook her head against his back.  “I’m not leaving, at least not right now.  To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll be staying the week with you, or even the night, but I’m not going until we’ve talked this out.  Right now, I’m going to go sit outside in the sun, and when you’re ready, we’ll talk.”

He didn’t answer, so she plodded away, out the study and into the back yard.  Buffy curled up in a garden chair, her body twisted to keep from irritating her inflamed buttocks, and turned her face to the sun.

_Rape_.

Was it?  She didn’t know.  She sat in the sun and let her mind drift.  William didn’t join her, but judging from the muted curses and bangs, was busy upstairs.  Hopefully cleaning up his bedroom.  She’d almost stepped in what looked like puke on the bedroom carpet, though it hadn’t registered at the time.  Buffy wandered back inside, to the kitchen, and stood staring into the fridge.  After a long while, she grabbed a carton of yogurt and the boxed wine, and snagging a spoon and a wine glass, headed back outside to wait.

It was well over an hour before he appeared, shifting uneasily in the doorway, but that was okay.  It had given her time to calm down and sort her disordered thoughts.  She waved him over.  William perched on the edge of the other seat, all his muscles tense.  Buffy noticed he’d shaved his head, the shockingly white hair replaced by uneven patches of bristle.  She was glad.  Without it, she could look at him without the urge to retreat back into the safety of her own mind.

“You okay?” he asked, refusing to meet her eyes.

“I’ve had better days.  But I think the catatonia is past, so you know.  Big improvement.”  He flinched.  Buffy studied him, taking in the pallor of his face, and the haunted look in his eyes.  “Earlier – did it turn you on?”

“No.  Not...”  William glanced up, then quickly glanced away.  “At first, maybe a little.  When you were angry, not afraid, and it seemed like you were okay with it.  Soon as you started getting scared, no.”

Buffy pursed her lips.  “You warned me.  What Spike – you – would be like.  How you wouldn’t stop.”

William leapt to his feet, his chair flying to the side.  “It doesn’t matter!  It doesn’t matter if I warned you, or you begged me for it, or I made you sign goddamn release forms in triplicate first.  I was in control, and I knew you wanted me to stop.”

“So why didn’t you?”

His hands clenched.  “ ‘Cause I wanted you afraid.  Of Angelus.”

“I don’t know about Angelus, but color me afraid of Spike.”

“And me?  You afraid of me?”

“Yeah.  And you.”

William sagged.  He picked up the toppled chair and slumped into it.  “‘Course, I cheated.  Skipped right to the full immersion lesson without any preparation or conditioning.  A sub should be trained slowly, their tolerance built up over time.  Doesn’t matter what kind of fantasies they’d had, no novice just starting out would enjoy that.”

Buffy poured herself another glass of wine from the box, now warm from sitting in the sun.  She gulped it down, wishing she had something stronger.  “I’m glad you didn’t, to be honest.  I don’t think I’d want to be _trained_.”  She shuddered as she imagined it.  “Maybe you could have drawn me in a little further each time until I enjoyed being humiliated and hurt, but I don’t want to learn to like that kind of thing.  You were right.  Liam was right, heck, even Drusilla was right.  That’s not who I am, and not who I ever want to be.”

“I know.”

She toasted him with her wine glass.  “Congratulations.  You’ve cured me of any desire to explore that particular kink.”  William stared at his hands and didn’t answer.  “Hey.  Are _you_ okay?”

He laughed humorlessly.  “Doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Well,” Buffy said, choosing her words with care.  “If you think about it, I kinda forced you into doing something you didn’t want to do either.  Something you didn’t enjoy.”

“ _Bollocks_.  It’s not the same!”

“No... not quite.  But a little bit.  And I... I care about you, William.  I’m, well, not okay.  Not just yet.  But I will be, and I need you to be okay too.  We need to fix this, and get past it.”

William raised his gaze to hers, his eyes blazing.  “I _hurt_ you.  There’s no getting past that.”

Buffy saw his clenched fists, and his flared nostrils, and the set of his jaw.  She saw the way his shoulders tensed and his eyes sparked.  And beneath the rage, she saw the pain, and the self-loathing, and she couldn’t punish him any more than he was already punishing himself.  She pushed aside her fear, and the instinct to flinch away, and reached for him.  He recoiled, but she grabbed his hand anyway.  When she was sure the skin-on-skin wasn’t going to make her curl into a tiny ball, she stood and moved to join him on his chair.  William did his best to scoot away, but she didn’t let him.  “Hey.  Just promise to never turn me helpless like that ever again, and we’ll call it good.”

He snorted.  “You’d be smart not to give it another chance to happen.  Get out of here and don’t come back, if you know what’s best for you.”

“I could.  And it’s tempting, no question.  But if I did, it would sour all the good memories that came before, and I refuse to let our time together end this way.”  She nudged her way into his lap, holding back a hiss of pain when the position put weight on her burning thighs, and rested her head on his shoulder.  William left his arms dangling, unwilling to touch her, and Buffy sighed.  She was glad she’d had all that time to herself to think, otherwise she’d be flailing for the words to explain.  “Look, if I can get over this, then you have to too.  Otherwise, you’re forcing me to stay a victim and letting this one mistake have all the power.  It’s going to be what defines our time together.  Is that what you want?”

“It’s what I deserve.”

Buffy leaned back to look him directly in the eyes.  “But it’s not what _I_ deserve.”

William looked startled.  He furrowed his brow, then nodded, one quick, sharp bob of his head.  He raised his arms in a loose embrace, barely making contact with her, but it was a start.  “It’s okay,” she said.  “You can hold me.  It makes me feel safe.”  _Not trapped_ , she insisted to herself. 

When he tightened his hold, it was almost true.

 

*******

 

They sat outside a long time, close together in the chair, the blanket on their laps.  Not talking, just being with each other.  Every now and then, Buffy would stroke his arm, or he’d squeeze her a little closer.  William didn’t know how she could stand to be near him, but she refused to let him leave.

“Guess I’m not so kinky after all,” she said eventually.  “Just average.”

He exhaled slowly.  “You could never be just average.  And besides, told you I did it wrong.  I -”

“Yeah, yeah, got the memo.  But I never had any interest in pain or humiliation in the first place, so I’m pretty sure there was no right way to introduce me to S and M.”

It didn’t absolve his guilt.  William didn’t know how to apologize, but he felt he had to try.  “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.  I was a dumb fuck, and I know I can’t undo it, but... sorry.”

Buffy shrugged.  “Well, I’m sorry too, for whatever it’s worth.”

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“We could dance this dance all day, William.”  She twisted so they were face to face.  “I’m not going to lie and say I’m over it, but you are forgiven, okay?  You stopped, a little too late, but you stopped.  If you’d gotten off on hurting me, then we’d be in a very different place right now.  But I’m letting it go.  And you are too.  Deal?”  He shook his head, and Buffy poked him in the chest.  “Deal?”

“Fine, deal,” he said, mostly to placate her.

“Good.”  She curled her body against his, head back in the crook of his neck.  “Anything you want to tell me?”

_I love you.  I don’t deserve you._

“Not just now.”

“Okay, then.  So, this is my plan, if it works for you.  I’m going to take off for the rest of today.  Maybe head out of the city, spend the night somewhere.  I’ll be back tomorrow, but not until after your fight, ‘cause I don’t think seeing you all violent and scary dangerous is the kind of reinforcement I need right now.”

William blinked.  “Don’t really expect you to come back at all.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to.  We need to get back up on that horse and ride, so to speak.  Sound like a plan?”

“Buffy...”

She spoke right over him.  “Sorry about missing your fight.  Maybe I’ll catch the next one.”  She stood quickly, the blanket falling to the ground.  “I’ll be back.  Tomorrow night.”  Buffy bent and brushed her lips over his.  Before he could find his voice, she was gone, leaving him alone with a gaping hole in his heart and a host of emotions he wasn’t sure how to control.

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas, who got me through that last chapter, and told me I managed to make the rest of the story work. Hopefully it'll work for you guys too.

 

William wasn’t home when Buffy returned late the next afternoon, but he’d shown her where the spare key was, so she took advantage and let herself in.  She was a little bit glad, truth be told.  Though she felt much calmer than she had the previous day, she wasn’t sure how she would react to being back in his house.  In his _bedroom_. 

Packing an overnight bag yesterday had been a hurried, uncomfortable affair, surrounded as she was by the reminder of what had happened and why she was leaving.  It had taken all of Buffy’s willpower to leave most of her belongings behind, but she knew if she didn’t, she might not come back.  Even then, it hadn’t been a sure thing.  Despite her assurances yesterday, forgiving and forgetting wasn’t as simple as she’d made it out to be.  After being so certain he would never do anything to hurt her that she’d offered to fulfill any fantasy of his, William’s betrayal of her trust the very next day cut extra deep.  Add in the realization she’d fallen for him despite her best efforts to guard her heart, while his heart belonged to Drusilla, and Buffy had had to think long and hard about whether she really wanted to try to salvage the rest of their week.  What had finally tipped the scale for her was knowing William had been equally devastated.  If she didn’t return... what would it do to him?  How would _he_ ever recover?  They both needed to heal, and to her way of thinking, they needed to do it together.

She climbed the stairs to his room, nervous about her reaction to seeing his bedroom again.  An echo of the terror she’d felt yesterday accompanied her every step, weighting her feet, until she came to a stop outside the door.  Buffy took a deep breath and pushed the door open, then gasped.

For a moment, she wasn’t sure she was even in the correct house.  But no, there was the dresser – just on the opposite wall.  The wrought iron headboard had been replaced by one in a padded cream fabric, with bedding to match.  The entire room looked lighter, brighter, more cheerful.

More innocent.

Buffy realized there was no sign of William’s box of toys, or any of the discreet hooks in the ceiling; even the mirror on the wall opposite the bed had disappeared.  She spun in place, taking in all the changes, then sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, mindful of the welts Spike had left.  She stared at the darker patch of paint that marked the missing mirror’s spot, absently stroking the soft coverlet.

William found her like that a good twenty minutes later, still running her hand over the fabric.  He remained in the doorway, and for a brief moment it reminded her of Spike, and her throat tightened.  “What do you think?” he asked, worried eyes fixed on her face.

She looked around, taking in the room once more.  “It’s pretty.  Totally different.”  Buffy forced her hand to still.  “You didn’t have to do that for me, though.”

“Wasn’t just for you.”

“Oh.”  Those intense blue eyes remained locked on her, and her heart pounded like a jackhammer inside her chest.  God, she _loved_ him.  Buffy was still mad, and hurt, and a little bit scared, and despite all the ugly emotions rattling around inside her head, she knew this was where she wanted to be.  Being near William again erased any doubt that had sprung up in the past twenty-four hours about whether or not it was love, and she was more determined than ever to somehow fix what had happened.  Not end her time with him on a bad memory. 

Though she ached to rush into his arms, he made no move to close the distance, so neither did she.  “Hope it’s okay I let myself in.  I didn’t know how much longer you’d be.”

“No worries.”

Buffy bit her lip.  She’d encountered monosyllabic William before, and grimaced as she realized it had been in reaction to the first time she’d brought up Spike.  With that awkward weekend as a guideline, why hadn’t she realized what a bad idea bringing his alter ego into their lessons would be?  She was an idiot, plain and simple, and yesterday was as much her fault as it was his.  If only he would see it too.

When the silence stretched out, she cast around for something to say before remembering he was supposed to have had a match today.  William didn’t look any different than yesterday though, other than having evened up the bleached stubble covering his scalp.  He bore no traces of a fight.  “Did your match get cancelled?” she said.

“What?  No.”

“Did you forfeit?”

He frowned at her.  “Why the hell would I do that?”

“You’re not hurt.  No bruises or cuts.”  It was Buffy’s turn to frown.  “What happened?”

He shrugged.  “Fought.  Won.  End of story.”  He gave her a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and Buffy decided not to question him further.

“Congratulations.”  William didn’t say anything.  “So... um... You went shopping, huh?  Me too.”  She pointed to the bags next to her on the bed.  “Retail therapy.  Good for what ails you.”

One corner of his mouth twitched.  “Yeah?  Get anything nice?”

“Uh huh.  Got a dress for your party.  Want to see?”  He looked startled, like he’d forgotten about the party, or had assumed she wasn’t still going.  But he nodded, so she sprang to her feet and grabbed the bag, carefully lifting it over the dress. 

William’s gaze jumped from her to the slinky black dress and back again, eyes glowing with approval.  “I’ll be the luckiest bloke there, with the prettiest girl by my side.”

She grimaced.  “Well, at least I’ll have pretty going for me, ‘cause I doubt I’ll be keeping up with all you PhD types conversationally.”

“What?”  William moved out of the doorway then, and stopped a few paces away.  He reached for her, but dropped his hand before he made contact.  “Why would you say that?”

“Come on.  I have a liberal arts degree, and I answer phones for a living.  What am I going to contribute?”

“Yourself.”  He gave her a puzzled look.  “Since when is that not enough?”

“Since I’m going to be surrounded by people way smarter than me.”

William snorted.  “More educated, maybe.  But smarter?  More interesting?  Not a chance.  Just be you, and you’ll be fine.”

Buffy melted.  How did he always know just what to say to make her feel better, even now, when things were so uncomfortable between them?  “Yeah?  You think?”

He took her hand then, smiling at her as if he had all the confidence in the world in her ability to win friends and influence people.  “Yeah.  So you won’t be able to discuss the latest academic papers.  The only ones who do that at parties are the stodgy old wankers you don’t want to be talking to anyhow.”

She giggled, and it turned into a snort.  William arched an eyebrow.  She laughed even harder, not quite sure why she found it so funny.  Probably a touch of hysteria.  With the rollercoaster of emotions she’d been through in the last day, probably more than a touch. 

“What?” he said with a curious tilt of his head.

He looked so perplexed, Buffy lost all control.  “Not with-with-without,” she gasped out, “h-having a vibrator up-up your butt!”

William’s eyes crinkled, and then he threw back his head and laughed with her.  By the time they’d calmed down, they were sitting side by side, fingers twined together, Buffy’s head on his shoulder.  “I missed you,” she said.

“Missed you too.”

“Can you kiss me?  Please?”

“Yeah.  I can do that.”  He fell backwards, tugging her with him so she lay half-sprawled across his chest.  “This okay?”

Her body seemed to think so.  Buffy brushed her lips across his.  William’s eyes fluttered shut, his lashes dark against his cheeks, and she did it again, lingering this time.  “Is okay.  Is very okay.”

He brought a hand up and cupped her cheek, and she leaned into it with a relieved sigh.  His touch felt safe.  Comforting.  Buffy bent her head to press her lips against his once more.  This time William puckered up in return, and they spent several minutes in soft, reassuring, open-mouthed kisses.  She sighed happily and dropped her head to his chest.  His arms crept around her in a loose hold, and she rubbed her cheek against his worn t-shirt.  The rapid thumping of his heart soon slowed into a steady rhythm, soothing her, and she drifted off wondering if he’d spent as sleepless a night last night as she had.

 

 *******

 

_Ow_.

William woke with sore, cramped muscles, and the woman he loved fast asleep on his chest.  Not disturbing Buffy was far more important to him than easing his own pain, so he held still, listening to her soft snuffling.

She was here.  He couldn’t believe she’d come back; couldn’t understand why she had.  Though she’d left her things behind, he’d been certain when she walked out that door it was the last he would ever see of Buffy Summers.  But she’d come back, and not only that, now slumbered trustingly in his arms, as if he hadn’t violated her only the day before.  How had earned the trust of this angel?  She was too good, too pure for the likes of him.

Not that he would push her away.  As much as he knew he wasn’t worthy of her, William wanted her.  Needed her. 

Loved her, to the very depths of his soul.

He wasn’t man enough to push her away for her own good anyhow.  Not when she’d be leaving soon enough, to go back to Liam.  He inhaled deeply, taking advantage of his unexpected reprieve to memorize the scent of her shampoo. 

Buffy whimpered in her sleep.  He tightened his arms and murmured nonsense words, but the more he tried to soothe her, the more agitated she became.  She flailed in his arms, fighting against his hold.  When she shrieked, “No, William!  _Stop!_ ” he let go, and she sat up with a gasp.  She stared around, wild-eyed and trembling, and the faint sense of absolution he’d felt from Buffy sleeping trustingly in his arms dissipated. 

She might have claimed to have forgiven him, but in sleep, her body didn’t lie.

Wallowing in self-recrimination, he pulled back, giving her space.  “You okay?”

“Huh?”  Buffy stared blankly at him for a long minute, then blinked and shook her head.  “Yeah.  Yeah.  Bad dream, I guess.  What time is it?”

“Almost ten.”

She twisted to see the clock.  “At night?”  He grunted an affirmative, and she said, “Huh, feels like we slept a lot longer.”  She yawned and stretched, and William did the same, yelping when his muscles spasmed.

“Bit sore,” he said to her worried look.  “From the fight earlier.”

Buffy’s expression turned sympathetic.  “I’m thinking hot bath.  Then I’ll give you a massage, sound good?”

“No need, I can take care of –”

“Yes, need.”  She gave him a sly look.  “I need you in good working order, mister.”

William chuckled, though her suggestion made him ill.  Buffy could pretend she wanted to be intimate with him as much as she liked, but he knew the truth.

She was terrified of him, and his touch.

 

*******

 

Buffy sighed.  Why did men have to be so difficult?  So, _yeah_ , something unbelievably bad had occurred between them.  And, _yeah_ , she had flinched once or twice when he’d brushed up against her unexpectedly last night and this morning.  But this shrinking violet, hands-off policy William seemed to have going on was getting on her nerves.  _She_ was the one who’d been hurt.  If anybody deserved to be all issue-y, it was her.  First, he’d tried to keep her from sharing the bath with him, then he’d protested the massage, holding stiff under her hands the entire time.  If that hadn’t been bad enough, he’d tried to sleep in the spare room, and when she’d insisted he sleep with her, he’d curled up on the far side of the  bed in shorts and a tee.

Now he was throwing excuse after excuse at her to avoid getting naked together, or engage in any kind of intimacy.  Enough was enough.  It had to stop – and not just for her sake.  He had to forgive himself too.  Buffy cornered him against the kitchen sink and pulled out her last resort.  “So, what do you have planned for my final exam?”

“Huh?”

“Well, seeing as you’re my professor, and our time together is coming to an end, I figured you might have some kind of final planned.  Wrap everything up.” 

It was the first time either of them had mentioned bringing her ‘lessons’ to a close.  Though Buffy had wanted to avoid the topic, pretty much forever if she could, saying it out loud had the desired effect.  Shock softened the mulish, stubborn set of his jaw, and he swallowed.  “Er.  Didn’t have anything in mind.”

“You know we don’t have much longer.  And unless you’re ready to call it quits now...”  Buffy wished she could take the words back the moment she uttered them.  What if that was what he wanted?  The way he’d been acting, she expected him to nod and say it was exactly what he had in mind.  Things had gone to shit between the two of them, and meanwhile, the woman he loved wanted him back.  Maybe he was ready to be done with her and just hadn’t wanted to be the one to break it off.

“That what you want?” he asked, face blank.

_No.  Never._

“Heck, no.  I intend to get my money’s worth out of you before I hand you back over to Drusilla.”  William’s expression grew more guarded, and Buffy winced.  Obviously joking wasn’t the best way to handle it.  She was misfiring on all cylinders this morning.  “Look.  These last few weeks have been some of the best of my life.  I’m not just talking about the sex, which, frankly, has been mind-blowing.  I mean just being with you.  You’ve changed my life, William, all in good ways.” 

He stiffened, and she sighed, knowing what he was thinking.  “Yeah, I’m going to put that in the good category too, because now I don’t have to worry and wonder about it anymore.  I _know_ I have no interest in meeting Angelus.”  He grimaced, and Buffy hurried on.  “Listen carefully.  It’s.  Been.  Amazing.  I want the next few weeks to be just as amazing.  And I want it to start now.” 

Though Buffy had intended to say the next few days, not weeks, prolonging their time together felt right.  Surely Liam would insist Drusilla stay away from William until they were legally divorced?  If it meant having him a little while longer, she would risk having to face the moment when William chose the psycho bitch he loved over her.

“Come on,” she said, taking both his hands in hers.  Buffy stepped closer, until there was only a hairbreadth’s space between them.  She looked up at him from under her lashes.  “There’s something I’d really like to try, if you don’t have anything specific planned.  Please?”

He snorted.  “You do know how to push my buttons, don’t you?”

Buffy tucked her hair behind her ear and batted her eyelashes.  “I have no idea what you mean.”

With a bemused shake of his head, William pulled her close and dropped his chin to rest on her head.  “What do you have in mind, then, kitten?”

She snuck her fingers under his shirt and leaned up on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear.  “Something very, very dirty.”  His breath caught, and she giggled.  “Messy dirty.”

“Do tell.”

“Well...”  She kneaded the muscles of his lower back.  “Thought I could take some of that massage oil.  Rub you all over with it.  Then you could return the favor.  And when we’re both all slippery and slide-y from head to toe...”

“On my brand new sheets?  I think not!”  Buffy pulled back to check if he was serious, and he smirked at her.  “Dork.”

“That’s nerd to you, missy.”

They ended up putting old sheets on the bed anyway, William giving her a sheepish grin when she teased him for being so fussy, but it was probably for the best.  She didn’t skimp on the oil, pouring it on until his entire body gleamed.  The more Buffy slicked him up, the more his reservations disappeared, and soon he was hard and moaning with pleasure.  “My turn,” he whispered in a hoarse voice.

“Be my guest.”  Buffy tossed her panties aside and flopped onto her belly, eagerly anticipating the feel of his broad hands massaging the warming oil into her back.  She pulled her hair to one side and turned to smile at him over her shoulder, but her smile fled the moment she saw his face.  “William?  It’s okay.”

His eyes remained glued to her buttocks, and the angry welts that had only just begun to subside.  She watched, shocked, as his erection wilted down to nothing.

“Buffy...”

“Stop it!  Every time you do this, it’s like we have to start all over again.  I’m past it, dammit, so get past it too.”

“Oh, right,” he said, eyes flashing.  “You’re so past it, you cry out in your sleep when I hold you a little too close.  Or if I do this –”  William sprang at her, and she shrunk back with a startled gasp.  “Yeah.  You’re real over it.”

“Maybe I need _you_ to help me get over it, huh?  Did you think of that?”  Buffy lunged at him in return, pinning his slick body to the bed with her thighs, hands trying to remain firm on his chest.  “Give me some better memories!  Stop punishing me for not being kinky enough for you!”

William stared up at her.  Buffy bit her lip, blinking rapidly and hoping he hadn’t heard that last part.  “That really what you think?” he said softly.

She shrugged, eyes averted.  “Feels like it.”

“Don’t know how a bright girl like you can be such a ninny sometimes.”

Buffy gave him an incredulous look.  “Thanks ever so.  I feel better now.”

“That bit wasn’t meant to make you feel better.”  He rolled so they were side-by-side and nipped at her lower lip.  “This is,” he said, kissing her again.

“It might be working.”  She slid her hands over his chest and hips.  He chuckled and kissed her once more, lips soft, tongue insistent.  Buffy moaned into his mouth and wriggled against him, enjoying the slippery feel of his skin on hers.

William reached for the bottle of oil and poured a generous amount into the hollow of her breasts.  He ran his hands through the puddle, smoothing it outwards, rolling her nipples under his thumbs as he passed over them.  Buffy watched his face, entranced by the fascinated way his gaze fixated on his hands as they worked the oil in.  He seemed to be content to concentrate on her breasts, and she let him be, happy he was willingly touching her at all.  It wasn’t exactly a hardship.  Buffy moaned and arched into his hands, and William slowed his strokes, thumbs skittering delicately across her nipples.

“Oh, god!” she gasped.  “Please, William!”

“Please what?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t know.  Just _please_.  Good.  More.”

He smiled and poured a trail of oil from her breasts to her belly button, then poured more into his cupped hand.  Soon, Buffy was slick from neck to toes, and tingling from head to toes as well.  She reached for his cock, and was surprised to find him only half-erect.  Rather than comment, she flipped William onto his back and slid on top of him, delighted at the ease with which her oiled body moved against his.  She kissed him, sliding and wriggling all the while, his hardening erection pinned between them.  She edged higher, sitting up to allow his cock to glide along her slick folds.

William curled his tongue behind his teeth, then grasped her hips and shunted her forward.  He tugged until she sat on his chest, inches from his mouth.  “Slide on up here and let me have a taste, love,” he purred, eyes heavy-lidded and pupils dark.

More than willing, Buffy scooted the final few inches and kneeled over his face.  William flicked his tongue upward, and she whimpered in approval, hands on the headboard to steady herself while he sucked and nuzzled her trembling pussy.  She twisted her body so she could return the attention, and when she drew him into her mouth, he shuddered and gripped her by the ass.  Her eyes widened, and she was glad she was facing the other way so he couldn’t see her wince of pain.  Buffy swirled her tongue around his thick head, willing him to stay focused on the task at hand.  His arousal didn’t diminish, nor did he cease his enthusiastic ministrations, and in between whimpers of pleasure, she breathed a metaphorical sigh of relief.  They’d never get back up on the proverbial horse if he kept getting sidetracked by his shame.

It didn’t seem to be an issue.  He gripped her hips and buried his face in her, tongue driving deep, and she came with a shout.  William rolled them over, then proceeded to slide along her body.  They twined around each other, the oil making them as slippery as pair of sea otters, and Buffy laughed out loud.

“What?”

She grinned.  “It’s just fun.  Though I think these sheets are pretty much history.  Good call on taking off the new ones.” 

“I’m brilliant like that.”

“Yes, you are.”  She snagged the oil bottle and waved it in his face.  “Feel like a wrestling match?”

“Think you can pin me, do you?”

Buffy gripped his rock-hard cock.  “One way or another.”

William leered and thrust upwards, rocking his pelvis to slide her hand up and down his erection.  “I daresay you will, kitten.” 

The sensuous feel of his cock slipping easily through her fingers put Buffy in mind of other places she wanted it.  After one final squeeze, she slathered more oil onto her hands, let out a war cry, and tackled William to the bed.

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

It was early when he woke, the birds only just beginning their usual morning ruckus, but despite having been up half the night with Buffy he didn’t want to go back to sleep.  William wanted to use this time to bask in her presence, in the way she slept on his chest, hand curled around his bicep.  He squeezed her close, eyes stinging with sudden tears when she murmured something unintelligible and snuggled closer.  He didn’t dare think of himself as forgiven, not when she’d been crying out in her sleep only two nights ago, but at least she didn’t subconsciously recoil from his touch anymore.  Buffy had been right about them working through his fuck-up together, and he was glad for it.  She didn’t deserve to be left a victim, or disappointed by another man.

Nose buried in her hair, William wondered how he would ever find the strength to let her go when the time came.  She’d told him that moment was coming soon, and he prayed he would be unselfish enough to let her walk away, on to the life she deserved.  Though he’d originally intended to tell her of his feelings today, on the last day of their week together, he’d realized he had no right the moment Buffy had looked at him with fear in her eyes.  He would be a man, and keep his unworthy affections to himself.  He was not going to saddle her with that burden.

Buffy twitched before settling back down, and he let his mind wander.  Maybe he would move from Los Angeles.  He’d taken his current position not because it had been the best one, but because Drusilla hadn’t wanted to leave her home city.  There would be nothing holding him here soon enough, and William figured it would be easier to move on with his life somewhere else.  Somewhere that held no memories of the woman in his arms, or the possibility that he would run into her. 

And when he wanted memories, he had an entire hard drive’s worth now.  William smiled at the thought, remembering how they’d spent the day yesterday.  The night of the faculty party, Buffy had appeared in his study, a vision in her black dress.  He’d been so struck by her beauty he’d insisted on a photo.  After taking several snaps, he’d set the timer on the camera to take some of them together.  She’d been delighted by the idea, but he hadn’t realized how much until yesterday, when she’d come to him with the camera, this time naked and with a mischievous gleam in her eye.  His dick hardened as he recalled how they’d progressed from tasteful solo shots to photos taken mid-coitus, helped along by the timer.  By the end of the evening, they’d reenacted several of their lessons for the video camera he’d dug out of his closet, though Buffy was far more shameless in front of the camcorder than she’d ever been on the first go around. 

To his surprise, she’d even asked him to tie her up, and they’d somehow managed to relive her first time in restraints without too much apprehension on Buffy’s part.  He’d been far more hesitant than she had, but once again, she’d been right to insist.  The emotional release he’d felt after getting past that hurtle had been significant, and he could tell it was the same for her.  She’d relaxed right into him, as at ease with him as she’d been before she’d met Spike.  He closed his eyes, remembering how they’d made love afterwards.  How perfect a moment it had been.

When they’d fallen into bed together last night, exhausted, she’d made him promise to erase everything before he got back together with Drusilla.  It had been an easy promise to make.  He would never return to Dru, and he would never destroy the tangible proof that Buffy had, however temporarily, been his.

She stirred, letting out a soft, sleepy mewl, and William thought his heart might burst.  He tightened his arms, willing the moment to last, and was rewarded with a kittenish nuzzle.  When she brushed her fingers over his stubble, he knew she was awake, and a quiet yawn confirmed his suspicions.  “What time is it?” Buffy asked.

“Early, love.  You can go back to sleep if you want.”

She was silent a long minute, and he hoped she’d done just that, but he felt her head move against his chest.  “Nah.  Gotta get home and do that Christmas holidays with the family thing.”  Buffy  pressed a trail of kisses across his chest before sitting up and stretching.  “You sure you won’t come over for Christmas dinner tomorrow?”

“Wish I could, but Gunn’s got me on a tight schedule the next three days.”

“You’d think you were going pro, the way he’s training you.  I mean, come on.  Surely you deserve Christmas off.”

Though he wasn’t about to tell her so, William was grateful to be so busy for the holiday.  He’d had offers to join a couple different families, but with no proper girlfriend and no family of his own, he didn’t want to be a charity case.  Not even Buffy’s.  “He’s got a lot riding on me, yeah?  Sponsoring a no name like me’s a big deal, and how well I do could make or break him as a trainer.”

“Hmmph.”

“Saturday.  I’ll see you bright and early Saturday.”  He sat up and tucked an errant tress behind her ear as he said it, smiling to himself at her crazy bed hair.  She was so damn adorable when she woke, all mussed and looking like she’d been shagged six ways from Sunday. 

Which she had been.  It had been a good night, if he did say so himself.

“Hmmph,” she repeated.  “I don’t have to go –”

William shook his head.  “S’alright.  You go to your office party Friday night, and I’ll see you the morning after.”

Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder.  “But it means I miss the first night of the tournament.”

“It’s okay.”  He drew her closer.  “If I make it past the first night, that’s when it’ll get exciting.  All right?”

“All right.”  She pulled away to shake a finger in his face.  “But Saturday we go out to lunch, like we talked about.”

Tugging Buffy so she sat on his lap, he said, “I do so love a woman who knows what she wants.”

For a split second, her smile faltered, but then it was back brighter than ever, and William wasn’t sure whether he had only imagined the sorrow in her eyes.  She poked him in the chest, not giving him the chance to wonder at what it meant.  “That’s not an agreement.”

Bossy little bint.  She’d been disappointed when he’d told her he didn’t want to use a remote-controlled vibrator at the party.  Appealing though the idea had been, Buffy was too inexperienced to risk getting frisky in a room full of people who had the power to not only fire him, but prevent his ever getting another job in academia.  William had suggested they try it in a lower risk setting, such as a restaurant, and it seemed she wasn’t about to let him forget.

“You’ll get your fun,” he said.  “And that’s a promise.”

“Got to seal the deal with a kiss to make it a promise,” Buffy sing-songed, attempting to leer at him. 

William snorted and fell back to the mattress, pulling her on top of him.  She kissed him until his head spun, and she didn’t stop there.

 

*******

 

Buffy hummed along to the Christmas carols on the radio.  She turned the music down as she pulled into William’s neighborhood, driving carefully through the darkness and hoping he would already be back from his training session.  No matter what he’d said, she couldn’t stand the thought of him spending the entire holiday without anybody to exchange gifts with, or sit curled up next to, sipping steaming mugs of hot cocoa while Christmas carols played softly in the background.  She patted the gaily-wrapped box on the seat beside her and hoped it wasn’t too mushy a gift for a non-girlfriend to give.  They had said no presents, but she’d seen the leather-bound journal while doing her Christmas shopping and immediately thought of him.

When she neared his house, she had to swing out wide to avoid a limo parked along the street.  She gave it a curious glance as she pulled into his driveway.  The lights were on upstairs, which meant William was probably home, and she smiled in anticipation.  Buffy bounced up the steps then paused, hand raised mid-knock, as she realized the front door was ajar.  Burglars?  She frowned and pushed it open a little wider, listening for any noises.  She could hear the muted hum of voices coming from upstairs, but they were too low to tell if one belonged to William. 

She crept inside, stopping partway up the steps as soon as she identified William’s voice.  Buffy was about to go outside and knock properly when the second voice caught her attention.

“Just in time for Christmas, my sweet, darling boy.  Isn’t it exciting?”

_Drusilla_.

Buffy slumped against the wall, her gorge rising.  _No!_   _I’m not ready_. 

She wasn’t ready to lose William, but it didn’t matter, because the woman he’d been pining for was here.  Her time was up.

“Exciting’s one way of putting it.”  William’s voice floated down the stairs, followed by his throaty chuckle.  “So it’s true, then.  You and Liam are quits.”

“I couldn’t bear another minute.  Not without you, my pet.”

“Gotta admit that’s gratifying to hear, love.”

Buffy bit her lip, willing herself to remain silent.  God, he sounded happy.  Wiping at her eyes, she crept back down the stairs.  She stood with her hand on the door handle, ready to pull it closed after her, when she realized something.

This was it.

She wouldn’t be coming back.  Buffy wasn’t the same person she’d been six months ago, when Liam had told her he was leaving her.  Nor was she the woman William had met three months ago.  Thanks to the man upstairs, she was stronger.  More confident.  More sure of herself. 

Strong enough to know it was time to leave, head held high; confident enough to do it without looking back.  She loved William, and because she loved him, she would make this easy on him.

Buffy hurried to his study and found a pen and a piece of paper.  She didn’t even have to pause to consider her words – she knew exactly what she wanted to say.  Message complete, she folded the note and tucked it under the ribbon of the gift she’d set in the middle of his desk, right where he would be sure to find it. 

After one last, lingering look around his study, the room that embodied the man she’d fallen in love with, she walked away without a backwards glance.

Head held high.

 

*******

 

“I couldn’t bear another minute.  Not without you, my pet.”

“Gotta admit that’s gratifying to hear, love.”

Drusilla pressed closer, and William dropped his head to hers.  He couldn’t help it.  Seven years, he’d been with her.  Seven years, she’d been his everything, before she’d thrown him aside.  And now she was here, telling him she needed him.  Wanted him.  If he waited long enough, she might even admit to loving him, the way she was going.  Once upon a time, he would have given anything to hear her say it.  Now –

“But it doesn’t change anything, Dru.  I meant what I said.  I’m not moving back.”

She stomped her foot.  “Why not?  I sent him away, for you.  So you could be with me.”

William sighed.  “I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear.  Hell, I can’t even believe I’m saying it myself, but it’s over.  For good.  Don’t expect me back.”

“But... why?”  At her forlorn question, so sad and full of pain, he almost caved.  Like a small child, Drusilla didn’t see the world the same way others did.  Somebody needed to care for her, and for most of his adult life, that somebody had been him.  “It’s the sunshine, isn’t it?”  Mercurial as ever, her voice turned sharp as razor blades, and he remembered why it had been a thankless job at times.  “She’s sunk her claws into you.  Turned you away from me to keep you for herself.”

“No, pet.  Buffy’s Liam’s girl, always has been.”  Probably more so after his misguided attempt to show her Liam’s darker side.  William didn’t miss the irony that in trying to make her ex look bad, he’d only pushed Buffy further away from himself and back into Liam’s arms.  It was _him_ she was afraid of now, not Angelus.  They might have worked past his fuck-up, but he doubted it was coincidence that Buffy had suggested ending their arrangement immediately following that day. 

The message was clear.  She was Liam’s girl, not his. 

“Look, Dru, it’s not her.  It’s not you.  It’s me.  I need...”

_Buffy_.

“...normal.”  Drusilla stared at him as if he was speaking a foreign language, which probably wasn’t too far from the truth from her point of view.  “No more games, no more dollies, no more _Spike_.  Just normal.”

She cocked her head.  “Tea for two, please and thank you, and the reverend over for Sunday dinner.  Bowling on Tuesdays.  Trim the hedges.”  Drusilla inched her skirt up her legs, hips moving to an invisible beat as she bared her long, slim legs to his gaze.  Her undulations turned more seductive, and she lowered her voice to a husky whisper.  “Slip between the sheets when the missus says fine, but never.”  She flicked her wrist as though lashing out.  “The whips.”  Head thrown back so her long, dark hair brushed the backs of her legs, she whimpered and shuddered in ecstasy.  “For my William.”

_Balls_.  He closed his eyes and willed his erection away.  He was a bad, bad man.  William might claim not to want the woman writhing in front of him, but his dick wasn’t listening.  It knew the pleasures awaiting him, if only he’d give in.  He wouldn’t though – after knowing Buffy, what his ex offered was no more than a hollow substitute.

Drusilla spun around his bedroom, seeing it for the first time.  “Normal?  It won’t last.  Didn’t for Liam, and won’t for you.  Spike will have his way, and all the little girls will cry pretty tears.”

William swallowed.  It wasn’t the first time Dru had made him wonder if she wasn’t a touch psychic.  He turned away before she could see the truth in his eyes, but it was too late.  She’d already caught the sick look on his face, and she bared her teeth with a feral smile.  “Oooh.  Did the dolly _scream_?”  She licked the side of his neck and caught his flagging prick in a vice grip.  “ _Bad_ dog.”

“Get off me!”  He spun away, head pounding, feeling like he might vomit. 

“Mummy knows what you need.”

“No.”  He backed away as she advanced on him, his hands up, arms stiff to keep her at a distance.  “No, this is exactly what I _don’t_ need.  Not anymore.”

Drusilla laughed.  “You think you can just give it all up?  Forget everything I’ve taught you and be _normal_?  Come with me.  We’ll be happy again.”  She smiled.  “We can even be married if you’d like.  Wouldn’t it be lovely?”

Lovely?  Was she insane? 

Well, _yes_. 

“Tell me, Dru.  What do I teach?”

She pursed her lips.  “Does it matter?”

“Just tell me.  What do I teach?”

Drusilla narrowed her eyes.  William waited.  She shrugged one shoulder.  “History.”

“And what’s my specialty?  What’s the book I’ve been working on about?”

When she didn’t answer, he said, “You don’t know what I need, Dru.  You don’t know _me._ ”

She studied him for a long time, head cocked to one side.  He stood his ground, resolute, and he could see the resignation pass across her eyes.  “No,” she agreed with a dejected shake of her head.  William had never seen her look so small and afraid.  “I don’t know you anymore.  You’ve gone and changed the dance, and I’m left without a partner.”

“There’ll be another.  You always manage, pet.”  Hand at the small of her back, William guided the woman he’d devoted years of his life to out of his room and down the stairs. 

At the bottom, she stopped him.  “Will you change your mind?”

“No, love.  I won’t.”

Drusilla reached up to touch his cheek.  “No, I don’t suppose you will.”

He held tight to the doorframe and watched as she climbed into the back of her car.  When he couldn’t see the taillights any more, he headed for the kitchen to find a stiff drink.  Just because he’d known for weeks he wasn’t going to go back to his ex, it hadn’t made it any easier to turn her away, not when she’d so obviously wanted him.  He knocked the scotch back and poured himself another, reasoning he had close to twenty hours before he had to step into the ring.  It was plenty of time to recover from two measly drinks, especially when he felt like curling up with the bottle until the hollow feeling in his chest passed.

William tucked the bottle back in the cupboard before he could change his mind and wandered into his study.  He had the vague idea he could lose himself in a book for the rest of the night, and he perused the bookshelves, fingers trailing over the spines as he sipped at his scotch.  Finally, he chose one he hadn’t read in years and sat at his desk.  He reached out to set the glass on the desk and stopped short when his hand ran into something unexpected.

It took him a moment to register what he was seeing.  The small package festooned in bright ribbons and even brighter wrapping paper hadn’t been there when he’d gotten home, he was sure of it.  William reached out slowly.  The heavy weight of the package intrigued him, but he plucked the folded paper with his name on it out from under the ribbon and set the box down.  He dropped his eyes to the bottom of the note, and his face split into a grin when he saw the signature.

_Buffy_.

William took a sip of his drink and settled himself into his chair, getting comfortable before he read what she had to say.  Here was the pick-me-up he’d needed.  Ready at last, he began to read.

His smile was long-gone by the time he reached the end.

For long minutes, he stared at Buffy’s handwriting with unseeing eyes, his mind blank.  William dropped the note to his desk and gulped down the remainder of his drink.  He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until the prickling at the backs of his eyelids turned to pain, then buried his hands in his hair and concentrated on his breathing.

In through the nose, out the mouth.  Again.  And again.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but his left leg was numb by the time he felt under control.  He jiggled it as he turned his computer on and opened the folder marked ‘good day’.  Bypassing the raunchier photos, he brought up the one of Buffy in her black dress, her eyes sparkling and his arm around her waist.  William traced her face with his finger, his eyes dry and his vision clear.  “Love you,” he said.  “Be happy.”

With a final, shuddering breath, he shut the laptop and made his way upstairs.

Alone.

And, to his surprise, okay with it.

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot Father's Day isn't the same worldwide. For my non-North American readers, that's in June. :)

 

At the sound of the doorbell, Buffy set her coffee down, clattering the mug against her plate in her haste.  She ran to the door and threw it open, grinning. 

“Faith!”

“Hey good-looking.  Long time no see.”

The dark-haired, voluptuous woman lounging in the doorway appeared to be the very picture of casual, but Buffy could see the insecurity in the other woman’s eyes.  Faith had always presented a tough-as-nails attitude to the rest of the world, but Buffy had gotten to know the real her in high school and she wasn’t fooled now.  After her stint in jail and years without seeing each other, Faith wasn’t sure of her welcome, never mind that Buffy had been the one to seek her out.

“Look at you!” Buffy said in return, and pulled her into a tight hug.  Faith patted half-heartedly at her shoulder.  Buffy held tight, until the other woman hugged her back with equal fervor.  “I can’t believe you’re here.  Come in, come in!”

“Check out the new digs.  How’s it feel to be all on your own in the big city?”

“It feels _great_ ,” she said with a laugh.  Finding her own apartment had been part of her New Year’s resolutions, and here she was one month later, almost unpacked and enjoying real independence for the first time ever.

“Yeah?  Guess I’ve got my work cut out for me then.”

Buffy handed Faith a cup of coffee and motioned for her to sit on the couch.  “What on earth are you talking about?”

“I’m moving to Philly.”  She leaned forward, doe eyes alight with excitement.  “My step-uncle’s starting his own business.  He’s going to be a private dick.”

“A – _what_?” Buffy said, spewing coffee.

Faith threw her head back and laughed.  “Knew that would get you, Blondie.  Dick, like a detective.  It’s not the FBI, but it ain’t too shabby either.  Giles needs a couple of smart, hot chicks to help him get his business up and running.  I’m one,” she said, pointing to herself.  “And you’re gonna be the other.”

Buffy stared at her, not believing what she was hearing.  “You’re really going to Philly?  After I just found you?”

“Aw, you going to miss me?  Guess you’ll have to come too.”

“Bossy as ever, aren’t you?”  Buffy held a finger up.  “Give me a minute or two to process.”  She tried to wrap her mind around the idea of her long-lost friend being a private eye.  It made sense, though.  Now that Faith had a record, it was probably her only way to follow the dream they’d shared in high school.

She could still remember the day they’d met.  She’d seen the other girl around school, but had never talked to her.  They’d never had reason to speak.  Buffy had been part of the popular cheerleader crowd, and Faith, well, Faith most definitely had not.  She wore too tight clothes and too much make-up; she smoked and drank, and ran with the wild kids.  So when she sidled up to Buffy one day after cheerleading practice, Buffy was sure there was a mistake.

“Heard what happened,” Faith said.

Most of the school had by that point.  Though Buffy had tried to keep it a secret, word about her mother running out on them had gotten around, the way these things did.  She stared at the other girl, stony-faced and silent.

Faith twirled the cigarette between her fingers.  “Sucks.  I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”  Buffy readjusted her gym bag over her shoulder, uneasy.  She had no idea how to relate to somebody like Faith, and hoped she would leave soon.

“My mom abandoned me last year.”

She softened with sudden understanding, and gratitude.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, well.”  Faith shrugged.  “Shit happens.”  She turned and walked away without another word, leaving Buffy to stare at her swinging hips as she retreated. 

The next day, as if by unspoken agreement, they ate lunch together, and soon were fast friends.  The special sense of betrayal that came from a mother walking out on a child erased any differences between them, forming a bond so tight it had lasted until Buffy’s freshman year of college, when Faith had been sentenced to two years in prison for breaking and entering.  Buffy had tried to keep in touch, but after meeting Liam, she’d let their friendship slide.  Reconnecting had been another of her New Year’s resolutions. 

So far, she was two for two on accomplishing her goals.  Finding a new job had been resolution number three, and timely though Faith’s offer was, Buffy wasn’t so sure she wanted to move to the other side of the country.  Away from her family, away from her friends, away from... Liam.  It was the beginning of February, which meant her ex ought to be calling, any day now.  She was impatient to hear from him and see how he was doing.  Figure out if they still had some kind of future. 

Really.  She was.

Sort of.

Buffy tried to ignore the thought that it wasn’t Liam’s phone number she longed to see on her caller ID, but William’s.  Her brain refused to cooperate.  Faster than she could push them back, memories of the man she loved assailed her, sharp and bittersweet.  As she did a hundred times a day, she wondered what William was doing now.  If he ever thought about her.  If he was happy with Drusilla.  She figured he had to be; she hadn’t heard from him, right?  He was probably thrilled to be back with his insane lover, the one who enjoyed all the same hardcore kink he enjoyed.  Sure, she and William had had fun together, but Buffy couldn’t forget that she hadn’t been able to match his level of kinkiness.  Unlike William, she had little interest in dominance and submission.  Their only attempt at anal sex hadn’t gone so well.  And the less said about Spike, the better.  Nope, Drusilla was a better partner for him, and was the woman he loved besides.  Even if she and Liam didn’t get back together, William was no longer a part of her life.

And he wasn’t a reason to stay in Los Angeles.

“Philly, huh?  What kind of help is your Uncle Giles needing?”

“Step-uncle,” Faith said automatically, before grimacing.  “Sorry.  Gotta get over that.”

Buffy just shrugged and gave her an understanding smile.  Unlike her own mother, Faith’s mom had chosen a more permanent method of desertion.  Weeks after marrying an Englishman named Wesley, Trish Lehane had committed suicide, leaving Faith in the care of a man she barely knew.  Faith had blamed Wesley for her mother’s actions, unreasonable though it was.  He’d done his best with the troubled teen, but Faith had been in too much pain at the time to see things as they really were. 

“Me and Wes, we’re good now.  He’s been a real stand up guy.”  Faith looked away as she spoke, hiding her emotions.  She covered the tremor in her voice with a loud sniff.  “Anyhow.  Not real sure what my uncle needs.  Figure it’ll be an adventure – we’ll sort it out as we go.”

That sounded like the Faith she’d known in high school – always daring, always up for something new.  While Buffy had retreated further and further into meek and cautious, Faith had grown more reckless, until she’d finally gone too far.

“When are you leaving?” Buffy asked.

“Couple of weeks.  Whaddya say, wanna head east with me?  Live the dream after all these years?”

Liam had talked about moving.  Maybe he’d want to move to Philadelphia.  It was a possibility.  And even if he didn’t...  “I’ve got some things to work out here before I can decide. “

Faith did a double take.  “Wait, you’re not just going to automatically say no?”

“I’m not saying yes... but no, I’m not saying no.”

“Damn.  I thought I was going to have to push a whole lot harder.”

Buffy laughed.  “Oh, well, you caught me at a good time.  I’m taking stock, making changes, all that good stuff.  I’m ready for a new career.  I’m just not sure I want it to be on the other side of the country.”

“Fair enough.  I’ll go ahead, scout the way.  And then I’ll be back for you.”

It was as close to taking no for an answer as Faith would ever get.  “Sounds like a plan,” Buffy said, and suddenly it _did_ sound like a plan – a good one.  Bemused, she realized she was excited about the possibility.  If she wanted to move east and work for a private investigator, there was no reason she couldn’t.  She could do anything she wanted to do, be anything she wanted to be.  She grinned at Faith.  “Maybe I should quit unpacking, just in case.  Be a waste to unpack all these boxes just to pack them back up again.” 

“Look at you, being all adventuresome.  Never thought I’d see the day.”

If only Faith knew just how adventuresome she’d been of late.  For the hundred and first time that day, she thought of William, and how he’d helped her find her sense of daring.  And her self-confidence.  She smiled to herself.  “But what a good day it is.”

 

*******

 

“William?”

Startled, William’s head shot up, and he stared around.

“Um, hi.  Willow, remember?”  The redhead off to his left, on the other side of the clothing rack, waggled her fingers at him.  “Buffy’s friend?”

“Oh, right.  Hi.  How are you?”

“Good,” she said.  “Picking out a tie for Father’s Day.  And you?  Shopping too?”

He grimaced.  “Got a couple interviews coming up.  Been trying to match suits to ties, but it’s not as easy as you’d think.”

Willow nodded in commiseration.  “The perils of shopping alone.  That’s why you always bring your girlfriend.”

“Would do if I had one.”

“Oh!”  She tossed him a funny look.  “I thought you were with what’s-her-name?  Drusilla.”

“Nah.  She and I were over long ago.  Doing the bachelor thing now.”  William held up the two objects in his hands.  “These go together, you think?”

She gave him a pitying smile.  “I’ve got a couple of spare hours right now.  Tell you what, I’ll be your personal shopping assistant if you buy me lunch.”

“Deal,” he agreed with a relieved laugh.

A new suit later, along with coordinating shirts, ties, and socks to match, and they sat down to lunch in a small Italian restaurant nearby.  They made small talk throughout the meal, William hoping Willow would bring up Buffy so he didn’t have to.  He wanted to know how she was, but he’d made himself a promise to let Buffy be and he wasn’t about to break it.  In his mind, asking after her was perilously close to pursuing, and he wasn’t going to let himself cross that line. 

Eventually, the conversation centered on his upcoming interviews.  When he mentioned his last interview would be at the University of Pennsylvania, Willow knocked over her glass, then hurried to wipe up the lemonade spreading across the table.

“That’s in Philadelphia, isn’t it?” she said.

“Yeah.  Not sure that I’ll actually go to that one, though.  Don’t quite feature myself living in the City of Brotherly Love.”

“But you applied for the position?”

William shrugged.  “They’re known for their history program.  Seemed foolish not to apply when they had an opening.  And the history nerd in me isn’t averse to the idea of Philly, just the part that’s used to California winters,” he said with a grin.

“Uh huh.  Okay.  That’s good.  Very good.  Getting a bit more personal... when did you and Drusilla split up?” 

He frowned as she scrubbed harder at the now clean table, refusing to meet his eyes.  He didn’t know the woman all that well, but she appeared distinctly twitchy.  “When she kicked me out to marry Liam.  Thought you knew the story.”

“Oh.”  She blinked at him.  “Yeah, but Buffy said – or, I thought... you guys got back together.  You know, at Christmas.”

So Buffy _had_ been by while Dru was there.  And probably gotten the wrong idea.  Not that it mattered, not when their time had been up anyway.  “Nah.  Dru and I were long over by then.  I couldn’t go back to her, not after –” 

_Buffy_. 

“Not after everything that had happened.” 

“You never told Buffy,” Willow said, her eyes narrowed in accusation.  It wasn’t a question.  As best friend, she already knew the answer.

William shrugged.  “She wanted Liam.  There was nothing to tell, simple as.”  He seized on the opening he’d been looking for.  “How are they?  Is she... happy?”

“She seems to be.” 

He bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to let his emotions show on his face.  He wanted her happy, he did, but at the same time... he wanted to hear that she missed him.  Needed him.  Couldn’t be happy without him.  A man could dream, right?

“Of course, it’s a little harder to tell now that she lives on the opposite side of the country.”  Willow leaned forward, pinning him with her gaze.  “In Philadelphia.”

“What?”  William stared at her.  “Why – did Liam move there?”

She shook her head.  “He’s in Vegas now.”

“But... but...”  If Liam was in Vegas, why wasn’t Buffy?

Willow grinned.  “Buffy’s single, William.”  He continued to stare at her, mouth moving, but no words came out.  Her grin grew wider.  “Breathe, Big Bad.”

“But...”  He swallowed and tried again.  “They didn’t get back together?”

“For all of, oh, twenty seconds, before Buffy dumped him.  She couldn’t go back to him either, not after... _everything_.”  The way she said ‘everything’, he got the feeling that she meant _him_.  William resumed his fish impersonation, gaping at the redhead while his world shattered and reformed around him.  Willow patted his hand, a devious smirk lighting up her elfin features.  “I think you should take that interview with the University of Pennsylvania after all, don’t you?”

William thought she might be right.

Later that night, he sat at his desk, replaying Willow’s words and marveling at fate.  If he’d never run into her –

It didn’t bear thinking about.  With shaking hands, he reached into the bottom drawer and pulled out the still-wrapped gift Buffy had left.  William eased the creased and tattered note out from under the ribbon.  He read it slowly, letting the import of the words sink in.  Words that held an entirely different meaning now that he knew she wasn’t with Liam after all.

 

_William,_

_I stopped by to give you this, but it looks like Santa’s already brought you the one thing you really wanted.  We both knew our time would be coming to a close soon.  I guess that time is now._

_I want to thank you for these last few months.  You’ve given me something precious.  I know we said we wouldn’t bring our hearts into it, but the joke’s on me.  Turns out it’s impossible to know you and not fall in love with you, just a little.  Don’t worry, I’m not asking for anything, I just had to tell you.  You’re an amazing man.  I hope Drusilla realizes how lucky she is to have you._

_I don’t know how to say goodbye so I’m not even going to bother trying.  It’ll be easier this way.  Clean break and all that jazz._

_Know that whenever I think of you, it will always be with love._

_Buffy._

 

She _loved_ him.  Maybe, if Willow was to be believed, still did.

Philly suddenly sounded like a mighty fine place to live after all.

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

William stood in a brightly lit hallway, address held tight between clammy fingers, and tried to force his feet forward.  They wouldn’t budge.  Now that he was actually here, only steps away from Buffy’s door, he couldn’t find the courage to go the last few feet.  What if Willow was wrong?  What if she didn’t want him?  After building this moment up in his mind for almost a month, he realized he couldn’t bear the possibility of rejection.

He gripped the scrap of paper tighter, heart pounding, mouth dry.  With excruciating slowness, he slid one foot forward, then the other.  He’d almost made it close enough to press the buzzer when he heard the main door to the brownstone bang open, and voices coming up the stairs – one voice in particular.  William swallowed, eyes darting around for a place to hide, but there was nowhere to go.

“...pretty sure it’s you he’s into,” Buffy said.

“Xander’s no fool.  He wants us both.  Whaddya say, should we give him the ride of a lifetime?  Blow his mind?”

“ _Faith_!”

“What, I thought you were Miss Naughty these days.  Or wait, I know what the problem is – you don’t want to share me.  I get it.  Don’t worry Blondie, you can keep me all to yourself.”  William could see their heads now, and he caught Buffy’s put upon expression as the dark-haired bird pulled her close and planted a more-than-friendly kiss on her lips.  Buffy didn’t return the kiss, but she didn’t exactly fight it either, and his imagination raced at the same time as his dick hardened. 

“Faith!” she said again when her lips were free.  “I’m not _that_ desperate yet.” 

“Admit it.  You’ve got it bad for me, girl.  I see you checking me out when we’re getting ready for work.”

“No, you see me trying to figure out how you fit all _that_ in those too-small shirts you wear.”

Faith only laughed and continued climbing the stairs. 

William eyed the pair of them speculatively, forgetting all about his nerves as he imagined himself in place of whatever tosser they’d been discussing.  The fantasy played out for a moment before he came to his senses with a shake of his head.  He’d come to profess his love to the woman he hadn’t seen in half a year, and here he was thinking with his dick.  Buffy’s disappointed voice sounded inside his head, asking if he could be any more of a pig. 

He got his libido under control just in time.  Buffy peered down the hallway and came to a complete standstill, one hand gripping Faith’s arm as she stared at him in shock.  “William?” she whispered, and her friend winced in pain.

“Hi.”  He stood taller to make up for the unmanly catch in his voice.

Buffy shot her friend a wide-eyed look, and took a step backwards.  “Wh-what are you doing here?”

Well, shit.  There was the rejection he’d been afraid of.  He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried for casual nonchalance.  “Ran into Willow a couple weeks back.  When I mentioned I was interviewing in town, she told me you lived here now.  Thought I’d drop by while I was here.”

Faith looked him up and down before leaning over to whisper in Buffy’s ear.  She tossed her thumb over her shoulder.  “I’m just gonna head... out.”  She gave him another look, a far more appreciative one, and said, “Damn, B, now I see why you gave up men.  He’s a hard act to follow.”

Buffy turned to glare at her, but Faith was already dancing down the stairs, her rich laughter floating behind her.  She turned back to William, a sickly smile plastered on her face. 

She didn’t speak, so he figured it was up to him to break the silence.  “So... that’s the infamous Faith.”

“The soon-to-be-dead Faith,” she muttered.  “You... um.  You got time for coffee, or...?”

“I’m not leaving until tomorrow morning.  My night is yours,” he said, then wished he could take it back when she blanched and retreated another step.  William began to wonder if he shouldn’t just leave.  Perhaps expecting her to greet him with arms flung wide and an overjoyed kiss had been unrealistic, but the retreating was a little much to take.  “If you don’t have time, that’s fine.  I can just go.”

“No, no.  I can skip karate tonight.  But let me, um.  Let me change.”  Buffy darted past him and fumbled the key in her lock until it turned.  “Just... wait right here,” she said, closing the door in his face.

William stared at the wood of the door in surprise.  If that wasn’t a sign she didn’t want him in her life, he didn’t know what was.  Maybe Buffy had convinced herself she was in love with him in order to rationalize sticking around after he’d hurt her, and she’d come to her senses since then.  Maybe his presence was only bringing up unpleasant memories for her.  That would explain the look of terror and the desire to get away.  He gritted his teeth as the realization washed over him that he’d been a fool to think she might want anything to do with him.

Just as he’d made up his mind to take off and spare both of them further pain, the door flew open.  She’d changed out of the business casual skirt she’d been wearing into a pair of Capri pants and a tee.  “So.  An interview.”  She led the way back outside with brisk determination, and he was helpless to do anything but follow.  “Tell me all about it.”  Buffy flashed him a real smile, just for a moment, and the fiery pain in his chest ebbed to a dull throb.  Maybe she was a little bit glad to see him after all.

He’d take a chance on a little bit.

 

*******

 

Buffy could only absorb William’s presence in small doses.  She darted her eyes back to his face, taking in the jut of his chin, then dropped her gaze back to the coffee cup in her hands and let the sound of his voice wash over her.  He paused, awaiting her response to a question he’d asked, and she risked a peek at his left ear as she answered.

What was he doing here?  It wasn’t fair.  She was finally at the point where his absence in her life had been downgraded from gaping hole to pleasant ache.  She was, not forgetting William or getting over him, but almost able to move on.  To think about maybe, possibly, _perhaps_ considering the prospect of going out on a date at some point in the near future.

And now here he was, fanning that ache back into raging need.  Her hands trembled with the force of her desire to reach across the table and touch him, so she tucked them under her thighs.  What had she done to deserve this torture?  Tomorrow, he’d be winging his way back to Drusilla, and she’d be left behind to treasure a few stolen moments and the pain of losing the man she loved all over again.

All too soon, their cups were empty, and the small cafe she’d led him to was closing for the evening.  Buffy walked alongside William, arms wrapped around herself, stealing glances at his profile.  As they neared her building, he turned to her too quickly for her to look away.  Her breath fled as her eyes locked with his.  He tilted his head and smiled, eyes dancing with mischief.  She felt her bones turn to jelly, and she hoped she didn’t look as lovesick as she felt.

“So.  You and Faith.  Are _partners_ now,” he said, turning the word into something suggestive.  His tongue curled behind his teeth and he waggled his eyebrows, just in case she didn’t catch his insinuation.  “How’s that working out for you?”

Something about the way William said it made her hackles rise, even though she was certain he was only teasing her.  Buffy didn’t need the reminder she was too vanilla for him.  “Look.  It was good seeing you, but I can’t do this.  I don’t know how to be just friends with you, William.  I really don’t.  Knowing that you’re leaving tomorrow, and I’ll probably never see you again, only makes it worse.”  He reached for her and Buffy raised her hands.  If he touched her, she’d cling to him and never let go.  She wanted his last memory of her to be one where she was strong and confident, not weak and pathetic.  “Just... don’t.  Go home.  Let me get on with my life.”

He sagged.  “I’m sorry.  I never meant to cause you more pain.  I’ll just go, yeah?”

William spun away and moved quickly down the sidewalk, shoulders hunched.  Buffy stared at his retreating back, disappearing into the inky night, and then her feet were moving of their own accord.  She sprinted after him and grabbed him by the arm, fingertips zinging from the feel of his muscled arm beneath them.  He looked around at her, eyes alight with hope, and she couldn’t help herself.  She threw herself against him, arms wrapped tight around his neck.  Her skin buzzed from his proximity, and she breathed him in.  His hands fluttered uncertainly behind her before settling on her hips, and he sighed into her hair. 

“Missed you,” she said, her words muffled by his chest and the sound of her own pulse rushing in her ears.  “So much.”

“You too, kitten.  You too.”

Buffy drew back to look up at him.  “Sorry.  I just... I couldn’t let you leave without a proper goodbye.  I’m glad you came.  Really.”

He held her gaze, his stormy blue eyes staring into hers as if he could see into her soul.  “But...?”

“I meant what I said.  This _is_ goodbye.”  She swallowed, and forced the next words out.  “For good.”

William closed his eyes, but not quick enough to hide his devastation, and Buffy felt a small twinge of happiness.  He might have chosen Drusilla over her, but at least he cared about her.  She could see it in the clenching of his jaw, and feel it in the way he gripped her hips a little tighter.  Buffy brushed her cheek against his and resisted the urge to turn her head and capture his lips with hers.  Holding back tears by sheer force of will, she squeezed him one more time.  “I’ll never forget you,” she said, and somehow forced her body away from his.

They regarded each other a long minute, emotion after emotion flitting across William’s face.  His features settled into calm acceptance, and he smiled ruefully.  “You either.  You’re a hell of a woman, Buffy.”

She smiled too.  “Goodbye.”  Buffy took one last lingering look, committing his face to memory, and walked away.

 

*******

 

William made the circuit of his hotel suite, tracing the same path he’d been wearing for the last several hours.  Into the bathroom to stare at himself.  Over to the mini-bar to glare at the tiny, now-empty bottles of liquor.  Back to the window to gaze sightlessly at the darkened river below.  Onto the bed, hands clutching his hair, trying to suss it all out.

When she’d turned and walked away, he thought he’d accepted Buffy’s ultimatum.  She didn’t want to see him; didn’t want him part of her life.  Fair enough. 

But then he would remember the way she looked at him.  Recall the feel of her clinging to him, arms around his neck, body molded to his.  Would she have pressed herself against him if she wanted to forget he even existed?  It didn’t add up.  Could he walk away like she’d asked?  Just get on that plane tomorrow morning?  Willow had intimated she loved him.  Faith had too.  Hell, the girl had said it herself – but did she really?

William squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember exactly what she’d said.  Had she said _just_ friends?  She couldn’t be _just_ friends?  Because that implied something very different from she couldn’t be _friends_.  One suggested she wanted nothing to do with him.  The other...

The other had him wearing a groove in the plush carpet of his suite, trying to figure out what to do next.

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

The pounding on the door continued, so loud even Faith woke long enough to yell, “Fuck off, it’s the middle of the night.”

Buffy agreed with the sentiment, but since the noise didn’t look like it was going to abate any time soon, she settled for flinging the door open with a vicious glare.

“Did you mean it?”

She stared at the disheveled man in her doorway, unable to form a coherent thought.  Buffy rubbed the sleep from her eyes, but when she dropped her hands William was still standing on the other side of her front door, his hair unruly and his eyes wild.  Her sleep-addled mind couldn’t figure out what he was talking about.  “Did I mean what?”

“In your note.  You said you loved me.”

“Oh, god, don’t throw that back in my face,” she burst out, and bit down to stop the quivering of her lower lip.  “That’s just cruel.”

“Did.  You.  Mean.  It?”  

Buffy looked away, unable to bear the intensity in his eyes.  First he showed up out of the blue, obliterating her carefully nurtured equilibrium in one fell swoop, and now this?  How much more could he destroy her life in one night? 

“Tell me, Buffy.  I need to know.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”  It seemed like her eyes had only just dried out, but she couldn’t stop the errant tears running down her cheeks.  She dashed at them with the heels of her hands.  “Why can’t you just let me be?”

“Why can’t you tell me?” he countered, and his voice broke on the last word.

Oh, look.  Toes.  Her toes, pale against the parquet floor, required her full attention.  Buffy spoke to them.  “Because it was easy to say when I knew I’d never see you again.  Never have to face up to it.”

“And now?”

“And now – what?  You want me to tell you I love you when you’re going to get on a plane in a few hours and fly back to Drusilla?  Why does it matter to you?”

“Buffy.”  His low exhalation of her name, so rough and full of emotion, made her finally look up.  William’s eyes swam with tears.  He held his hand out to her, and without thinking, she took it.  He curled his fingers around hers.  “It matters because I love you.  I’ve loved you since – bloody well feels like from the moment we first met.  But I’ve _known_ you were the only one for me ever since I caught you in my study, reading my manuscript.  Remember?”  She nodded, too overcome to say anything.  “That’s when I knew.  I _love_ you.  And if you love me too, even a little –”

“Oh, god,” Buffy said.  She wondered if her heart had stopped.  She couldn’t seem to catch her breath.  “But Drusilla –”

To her surprise, William chuckled.  “I have no idea how you make a living as a private eye.”  Buffy glared at him, but he only laughed more.  “Sorry, love, but you got it all wrong.  Drusilla – yeah.  She stopped by.  Tried to get me back.  And I told her no.  Said it wasn’t happening, ever.  If you’d stuck around...” 

Buffy slumped against the doorframe.  “You’re kidding.”

“Not one bit.”

“But then... why did you just let me go?  Why didn’t you call me?”

William grimaced.  “You wanted Liam.  Made it perfectly clear to me we were through.”  She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off.  “I’d planned on telling you, actually.  But then – then –”  His face contorted.  “Then you met Spike, and I figured you were better off without the likes of me.”

“ _What?_   Wasn’t it _my_ decision to make?  After all your bullshit about me being strong and knowing my own mind, you pull that on me?”

He blinked at her, taken aback.  “Figures I’d screw that up too,” he said bitterly.  “I’m sorry, love.  It didn’t even occur to me.  I was – my head wasn’t on straight.”

Buffy bit her lip.  Hadn’t she done the same – run off without giving him a chance?  And done it again earlier tonight?  She couldn’t fault him for making the same mistake.  “So what changed?  You’re here now – and being very persistent about it, I might add.”

“Time, mostly.  I’ve had time to get my shit together.  Learn who I am.  Went to therapy a few times, too, and that didn’t hurt either.  Then I ran into Willow.”  He frowned.  “She never told you?”

“What?  No!  What does Willow have to do with anything?”

“When she found out I was interviewing in town, she told me you'd kicked Liam to the curb.  Hinted you might have feelings for me.  It was the first time I dared hope...”  

She grimaced.  She _so_ would be having words with Willow later.  It didn’t matter – William was _here_.  Now.  And there were far more important revelations to focus on.  Such as...

“You really love _me_?” she whispered, trying to wrap her mind around it.  Everything she’d thought – wrong.  All this time.

“I do.”

“This isn’t happening.  It’s a dream.  I’m going to wake up, and you’ll be gone.”

Buffy found herself being pulled into his arms, and she went without protest.  She laid her head against William’s chest and listened to the wild thumping of his heart, felt his shaky inhalation as he said, “Could pinch you if you’d like.”

She shook her head.  “Nope.  I don’t ever want to wake up.  Kiss me instead.”  She lifted her face to his, and her chest tightened.  William was looking at her as if nothing else in the universe existed but the two of them and his love for her.  Would she ever get used to that look?  Maybe.  If they spent the rest of their lives together, maybe someday her heart wouldn’t try to beat right out of her chest when he looked at her as though everything he’d ever needed could be found in her eyes.  He lowered his head slowly, gaze locked on hers.  At the first brush of his lips, Buffy let out a soft sigh.  She knew it wasn’t the start of happy ever after – even if he loved her, there were still a million reasons it couldn’t work fluttering at the edge of her consciousness, waiting for her to acknowledge them – but for now, she wanted to enjoy the dream a little longer before having to face up to reality.

William pulled her closer and deepened his kiss, drawing it out until her fingertips tingled and her toes curled.  She spent long, happy minutes getting reacquainted with his mouth, and the way he could make everything else melt away with only his lips on hers.  As they kissed, he walked her backwards, into her apartment. 

Walking himself into her life.

“It’s real, isn’t it?” Buffy whispered.

“Very.”  William kicked the door shut, then dipped his fingers under her sleep shirt, feathering them along her back and hips.  “But you never answered my question.”

Buffy tipped her head back to allow him access to her neck.  “Which one?” she asked, mind too clouded to think straight.

He nibbled his way up to her ear, hot breath tickling the inside, and she shivered.  “Did you mean it?”

Grabbing William’s head between her hands, Buffy crashed her mouth to his, pouring everything she felt into her kiss.  “Does that answer you?”

“Hmm.  Nope.  Better try again.”

“How about this?”  Buffy leaned up on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear.  “I love you, William.”

He dropped his forehead to hers.  “Say it again.”

“Love you.”

“Bloody hell.  I love you too.”

They stood forehead to forehead, arms wrapped around each other.  “So... what now?” Buffy said eventually.

“I get the job, move here, and we live happily ever after?”

“Um... I was thinking more short term.  Like _right_ now.”  Not that the other didn’t sound nice, but it involved thinking about the million potential problems she wasn’t ready to think about at...  she swiveled to peer at the clock on the wall.  Four in the morning.  No wonder she was so tired.  She’d only fallen asleep an hour earlier, after long hours of tossing and turning, and the requisite amount of tears.

William nuzzled her cheek.  “What do you want?  I could go... or I could stay.”

“Stay,” she whispered.  “Definitely stay.”  Buffy pulled back, and giving him a shy smile, led the way to her bedroom.  “My bed’s kinda small, but...”

“But it’s your bed, and there’s no place I’d rather be.”

How did he always find the perfect words?  There was no other place she’d rather he be either.  Buffy ran her hands over his shoulders and down to his waist, and untucked his shirt.  William raised his arms, and she lifted his hem, taking her time so she could appreciate the view.  “Still working out, I see,” she said, a little breathlessly, inhaling his scent as she stood on her tiptoes to disrobe him.  “How’s the whole fighting thing going?”

“I win more than I lose, so I can’t complain.”  William dropped his arms and curled his fingers around the hem of her nightie, knuckles brushing her thighs.  “May I?”

She tossed his shirt aside and reached for his belt.  “Only if these go too.”

“You planning on sleeping at all tonight?”

“ _I_ have to go to work in a few hours.”

“So, what, you don’t want to...”  William let his tongue dance over his teeth as he crooked his scarred eyebrow.  “... reconnect?”

“You mean jump your sexy bones and ride you until the sun comes up?  _Yeah_ , I want to.  But if we’re talking about trying for a real relationship... maybe we should be focusing on the other kind of reconnecting.  The kind with words – serious words, even.  Before you fly away tomorrow.” 

There was another reason Buffy didn’t want to just jump right back into bed with him, figuratively speaking.  Though he’d professed his love, and claimed to want her, the million reasons it couldn’t work were clamoring inside her brain, not least of which was the worry that she was too boring for him.  Sexually, she suspected they weren’t compatible, not in the long run, and she didn’t want to renew a physical relationship with him until she could put that worry to rest.  Losing him once had been hard enough, but twice... 

“Can we just... be together?”

William took her hands and sat on the edge of her bed, tugging her onto his lap.  “I’m with you, pet.  That’s all I need.  Told you that weekend we first met, I want more from you than sex.  Never going to say no if you offer, mind,” he said with a leer.  “But just being with you is enough for me.”

Buffy hoped it was true.  She doubted _Spike_ would be an issue for them, but the fact remained that William was far kinkier than she had any desire to be.  Could she really meet his needs?  She couldn’t bear to lose another man because she wasn’t _interesting_ enough for him, but she didn’t want to feel forced into kinky sex just to keep William interested either.  After all he had done for her self-confidence, it was ironic he was the one making her feel inadequate now.

No, she corrected herself.  It was her own stupid insecurities making her feel that way, not William, but it didn’t change the outcome.  If it turned out she wasn’t enough for him... 

Despite her thundering pulse and the worries swirling around her head, Buffy couldn’t hold back a tremendous yawn that made her jaw pop and her eyes water.  “Sorry,” she mumbled.  “It’s been a long, long night.”

William feathered the back of his hand over her cheek.  “Tell you what.  In the morning, I’ll call the airline and bump my return flight back a few days.  That’ll give us plenty of time for talking.  Sussing everything out.  In the meantime...”  He collapsed backwards, and held his arms out.  “Sleep.”

“Good idea,” Buffy said, and yawned again, her entire body shuddering in time with her exhaled breath.  She crawled up the bed and curled up on his shoulder, ignoring the way her nerve endings prickled at the feel of his smooth skin under her cheek.  If he was staying, there’d be plenty of time for that kind of reconnecting later.  For now, it was time to sleep, warm and safe in the arms of the man she loved. 

Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

 

********

 

William waited outside the restaurant Buffy had given him directions to earlier that morning, absently watching the people hurrying past while he pondered the fluke that had brought him here.  If he hadn’t run into Willow...   He shook his head, panic knifing through his chest at the thought of how close he’d come to not even knowing what he could have lost.  That all his current bliss stemmed from nothing more than a lucky stroke of coincidence was mind-boggling.  If he hadn’t run into Willow, he’d never have woken to Buffy nestled in the crook of his arm, drowsily nuzzling his jaw as she whispered, “Not a dream, then.”  The sight of her sleepy hazel eyes shining up at him had left him breathless, and he’d remained just as shell-shocked all day. 

_Buffy_.  Wanted him.  Loved him. 

The last six months had been good to William.  His dream of publishing a book was soon to become a reality, he’d begun to make a name for himself in the world of MMA fighting, and he felt certain he would have more than one job offer before the month was out, including one from the University of Pennsylvania.  But none of it compared to the elation that coursed through him whenever he recalled how Buffy had said, “Love you,” casual as you please before she’d left for work that morning.  That ‘Love you’ made everything else pale in insignificance.

He smiled to himself, then tried to wipe it off his face as he realized he probably appeared stark raving mad, grinning like a loon as he loitered about all by his lonesome.  He’d almost managed an air of bored indifference when he heard Buffy’s voice calling his name, and the smile returned with a vengeance.

“William!” she repeated, cheeks flushed and chest heaving from hurrying his way, and he couldn’t decide where his eyes should linger.  “Have you been waiting long?”

“Not at all.”  His face felt frozen into a permanent grin.  He had to bite down on his tongue to keep from saying something completely nancy, like how he’d willingly wait on her ‘til the end of time, if necessary.  “How was your day?” he said instead, leaning in to brush his lips over hers.

Buffy’s eyes twinkled.  “Kinda tiring, but I’m feeling better now, for some strange reason.”  She held open the door.  “How about you?”

“Took a nap.”  She tossed him a dirty look, and he refrained from adding how the nap had occurred in her bed after a long, leisurely wank, his face buried in her pillow and her shirt wrapped around his dick.  William figured it wasn’t the type of confession one should make after having been reunited less than twenty-four hours, no matter how intimate they’d once been.

Playing catch-up on each other’s lives carried them through dinner, but after they stood on the sidewalk once more, Buffy silent and fidgety.  His euphoric high dimmed a little, the sudden awkward tension making William realize finally being able to exchange ‘I love you’s’ wasn’t going to lead to happily ever after all on its own.  Those serious words Buffy had mentioned the night before were going to be a necessity.  

“Er – did you want to go back to your place?  Or we could stay at the hotel.  Nice big bed.”

“No nosy roommates, either,” she added, and they both blushed at the remembrance of Faith’s reaction when she had stuck her head into Buffy’s room that morning and found it double occupancy.

“Right, my hotel it is,” William said.  “Unless you wanted to take Faith up on her offer...?”

Buffy’s blush deepened, but her posture turned distinctly stand-off-ish.  “I’m going to run home and grab my things.  I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Pet?”

“I’ll see you there,” she repeated coolly.  Buffy must have caught the worry in his expression, because she squeezed his hand and said, “I’m glad you’re here – thrilled.  But, William, you’ve had a month to get used to the idea of us.  This time yesterday, I still thought you were living your happily ever after with the Queen of the Demented.  I’m a little overwhelmed, that’s all.” 

“Overwhelmed in a good way?”

She stepped closer, leaning into his embrace right in the middle of the sidewalk, heedless of the pedestrians around them.  “It’s like seeing the world in Technicolor after living with muted sepia tones these last six months.  Good.  But intense.”  Buffy poked him in the chest.  “And I’m running on three hours of shut-eye.  That doesn’t help with the adjustment process.”

William let out the breath he’d been holding.  “Gotcha.”  He dropped a soft kiss on her cheek.  “See you soon, kitten.”

“Soon,” Buffy echoed, and turned away.

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this! *Sniffles*
> 
> Thanks again to all my readers, and to everybody who took the time to leave a review or kudos. Thanks to Behind Blue Eyes and Spuffy Noelle for pre-reading the story for me. Credit to the fine folks who hang out in Chatzy for being a sounding board when I needed one, and for keeping me motivated when I was ready to give up (though I think I'll keep my ending, thankyouverymuch). Extra special thanks to MargueriteDaisy for close beta work and boosting my ego far more than it deserves. All Hail Joss Whedon and company for creating this wonderful world and allowing us to play in it. 
> 
> On with the show!

 

True to her word, Buffy knocked at William's hotel door less than an hour later, a duffel slung over her shoulder.  “Now this feels familiar,” she said when he ushered her in.  “Just like old times.”

“Not quite the same.  Never got to do this before.”  He pulled her close, and murmured, “Love you, pet.  So much.  Want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Buffy’s breath caught, and her nails dug into his arms.  “You’re right.  This is much better.”  She looked up into his eyes, a watery smile on her face.  “There’s no holding back.  It’s kind of...”

“Kind of?”

“Scary.”  She gestured to the duffel that had fallen to the ground.  “I’m not just here for a no-strings-attached weekend tryst.”

William felt like his heart was caught in a vise.  “Is this... not what you want after all?”  When Buffy didn’t answer right away, he swallowed past the pain in his chest and forced out his next words.  “If you’ve changed your mind, just tell me.  It’s okay.  I’m a big boy, love.  I can handle it.”  Despite his valiant words, William knew Buffy rejecting him now wouldn’t be okay, but he’d already spent too many years of his life devoted to a woman who’d treated him like a fuck-toy.  He needed Buffy, but he needed a real relationship, with a woman who loved him back, even more.

“Wanting is not the issue.  My brain is thinking unhelpful thinky thoughts, and giving me all the reasons not to get my hopes up.”

He frowned.  “Such as?”

“Oh...”  Buffy plopped down on the edge of the bed and waved her hand.  “What if you don’t get the job here.  What if you _do_ get the job, but you’re only taking it to be near me, and you resent me for it.  What if you discover long-term-Buffy is not quite the joyful experience you thought it would be.”  She looked away, but not before he caught the hint of tears in her eyes.  “What if I’m too normal for you?”

“Too _normal_?  What the bloody hell does that even mean?”

“I’m not like you.  I don’t...  I’m not...”  Buffy struggled to finish her sentence, but he couldn’t help her out, not when he had no clue what she was on about.  She bit her lip, and tried again.  “I’m nothing special, William.  Just a regular girl.  I don’t have fancy initials after my name, or an exciting hobby.  I haven’t published a book, or accomplished much of anything.”  She quickly glanced at him before looking away once more.  “The most exciting thing about me is _you_.”

William snorted.  “If you’re trying to prove to me just how thick you are, you’re off to a good start.”  Buffy’s face darkened with anger, and he shushed her.  “I love you for you, you ninny.  For the person you are, not what you can put on a resume.  You make my world a brighter place, Buffy.  Make me feel...”

Buffy stared at him with shining eyes, hanging on his every word.  He knelt at her feet, so he was looking up at her, and took her hand.  “You make me feel complete, love.  Everything good in my world is ten times better, just because you’re a part of my life.  Doesn’t matter if you’re a private eye or a receptionist, doesn’t matter if you’re a black belt or famous.  What matters to me is _you_.”

She shook her head, and sniffled.  “You do have a way with words.  Must be why they made you the author.”

“Nah, that was because of my devilish good looks.  Makes for a great photo on the jacket.”  Buffy giggled, and the light, happy sound uncorked the lump in his throat, allowing him to breathe again.  “I’ve got an advance copy right here, see for yourself.”

“Oooh.  Gimme!”

William crossed the room to retrieve his book and Buffy followed after, grabbing it out of his hands.  She flipped through the pages, humming her approval, then turned to the back cover.  “This looks amazing!  And you’re right.  It’s a gorgeous picture.  Really shows off your eyes.”

He ducked his head, flustered.  “No need to lay it on so thick.  I’m already madly in love with you.” 

Buffy clutched his text to her chest.  “I still can’t believe it.  You.  Love _me_.  Why?”

“Why?” he repeated disbelievingly.  “Bloody hell, kitten, how could I not?  You’re gorgeous, smart, caring, strong, funny...  You’re amazing.”

“But lots of women are all that.  Why _me_?”

“Because – because –”  He shook his head.  “Look at me, the author.  Can’t get the words out.  How do you explain _love_ , Buffy?  It just _is_.  I could ask the same of you.  Why me?”

She looked startled at being put on the spot, but quickly replied, “That’s easy.  Because loving you makes me a better person.  Makes me stronger.”

William felt tears prickling his eyes, and he hurried to pull her into his embrace, burying his nose into her hair so she couldn’t see what a sorry sod she was turning him into.  “Well, there you go then.  And as for the other, I applied to the University of Pennsylvania long before I knew you were here, so don’t go thinking I’d only be moving here for you.  There’s more history in this one city than all of California put together, you know.”

“So you’re telling me I’ll be playing second fiddle to a bunch of musty old buildings?”  He made to protest, then saw the twinkle in her eye.  “But what if you don’t even get the position?”

“Don’t go inviting trouble.  Whatever the obstacles, if we really want this...”  He gestured between them.  “We’ll make it happen, one way or another.  Once Buffy Summers sets her mind to something, God help whatever’s standing in her way.  Just look at what you’ve managed in the last few months.”

“Because of you.”

“Told you before, and I’ll tell you again.  Because of _you_.  You have so much strength inside...”

Buffy laughed.  “All right, all right.  You win.  I’m awesome.”  She extracted the book she still held from between them, and looked at his photo once more.  “You know,” she began, setting it on the dresser and taking his hand.  “I’ve never fucked a published author before.”

Though he loved hearing her confident words, and knowing that he’d had a part in unleashing her dormant sensuality, _fucking_ wasn’t what he had in mind.  Not tonight.  “How about made love to?”  William tugged on her hand, stopping her progress toward the bed.  “Have you ever made love to a published author, Buffy?”

 

*******

 

William swung her around to face him, his expression expectant.  Buffy melted, hit with another wave of love for the man holding her hand.  “That either.”  She’d told herself she was going to talk everything out with him before sex, but after his impassioned declaration of love, after the frank look of admiration he’d focused on her, how could she?  Buffy needed him, and _now_.  Tucking her hair behind her ear, she gave him a coy smile.  “Guess I still have a lot of firsts to explore with you, huh?”

“We both do.”  William looked into her eyes, and she caught her breath, lost in the adoration and desire swirling in those crystalline blue depths.  She’d forgotten just how attentive, how _intense_ he could be.  “You know what first this is for me?” he asked, and she shook her head.  “The first time I’ll ever make love to the woman I love.  No games, no lessons, no pretending to be someone I’m not.  Just me.  And you.”

As he slid her shirt off her shoulders, Buffy struggled to get her emotions under control, otherwise this first of his would be with a snotty, snuffly wreck.  She couldn’t let that happen.  “I love you, William.  _So_ much.” 

He blinked, eyes glistening, and she swallowed.  Weren’t they a pair?

For the first time, she began to feel like the possibility of a happily ever after with William was more than just a dream.  All he wanted right now was her.  No frills, no kink.  Just her, plain old Buffy Summers.  But would it last, once the novelty wore off? 

Despite her best efforts to ignore it, the question hovered in the back of her mind, distracting her from what should have been a perfect, beautiful evening.  William trailed kisses down her neck, and she worried whether he would rather be biting.  Or if he’d enjoy it more if she were tied up, maybe.  When he thumbed her erect nipples, it brought to mind their first night together, with the ice, and she wondered how this compared for him.  With each touch, each kiss, Buffy had to hold back from asking him if he wouldn’t prefer something else.  Something more. 

William entered her slowly, tenderly, and she fought to stay present.  He murmured words of love and Buffy repeated them back to him, the force of her doubts expressing themselves in the way she clutched at his shoulders.  Long minutes passed with him moving above her, kissing and caressing and touching just so. 

He pressed his thumb to her clitoris.  “Come for me, my love.  You’re so beautiful, and I’ve missed you so much.  I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

“Me – me either.”  She arched her back and ground herself into him, seeking the release evading her.  William grit his teeth, and knowing he was close, she did something she never would have thought necessary with this man.  She faked it.  Buffy squeezed her internal muscles and cried out, hoping he wouldn’t notice her deception.  It must have worked because he followed after with a gasp and a shudder, and collapsed against her breast.

Buffy ran her hands through his hair, too distraught to join him as he drifted off into slumber.  Her mind worked overtime, analyzing William’s every word and gesture with one half of her brain, while the other half was busy with self-recrimination.  Anger at herself for allowing her insecurities to ruin their reunion overtook the worries, and she lay stiff and tense.  The longer William slept, the more disgusted with herself she became, until she couldn’t remain still any longer.  She shifted to get up, and he stirred, a drowsy smile making the corners of his eyes crinkle.

William yawned, then pressed a soft kiss to each of her eyelids.  “Missed this.  Waking up with you.”

“Me too,” she said. 

With a happy smile, he climbed out of bed and padded off to the bathroom.  When he came back, he said, “I’m feeling mighty peckish.  Fancy some room service?”

“Sure.”  He gave her a funny look, and Buffy realized how terse her response had been.  She relaxed her shoulders and smiled.  “Don’t forget dessert.”

When the food arrived, they set up camp in bed, William feeding her bites of the pasta he’d ordered.  After, he unveiled dessert with a flourish.  “Chocolate cake,” he said.  “Your favorite, if I recall.”

“It is.”  Buffy eyed the huge, gooey slice.  Though it was chocolate, not white, the perfectly iced roses on the side put her in mind of wedding cake.  And that led her to think of the last wedding cake she’d seen, almost a year ago.  The wedding cake that should have been hers. 

She’d been so jealous then, so angry and hurt, and Drusilla’s cake had seemed to her the symbol of just how miserable she was.  She smiled faintly to herself as she recalled how Liam had later admitted that, yes, Dru _had_ asked him how tall Buffy was.  Just so she could have the cake made taller.  Crazy, psychotic woman. 

She shook off the reverie.  “I don’t even want to know how many calories that has.”

William patted her behind, then gave it a squeeze.  “You’ve plenty of room for a few extra pounds, kitten.”

“You think I’m too skinny?”

“I think you’ve got nothing to worry about.  You look amazing.”

“Smooth talker.”

He grinned, biting down on his lower lip.  “Don’t want you mad at me, not if I want another go around tonight.”

Buffy started.  He hadn’t been satisfied by the first time?  Maybe her fears weren’t so foolish after all.  “What?  Why?  Was it not... good enough?”

“Huh?”  William squinted at her.  “Don’t be daft.  I’ve just missed you, that’s all.  Once wasn’t nearly enough to make up for six month’s worth of missing you.”

“Oh.”

“But if you don’t want...”

“Oh, no, I want.”  Buffy forced a smile and pushed the cake away, no longer hungry.  “I, um.  Is there anything you wanted to do?  Special?  We don’t have your box of toys, but I’m sure we could improvise.”

“We don’t need any toys.  There’s you, and there’s me.  That’s all we need.”

She nodded.  “Sure, sure.  But if, you know.  You wanted to teach me something.”

“What, like a lesson?”  Buffy nodded again, and he frowned.  “If that’s what you want...”

“I like to keep things spicy!” she chirped, feeling foolish as she did so but unable to stop her mouth from moving.  “No boring Buffys here, no sir.”

William studied her, his eyes narrowed and his head cocked.  “Too _normal_...” he exhaled under his breath, drawing out the words.  Buffy swallowed as he regarded her, not sure whether she should try to explain, or distract him. 

Before she could decide, he said, “Ah.  I get what this is all about.”  And without another word, William bounded out of bed and over to his laptop. 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end. *sobs*
> 
> Today or years from today, I always love hearing your thoughts. Thanks for joining me!

 

Startled, Buffy stared at William.  He didn't offer any explanations, instead concentrating on his laptop.  Uncertain of what was going on, she waited on the bed, frozen in place and positive she’d somehow made a mess of everything.  His bare back offered her no clues as he clicked madly away, then grabbed a pen and paper.  Looking back and forth between the screen and his paper, he made a series of marks along the edge of his paper before folding it in half.  “Come here.” 

Buffy walked over to him on shaky legs, nerves fluttering. 

“Look.”  William numbered the lines on the paper and handed it to her.  “I’ve pulled up a questionnaire.  You’re supposed to answer on a scale of one to five.  Five means it’s something you can’t live without – it _must_ be part of your relationship.  Four means you enjoy it, but don’t need it.  Three is if you don’t much care one way or the other.  Mark two if you’d rather not engage in that particular behavior, but you’d be willing to do it for me, and one is for no, not ever.”

“What...?”  He turned the laptop so she could see the website he’d pulled up.  “A BDSM checklist?  What does that even mean?”

“Just answer the questions best you can.  If you don’t know what something means, skip it.”

She wrinkled her nose, but before she could ask anything else, like what “ _Abrasion”_ meant, he rested his hand on her shoulder, the gentle weight pushing her into the chair.  “This isn’t life or death, pet.  It’s just to prove a point.”

Buffy took a deep breath, forehead still creased, and turned back to the screen.  The list, which looked like a list of sexual kinks, was easy enough to figure out.  Though she would have rather _not_ known some of those fetishes existed.  _Swallowing feces?  Forced public nudity?  Bestiality?_   Obviously, she hadn’t even begun to explore kinky behavior with William. 

Was this the kind of thing he enjoyed?

She filled her answers out quickly, trying not to let her agitation show.  “Done,” she said.

William took the paper from her and unfolded it.  “Now compare.”

Buffy glanced down, then examined it more closely, matching her answers to William’s.  Though she had many more ones marked down than he did, most of her ones were his twos – he didn’t enjoy it, but would do it for her.  And on the others, the majority of their answers matched, or were very similar.  Buffy scanned the list again, realizing he didn’t have a single five.  She looked up at him, startled.  “But that means –”  He raised his eyebrow and waited for her to say it aloud.  With a frown, she said slowly, “That means you’re not so very kinky after all.”  She brandished the paper.  “I mean, you don’t really care about most of these things one way or the other.  And the things you like – they’re not _that_ weird.  Most are even things I like.”

“It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

She worried the list between her hands.  “So many twos.  Is that – is that what your life was like?  With Dru?”

He shrugged.  “Did a lot of things I didn’t care for, to make her happy.  And I’d do the same for you, just as willingly.  No, _more_ willingly, because I know you love me.  But, Buffy, what I want is _you_.  The rest of it is just details.”

“You’re telling me you could just give all this up?”

William hesitated a moment.  “If it was what you wanted.  I’d hold out hope we could get a little frisky on special occasions.  But if you said no, well, I’m not saying I wouldn’t have the odd fantasy or two, but I don’t need it.  Not like I need you.”

“That’s what Liam thought, and look how well that turned out.”

A thunderous expression crossed his face.  “I am _not_ Liam.  But if he’s what you want, by all means, pet, be my guest.  Run along your merry way.”  He stomped to the other side of the room, muttering under his breath.  Buffy gaped at him, stunned, before she realized something.  William had his own insecurities.  His own fears.  And playing second fiddle to Liam was one of them.

“No, you dummy, I don’t want Liam, seeing how as I broke up with him pretty much immediately after we got back together.  _And_ told him it was because I was in love with you.” 

He paused in his ranting and turned to face her, a disbelieving expression on his face.  “You told the sod you loved me?”

“Sure did.”

One corner of his mouth quirked.  “Bet he took that well.”

“No, I can safely say he did not,” Buffy said with a grimace.  “But it was the truth.  And I’m sorry.  I know you’re not him, okay?”

“Bloody well got that right.”

She tucked her hair behind her ear and took a deep breath.  “But I still can’t help but wonder...  what if I’m _not_ enough for you, in time?  Don’t get mad!” she said quickly when his eyes narrowed in an angry scowl.  “It’s a fair question.  And a really important one.”

The muscle in William’s jaw ticked, and his hands clenched and unclenched.  Slowly, he relaxed.  “No, you’re right.  My sex life has never been what you’d call normal.”  Buffy snorted, and he smiled ruefully.  “Right, bit of an understatement.  But did I enjoy it?  I’ve spent some time thinking it over these last few months, and the answer is no... and yes.  It wasn’t something I’d sought out, or something I’d fantasized about – like you, I never even knew the kinds of things going on behind closed doors.  So when I met Drusilla...  I’d been singled out by this goddess of a woman.  _Chosen_ by her.  What wouldn’t I do to be worthy?”

Buffy scowled at this confession, but she forced the jealousy down so she could give his explanation the attention it deserved.  William continued, gaze distant.  “Then it became about the rush, the thrill, the novelty of doing something so wicked.  Feeling superior to the poor sods who would never know how it felt to be with a woman like Drusilla.  With each new experience, I was earning her approval.  Hers and Liam’s.  Dru made me feel like I belonged.”  He turned his gaze on her.  “You don’t know what it meant to me.  I did just about anything to keep the illusion going.”

“William...”

“Pathetic, I know.  And then I met you, and I learned what it was I really wanted.  What I really needed to feel true satisfaction rather than the hollow existence I’d been living.  I don’t regret those years with Dru, but I don’t want them back.  And before you ask again, I can prove that life is not the one I want with you.”

“How?”

William hurried back to her side and reached for his laptop.  He clicked open a video player and sorted through his lists, finally finding the one he was looking for.  “Here.  Look at this.  Which video is the most viewed?”

Buffy  glanced up at him, then back at the screen.  She pointed to a file that had been viewed far more than any other.  “That one.”  He clicked it, and it began to play.  With a start, she realized it was one of the videos they’d made right before Christmas.  “William,” she gasped.  “You promised me you’d get rid of those.”

“No, I promised I’d do it before I got back together with Dru.  I never got back together with Dru, so...”

Blushing, she squeaked, “And you’ve been watching this?  Over two hundred times in six months?”  She blushed even harder at the reappearance of squeaky Buffy.  It had been a long time since anyone had been able to embarrass her so thoroughly.

“I _am_ a man, love.  A lonely man, I might add.  Never claimed to be a saint.”

“But... but...”  The Buffy on the screen moaned, and her cheeks burned.  “Oh.  My.  God.”  She darted a glance at William and realized he was stroking himself.  Mouth agape, she stared at him.

“What?” he said, a bit defiantly.  “It’s hot.  Look at you.  How could I not be turned on?”

“Yeah, but...”  There was another moan, a masculine one, and her gaze was drawn back to the screen.  Buffy swallowed, her pulse thrumming away, and realized her cheeks weren’t the only part of her body on fire.  “Okay, hot,” she agreed. 

William moved behind her and cupped her breasts, and she groaned in time with her digital self.  His hands copied the movements on screen, and it didn’t take long for Buffy to be completely distracted.  “William...”

“Shh, watch.”

Buffy turned her attention back to the video with a gulp.  “Oh.”

“What?”

“That’s...”  She paused, remembering that day, and all the things they’d done.  Or not done, in this instance.  If she had to describe what they were doing right now, it would be –

“That’s the time we – we – did nothing.”

“Not nothing.  Made love.”

“No lesson.”

“Just you and me.”

She turned to face him.  “ _That’s_ what you’ve watched most?  Almost exclusively?  Not the re-enactments of our lessons?”

“When I missed you – when I wanted to remember our time together – this is the memory I wanted.”

“Not the kinky stuff,” she said in wonderment.

“Not the kinky stuff,” he echoed.  “I enjoy the kinky stuff, but it’s not what leaves me satisfied and content.  Get it now?”

Buffy threw back her head and laughed, giddy with relief.  She took one last look at the video, noticing for the first time her on-screen lover’s happy smile, and his tender expression.  How had she been so blind to the way he felt?  She floated out of the chair, her body as light as a feather, and took William’s hand.  Maybe she’d managed to ruin their reunion with her fears, at least for herself, but she could make up for it now.  She wasn’t afraid anymore. 

Still giddy, she pointed to one of the lines where he had marked a four but she’d left it blank, unable to figure out what it was.  “We’re going to talk about this Shibari later.  Maybe even have a show and tell.”  William cocked his head, a lascivious leer on his face, and she repeated, “Later.  Right now...”  Buffy led him to the bed.  “Make love to me.”

He picked up the plate she’d pushed aside earlier, off the pillow where she’d abandoned it.  “Don’t you want your cake first?”

She didn’t even spare it a glance.  “Nope.  Who needs cake?  I’ve got something a million times better.”  Swinging them around, she pressed William onto the messy sheets and straddled him.  He laced his fingers behind his head and his eyes locked on hers, blazing with devotion. 

Buffy’s breath caught, and she flashed him a radiant smile. “I’ve got _you_.”

 

 

THE END

 

 


End file.
